by Billy Wong
"And you?"
He was the father of the child that had been taken away before they even knew it existed, but though Finn felt sad he would never see what might have been, he said, "I'm going to be okay. I have to be, to take care of Rose." He was somewhat lucky he'd never gotten to know or become used to the baby's presence; though not the most pleasant idea, in all honesty it was easier for him to handle the death of a stranger, even if his own flesh and blood. To put it plainly, he worried more about his damaged love.
Rose saw things differently. He knew that she now entertained dreams of all their lost child could have been, unfulfillable dreams that at this time could only bring sorrow to its parents. Best just to forget their dead offspring, if it could even have been considered alive to have died. Of course, Finn was only trying to comfort himself as much as anything else with such thoughts. All technicalities aside, he would have soon been a father again, if not for the fateful strike which had all but destroyed their lives.
"Thank you for being so strong," Lise said. "It has to be hard, and I'm glad you're standing by her in her time of need."
Almost breaking into tears as he felt a rush of fierce devotion, Finn assured her, "I'll always stand by Rose. She means everything to me."
"I can see that. But you understand now, why I never liked how she insists on being a warrior?"
Lise certainly loved her daughter, and her wish for Rose to be safe and free of suffering was more than understandable. Too, her strength impressed Finn, who might not have expected her to hold up this well after seeing what she had. But though he was almost tempted to agree with her at this trying time, he said, "The woman I fell in love with was a great warrior, in addition to being a great person otherwise. I'll never ask her to give that up, though I'd support her fully if she chose to of her own accord. I've always adored her remarkable fighting spirit, even if I wasn't always so comfortable with the prowess that accompanied it." Once he'd felt threatened by her strength, but now he only hoped for her to hold on to it.
"I trust you to do what's best for her," Lise said after a pause. "You love her too much to let her down."
Bringing a thick stew to Rose's bedside, however, he did feel like he'd let her down. Even if they hadn't known about the baby, he had still let her get awfully wounded under his watch like always. No matter how he tried, he couldn't keep her safe. "Here, Rose, eat up. You'll be okay."
She sat to facilitate swallowing, but did not reply, mechanically chewing between spoonfuls he put to her mouth. Finn hated her uncharacteristic, torturous silence more the more he saw it, and suddenly losing his temper demanded, "Say something, dammit! You're not dead."
She still didn't talk, but paused in consuming her meal to look at him as if to ask, Aren't I?
"We can make another child, you know. In the meantime, you've still got Jacob and Amber to be a mother to, and it'd be downright irresponsible of you to give up just because you lost a kid you never even knew you had."
He remembered Jacob and Amber touching her, shaking her in bed the first couple days. Both of them crying, Amber asking again and again, "Mommy, mommy, what's wrong?" It should have hurt such a badly injured person to be so jostled, but she hadn't reacted at all. Now they had given up, no longer bothering their mother, seemingly just waiting... waiting for her to come back.
"We lost her," Rose finally whispered. "Don't you care at all?"
Her? He didn't ask, knowing she'd probably dreamed of or imagined the child as a girl. "Of course I'm sad too. It's terrible. But we have to go on, for... well, a lot of things, but mostly for the family we already have."
She gave a tiny nod, but nothing else, and continued to eat in silence. When she finished her stew, he kissed her cheek, eliciting no noticeable reaction. "Please get well soon. I hate seeing you like this."
She met his eyes, and he saw sympathy for him in her sad blue orbs, but if she wanted to, maybe she didn't have the strength to reply. Knowing more words wouldn't help now, he left to clean the empty bowl.
#
To Rose, the world seemed covered by a sluggish haze born of sorrow and misery. She could barely even think about anything besides the death of her unborn child, so unnecessary and infuriating and heartbreaking and... and... wrong. She hated The Lost so much for taking the absolutely innocent life of her growing babe, and also depriving her of the piece of her life it might have been. Sometimes she imagined doing horrible things to them, ripping their faces off with her bare hands, choking them with their own body parts stuffed down their throats, making them drown in their own blood like they might have done to her child. But she'd already slain the one who delivered the fatal blow to her baby, and though his partners in evil could serve as targets for her anger, no amount of vengeance could change what had been done to her wounded heart.
Nor could she help giving herself much grief for her own failures; how had she overlooked the signs of pregnancy which had begun showing themselves for so long? It was true she'd experienced similar individual symptoms without being with child, thanks to many internal injuries causing some problems with her health, but all of them at once? She should have listened more carefully to her body—for a woman whose senses were supposed to be incredibly acute, her sense of herself had been found severely lacking.
She could hardly imagine life returning to normal, but knew Finn was right; she did have her surviving children to take care of, and though it barely seemed important right now, still had much potential to do good in her future. Rose wanted to recover, to get better and make her movingly dedicated husband happy again, but how could she? Any path out of her misery seemed blocked by the all-covering veil of despair.
Everything in the universe seemed so depressing now—when she saw a bunch of flowers, she thought right away of their impending death; when she saw meat, she pictured the cute animals it'd come from lying slit open with dead eyes bulging; and so on. She could only see bad in the world, even when looking at something with a pleasant outward appearance, and nothing seemed to matter. It was the wrong way to think, she knew, the worst way, but she couldn't stop. Despair trapped her like a prison.
