Rattling the Heat in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 8)

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Rattling the Heat in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 8) Page 27

by Ann Charles


  “Hello, Mr. Conner,” I said, stowing my purse in my desk drawer. “Is there something you need from me?” Like a whack upside the head with my keyboard if he didn’t remove his ass cheeks from my desk?

  “Good morning, Violet,” he said, his golden-brown gaze traveling down over my black textured sweater, leggings, and leather boots. “You’re looking quite sophisticated this morning.” His eyes lingered on my chest. “It’s a shame I’m here for Mona instead of you.”

  Yeah, a real boo-fucking-hoo.

  I looked pointedly at where he sat.

  He raised his dark blond eyebrows, taunting me.

  I turned to Jerry, who was watching us with a thoughtful pinch to his forehead. “Where is Mona?” I asked.

  “She’s on her way. Mr. Conner stopped by a little early.”

  “I had some errands to run before our appointment and finished sooner than I’d figured,” Rex explained.

  Bullshit. I’d bet Cooper’s Colt .45 bedside lamp the jerk had stopped by ahead of time in hopes of catching me alone. Thank God Jerry had arrived before me.

  The sound of the toilet flushing followed by running water made me groan inwardly. Oh, no. I shot a worried glance toward the back door. Please don’t let that be …

  Ray stepped out of the bathroom, fastening his belt. He joined our little Hadean breakfast club, his stupid sneer front and center. I balled my fist. Maybe I’d collect two teeth today for Prudence.

  The horse’s ass sized me up, his opinion of my outfit less than flattering judging by his wrinkled lip. “Did you stop by a funeral on the way into work, Blon …” he stopped, shooting a frown in Jerry’s direction. “Violet,” he finished.

  I didn’t bother with an answer and walked over to the coffee maker. Thankfully, I had an appointment with Rosy and the home inspector to walk through Cooper’s house this morning. All I needed to do was show face here for a bit longer and then I could skip out, claiming I was meeting Rosy early for a pre-inspection brunch. Was nine o’clock too early to call it “brunch”? Better yet, I could say I was taking her out for coffee.

  I returned to my desk, firing hate lasers from my eyes at my ex’s blond head as soon as I was clear of Jerry’s watchful gaze. I longed to grab Rex by the tie and string him up, demanding that he remove himself from my neighbor’s bed or I’d cut off his balls.

  Back in my chair, I turned away from where Rex lounged. Ray joined the chat session, sharing old war stories about college. Periodically, I could feel Rex’s eyes on me. Being so close to the creep, along with having to smell his favorite cedar and cardamom cologne, made my skin crawl.

  Ten minutes later, I gathered several papers I might need today and searched for my stapler. Where the heck was it? I liked to keep it close by in case I wanted to throw it at someone, mostly just Ray.

  Rex glanced at me, his lids narrowing for a moment, and then he turned back to Jerry. When he shifted on my desk, making himself even more comfortable, I caught a glimpse of my stapler under the hem of his coat. Fishing it out, I stapled the papers. I started to set the stapler down and hesitated, my gaze darting from Rex’s lavish coat to his name-brand leather gloves folded together neatly on my desk.

  The temptation was too great to resist. While he wasn’t looking, I reached over and stapled one of his gloves to his coat, managing to squeeze off three staples before he turned to look at me again.

  I snarled at him, because smiling would have been a dead giveaway that I was up to something. His return smirk tempted me to staple his lips together next, but I resisted since I was already courting jail time for a murder I didn’t commit.

  Tucking the papers into my tote, I locked my computer and grabbed my purse. “Jerry,” I said, giving Rex a wide berth. “I need to go meet my buyer early. I’m taking her out for coffee before we head over to the house for the inspection.”

  He gave me a thumbs-up. “Go get ‘em, Champ!” I was surprised he didn’t want to high-five me as I passed by.

  I was halfway to my Honda when I heard the sound of Calamity Jane’s back door closing.

  “Violet,” Rex called out from behind me.

