“I think what split my wife and I up was my long hours. Sometimes I wouldn’t get home until midnight or later. Jodi got crossed-patched about spending evenings alone, and I tried to tell her that with my caseload, I couldn’t just drop work and run home to her and Merry.”
“You strike me as someone who cares deeply about his cases. You aren’t about to do a sham job on one.”
“That’s right,” he said grimly. “Jodi just wouldn’t bend. I told her that when I made lieutenant commander rank, my load would ease and we’d have more time together.”
“When do you get that rank?”
“I should be up for early consideration in about a year, but I’ve been out of sorts and it’s reduced my chances. In fact, going through this divorce could about put the last nail in my coffin—for good.”
“You’re not as hard or tough as you’d like people to think you are.”
He glanced at her, a slight smile lurking at the corners of his mouth. “Keep it a secret, will you?”
Ellen smiled in return. “I will.”
“You’re still looking a little peaked. How’s the stomach doing?”
“Still a bit upset. I keep thinking about Susan, about the awful shock it will be to her family.”
“You had a right to feel that way,” Cochrane said, pulling up to the Embassy Suites. He stopped the car at the entrance.
Ellen managed a weak smile and climbed out. “Thanks for the lift. I’ve got a rental car coming tomorrow morning and I’ll have my own wheels.”
“See you at 0800 hours.”
She threw him a mock salute. “Yes, sir.” What she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and thank him for his compassion. Seeing the smile in his eyes, that glint of humor, Ellen suddenly longed for Jim to stay. She’d like to spend time just talking and getting to know him better. After all, he’d salved her wounds at the condo. Maybe she could be a good friend to him in return.
CHAPTER FOUR
“MR. COCHRANE, come in for a minute,” Commander Dornier called, waving from his office doorway.
Jim scowled inwardly but kept his expression neutral. It was 0750. The official start to his day was 0800. Things were on a fast track, it appeared. He changed his trajectory and headed to where his boss waited for him.
“This will only take a moment,” Dornier said briskly, standing aside to allow him into the spacious office.
“Yes, sir?”
“This Lieutenant Kane investigation?”
“Yes, sir?”
“She’s a media disaster just waiting to bite the Navy’s ass, Mr. Cochrane, and that’s worse than being a hot potato.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you know she was up for early lieutenant commander and rotation to the Pentagon for a cushy assignment? It’s obvious she had a sponsor shadowing her career. Admiral Caruthers, Chief of Naval Operations, is very upset over her death. He wants answers now.”
Didn’t everyone? Cochrane nodded but didn’t say that. “I’m on it, Commander.”
If an officer was lucky enough to gain a sponsor—someone of higher rank who followed the junior officer’s career and helped get plum assignments—it was like having an unofficial guardian angel. Not all officers had sponsors. And the junior officer never knew who his or her sponsor was. The benefits went only to promising officers who had a hell of a lot on the ball and the moxie and intelligence not to screw up when handed a rare opportunity to show their stuff. These officers got rewarded lavishly as a result, gaining early promotion or working with the powers that be—the admirals.
“Good. This could get nasty, Mr. Cochrane. You may dig up some shit that no one wants the sun to shine on. Be sure to interview the Top Gun people about Kane. They won’t like it, but that’s tough. I know you have other, less important cases to handle, but you’re going to have to juggle them, regardless. How are you and Agent Tanner getting along?”
Jim paid strict attention, and if he didn’t know better, he’d swear he saw curiosity in Commander Dornier’s eyes. “Fine, sir. No problems at all.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear. Dismissed, Mr. Cochrane.”
Cochrane left the office and headed past the large secretarial pool. He saw Ellen Tanner waiting for him in the passageway that lead to their office. It was exactly 0800. His heart pounded to underscore her presence in his life.
