Big Girls Don't Cry

by Taylor Lee

  Jake frowned and then gave her a wicked wink. Reaching in the side pouch, he took out the handcuffs and twirled them. “Hmm, seems like you are a little unsteady, Lexie. Looks like we’re gonna need these. Sure as hell wouldn’t want you to fall off before I get you home.” He laughed out loud when she gasped and flushed.

  He mounted the bike in one strong leap. When he reached out to grab her hand, Lexie held it out to him. He raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised at her acquiescence. When she put her other arm around him holding it out for the other cuff, she heard him grunt in appreciation. Looking over his shoulder he pinned her with a look that was pure lust. He murmured, his voice low, husky, “That’s a good girl, Lexie. You hang onto me as tight as you need to. I’m not letting you go.”

  Lexie settled behind him, startled that she submitted so easily to his demands. Ever since the night he cuffed her to him, she struggled to understand why she let him restrain her. It had taken her years to retrain her reaction to being restrained from one of blinding fury to a more measured response. Her sparring partners knew better than to get on top of her on the floor. Her reaction was too unpredictable. But here she was, offering her hands to Jake. She knew part of it was that she was afraid of the bike. But it was more than that, she thought with a groan. Not able to smother the wave of heat that washed over her body, she silently admitted it. There was something about Jake’s overwhelming presence, his powerful male body that intoxicated her, made her want to submit to him. The cuffs ensured that she would.

  By the time they got to her place, she was torn with conflicting emotions. Not able to ignore the intimate throb of the engine between her thighs, she was hot with need. Since she was sixteen years old and could protect herself, she’d never let a man near her. Now she was clinging to Jake as if she would never let him go. She knew the alcohol played a role. It lowered her defenses, made her susceptible to his powerful pull. She didn’t know what would happen when they got inside. But she wanted to know, needed to know.

  ~~~

  Jake vowed to himself on the ride home that he wouldn’t touch her when they got there. Hell, she was drunk. He could just imagine the recriminations she’d have in the morning if he gave in to his raging desire. He knew some of her history from the things Anthony intimated. The haunted look in her eyes and her skittishness around him confirmed the rest. But even riding sixty five miles an hour down the dark road, he could feel her heat, smell her desire. He groaned. No, dammit, he was going to have to be the one who said no. He needed to be the White Knight, even if his dick exploded in protest.

  ~~~

  Jake wrestled with the key. He couldn’t believe his hands were shaking. Holding this beautiful desirable woman in his arms and knowing that he couldn’t have her was killing him. Her body was soft, malleable. She melted against him, her breath coming in soft puffs of air. Closing the door behind him, he made the mistake of looking at her. A heated flush covered her chest and cheeks. Her hair was tousled, blown from the wind and her lips were full, swollen. When she looked up at him, wide-eyed, the lust that was storming his body echoed in her eyes. She closed her eyes as if to block out the sight of his passion. A soft whimper escaped her lips. The sound did it.

  Before he could stop himself, he grabbed her and pressed her up against the wall. A raging torrent of desire flooded him. For the moment, he was powerless to stop it. Remembering her acquiescence when he cuffed her, his dick jerked to full staff. Oh, yeah. The dominant streak that colored his actions in lust and war flared. He captured her hands in one of his and held them against the wall high above her head. Holding them tight, he wound his other hand in her hair and lifted her face to his. His voice was low, a guttural rasp. “You like that, Lexie? You like me to hold you like this? ” Her soft moan was his answer.

