After It's Over

by Alstead, Michelle

  “To piss my husband off.”

  They quickly got out of the car and traded seats. He fastened his seatbelt and pushed the seat back in order to accommodate his long legs.

  “Wow. How very passive aggressive of you.” Drew scratched the stubble on his chin. “Where to?”

  Great. I’m turning into my mother. I wonder how that’s going to play out.

  Paige strummed her fingers on the ledge below the passenger window.

  “Anywhere, but my house.”

  “Okay.” Drew checked his watch.

  What’s he looking at his watch for? And why is he here? Let’s ease into the third degree. He looks jumpy.

  “You hungry?” Paige asked.

  “Starving.”

  “Then let’s head into Salt Lake. Just follow the signs up ahead.”

  “How weird is it that a nice Catholic girl like you ended up in Utah?”

  “I’m a lapsed Catholic, and it’s not so weird. I kind of like it here.”

  I would like it a whole lot more if I had moved here with Kade…

  ***

  Due to the early hour, their choices for breakfast were limited. They opted for greasy hash browns and cardboard pancakes at a chain restaurant. Paige slid across the plastic bench seat; her jeans made a squeaking sound as she moved. Drew sat down on the other side of the table. She noted that he was careful to avoid eye contact.

  He barely said a word the whole way here. Something is clearly wrong.

  Her brother picked up a stained menu and studied it with the same intensity he’d given the bar exam. Paige took a sip of water from the glass the waitress had set in front of her. She wrinkled her nose and forced herself to swallow.

  “Crappy water?” Drew asked.

  “Hard water takes some getting used to. I miss Washington water,” Paige replied.

  “Well, you can always come home, and we can start a practice together. You’d be able to drink all the soft water you can handle.”

  “Practice? What happened to Mr. Assistant District Attorney?”

  “I uh…”

  Paige reached out and gently took the menu from his hands.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I got fired two days ago, which just happened to be the same day that Sheila had me served with divorce papers.” Drew stared out the window. “She waited until after I gave her the money to open that salon.”

  She studied her brother’s face. His skin had a pink tint, his eyes were heavy-lidded, and he was at least fifteen pounds lighter than he should be.

  “You’ve been drinking again.”

  “Among other things.” His knee shook so hard it hit the table and scattered their silverware. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Paige carefully arranged the silverware back to where it had been placed by the waitress and gave him the biggest smile she could muster.

  “So, you lost your job, your wife—”

  “She took most of the money.”

  “Okay, so you’ve lost your job, wife, money and you’ve been hitting the sauce. Just think of what great material this is for a country song.” She forced a laugh.

  Better to laugh than to cry. That’s what Mom always used to say.

  “Yeah, it’s Top 40 material for sure.” Drew’s face was glum as he chewed on a straw.

  “It could be worse.”

  Okay, trying to make him laugh didn’t work, so how about putting things in perspective.

  “I don’t really see how.”

  “You could have gangrene on your face and be living under the Tacoma Narrows Bridge,” Paige nodded, as if to encourage her brother to laugh at the absurdity of her words.

  “They fenced that area off. No one’s living there anymore.”

  “No laugh, huh?”

  I’m out of ideas on how to make this situation any better.

  Drew shrugged and looked at the table. He ran his finger along a crack in the plastic.

  “Sheila slept with my best friend.”

  Paige didn’t mean to gasp; the noise escaped before she could stop it. Drew looked up and their eyes met. He looks so defeated. She reached across the table and took his hand. At that moment, their waitress appeared with her order pad again. Paige waved her off.

  “I’m sorry, Drew. I really am.”

  Her brother pulled his hand back. He folded his arms and gave her a knowing look.

  “Go ahead, say it.”

  “Say what?” She looked away and tried to pretend she didn’t know where the conversation was headed.

  “That you always hated Sheila.”

  “Okay, so I wasn’t her biggest fan.” Paige inhaled sharply. “But it’s not like I chose any better. I never should have left…” She stared at the table as her cheeks turned pink. Drew knew exactly whom it was that she shouldn’t have left.

  “Speaking of the person who shall not be named, Sheila got the sheriff’s office to serve me the divorce papers.”

  Drew’s words hung in the air as Paige digested their meaning.

  “You saw him, didn’t you?” she asked.

  Did he mention me? Is he married yet? Oh, don’t think about Kade. This is just not the time.

  “Yeah, I was caught off guard. I’ve seen him a few times at the courthouse, but we never said more than two words to each other. In my mind, he was still your happy-go-lucky high school boyfriend, but that was definitely not the guy who showed up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s grumpy. Very grumpy. There’s no joy to be had around him. When was the last time you saw him?”

  Paige cleared her throat. She pictured the last time she saw Kade. “I saw him after things ended with Matt.”

  “How come you never said anything?”

  “Because he stood me up. We had a date, and he just never showed up.”

  “That doesn’t sound like him. If he didn’t show, there must have been a reason,” Drew said.

  Paige shrugged. “I never thought he’d stand me up.”

  The waitress returned with an irritated look. She chewed her gum, snapped a bubble and glared at them.

  “Are you folks finally ready to order?”