Her hair was wild as usual and she wore her characteristic bright clothing. Her loud crimson skirt, white short-sleeved blouse and red vest had him wincing internally. There was nothing remotely conservative about Ellen. Not to mention the dangly gold-and-red earrings made her look more like a gypsy fortune teller than an agent from OIG. However, her face was more set than usual, her eyes serious. Despite all of her contrasts something good and cleaned flowed through him. Cochrane nodded in Tanner’s direction and murmured, “Good morning.”
Ellen’s heart sped up. “Good morning.” Last night she’d realized she was attracted to this officer. There was a nice connection between them, even though their beginning yesterday had been awkward. Her reaction to him stymied her, and she was still too tired to examine it too closely. She followed Jim into the office.
“You get a good night’s sleep?” he asked, motioning for her to sit down across from his desk.
“I did. But now you have dark circles under your eyes.”
“Comes with the territory, Ms. Tanner,” he told her teasingly. Lifting a file, he said, “I’ve been warned things could get real rough on our investigation of Kane. The possibility of an officer or officers from Top Gun being involved in this investigation is on the table. The aviation fraternity will close up tighter than a drum if they think they’re being investigated. It’s possible I’ll make a lot of enemies of officers above me, and trust me, they won’t forget. I’ll be so dirty even the hogs won’t associate with me. What a land-mine situation we’re in.”
Ellen folded her hands in her lap and said, “Do all officers have this level of paranoia about their careers or is this investigation unique?”
His mouth curved. “You’d better believe it. We live from one Fitness Report heaven or hell to the next, Ellen. Unlike you civilians, we survive in a cloistered environment where everyone knows everyone else. Fitreps are put out twice a year, and they can make or break your career. You’re either in or you’re out. Several bad fitness reports in a row and your dreams and goals are shattered. The handwriting’s on the wall—you won’t make the next rank, so resign your commission and get out. I like my job too much not to take this Kane situation seriously.”
“I came across this same anxiety when I was doing my Project Demonstrating Excellence or P.D.E. on the Fortress,” Ellen said. “The families in the service lived in as much fear as the father or mother did. Usually, the military member was the man. So I can relate to a degree with your concerns.”
“It’s not a very comforting situation,” Cochrane agreed unhappily. Still, he felt good. Hell, if he had to choose a word to describe how he felt around Ellen, it was happy. An emotion he hadn’t savored in two solid years.
“So what made you join the Navy, with such stress built into it?”
Cochrane sat up and placed his hands on his desk. Ellen’s smile was kind and sincere, and he absorbed it hungrily. “I have a lot of pride in the Navy. It means something to me, in spite of its warts.”
“What’s to stop you from practicing law as a civilian?”
Shrugging, Jim said, “Nothing, I suppose. A company outside the military has all the problems that we do, but in the Navy it’s…Hell’s bells, I don’t have all the answers.” That soft smile was a trap, he realized. “See how easily you shrinks slip into your analyzing mode? Don’t try and make a patient out of me.” So what did he want her to be to him? Jim shifted uncomfortably, refusing to answer that question. At least, right now.
“I don’t view you as my patient.” Ellen opened her hands. “The way I see it, you’re highly regarded around here, Jim.”
He angle
d a glance at her. “Well, like the old Missouri saying goes, when you’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wheel rut, there ain’t no place to go but up. This Kane case puts me dead in the gun sights of a certain group of jet jocks who could one day be over me in rank. And if I piss them off, they can get even at that time.”
She laughed. “At least you’ve got a sense of humor. That’s healthy.”
He nodded. That sunny smile of hers went straight to his heart, wrapped around it, and his pulse took off like a freight train going downhill. “What about you? What’s this gig going to earn for you when it’s all over?” Ellen’s smile slipped and he saw darkness come to her eyes. “Is this a year in hell for you? Or heaven personified?” Jim tried to keep his voice light and teasing, though his heart felt a twinge. Damn. He saw pain in her eyes.
Ellen tried to keep her voice even. “I really don’t know yet. I looked forward to this change.”
“What do you want out of it?” Jim pressed. There was confusion in Ellen’s readable face. And she was blushing. He’d known a lot of weasels in his time, but she was artless. Having her around made him feel cleaner about the whole mess that had been piled on him, and he had no idea why.
