by Lucia Franco
I'd never been so terrified in my life to meet someone face-to-face. I knew, deep down in my gut, I knew Katja knew the truth. There was no denying it.
"Congrats, Katja," I bit out with a cheerful smile while balancing on one foot.
"Spasibo," she responded, her eyes twinkling.
Thank you. I deciphered that one. I smiled again and went to walk past her.
"You know, Konstantin wanted to keep it between us for the past couple of months, but I could not wait any longer," she said exuberantly. "I just wanted to shout it from the top of my lungs."
"The past couple of months?" I asked against my better judgment. I had to hear it from the horse's mouth.
"Yes, did you not know?" she said, one brow raised, eyes boring into mine. "Konstantin asked me to be his wife forever. When I said yes, he couldn't wait, and made me his wife the very next day."
I tilted my head to the side…waiting…dying…until it slammed into me. Kova was married the week he was supposedly sick.
Vodka cures what medication cannot, he had said. I figured he was one of those people, like my dad, who didn't believe in medicine and drank his sickness away.
But he wasn't sick. He was getting married and drinking his way through it. No wonder he was so dressed up in the pictures he texted me. I firmly believed that now.
"We married two months ago," she stated. I didn't like the way she looked at me. The gaze in her eyes was too vindictive, like she knew something I didn't know.
Two months.
Two. Months. Ago. Kova married Katja.
I closed my eyes. God, I could barely breathe. The pain slicing me wide open hurt so bad.
Kova and Katja were married two months ago. I couldn't get that number out of my head. Two months ago he slipped a ring on her finger and promised to be faithful to her for the rest of his life, then last night he made love to me and came inside me.
I balanced on one foot, the tips of my toes on the other. I was going to be sick. There were too many opportunities in the last couple months for him to tell me he was fucking married.
Swallowing back my emotions, I quickly glanced at Kova then back at Katja with a straight face. I had to act like it wasn't a big deal. So I put on a sunny smile while my heart was breaking. I had to pretend it wasn't killing me inside, when in reality it was destroying me.
"I had no idea, neither did my other teammates, but things have been hectic since meet season started."
"Ah, typical Konstantin. He is such an honorable man. He puts everyone before him. I told him when we go on our honeymoon that I plan to make sure he gets all the relaxation he needs," she purred.
Fuck.
"Yes," I bit out. "That he does. I'm sure he could use the break." I paused, giving a very empty yet fulfilled smile to throw her off. Despite my fake mom, I learned from the best. She wouldn't know the difference anyway. "If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment I have to be at," I lied through my teeth.
My appointment wasn't today. I didn't even have one. All I knew was that I had to get out of there because if I didn't, any minute now the dams were going to break, and I didn't want to fall apart inside World Cup when they did.
"Of course," she said.
I turned and made my way toward the locker area, where I opened my locker and tried to pull out my duffle bag. It got stuck between the metal walls, so I began pulling and yanking and shoving hard, grunting and on the verge of tears when someone leaned over me and helped me yank my bag out.
I glanced over my shoulder and found a remorseful Reagan.
Why the hell… Why was she being nice and helping me? I shook my head, not having the time to care to think. She handed me my bag and I rummaged for my keys and cellphone. When I couldn't find them, she dug them out and handed them to me.
I almost broke down from that.
"Just go," she said quietly.
So I did.
Throwing my duffle bag over my shoulder, I swallowed back every emotion I was feeling and walked out of World Cup with my head up.
"Congrats, guys! I'll be back later! Off to tutoring," I said, then pushed open the door. I sucked in a huge breath of air and stalked toward my truck as my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer it.
Once I reached my truck, I glanced down at my phone and saw whoever had called had left a voice message.
Expelling heavy breath after heavy breath, I listened to the voicemail.
"Hello, Ms. Rossi, this is your physician's office. We've been trying to reach you regarding your test results. It is imperative that you contact us immediately to schedule an appointment to come in and go over them."
Tears coated my eyelashes. Clicking out of the message, I gripped the door handle and fell against the side of the truck. I squeezed my eyes shut, they could wait. I'd call the doctors tomorrow for sure. Just not today. There was no way I could do anything else today other than sulk in a dark corner and cry.
Sucking in a lungful of air, I scrolled through my contacts and called the only real friend I had left. My chest rose and fell so fast, tightening, I thought I was on the verge of a panic attack. I could hardly catch my breath.
"Hello?"
I gasped, my chin quivered. "Hayden?"
"Aid," he muttered under his breath. Hayden wasn't stupid, he knew Kova was involved by the sound of my voice. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"I'm not hurt, but…I…" I didn't bother to hide the breathless crackle in my voice.
Kova was married.
Kova was married.
Kova was married.
My chest caved in and my knees shook. I was dizzy, and close to fainting. God, the pain was so bad. I trusted him. I gave him everything and all he ever did was deceive me. Everything that came out of his beautiful mouth was a lie my heart held close.
Lies were equivalent to breathing air for Kova. It was amazingly terrifying how much destruction one person could cause with the slip of a tongue.
My head was a mess and I couldn’t think straight. Fat tears started falling so fast I couldn't stop them. I started crying, the hiccup in my voice couldn't be hidden. "I…I need you," I choked out.
