by Debra Dunbar
I felt a silicone–like coating cover my store of raw energy. I was defenseless, unable to form a physical body or anything else. Surprisingly, that was far less frightening then Gabriel’s touch had been.
Pfft. Where are the handcuffs? Silk ties? Restrained, my ass. Give me two hours and a roll of duct tape, and I’ll show you restrained.
I expected to be left alone, but Gabriel hovered. I hoped he wouldn’t be here the whole time. As much as I dreaded being left vulnerable and alone, I really didn’t want him around to see me weak and afraid.
You are to remain here in contemplation for one rotation cycle, naked and restrained. Do not call upon the Sword of the Iblis or it will be considered an attack upon Aaru.
With that he vanished, and I felt the emptiness. Not even the hate–filled angels were nearby. It was as if I were in the middle of space, all alone. His last words had held unexpected comfort, though. In spite of the surface threat, he’d told me that my most powerful defense was still available to me in an emergency. If I truly needed it, I could turn to my sword. It would be an act of war, and I had no idea how I was supposed to wield a sword with no physical body, but still it was comforting to know I had an option.
It seemed like years had gone by. My initial panic faded into a sort of numbness. I held as still as possible, trying to appear stoic and resigned. Meditation, contemplation was absolutely beyond my abilities in any circumstance, but especially here in Aaru. I nearly wept when I felt him, warm and reassuring against me.
Very poised, little Cockroach. You appear quite noble and centered here in your solitude.
I wasn’t. Good to know I was a better actress than I was a liar.
Can the others see us? Hear us?
It had been at the edge of my mind, and the reason I’d tried so hard to present a strong front: just because I couldn’t sense any angels nearby, didn’t mean they weren’t there.
If they come near, yes. Gabriel chased them all away. An audience isn’t in keeping with the purpose of this exercise. Adequate vibration levels and a centered spirit are best achieved in solitude.
A whole lot of meaningless words, but at least I got the part where no one was around. I wondered for a brief second how my vibration levels were. I didn’t really care, but I was curious if Aaru had any sort of effect on me beyond the panic and strange itchy feeling.
Of course, there is no improvement in your vibration level, no matter how your emotional state might appear.
Ah well. I rested against him, in a non–body form of snuggling. This is where I felt centered. It wasn’t that his presence strengthened me, made me feel powerful. With him by my side, I felt at peace, as though I’d finally come home. He balanced me, as if we were at opposite sides of a fulcrum, even though we were folding into each other, resting together with our spirit–selves merging along the edges.
I rejoice in your misdeeds, Cockroach, just so I can have these perfect moments with you in Aaru. I hate that our internal squabbles here have stolen some of that time from me.
From us. I rubbed against him in a long caress, regretting my feelings of hurt and suspicion when he’d left me with Gabriel.
So … are you sure there aren’t any others around? Because I’ve always been a bit of an exhibitionist. And you did leave me yesterday with some very tantalizing promises.
I surrounded him, taking him into my center, merging together. Then I quickly withdrew — teasing, to see how he’d respond. Angel fucking was one of the highlights of my existence, but I’d yet to do it in Aaru, where we could completely join without the need to retain a link to the physical. Just our spirit–selves, without fear we’d lose control and wind up dead. The idea was freeing. And beyond erotic. Sinning in heaven — it was totally on my bucket list.
Bad imp. It is completely disreputable for someone of my level to join here in Aaru. I took heart that he sounded as if he had every intention of being disreputable. I don’t know if I can besmirch my reputation by even considering such a thing. Joining in Aaru — how terribly sinful.
I would have rolled my eyes, if I’d had any. Oh, but it’s fine for you to do it out of Aaru? What happened before the war? Did angels sneak elsewhere to join, like human teenagers?
No, before the war we joined where we liked. Things are changing, Cockroach, but we must allow for the reluctance many angels have to alter attitudes they’ve held for nearly three–million years.