  I looked to the sky. “Father Odin, protector of the Nine Realms, help me to be strong against my freaking ex.” I heard the sound of Rex’s expensive shoes hitting the asphalt behind me. “And if you’re feeling extra generous, grant me Thor’s hammer to smash the jerk to smithereens.”

  Rex called my name again.

  With Jerry not in attendance, I didn’t have to be nice. “Go away, Rex,” I said over my shoulder and kept walking, picking up the pace. If I could just make it to my car before …

  He reached my door as I was pulling it closed, blocking it. “I need to talk to you.”

  I imagined planting my boot in his chest and sending him flying in a Jackie Chan-style kick. “We have nothing to discuss. Now move.” I tried to shut the door on him, but he wasn’t having it, no matter how hard I shoved at him.

  “Damn it, Violet. Would you just stop pushing and hear me out?”

  “Why should I?”

  “Because you don’t want me to talk to Addy and Layne the next time they’re out building a snowman.”

  He had me there. I stilled, loathing him point-blank. “What?”

  He straightened his coat, the glove I’d stapled to the hem hanging limp. “When did you start sleeping with that cop?”

  My loathing turned to confusion. “What cop?”

  “The shirtless one I saw out on your aunt’s front porch yesterday morning.”

  Cooper was out on the porch without his shirt on? Crikey! Was he part polar bear? And why would Rex think … oh, duh. I thought about correcting him on who was sleeping with whom, but if Rex thought Cooper was sharing my bed, he might be more likely to back off rather than risk pissing off a cop.

  “What business is it of yours?” I asked.

  “He’s covered with scars.” He said it as if scars were only a small step away from full-on leprosy.

  “Were you watching from Ms. Geary’s bed with binoculars or a telescope?”

  “Neither.”

  “Liar.” Although to give him credit, Cooper was pretty scarred up.

  “I thought you were screwing the guy who drives the Camaro.”

  I wasn’t going to have this conversation with him of all people. “What do you want, Rex?”

  His jaw dropped with a bit too much drama, if you asked me. “Are you having sex with both of them?”

  Oh Lordy. Did he have any idea how juvenile he sounded? I didn’t understand his obsession with who frequented my vagina. It wasn’t like he’d unpacked his bags and stayed for long when I’d let him have a room at the inn. He’d spent a short time and then headed off to screw my sister’s brains out, leaving me with two big “tips” I was still raising.

  “Rex, my sex life is not a topic we are going to discuss. Ever. Now, what do you want? I have a job to do. Unlike you, I have two children to support.”

  His lips flatlined. “How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?”

  “Probably until I jam a stake through your heart.”

  “You’re so passionate, Violet. It’s a real turn-on. Now I get the black outfit.” He leaned closer, his grin leering.

  Those perfect white teeth so close to my face made my neck bristle. I resisted the urge to go “Prudence” on his choppers and knock one loose. Instead, I grabbed the glove I’d stapled to his coat. “Oh, look. You have something stuck to your coat.” I tore it free.

  “Hey!” He snatched the glove from me, frowning at the tear in the leather. “These are expensive gloves.”

  “More expensive than your coat?” I asked, pointing at the hole the staple had torn in the wool.

  When he looked up from the rip, his nostrils were flared. “You ruined my coat!”

  “I didn’t realize there were staples involved. That’s an odd way to keep from losing your gloves.”

  “You bitch,” he snarled.

  I lifted
my chin. “Keep your nose out of my fucking business, Rex, or I’ll ruin more than your damned coat.”

  “Fine, but you need to quit calling me at work.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Bullshit. You’re trying to ruin my credibility and get me kicked off this research team to get me to leave town, right?”

  Say what now? Why hadn’t I thought of trying that? “Would that work?” I asked.

  “No. I’m the lead, so I decide who stays and who goes.”

  “Damn.”

  “So this game of sending close-up pictures of female body parts to me at the lab needs to stop.”

  Naked body parts? That wasn’t my style. I preferred blunt force trauma as a means of coercion.

  I stuck my keys in the ignition. “It sounds like you have a stalker, Rex. I’m happy to report it’s not me. Now step back a hair so I can try to not-so-accidentally run over your toes before I drive away.”