It must have worried Finn greatly to see her like this, and she wanted to respond when he sought conversation, but couldn't make words come, afraid anything she said would be tinged with bitterness that would only worry and discourage him even more. She didn't want to drag him down with her. So they suffered together, him trying to get her to open up, her refusing knowing it might do more harm than good.
Though her psyche remained deeply wounded, she realized she needed to do something to try and break out of her sorry state. Bad as she felt, she couldn't just lie there and die. People thought she was a kind person, a gentle warrior, but she didn't feel like that at the moment. When it boiled down to it she was a monster, a butcher of thousands, and she could only think of one way to release some of the negative energy that threaten to consume her. Not a week after her devastating injury, she got out of bed, which she figured Finn might mistakenly take as an indication of returning emotional well-being.
"Rose!" he said happily when she found him in the kitchen. "You're up!"
"I am. Let's go kill some Lost."
So eager for her recovery, he didn't even catch the lifeless tone of her voice, and hugged her enthusiastically. "Yeah, let's get them together! Thank the gods you're better... I love you so much."
She knew he did, but for now could only feel mildly annoyed by his blind optimism. "I know. How about we get going, then?"
#
Justin had brought Evan from Hullel to Victor's manor, and after dragging him inside shoved him before the smiling prince. Whatever reward he might've expected would have to wait, because Victor simply said, "Dismissed!" and turned his attention to the prophet. Observing him for anxious seconds with keen battle-hardened eyes, he finally said, "You don't look like much of a seer."
Fit, well-tanned, and fairly young, Evan knew he didn't fit the usual image of a wise old sage. "I used
to live alone on an island. I had to be able to take care of myself."
"You won't have to worry about that anymore. From now on, I'll be taking care of you." Coming from him, those words were hardly soothing.
"I don't have visions now. I can't see the future." And even if he could, he didn't want to be a royal's pet—or more accurately, slave—prophet.
The prince looked dubiously at him. "And why not? Did you just suddenly stop getting visions one day?"
"I don't have them except on my island, which is many leagues away." He held back a grin, thinking that Victor would have to release him. The nations of Terlon and Fanteia near his island would not take kindly to Kayland sending troops to keep Evan there, and the regent surely wouldn't take the risk just to let his brother have his way.
After a thoughtful pause, Victor surprised him. "Then you'll remain here with me as my guest, until I've decided what to do regarding this matter."
Though it hadn't been the response he hoped for, Evan still figured his "host" would be forced to let him go in the end. "All right, Your Highness," he said, sarcasm creeping into his voice. "I'll wait until you've properly judged my worth to you."
The knowing grin that bent Victor's lips chipped away at his confidence. "I think you'll be of more use to me than you know. I'm hardly one to let the prizes I've caught go to waste, after all."
#
Though he'd remained silent in the interest of not displeasing the arrogant prince, Justin fumed inside at the lack of a reward or even thanks at his retrieval of the prophet. He strode angrily through the halls, wondering at Victor's ungratefulness. He'd taken Evan against the wishes of such dangerous people as Rose and Finn, braving the assaults of even more dangerous Lost and being wounded in the process, and yet Victor did not even spare a second to acknowledge him for completing the difficult task.
Turning a corner, he saw Evan walking listlessly with a guard ever at his back, staring out the windows as if imagining escape. "So how do you like it here so far?"
The seer gave him a dirty look. "What do you think?"
Justin wasn't sure why Evan resented his situation so; a life in a prince's home should certainly be preferable to that of a wandering vagabond. "You know, you should learn to enjoy it here. I expect you'll be staying for a long time, and it's not as if you have a purpose in the outside world, anyway."
"I do have a purpose. Why do you think I was disguised as a Lost when you first met me? I was investigating them to try and help my friends, and maybe save everyone else too."
"That's... sort of admirable. But might you not have better luck with a little manpower behind you?"
"What do you mean?"
"If you get into the prince's favor, maybe he'd be willing to send some men to help deal with these Lost."
Evan shook his head. "But I don't want to use my foresight! I've hurt good people with it before."
"I wouldn't think misusing a tool once means it should never again be used." Justin shrugged. "There is another thing that interests me. What did you mean by 'save everyone else?' I wouldn't think a hundred or so murderers—less now—would be such a great threat, however maniacal."
He hesitated a bit. "They themselves probably aren't. But they worship a dark force capable of devastating the world, and wish to bring its return."
"And are they close to their goal?"
"I don't know—but according to my vision, I don't think so. Even without the demon around, though, it's bad enough they seek to restore it and do what they do in its name."
He could agree with that. "Take heart, most of them are dead now. Your friends slaughtered dozens, remember?"
Evan's face drooped with sorrow, and he whispered, "Rose..."
"Yeah, I know." Even Justin had to feel sorry for the female warrior; no mother deserved the pain of losing a child, especially in the manner she had. And the babe itself... sad, and a waste. He'd never forget the horrific sight of the miscarriage, the life cut short before it began washed out of Rose's womb amidst the juices of her wrecked innards. Amazing that she had still been alive and coherent when they left her mother's house. "Your friend will be alright. However I feel about her, no one can deny she's the toughest human being in the world. She just doesn't know how to die."