I thought briefly of Rafael’s comments, but there were more important things to do than mull over the politics in Aaru. I continued to stroke him, to merge sections of myself with him, only to pull back. Angels might want committees, studies, a million years to change, but I wasn’t about to wait that long. Fine. But I want you now, without the need to hold back. All of you joined with all of me, the way angels are supposed to be.
If he’d been in physical form, he would have caught his breath. There was a second of hesitation, and then I felt the intensity of him against me, hotter than a volcano erupting.
I opened up and fell into him. We remained individual beings, but our new position increased all the places where we touched and joined. Together then apart. We built a rhythm composed of moments of attachment and moments of separation. It was like a dance, a symphony, a duet where emotion and intensity increased with each movement.
Even mind–speech was beyond me at this point. All I could do was feel — which was odd given the sensory deprivation of Aaru. We swirled together, the moments of separation lessening until we’d reached a point of no return. Faster, closer we moved until we came together in a translucent beam of opalescent light. One. Inseparable. Unlike before, there was no easing back, no return to our physical bodies. We just remained as if we were one being, each in absolute harmony with the other.
This is how we would be if you came to Aaru with me, Cockroach. We could spend an eternity as this and let the world pass us by.
It was a seductive idea, worming its way into my heart and mind. I could leave it all behind — the stupid Iblis responsibilities, the elves, the humans, that damned pregnant woman and her half–angel fetus, werewolves. I could retreat with Gregory and spend the rest of time with him.
He knew as well as I did that it couldn’t be. Slowly we separated, returning to individual existence, but always keeping a slight connection with each other. I wanted to lie to myself, to promise that someday we’d be able to leave the world behind. But I was a terrible liar.
It’s time to return to your home, Cockroach.
Punishment flew by when he was with me, but there were reports to complete, a pregnant woman in my home, and my earthly household to take care of. Thankfully Dar and Leethu had been handling the Hel end of my business interests the last few months, because I had no time left for them.
Ready.
I created my human form as we arrived in my kitchen, enjoying the feel of my naked skin against Gregory’s usual jeans and navy polo.
“Coffee?” he asked after holding me a few moments longer than necessary.
I nodded. There was comfort in our routine — coffee and conversation. Even if the occasional physical foreplay left me unsatisfied, I always hoped sex — angel or otherwise, would happen.
“What’s going on in Aaru?” I asked as I watched him spoon grounds into the filter. “Can you tell me, or is that top–secret stuff?”
It was my turn to grill him for details. Hopefully I’d glean something I could use. Hopefully something he said would spur that great ‘idea’ to form that Rafael so desperately wanted.
Gregory frowned in concentration at the dark specks, removing a few before putting them into the maker. “There is great unrest. Angels are falling at a rate not seen since the tenth choir. Some feel that breeding with the humans should be allowed and regulated. Others feel that programs should be in place to allow breeding with the demons.”
I’d come close to being on the receiving end of one of those breeding programs. That wasn’t something I wanted to see become an official
Aaru–sanctioned event. The Bachelor for Heaven and Hell seemed far more appealing. Or maybe an online dating service — Infernal Mates dot com. I could manage to insert that option into the mix.
As for humans and angels — well I didn’t have anything against Harper, but angels swarming around snatching up all the human females didn’t seem like a good plan.
The angel punched the brew button on the coffee machine. “No one agrees on what these programs should be, and another group strongly resists any change.” The angel rubbed the back of his neck. It was such a human gesture that I couldn’t help but smile.
“What do you want? In an ideal scenario?”
He smiled, his eyes warm as they met mine. “Like it was. Angels find partners and agree to breed based on mutual attraction and desires.”
I grinned. Yeah! Another vote for Infernal Mates dot com.
He pulled two mugs out of the cabinet. “Of course, you’re the only Angel of Chaos, so demons would need to continue to live in Hel away from their partners. I don’t know how well it will work, either. Not all demons are quite as accommodating as you, Cockroach.”