  “If it’s not you, then who? Natalie?”

  I highly doubted it. Natalie’s preferences for revenge tended to focus more on prized possessions, like his Jaguar. For example, a baseball bat to the windshield or maybe a dead animal in the trunk. “Nat’s too busy working to send you porn.”

  He crossed his arms. “I don’t trust you, Violet.”

  “Excellent. The feeling is mutual.” I reached out the door and shoved at his chest.

  He allowed me to push him back this time. “I’m keeping my eye on you.”

  “Keep your eye on this.” I held up my middle finger in his face. Cranking up the engine with the other hand, I warned, “Step one foot in Aunt Zoe’s yard and I’ll have the whole Deadwood police force up your ass so fast and hard that you’ll be walking bowlegged for months.”

  I slammed the door and backed out of the lot, trading glares with the whoremongering bastard until I drove away.

  On the way up to Cooper’s place, I swung by the coffee shop in Lead and grabbed two drinks, remembering Rosy’s favorite was a mocha with a shot of hazelnut syrup. After spending several weeks with her filming me for a reality series, we’d become fast friends. Then she’d hired me to help her buy Cooper’s place and the rest was history in the making.

  I let myself inside Cooper’s house, dropping onto the black leather couch. I had about twenty minutes to spare, so I pulled out my phone and punched up Dominick Masterson’s number, hitting Call before I could chicken out.

  He answered promptly. “Violet. To what do I owe this honor?” His deep purring voice compelled me to pull my phone away from my ear and scowl down at it.

  Doc was right. The guy was greasy with charm. I held the phone back to my ear. “I want to meet to discuss a possible deal.”

  “Fascinating. I’ve not made a deal with an executioner before.”

  That sort of surprised me. I’d figured him for an experienced, shifty devil. “Are you available tomorrow morning?”

  “That depends.”

  I wanted to drop the kids off at school first. “How about nine at Bighorn Billy’s?”

  “Wouldn’t you rather join me for dinner?”

  No. I doubt I’d be able to eat with him sitting so close to me. He must not realize that my proximity to him set off my “other” being alarm, making my stomach buck. That detail would be prudent to remember for future safety’s sake. If my enemy had no idea I was onto his true identity, it gave me a leg up.

  “Dinner won’t work for me,” I said. “Breakfast will, though.”

  There was a long pause. Then he chuckled. “Breakfast it is. Don’t be late. I have a schedule to keep.”

  “I won’t.”

  “I look forward to hearing your offer, Executioner.”

  Why did he have to make it sound like sex would be on the table? Had he been chatting with Rex about my social life? “Splendid. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I hung up before he could try to play any games with me. Dominick couldn’t be trusted, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t help each other out now and then when the need arose. After this latest nightmare, my need was stronger than ever. I had to clear my name and remove this stress from my life. As it was, I was dreading going to sleep tonight, petrified of what dirty tricks Mr. Sandman would play on me once my eyes closed.

  With time to kill, I walked around Cooper’s place, tidying and dusting here and there. Rosy was due to arrive in ten minutes when my phone rang. I pulled it out, figuring it was her telling me she would be late.

  Cooper’s name was on the screen instead. I frowned. What were the chances he’d call when I was standing inside his house? Did he have hidden cameras? Was he watching me from his office right now?

  I answered while searching the ceiling corners. “I swear I’m not anywhere near your locked basement room.”

  “What?” he snapped. That one word was so loaded with tension I was amazed my phone didn’t short-circuit.

  Dang. Here I’d hoped that sharing several episodes of The Rifleman in the middle of the night would warm him up for at least a day or two. “Never mind. What’s going on?”

  “I should be asking you that question.”

  “If this is about me being in your house, I have a legitimate excuse. Rosy and the home inspector are coming today.”

  “I know that, Parker. You told me last night before I went to sleep—the first time.”

  Oh, right. I’d forgotten. Between my nightmare and my confrontation with Rex, I was sort of sidetracked from the mundane. “So why are you snarling at me through the phone?”

  “Where in the hell are you?”

  “I told you, I’m at your house.”