  With his free hand, he tipped her chin back baring her neck to his mouth. He started at her ear, nipping the tender sensitive skin, then buried his tongue against the throbbing pulse in her throat. Her gasp and shiver drove him forward. From the first time he saw her, he lusted over her breasts. They were high, firm, and full--just the way he liked. He longed to touch them. Explore them. Taste her nipples, watch them harden, suckle her. He contented himself for the moment with slipping his hand inside her halter and cupping one full globe, stunned that it filled his big hand. He groaned, knowing that he was reaching the limit of his restraint. Grasping her nipple between his fingers and thumb, her passionate shriek was an electric shock to his prick. Murmuring in her ear he whispered, “Yes, darlin’? You like that? Oh, God, baby. What I could do with these. How I could make you feel! Jesus, Lexie, you are beautiful.” Before he could stop himself, he’d wedged his strong thigh between her legs, kicking her feet apart with one of his. With an agonized thrust, he lifted her fragile body up on his thigh, shoving his burgeoning cock against her crotch. Her passionate wail was his response.

  Lexie was stunned. From the moment he pressed her against the wall, she was helpless against the sensations rioting through her. His beard rasping against her sensitive skin, his erotic words in her ear, opened floodgates of passion she’d spent a lifetime denying. His lips traced a track of flaming heat across her throat down to her breasts. When he grasped her nipple and rolled it in his fingers, she nearly doubled over with desire. But it was his strong thigh opening her, lifting her, pressing his hard erection up against her soft folds that did her in. She was shocked at the sounds coming from her, the moans, whimpers, and pleas. When he ground his hard body against her, intoxicating pleasure inflamed her tender flesh. She rose up and cried out wanting, needing more.

  To her shock, with a hard groan, he put her down, pulled away. He still held her, but at a distance, as if he couldn’t, wouldn’t touch her. She was bewildered. What had she done? Why was he pushing her away? NO! She…she wanted more. She wanted him to hold her tight. And not stop.

  She whispered, fighting back a sob. “What’s…what’s wrong? Did I…did I do something wrong?”

  Jake thought his heart might break. Jesus, this was worse than he’d thought it could be. He was shocked at his rampant desire. Christ, he was minutes away from stripping off her clothes and taking her on the fucking floor. Only her response, so passionate, so needy, stopped him. He reluctantly pulled back, lowered her hands to her sides.

  He murmured an agonized plea, “Oh, God, Lexie, I can’t…Baby, I can’t do this.” She was shaking, trembling like a reed in the wind. He longed to hold her, never let her go. He bracketed her face between his hands, trying to ignore the confusion in her eyes.

  “No, darlin’. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you are so ‘right’ that it’s killing me to stop. But, honey, I can’t do this. Take you like this.”

  His voice was husky with emotion. “The first time that I make love to you, Lexie, you are going to be stone cold sober. You’re going to be delirious, crazy with desire. You’re going to remember every goddamned thing that I do to you for the rest of your life. Do you understand, darlin’? Do you understand how much I want you?”

  When she shook her head and didn’t answer, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the living room. Sinking down in the armchair in front of the fireplace, he held her on his lap. He felt her heart racing. It was only right, given that his threatened to hammer a hole in his chest and burst through.

  He held her until she stopped panting, gasping for air. When her breathing settled to a more normal rate and he thought his legs were steady enough to hold him, he stood up and put her down in the big armchair. It dwarfed her slender body. She was shaking, trembling. He grabbed an afghan from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her. No doubt the alcohol she’d drunk combined with his virtual attack was taking its toll. She looked fragile, vulnerable. He grimaced at the enormity of the mistake that he’d almost made.

  Looking to the fireplace, he grasped for a distraction.

  “How about a fire, darlin’? You look like you are freezing. But first I am going to put on some coffee and then
I’ll make a quick fire. Okay, sugar?”

  When he came back from starting the coffee, she was staring straight ahead and wouldn’t meet his gaze. His heart thumped. Damn, what he would give to pick her up and hold her in his arms. He resisted the impulse. He knew all it would take was one whiff of her intoxicating fragrance to undo all his good intentions.

  He reached for the poker, scattering the ashes on the grate.

  “I see you’ve already made a fire. Good for you. I like a fire at night, even in the middle of the desert.”