I’d never considered myself particularly accommodating, so his words were a bit of a shock. I’d need to remedy that. Try harder to be a pain in the ass.
“Demons would love to put angel fucking on their resume, but I don’t see much advantage to the angels. Do you think the joining would be that much of an incentive? And then there’s the issue of offspring — offspring that could just as likely wind up a demon as an angel.”
“An Angel of Chaos,” he corrected as he poured our coffee. “New creation would correct the devolution that inbreeding has caused among the demons. It would be a step toward remedying the mistakes made in the war and the treaty.”
When an angel older than the sun admits to a mistake — one he’s held firm to for two–and–a–half–million years, you take notice. My head spun with the significance of it.
“So do it. You’re the big guy, the eldest of the brothers of the Ruling Council. Make it so. I’ll vote your way, and I’m pretty sure Rafael would too.”
He handed me a mug of coffee, his lips twisted in irony. “If only it were that easy, Cockroach. Too many are afraid of change. And my own behavior rubs their noses in it. I won’t give you up, can’t give you up, but right now, I’m part of the problem. One of the others on the Council needs to lead on this one.”
I sipped my coffee and thought of the Ruling Council. Uriel was off on sabbatical, or whatever. Gabriel had a stick up his ass. Sleazy was pretty forgettable, as was New Guy. Rafael was in favor — did he have enough power to enact change without his elder brother leading the way?
“I don’t see why you can’t just lay down the law. You’re more powerful than any angel I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot over the last few months. Push the change through.”
Gregory shook his head, looking upward. “Such a demon still. Change without adequate buy–in doesn’t stick, and policies that are forced down everyone’s throat only breed further rebellion. Once we get everyone to center and put aside their emotions, we’ll begin with exploration — focus groups and studies for a few–thousand years, then maybe some modeling.”
Angels moved with the rapidity of cold molasses. Not that the faster speed of change in Hel was yielding stellar results. The small colony of humans established at the edge of the Cyelle forest were constantly subjected to attacks by curious demons and resentful elves. Raphael was right — I needed to assist however I could with healing wounds that had festered for nearly three–million years, but, judging by the last few days, it seemed this was going to happen at the expense of quality time with my angel.
“Guess this means you can’t hang out and watch NCIS reruns today.”
“No.” Gregory kissed the top of my head and put his half–full coffee cup in the sink. “I’ve stayed too long as it is. I’ll see you in a few days, Cockroach.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. We can do what the humans call ‘date night’. We’ll watch movies. I might even risk my enlightenment to try some of these ‘hot wings’ you and Wyatt keep talking about.”
“How about you risk your enlightenment even further? Hot wings can lead to all sorts of life–changing, naughty behavior, you know.”
He smiled. “We’ll just have to see how things go, won’t we? Perhaps it will be a night for sin.”
I felt empty the moment he was gone. Even the knowledge that he’d be back in forty–eight hours to pick up my reports wasn’t enough to cheer me on. Moping, I walked with my coffee cup through the French doors and around the sun–lit pool toward the barn.
I had taken to letting the horses graze for short periods of time instead of all day long. The lush, green grass plus my limited free time to ride meant all three were getting fat. It wasn’t quite evening, but I figured I might as well let them out of their stables for an early dinner.
A strange thumping noise came from the barn, accompanied by a soft voice. I peered around the edge of the door and saw Harper rubbing Vegas’ neck as she fed him bits of cookie with the other hand. Gone was the fury she wore like a cloak around her, and in its place was an aura of peace. The woman cooed to the Quarter horse then moved on to give Piper the same loving attention. Diablo strained across the stall divider, begging with an outstretched head until it was his turn. Done petting the horses, Harper turned to survey the barn, a tiny smile on her face. Rubbing a hand along an oak support post, she looked up and leapt to grab the edge of a steel beam.