  “Then why does the cell phone tracking software say you’re in Nevada?”

  “Nevada?”

  “Do you need me to spell the word for you?”

  “Don’t bother. Spelling was never my strong suit.”

  “God, you are so not funny right now.”

  He needed to chill. “Cooper, I’m not in the Silver State.”

  “I fucking know that,” he barked.

  “You’re not making any sense, Cooper.”

  “I’m not making sense?!” he shouted back.

  Before he could howl at me anymore, I hit the disconnect button. “Stop yelling in my ear,” I told my phone.

  Seconds later, my phone rang again. I let it ring five times. “Are you going to be nice to me now?” I asked upon answering.

  I heard a growl come through the line. Boy, oh boy, my favorite lawman was positively bristling. It’s a good thing we had several big hills between us.

  “You dicked with your phone,” he said. “Didn’t you?”

  I heard the sound of a passing diesel engine. Was he standing outside? “I didn’t do anything to your stupid tracking dealio, Cooper.”

  Natalie had, but he’d have to get me in a room down at the station under a bright, hot light to get me to admit that.

  “Here’s the thing, Parker. Whoever fucked with your phone screwed you royally.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because Detective Hawke is the one who checked on your location this morning and found that you’d relocated to Nevada.”

  “Shit.”

  “Bingo. I just got out of a meeting in which my ass was repeatedly reamed for not keeping a closer eye on you.”

  “Come on. We shared a couch, for crissake. It’s just some glitch with the tracking software.” I needed to get hold of Natalie and find out what she had done to my phone and change it back.

  “I know that and you know that, but Hawke isn’t so certain. And thanks in part to your recent witchy-witch game up at the Carhart house, he doesn’t trust me to act as your guardian anymore.”

  “Oh, no.”

  “Oh, yes.”

  “What happens now?” I asked.

  He sighed so hard I swear I felt the breeze from it clear up in Lead. “As soon as you finish with the home inspection, get your ass down here. And don’t even think about dressing in costume
this time.”

  I gulped. Down here? “You mean to the police station?”

  “No, Parker, I mean 123 Sesame Street. Big Bird wants you to sing the fucking alphabet song with him.”

  “Oh, now you finally get a sense of humor, Cooper? It’s a little late in the game.”

  He huffed several times, muttering several not very nice things about me. “Yes, I mean the damned Deadwood Police Station. Hawke and I will be here waiting for you.”

  The phone line went dead.

  I keeled over after it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two hours later, I sat in an interrogation room down at the Deadwood Police Station under a bright, hot light.

  “This is bullshit,” I told my reflection in the two-way mirror.

  “Yer hangin’ the wrong cattle rustler,” Harvey hollered, knocking on the glass. He came back over to the stainless steel table and eased down onto the chair next to me with a grunt. “I shoulda brought Bessie along.”

  “They wouldn’t have let you in the front door.”

  He harrumphed and crossed his arms. “I’ll tell ya what, if Coop doesn’t get back in here soon, I’m gonna drain my lizard right in front of that fancy glass.”

  I recoiled. “Don’t even think about it, old man.” The room already stank like sweat and burnt hair. We didn’t need to add the odor of urine to the overall bouquet.

  “Tell that to my prostate. It’s feelin’ downright ornery so far this mornin’.”

  We waited in a shared annoyed silence. I glanced at my cell phone, checking the time every thirty seconds or so. Come on, some of us had jobs to return to before our bosses came looking for us. Us being only me, since Harvey was retired.

  Before I’d left Lead, I’d texted Mona that I was going to be out for a while this afternoon taking care of some business, being as vague as I could so as not to rouse her suspicion.

  Next, I’d called Harvey to let him know the home inspection was finished and he could return to Cooper’s house whenever he wanted. He’d asked if I were interested in his making me some lunch quick before heading back to work. As tempting as his offer had sounded, I’d declined due to an anxiety-cramped stomach, telling him about my appointment with Cooper and Hawke. Then I’d asked if he knew what Natalie had done to my phone. I’d have asked her myself, but my calls were going straight to her voicemail today.

 

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