  He frowned. Hoisting a charred scrap of lacy fabric on the end of the poker, he turned to her.

  “What the hell is this?”

  Her face paled, then she met his eyes and shrugged.

  “It’s…it’s my underwear, Jake. I…I…burned it. All of it, after…after he…that man…”

  “What? What the hell are you talking about?” He stared at her for a long moment then shuddered at the implication of her words.

  She stammered. “He…he touched them, Jake, I couldn’t bear to wear them, put them next to my skin.” She hesitated, then continued. “He…he laid them out in piles, in color coded piles. All the bras together, panties sorted from the thongs. Very neat, methodical, and frightening.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. As the reality crashed over him, Jake clenched his teeth, biting back the words he wanted to shout, fighting to stay silent. She was too pale, too vulnerable. As carefully as he could, he spoke. Even he heard the silky danger in his voice.

  “Lexie, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

  She shrugged and looked away. After a moment of silence, she looked up at him and lifted her chin in the defiant gesture he’d come to know well.

  “Because… because I knew you would be angry. Angry at me.” Her chin lifted higher. “And because you couldn’t do anything about it.”

  He cleared his throat in an effort to remain calm. He moved toward her.

  “Did it occur to you that we could have sent your underwear to the lab for analysis? For his fucking DNA? Or perhaps scanned the database for perpetrators who get off on crimes like this? Or, Lexie, do any number of things that investigators do when the victim is truthful with them?”

  When she didn’t answer, just looked away, he struggled to contain his fury. As upset as he was with her, he knew the object of his rage was the man who did this, who had violated her. And, he thought with a gut clenching tremor, the man who knew who she was.

  He walked over and stood in front of her. He forced himself to be calm. Being angry with her wouldn’t solve anything. Christ, she looked like a wounded deer. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Okay, darlin’, let’s talk about this later. Right now I don’t think I can have a civil conversation with you. And, damn, Lexie, you’ve had a hell of a day.”

  When she nodded and looked down, he said, “How about something to eat? Did

  you eat anything today after we left my office?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Dammit, Lexie, you’ve got to eat. Christ, no wonder that booze hit you the way it did.” Trying to erase any judgment from his voice, he added, “I know that you don’t drink like that.”

  She glanced up and said with a defiant shrug. “I don’t. I needed to get my courage up.”

  He stared at her for a minute waiting to see if she would add to that cryptic note. When she didn’t, he said over his shoulder, as he headed to the kitchen, “Let’s see what I can find for us to eat.”

  She was dozing in the chair when he returned with a tray full of food. He pulled the coffee table over in front of her and put the overflowing tray on the table. Without speaking, he cut a huge sandwich in two and placed half on a plate for her. He added a variety of fruit and a small cup of soup. He sunk down on the sofa and heaped the rest of the food on his plate.

  When he nodded to her, motioning her to start, she murmured, “Umm. I’m not hungry, Jake.”

  His voice was stern, crisp. “Well, be hungry.”

  He dug into the sandwich, realizing that he also hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

  After several minutes, she looked at his nearly empty plate in wonder. “How do you eat so much, Jake?”

  He shrugged scowling at her barely touched plate. “How do you eat so little?”

  When she didn’t respond, he raked his eyes over her body. “Yeah, I’m hungry.” Not hiding either the lust or the anger roiling him, he grumbled, “I have to admit, this isn’t what I hoped to feast on tonight.”

  Lexie blushed. She hesitated then said softly, “It’s probably just as well, Jake, that you…that we stopped.”

  Her cheeks flamed brighter. She gnawed on her bottom lip, a habit that never failed to get a physical reaction out of him. But, he thought with a silent guffaw, there wasn’t much that she did that didn’t make him wonder how the hell his zipper would hold out.

  “Jake, you should know. I can’t, I don’t know how…I don’t think I can…”

  He put his sandwich down and moved next to her. He reached over and put his finger against her lips.