The rounded bump of her belly pushed against her shirt, a stark contrast to the lean muscles in her arms and legs. She swung like a monkey from the beam, reaching up to hook her other hand on a wooden cross piece. Face red with exertion, she pulled up and planted one foot against the upright post. Walking her feet toward the ceiling, she released her hold on the beam and stretched her hand toward a second cross piece. And fell.
I caught my breath as she landed hard on her ass, dust rising in clouds from the floor. Before I could come forward to ask if she was okay, the woman’s anger returned like a tidal wave. Jumping to her feet, she snatched up a shovel and began hitting the oak post with all her might. It was a tough wood, but the woman still managed to put a few dents in the upright before throwing the shovel aside and collapsing on the floor in a flood of tears.
“I hate him. I hate what he did to me. He should have just let me die.”
The other horses cowered in the rear of their stalls, but Diablo snorted in sympathy, unalarmed by her shovel violence. I frowned, wondering what she was talking about besides her obvious resentment toward the angel that had knocked her up.
“Why me?” She asked the demon horse. “Why not one of the others? He should have let me die. I hate the zombie I became. I hate the person he turned me into.”
Anger I could handle, but this torrent of despair was beyond an imp’s ability to cope with. I snuck back toward the house, feeling as guilty as I did helpless for leaving her there with only Diablo to comfort her.
–5–
Here you go.” Wyatt plopped two large stacks of paper on our table. They didn’t exactly add to the ambiance of fine dining, but I was more thrilled over their appearance than the broiled lobster.
“You are the best boyfriend ever.”
I paged through them as Wyatt sipped his wine, a smug smile on his face. He’d been thorough. Very thorough. Every detail of the two humans’ lives that could be discovered over the internet was in these four–nine–five reports. My head was swimming about five pages in, so I pushed them aside and returned my attention to the dead crustacean on my plate. I trusted that Wyatt had done the reports with more detail than even the most anal of angels. Time enough to read them tomorrow. I had expensive food to eat.
“How was that thing in Baltimore?” I asked, swishing a chunk of lobster meat in butter.
“Kind of a good news/ bad news thing.” Wyatt refilled his wine glass. “They’ve had a huge
security breach, but it’s weird. It’s the same profile as the hacker that nailed Chromium Medical last month. They’re thinking of installing Genus Micro’s system, but want me to go to Chicago and check it out first. Genus charges a fortune and they want to make sure it’s worth it.”
I had no idea what he was talking about, but I smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “So this Micro guy is in Chicago?”
“Genus Micro is a company. They’re based in Silicon Valley, but all the big IT firms will be at the expo in Chicago.”
“Sounds fun.” It didn’t, but I’d learned that comments like this were what humans wanted to hear in conversation regarding their activities.
“The expo is next month, but I’m going to head out early and talk with a few other companies, see what their experience with Genus has been.”
“This wine is really good. Have some more.” I filled Wyatt’s glass to the brim, hoping more alcohol would facilitate a change in subject to something less boring.
“I’ll head out tomorrow to Philly, then on to Detroit then Chicago.”
Tomorrow? It seemed like we hardly saw each other anymore, like our lives were drifting in opposite directions.
“I’ll miss you.” It was true, although I missed what we used to have more. When it came to humans, more than their existence was fleeting. They seemed to change right before my eyes, every last one of them.
Wyatt grinned, drinking a significant amount of wine from his glass. “I’ll miss you too, Sam. Let me know if you need anything else for your reports.”
Sheesh. I hoped the angels didn’t want anything additional. These things in my bag must have weighed twenty pounds each.
“Nyalla tells me you’ve taken another human under your wing. A pregnant woman?”
Ah, that’s why Wyatt was so accommodating about the reports. He was rewarding what he thought to be a kinder, gentler Sam. I glanced down at my boots with a stab of guilt.
“Harper. Some angel knocked her up and dumped her at my doorstep. I’ve got to take care of her and the baby until they die a natural death.”