"Where are you?" I could hear the urgency in his voice.
"World Cup…by my truck."
"On my way. Stay there. Don't move."
I hung up my phone and stared at my reflection in the dark tinted window, frozen in place. Whether Kova knew it or not, he had destroyed me. I grabbed onto the door handle tighter, but I couldn't move. The world was spinning around me as I spun in the opposite direction, the walls closing in with each spin. My breathing deepened until my ribs crushed my broken heart and I struggled for air.
I was a fool. A young, naive fool who ate lies for breakfast and spouted them just as fast as Kova did. We were the same, yet we were not, because I'd never, ever hurt someone the way he hurt me.
I blinked, and something dawned on me. Last night when Kova was deep inside me and I was trying to ease his pain, he spoke many things in Russian, but there was one word he said over and over that I had meant to look up.
Prosti.
Pulling open my truck door, I dragged myself inside and googled what prosti meant.
It took two seconds to figure it out. Chills ran down my arms as I stared in absolute shock.
"I'm sorry," I whispered aloud.
Kova was sorry, because he knew, and he didn't tell me. He knew, and the worst part was that he took what I so freely gave…because I loved him.
I loved Konstantin Kournakova.
I fell for this beautiful, Russian man, who slowly destroyed me, and I had no one to blame but myself.
It was startling. My hand flew to my chest as I struggled to breathe. My eyes scanned around my car, over the rich black dashboard, the leather seats, the wood grain. I inhaled the fresh new car scent and wanted to throw up. The car was getting smaller, the seats were shifting closer. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block it out. I needed to get out.
&nbs
p; "Prosti."
Oh God. The reality that I loved him and what love caused me to do, shattered me completely. I believed everything he had said, I’d misread his touch, his kiss. While I thought he was expressing his love, he was actually breaking my heart. I lost myself to him and he took it. He didn't care about me. There was no way Kova cared about me, or he would've done something, anything, to prevent the agony tearing through me. He didn't want me, just like my mom didn't want me. I would never be enough for anyone.
I wasn't sure how I would come back from the damage he’d caused. I was strong, but I could only handle so much.
My heart was reaching out for help. I needed Hayden. He was my only friend. The only one who didn't cause me pain and exhaustion and devastation. The one constant who I could lean on when things got rough.
It was only a handful of minutes and a lot of tears and gasping for breath until he was there opening my truck door and pulling me into his embrace. I sagged into Hayden's chest, feeling his warmth, even though I was so cold inside. I shivered, goose bumps ran down my arms and my knees buckled. I fisted his shirt and cried silent tears while his hand rubbed slow circles against my back, holding me tight as I lost myself.
"It will be okay, Aid, I promise," Hayden said softly, then he kissed the top of my head. "I promise to take your pain away. Let me take you away from here."
I nodded and exhaled.
We were a team, he had said. I exhale, and you inhale.
A lot of time passed when my eyes couldn't produce any more tears. I felt myself completely shut down inside. Exhaustion taking over, I was void of any emotion.
Everyone had a breaking point, and I'd just reached mine.
I was so tired. Tired of thinking. Of feeling. Of hurting. Of giving.
I just wanted to release it all, and so I did…with Hayden.
To be continued…
Turn the page for a preview of Release, the third book in the Off Balance series.
Chapter 1
I was stuck in a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
Locked inside a dark box, I sucked up my oxygen. My lungs burned for fresh air and my heart beat faster and harder. That harrowing moment cruelly replayed in my head over and over, mocking me for my gullibility. I begged for someone to pull me from the darkness suffocating me, but no one could hear my fists hammering on the wall.
Kova was married.
He'd deceived me, and continued to, after I’d given him every fiber of myself. He’d married Katja three months earlier in secret.
My mind flashed with innocent moments we'd stolen over the course of a year. I tried to recall every instance we were together and what I could have possibly missed or mistaken for something else, but I drew up blank every time.
He was Konstantin Kournakova and I was Adrianna Rossi. He was my coach, and I was his gymnast. Nothing more.
I’d made the frantic call to Hayden, knowing he wouldn’t waste any time. He was at World Cup in less than five minutes, pulling me into his arms and holding me tight. I fisted his shirt, fitting so perfectly into him, as if our bodies were made for each other. In a way, we were, but not in the way that mattered.
"Why do I have a strong sense of déjà vu?" he asked, compassion filling his voice. There was no judgment coming from him. "God, you're shivering."
Hayden was there for me when no one else was. Not my mom, my dad, Kova, or even Avery. They all had deliberately lied to me without a second thought. Yes, we all told little white lies, every one of us, but there comes a point in time when we make the conscious decision to bleed those lines red.
"I'm so stupid." Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes and my temples pounded viciously. "I knew better."
I’d been so naïve to think what we had actually meant something to a man like Kova. For him to go and marry Katja was soul-destroying. And even worse, he’d kept it a secret for months and made love to me while he had a wife. How he lived with himself after the way he treated someone he supposedly cared about was astonishing. I truly had no words.
I felt used, dirty…disgusting.