  “Uh, yeah,” Drew said. He picked up a menu and quickly scanned it.

  “Bacon and eggs, please.”

  The waitress’s expression said that she couldn’t believe she’d waited for such a simple order. She took Drew’s menu and looked at Paige with a raised eyebrow.

  “Toast and black coffee, please.”

  “Fine. Be back soon with your order.”

  When the waitress was gone, Drew looked at his sister.

  “I hope she doesn’t spit in our food.”

  Paige shrugged. “So, what’re you going to do about—”

  “My career? My drinking? My divorce? Pick a problem.” His voice was curt; he rubbed his eyes.

  “Okay,” Paige drew a deep breath. “What can I do to help?”

  “Can you change the past? Or at least make the guilt go away?”

  “Guilt?”

  What on earth does he have to feel guilty about? I’m the one that practically killed our parents. Don’t go there, Paige. Some memories are better left repressed.

  “Yes, for years I’ve been carrying around so much guilt that I can’t sleep at night. If I hadn’t gone clear across the country to college, it wouldn’t have happened. I should have stayed closer to home. If I had been there, they wouldn’t be dead.”

  Drew’s eyes were filled with tears. He cleared his throat and looked away. Her heart broke as he casually tried to wipe the tears away with the back of his hand.

  “It’s not your fault, Drew. If anyone is to blame…”

  Paige didn’t finish her thought. She couldn’t bring herself to. She had survived the tragedy by not looking back—she almost never thought about that day. Focus on something else.

  “When did you start drinking?” As soon as the question came out, she realized she didn’t want t
o know when her brother’s addiction began.

  “The day after they died.” Drew coughed. “I’ve been drinking for a very long time.” His voice cracked with emotion and he hung his head.

  “I didn’t know. If I had known, I would have done something.”

  But I did know something was wrong. I knew he couldn’t sleep. Why didn’t I do something? Because I could barely handle my own pain.

  Against her own better judgment, her mind went back to the scene in her parents’ bedroom after their deaths. The police had taped off the room, but left the door open. The chalk outlines on the floor indicated where each of them had fallen. The walls were sprayed in blood; the carpet was soaked.

  There was no cleaning any of it.

  “We’ll get you some help,” Paige said quietly.

  “That’s why I’m here. There’s a rehab a couple hours south of Salt Lake. I’ve got an appointment to check myself in.”

  Paige wiped her eyes and nodded. “Okay, so we’ll get you some lousy pancakes, and head down south.”

  Good. There’s a plan. I can handle anything as long as there’s a plan.

  “Hey.”

  “Yeah?” Paige gulped hard.

  When are things going to get better? How do I make them better?

  “It’s not going to be like it was with Dad. I’m going to get better,” Drew said. He took her hand and squeezed it hard.

  She nodded. “Right, not like Dad.”

  Their meal passed in silence. Paige opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t know where to start. They’d never fully discussed the events that led to the death of their parents. She imagined Drew had questions about that night and had waited for him to ask, but he never did. As the years passed, she figured her brother didn’t want to know any more than the police had told him. So she shut the door on the memories and didn’t look back. Now she wondered if that wasn’t the biggest mistake of all.

  Paige was careful to tip their waitress double the going rate. Ben called as they were leaving the restaurant, but she ignored it. If Ben and the kids really needed her, then Bianca would call or text.

  Ben can handle his own children for a day.

  “Can you drive? It’s all freeway, so you just stay in one gear the whole time. I’m really beat.” Drew yawned.

  “Yeah, you sleep, and I’ll drive.”

  “Great.”

  Paige buckled herself into the driver’s seat and glanced over at her brother. Curled up against the window, he almost looked like a kid again. She put the car in gear, determined to make the ride as smooth as possible. The freeway on-ramp was close to the restaurant and within minutes they were heading south of Salt Lake to the rehab facility.

  My brother’s life has fallen apart and my marriage is a mess. It’s not even a real marriage. Both people have to participate for it to be an actual marriage. How did we get here?

  As Paige drove down the freeway, memories flooded her mind; she drifted back to the day that her nightmare began.

  ***

  “Are you feeling okay?” Kade asked, rubbing her belly.

  “My stomach hurts a little. I think it’s just normal first trimester misery though,” Paige replied.

  They’d gone for a walk along the path that bordered Commencement Bay. She’d needed a minute to rest so they climbed down to the beach and situated themselves on a couple of large rocks. Paige had been staring at the bay for the last five minutes. The sky was overcast and it was too cold to be near the water, but she didn’t care. This was where Paige came to think.

  The full moon is making the tide crazy.

  “I can take you to see my dad. He can check you and the baby out,” Kade offered.

  Paige shook her head. “I’m okay.”

  He wrapped his arms around her from behind; she leaned into his embrace, watching the waves crash against the shoreline.

  “What’re you thinking about?”

  “My mom knows.” She drew a deep breath. “Somehow, that makes this all the more real.”

  “Oh.”

  The wind tore through Paige’s long hair, winding strands around her face. Kade gently pulled her hair out of her eyes as he turned her around to face him.

  “We could run away, you know,” he said. “Maybe go to Utah. My uncle has a ranch down there.”