  “Lexie, be quiet, darlin’. I’m gonna tell you something. You better tuck this away somewhere where you won’t forget it.” He leaned in closer, holding her gaze. “This message is for the hottest, most beautiful woman I know. I am going to make love to you, Lexie. And, by God, sugar, you are going to love it. You won’t believe the things I’m going to do to you.”

  When she gasped, he just smiled.” And do you know what? You are going to beg me for more. You won’t believe that life can be so good.”

  Chapter 15

  Lexie looked down, avoiding his piercing gaze. She didn’t want him to know how confused she was. Remembering how she felt when he touched her, held her against the wall made her shiver with a mix of fear and excitement. Her face felt impossibly hot. Jake’s promise that he intended to make love to her both thrilled and frightened her. But, she reminded herself, Jake didn’t know how damaged she was. If he did, she was sure he would be repelled.

  But she had a more immediate problem. She needed to tell Jake what she planned to do. How she intended to find Anthony’s killer. She owed him that. She screwed up her courage, knowing how angry Jake would be. For a moment, she wished she could hide behind the numb glow the alcohol gave her earlier. But she knew from long ago experience that that didn’t work. It was worse when the numbness wore off. With a heartfelt sigh, she decided she may as well get it over with. He’d know soon enough.

  “Jake, I need to talk with you, to tell you something.”

  Jake pinned her with a hard gaze, his eyes narrowing. He settled back against the sofa and draped a casual arm over the back.

  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that opening, Lexie. Considering that every damned thing I’ve learned about you, I’ve had to pry out of you. I can’t begin to imagine what’s so bad that you are warning me, rather than just doing it and annoying the hell out of me afterwards.”

  Lexie was determined that she would not be put off by his certain anger. She took a deep breath and met his hard gaze.

  “Jake, I’ve been talking with people—people on the street.” She looked him in the eye and continued. “Pimps, hookers, and the like.” She continued in a rush ignoring his deepening frown. “I’ve met people who knew Anthony, people who weren’t surprised that he had been killed. The word is that he was a familiar face at the Senora Travieste.”

  Jake motioned her to continue, the only sign she saw that he was upset was a slight twitch by his eye.

  “According to the pimps I talked to, the girls there are making a lot more money than they used to. Their pimps are angry. They’ve lost their hold on the girls. Three separate people told me there is a large scale drug running operation based at the club.”

  When he still didn’t respond, Lexie squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, preparing for his response.

  “The reason I was dancing tonight, the reason I wanted to make a scene was because I want them to no
tice me. I don’t know if you saw those three men in the back corner of the bar. The older Hispanic guy is the owner. His name is Sergio. I’ve been told that he personally hires all the waitresses at the club.”

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat.

  “I…I’m going to apply for a job as a waitress at Senora Travieste.”

  Jake eyed her. His voice was soft, controlled.

  “Senora Travieste is a front for a strip joint, Lexie.”

  She was fierce. “I know that, Jake. If they put me on the stage, I’m going to do it. It’s the only way I can get the girls to trust me. To make them think I am one of them so that they will confide in me.”

  Jake’s eyes were like ice, his expression oddly contained.

  “You know I can’t let you do that, Lexie.”

  She shook her head. “Unfortunately, it is not your choice. Not your decision to make. I’m twenty six years old and I make my own decisions.”

  Jake made a visible effort to control his response. He leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees staring at her intently. His answer surprised her.

  “Let’s put aside for the moment how I feel about your meeting up with pimps and prostitutes and gang leaders. Instead, let’s discuss your findings. I’m impressed, Lexie. You’ve come up with some of the same information that I and my team have. You are correct. The Senora Travieste is the locus of what looks like a major drug relay point. The obvious source is Mexico given the nature of the drugs. And, yes, Anthony was getting close to identifying who the main players are. We know that because of his last reports. Like any good undercover operator, he didn’t share his findings until he was certain and until he was confident of the loyalties of those around him.”