We are a team—I exhale, you inhale. He was the air I breathed, and ultimately what suffocated me.
The heartbreaking truth was, when it came to Kova, I’d always been an afterthought for him, second to his precious Katja. He didn't want me, had never wanted me. He’d picked her. He’d married her.
"You can't keep putting yourself through this," Hayden said softly.
"I know." My head spun faster than a rollercoaster, unprepared for the onslaught of emotions. I was too cold and numb, and breaking inside. "You're right."
"What happened this time?" Hayden brushed back the hair stuck to the side of my damp face. The thought of telling him left a sour taste in my mouth.
"Just take me home, please."
I couldn't keep allowing that man to wreak havoc in my world. My heart ached in ways I didn’t even know was possible. Actions spoke louder than words, and while Kova was a clusterfuck of contradictions, his last action spoke loud and clear.
A secret marriage was the ultimate betrayal.
I wasn't sure when or how—everything was a blur—but Hayden put me in his car and drove us back to my condo. I’d changed out of my leo, and we went to my room. He hadn't pushed me for answers, but he wasn't oblivious either. He knew why I was so distraught. We’d been down this road before.
"Aid, say something. You're scaring me. You haven't spoken since we left the gym."
"I don't know what to say."
Hayden shook his head, disbelief crossing his face. Deep creases lined his forehead and his nostrils flared, proof that he knew the underlying cause of my pain. Still, he said nothing while I stood there in a daze. I knew he was disappointed, and he should be. I let this happen again when I’d promised I wouldn't.
My jaw ached from grinding my teeth. I was sure if my mom saw me now, she'd tell me I was worthless, and ask me why a man of wealth and stature like Kova would want a teenage whore over a beautiful bombshell he could proudly show off on his arm.
My mom. I couldn't even let out a sarcastic huff. That was a whole other story. Joy. I would call the woman who raised me Joy from now on.
Hayden brushed a few strands of loose hair behind my ear and wiped the fresh tears from my cheek before placing a kiss to my forehead. My eyes rolled shut, heavy with exhaustion and the weight of the day. I sighed, pressing my body closer to his, and he responded immediately. I needed to feel. I didn't like this emptiness, this hole, this huge void in my chest that Kova had created.
"It kills me to see you like this." Hayden pressed his hand to my lower back and held me closer. He groaned in the back of his throat, and I felt the deep, gravely vibration in his chest on the side of my face. "Tell me what I can do to make it better for you. I'll do anything you need, just tell me."
He was hurting for me. Where Hayden warmed my soul with his presence, Kova darkened it with his passion. Light versus dark. Good versus evil. The contrast always existed between them. Hayden was selfless, soft-hearted, an all-around good guy. Kova, however, took, and took, and took, leaving me shattered and broken. Vacant.
An agonized tear slipped from my eye as I remained silent. Hayden took matters into his own hands and carried me out of my bedroom to sit us down on the couch. He may not be as big as Kova, but he wasn't average in the least. I felt small but safe in his arms, and I needed that.
Adjusting my legs to the sides of his hips, I dropped my head into the curve of his neck and sat there until I was ready to speak. I breathed him in, absorbing everything he had to offer. He moved my hair to lay over my shoulder and his hands stroked my back soothingly. I molded myself into his heated body and finally took my first deep breath since coming home from the gym.
"Did you know?" I asked.
"Know what?"
"That Kova is married."
Hayden froze long enough for me to pull back to look at him.
"Hayden?" My heart raced as I stared at him, wait
ing for an answer that wouldn’t blindside me.
Oh, God. He’d known?
I tried to stand, but his hold on my hips prevented me from moving.
"What the hell are you talking about?” The heat from his fingers passed through the layers of our clothes. "Kova isn't married."
"Yes, he is. He's been married for months."
Hayden's blue eyes turned glacial. Thick tension filled the space between us until my nerves rattled.
"Let me guess, the bastard never told you."
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to.
Hayden's lips curled in disgust. "And he let you find out at practice?"
Embarrassment flooded me. My entire body started to tremble and breathing became difficult.
"I’m gonna kill that motherfucker."
"I’m sorry.” It was all I could think to say.
I’m sorry.
My stomach churned.
Prosti.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push back the tears as the night before filled my mind. It was unlike any other time we’d been together. Kova had acted like he loved me. He had worshipped me in the most loving, heart-wrenching way.
And it turns out, he’d been apologizing to me the whole time he was making love to me.
"When was the last time you were with him?" Hayden questioned. His eyes narrowed, like he was waiting for me to confirm his worst thoughts.
I opened my eyes and drew in a deep breath. I couldn’t tell him it was only last night.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"But he was fucking you and his wife at the same time?" Hayden paused. "Aid, I think you should get tested."
"Tested for what?"
He didn’t bother to mask the look of incredulity on his face. "STDs."
My jaw dropped. I hadn't even thought of that until now.
"He uses protection when he's with Katja." The lie flew from my lips. I didn't need him to make me feel even shittier than I already did.
Hayden tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. "And how do you know that?"
"I asked him once." Another lie.
"This is beyond fucked up. So he uses a condom when he has sex with his wife, but not you? Aid, stop lying to me and yourself."