“I want to know I did a good job.” That was the truth, Ellen decided. There were lots of other responses she could give, but she didn’t know if she could trust Jim with such personal details yet.
Cochrane shook his head. “You’ve got an innocent face just like Susan Kane did. What is it about some women that they look too vulnerable to make the grade?”
Ellen grinned. “I might look that way, but life goes on. All humans are vulnerable, not just certain women. I choose to remain open and not closed up. It’s a choice.”
With a groan, Cochrane stood up. “I reckon I’m not in a philosophical frame of mind.” He gave her a quick smile. “Come on, we’ve got work to do. Best to leave unexploded land mines alone, I always say.” There was still a lingering darkness in Ellen’s glorious green eyes, and he wanted to discover why. His sixth sense told him getting too personal was a dangerous thing right now.
Feeling an unexpected warmth in her chest, Ellen decided that being with this JAG officer lifted her spirits. His soft Southern accent, those gray eyes that could turn from a warm look of concern to that of an eagle ready to swoop on a quarry, amazed her. “You mean, work on Susan’s case?”
“Yes. Now there’s an enigma. What do you think about Susan Kane?” he asked.
“You want my professional opinion?” Ellen rose and picked up her knapsack and briefcase.
“Yeah. I’m bugged by the fact she chose to die in her dress white uniform. If she committed suicide, I think it’s some kind of symbolic last gesture, but darned if I know what it means.”
Ellen followed him out the door. “White is seen as a sign of purity and innocence,” she suggested, lengthening her stride to keep up with him.
“When the fleet sails into San Diego, I’ll just bet the city fathers don’t view all those horny sailors, dressed in their white liberty uniforms, as symbols of purity and innocence,” Jim drawled, stopping at the desk to pick up the keys for their assigned car.
Laughing, Ellen said, “There are many ways to look at the color white, Mr. Cochrane. Susan could have chosen any set of clothes to die in, if it was suicide. Why dress whites, then? Why not her nightgown, or her favorite pair of sweats?”
“Come on, let’s mosey over to our office pool car. We’ve got places to go.”
As Cochrane put the car into gear and headed out into traffic, he glanced over at Ellen. “What else have you got up your therapist’s sleeve about Kane?”
“I’m ignoring your sailor analogy, Mr. Cochrane,” Ellen said, chuckling.
“I thought it was a pretty good remark.”
She grinned. “So did I.” Taking a deep breath, she got serious. “Maybe Susan really loved the Navy and put on her dress whites as a way to honor her career?”
“If her death was a suicide, usually it’s done over a career screwup or some personal emotional disappointment,” Cochrane conjectured. “I can’t see her wearing her dress whites if that was the case. She’d be deeply shamed.”
Ellen considered the possibilities. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“Back to Kane’s condo.”
“Ugh.” She automatically pressed her hand against her abdomen.
“You’re going pale on me,” he warned.
“My stomach’s rolling.”
“The body’s gone,” he reassured her in a low voice. “All we’re going to do is snoop, see if anything else catches our interest. The police crime scene team is done with their work. I want to get in before the moving van arrives to cart off her things.”
Ellen gulped unsteadily. “I’m glad Susan won’t be there. I’ve been so upset by seeing her in that bed. I had awful dreams last night.” Ellen touched the skin beneath her eyes. “I know I have circles here.”
Driving in bright California sunshine made Cochrane squint. He pulled on a pair of aviator sunglasses. “I’m not surprised. The first time I saw a dead body at a scene, I ran for the bathroom and heaved my guts out, just like you. It’s a pretty common response. No college class can prepare you for a corpse.” Jim gave her an apologetic look. “And walking in and finding your husband dead, well, I felt real bad about that. If I’d known earlier, I wouldn’t have put you in that position. Next time, speak up?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was weak,” Ellen said.
His mouth curved at one corner. “That’s not bein’ weak in my book.”
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“I also had a crazy dream about Kane last night.”