  “What would I do? Become a farmer?”

  Don’t laugh. He’s just trying to help. Seriously, Utah? If we’re going to run away, couldn’t it be to Hawaii or something?

  Kade chuckled. “I can’t see you shoveling manure. You hate anything that smells bad.”

  Paige smiled at him. I love that he gets me. “Yeah, that’s not really the life for me.”

  “So, we won’t go to Utah. We can go somewhere else.” Kade rubbed her shoulders. “Does your dad know?”

  “I think the fact that I’m here with you shows that my father does not know.”

  If he did, I’d probably be locked up in my room, or on my way to a clinic with my mother begging him to reconsider.

  Paige shuddered at the thought of what her father would do if he knew she was pregnant. She grabbed Kade’s hand, her face filled with worry.

  “Promise me that if my dad tries to force me to end this pregnancy, we’ll run away.”

  “I won’t let your dad do anything to harm our child,” Kade replied. He pulled her in for a hug. “It really will be okay. I promise.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because you’re the one, which means that we are meant to be together, and as long as we are—there’s nothing we can’t overcome.”

  Kade’s eyes were filled with an earnestness that Paige had never seen before.

  I didn’t know he had it in him to be so poetic. He’s always so laid back about things. It’s a nice surprise to discover that he actually believes we’re meant to be together.

  She smiled, kissed him, and leaned her head against his chest. “You’re right. Everything will be just fine.”

  As Paige spoke, a sharp pain shot through her side and across her abdomen. She doubled over and screamed.

  “Paige? What’s wrong? What is it?”

  “It’s the baby. Something’s wrong with the baby!”

  Paige couldn’t remember exactly what happened after that. She vaguely recalled Kade carrying her to his truck. He told her later that she had blacked out as he rushed her to Tacoma General Hospital. She remembered him holding her as the doctor explained the pregnancy was ectopic. Paige had never heard that word before that day. The doctor explained that the embryo had implanted itself inside of her fallopian tube rather than in her uterus. The tube ruptured, which caused internal bleeding. The surgeons had to operate immediately to repair the damage.

  Looking back, most of that day was just a hazy blur. Paige didn’t remember the physical pain, but rather the distinct sensation of emotional turmoil. The baby had been unexpected, but not unwanted. Her child had become a person to her; someone to be loved and protected, someone she had intended to fight for. In an instant, the baby and all of the hope she had for its future—all of that was obliterated into a bleeding internal mess that threatened her life.

  Kade had called her mother and given Paige the phone. She stumbled through tears and pain to explain the situation. In the background, her drunken father raged about something. During their brief conversation, her father came to understand that Paige was pregnant. There was a scuffle; he fought with her mother for the phone. Her mother screamed in a way that she’d never heard before, and for once in their miserable marriage, her mother fought back.

  The phone went silent. Paige yelled for either of them, but there was no response. Only a pop! pop! She screamed, realizing that was the familiar sound of her father’s service revolver. It took two orderlies, a nurse, and an EMT to hold her down as they wheeled her into an operating room.

  ***

  “Paige?” Drew’s weary voice interrupted her thoughts.

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re
about to miss the exit.”

  “Right.”

  Don’t make another wrong turn. You can’t afford it.

  Paige pushed the past back into a corner of her mind where she sealed it behind a wall that only she could tear down.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The sun had just begun to rise as Kade stood at the edge of the pier. He took a deep breath and inhaled the salty breeze. The bay was calm; the waves gently kissed the shoreline below his feet. This was his favorite time of the day. The world around him was beginning to wake and life began anew.

  There was little to no foot traffic along the bike path that bordered one side of Tacoma’s Commencement Bay. Kade reveled in the solitude; with music blaring from his headphones, he could run until everything else in his life faded away and it was just he and his memories of Paige. She used to love this place. Kade stood on his toes and flexed his calves; his arms were tense as he rotated them from side to side.

  When his muscles had loosened, he turned and ran back up the pier. He’d only gone about half a mile when his cell phone vibrated in the pocket of his warm-up jacket. His instinct was to ignore it, but he was sheriff and ignoring calls wasn’t an option. He stopped, pulled the phone out of his pocket, and answered.

  “Sorenson here.”

  “Sheriff?”

  He instantly recognized the distressed female voice on the other end.

  “Marie? What’s wrong?”

  “There was a fundraiser downtown with an open bar last night. Needless to say, Barry spent the entire evening drinking. Things got a little rough.”

  This was Kade’s fifth phone call from the mayor’s wife. He knew this because he kept a meticulous record of each call over the past month. During their conversations, he’d come to understand the terms that Marie used to politely say that her husband had beaten her. She was a cultured woman in her late forties and in her world, an issue such as domestic violence was something she would endure, but never speak of. To speak of the violence would be acknowledging that she was a victim, and Marie Dubois Caulfield would not be a victim.

  “Marie, do you need a doctor?”

  On the other end of the line, she took a drag from a cigarette. She exhaled and tapped her manicured nails against the phone. Kade wiped the sweat from his brow and chewed on the inside of his lower lip. He itched for a bit of Copenhagen.