"I'm not so worried she's dead. More that she's destroyed inside. I could've never imagined her so distraught, had I not seen it myself."
It wasn't like Rose hadn't destroyed anyone's life herself. But even if he wanted her to be punished in some way, it wouldn't have been like this. "I feel bad for her," Justin admitted.
"You should. She took that stab saving you, you know."
Remembering she had indeed received the sword through her middle after saving him from a fatal blow, he frowned uncomfortably. "I suppose she did, didn't she?"
"You still think she's the selfish person you claimed her to be? Even though she knew you hated her, she still saved your life at great expense to herself. She is a true heroine."
Justin had slowly been warming up to Rose, but the seer's pushiness made him want to argue again. "She did need every ally she could get in that desperate fight, so maybe she came to my aid to help herself as much as to help me. I really doubt she planned to take such a grave wound for my sake, and she didn't even know she was with child. I mean, do you think she would choose to do the same if she could relive that moment?"
"No, she wouldn't have sacrificed her baby for you, and you shouldn't expect her to. No mother would give up her child if there was any way around it, and you know it." He paused. "But I do believe she would still try to save you—she'd just be more careful of leaving herself open to that thrust."
"You're right, I suppose. Everyone else thinks she's the greatest hero of our age."
They stood in silence for a while, then Evan asked, "So what are you going do now?"
"Whatever the Prince tells me to. I have an actual job, remember. But why?"
"I... want you to check on my friends for me. I'm really worried about them after the tragedy they've endured, and what to know how they're holding up."
Justin frowned. "You're asking me for a favor?"
"Yes. I am."
Making such a request towards the man who'd captured him and deprived of his freedom took some impressive stones. Justin felt curious himself about what had become of Rose and Finn, and said, "Fine, I'll try to look into it when I get the chance. You're pretty bold for a seer, aren't you?"
Evan smiled. "You call some words bold? I once kidnapped Rose and Finn's kids, you know."
"You what?!"
"Long story, but I did it to save them."
Intrigued, Justin asked to hear more. But for some reason, Evan seemed to get cold feet, and evaded further questions.
#
"They've probably scattered," Finn said with a sigh, leaning against the bar, "and won't go back to their usual spots for some time if ever--especially considering they know they have members being held in prison." He and Rose had spent the last week checking out meeting places given up by a captured Lost while Lise hid at a friend's house with their kids, but found no trace of the surviving villains. Now they sat in the Landlocked Island, a little Seil tavern nestled away as to be nearly invisible among a cluster of taller buildings, throwing back strong drink while they pondered their unsuccessful search. Finn often noticed Rose's movements being careful and yet clumsy as a result of her wounds, and wished she would rest and stop putting so much strain on her body. "Maybe they even disbanded, after all the damage we did to them."
"I doubt they'd give up that easily," Rose replied gloomily. "They may be a lot smaller of a group now, but they must have started out small, too. And that silver leader of theirs is still alive. They're probably biding their time before they strike at us again." And her eyes told him she wanted them to, so that she could spill their blood. Rose could be very forgiving to her enemies sometimes, but these had taken something she loved from her. That made things different indeed.
Finn
hugged his love, who hadn't laughed or even smiled since the dreadful battle in spite of all his attempts to restore some cheer to her. "I'll help you kill every last one of them, if you want. I just hope you'll be happy again once you do."
"I hope I'll be happy again someday, too. I just can't say when it'll be."
"We'll make it through together."
"Yes, I'm sure we will. Even if it doesn't always feel like it..." She bit her lip. "I do wonder why they came at us in such force last time, all of a sudden."
"Maybe they just recognized it would take everything they had to do it. And they still couldn't get it done." He smiled proudly, a smile which disappeared when she did not return it.
Rose's gaze grew distant with thought. "Or maybe we killed someone important to their leader, who in a rage threw all his forces against us."
"You think so? I thought they were deathseekers, who want everything to burn and don't care if they die let alone anybody else."
"That's their official line. If we really killed a family member... it's hard to know how you'll feel about something until it happens, sometimes."
"And do you care how they feel? They"—murdered our kid, he couldn't bring himself to say—"well, you know."
Her eyes narrowed. "I'm going to kill all of them," she growled. Her voice softened. "Still, the cycle of violence... is pretty awful."
"Then let's make sure this one ends with some deserving evil bastards. What do you say about that?"
She leaned towards him and rested her head against his chest, as if hearing it pleased her. "By the way, what ever happened with Justin and Evan? I would expect Justin to leave without saying farewell to me, but Evan not so much..."
He hesitated, knowing she wouldn't be happy to know he had let her friend be kidnapped. "He probably thought you didn't care to say goodbye."
"Did he and Justin leave together?"
Shit. "I didn't see them."
The look Rose gave him was harsh and knowing. "Did they leave at the same time?"
"Yes..." he mumbled.
She shoved him. "Dammit, Finn! You should have said something! Now Evan's surely in Victor's hands, and we can't force him to release him without major trouble."