Ellen raised her brows. “Really? Tell me about it.”
Laughing, he said, “Spoken like a true shrink.”
She realized he was teasing her. Maybe Cochrane was trying to make up for yesterday, and how tough it had been on her emotionally. “I’m curious, that’s all. I know why I had those terrible, fragmented nightmares last night. I was traumatized by seeing another dead person.”
“It must be rough,” Cochrane agreed, glancing over at her. He lowered his voice. “You said it happened two years ago?”
Ellen avoided his glance and looked down at her tightly clasped hands. Her voice grew strained. “Yes. I’m still processing a lot of grief. I miss Mark. I miss our talks, the way he saw the world. He was a wonderful person. One of the best.”
“You were lucky to have a marriage like that.”
Ellen whispered, “I was.” She glanced out the window and watched the palm trees and houses flash by. “The sunlight is comforting. I feel like Persephone from the Greek myths, pining away for spring on Earth. I’ve been feeling so cold inside.”
And then she saw Jim lift his long, large-knuckled hand and place it on hers. His touch was butterfly light, his gesture completely unexpected.
“Real love’s hard to find. Harder to keep. I’m sorry.” Lifting his hand away, he quickly replaced it on the wheel. Jim knew he shouldn’t have done that, but there was something so touching about Ellen in that moment he’d done it without thinking.
Biting her lower lip, Ellen gave a soft sigh. Jim’s gesture had been exactly what she needed. How had he known? She found herself wanting him to touch her in just such a way again. “You remind me of a knight on a white horse, a crusader. Maybe a throwback to an earlier time.”
“Don’t go putting me on pedestals, Ms. Tanner. I fall off real easy. Deep down, I see myself as a knight tilting at the windmills of injustice and trying to right wrongs when I can.”
“Don’t pay any attention to me. I’m an emotional puddle right now.”
“I’ve been there once or twice myself,” he assured her in a husky tone. “We all get splattered with mud. Thanks for the compliment about the knight and all. I read all of King Arthur’s books growing up, so chivalry is important to me. It’s nice to be thought of in such glowing terms.”
“You’re prett
y readable, Mr. Cochrane. Now, are you going to tell me your dream about Susan Kane?”
“Nothing much to tell,” he said. “She came up to me in a dream and asked me for my help. After she left, I woke up.”
“How did you feel during the dream?”
He grinned. “I can feel you stalking me like a coon-hound on a scent trail, Ellen.”
She smiled slightly. “Dreams are very important. More important than most people realize.”
“I see. Well, I felt real emotional when I saw Susan. She was still in her uniform. I was standing in the middle of nowhere and she came out of the mist and light. She had blue eyes.”
“And?” Ellen heard Cochrane’s voice go softer, and the line of his mouth was no longer as tight.
“She had tears in them. That shook me for some reason, but then, I can’t stand to see a child or woman cry, anyway. Susan held out her hand toward me and seemed to speak, but no sound came out of her mouth. I asked her what she wanted and she handed me her teddy bear.” He made a wry face. “There was something unnerving about that bear. Then I realized the bear had no eyes. The one taken for evidence from her condo had large, shiny black button eyes. But the one in my dream didn’t.”
He turned off on the Spring Street ramp and slowed the vehicle. “What do you think?”
“I feel it’s very significant she gave you her teddy bear and it had no eyes. The bear obviously means a lot to Susan, and for her to give it to you meant she was trusting you to help her. The fact that you took the bear meant you would help her. The bear having no eyes fascinates me.” Excitedly, she turned to him. “Eyes are to see with. She gave you a bear with no eyes. What aren’t you seeing about her death? Did we overlook something? What didn’t we see clearly? Or not at all?”
Cochrane shrugged. “Beats me.” He sighed. “What would a blind teddy bear mean?”
“Maybe we need to delve more deeply into her childhood. A bear also symbolizes healing. The Native Americans put great stock in bear medicine as being the most powerful healer of all. By Susan giving you her bear, she was asking you to heal her, or perhaps, her situation.”
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