by RH Tucker
Another one, easy but to the point.
I’ll always take care of you.
That’s what I wanted to say. But no, I didn’t say a damn thing after she thanked me. I just stared at her, willing her to turn around, but she didn’t. She waited one more second and then left my room.
I want to think about that first feeling I had this morning. Waking up to her running her hand over my chest. My eyes flicked open, unsure what was happening at first, but I could see her laying still and it felt amazing. Not just her touching me, her skin on mine, but that comfortableness that we hadn’t had in forever. It felt natural. Like she was right where she was supposed to be. I want to hold on to that feeling, but I can’t.
I’m still in shock. I broke her heart? I figured she was pissed off and holding a grudge for all these years, but did what happen to us really affect her that much? How could it? But she lumped me in with her parents, who I know she resents for leaving her. Does she resent me, too?
After laying in my bed for another thirty minutes, unable to go back to sleep, I analyze everything she said and try to remember everything about last night. She definitely had too much to drink, but I’m almost glad that she did. She was herself last night. More open, friendly, even a little flirty. That’s the Jen I wished I’d gotten to know throughout school. That’s the Jen I always knew growing up and the one I fell in love with.
My phone dings with a text message.
Jackson: Hye wat hapend to u lsat nite?
Me: Sorry, I had to take a friend home.
No need to go in to details. I think Jackson knows Jen from school, but only in passing.
Jackson: K. Geus wat?
Me: What?
I get out of bed, throwing off my pants that I slept in, and grab a clean pair of boxers. I’m about to head to the shower when my phone rings.
Seeing it’s Jackson, I let out a chuckle at the photo that pops up as his contact picture. Jackson took my phone and took a selfie of himself at graduation, flipping his middle finger and sticking out his tongue.
“What’s up?”
“What are you doing later?” he asks, excitement in his voice.
“Um, I don’t think anything.”
“Luc!” Rich screams at me as he swings my door open.
“Yeah?” I look at him, confused, motioning to my phone.
He scowls at me. “You’re cleaning that shit up.”
“What shit?”
“The puke your girlfriend left in my truck, that shit!”
“Oh, yeah,” I mumble, looking down at the ground, embarrassed. I don’t bother to correct Rich about Jen, because ever since I was little he’s always teased me about her. Now he just does it out of spite.
He storms out of my room and I hear Jackson laughing on the other end of the phone.
“Okay.” He stifles his laugh. “What are you doing after you clean up your girlfriend’s puke? And who’s your girlfriend, anyways? I didn’t even know you had one.”
I let out an annoyed grunt. “I don’t. Rich just calls her that ’cause I’ve known her since I was five.”
“Wait, she’s not your girlfriend and you’re still gonna clean up her puke?”
I groan, squeezing my eyes shut. “Jackson, there is way too much talk about puke going on right now. Why are you asking about later today?”
“Oh, yeah,” he replies, excited again. “My parents surprised me this morning. Two tickets to the West Coast Country Jam.”
“Oh.”
That’s a really cool gift. The WCC is a huge country music festival like Stagecoach or Country Fest. “That’s awesome, man.”
“I know, right?”
“So …” I say after he lingers on the phone, not saying anything. “Did you just call to rub it in my face or something?”
“No, dummy! I want you to go.”
“What?”
“Yeah.” He still sounds excited, but there’s a hint of doubt in his voice. “I mean, if you want to. It’s headlined this year by Florida Georgia Line, Thomas Rhett, and Cole Swindle.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. I mean, there are some other artist, too, but―”
“No, I mean, you seriously want me to go?”
“Yeah.”
There’s a pause as he waits for me to answer.
“Sure, that’d be awesome, dude.”
“Sweet!” His excitement returns. “I’ll pick you up in a couple hours. Text me your address.”
“All right, cool.”
“Oh, and, Lucas?”
“What?”
“Take a shower. I seriously don’t want to be smelling puke all day.”
He laughs as I roll my eyes. “Ha ha, you’re hilarious.”
The music festival is in Costa Mesa, just a city over from Irvine, where we live, but with traffic and parking it takes over two hours to get in. Jackson’s tickets don’t cover any parking passes, so I offer to pay for parking and we make our way into the concert.
It’s a little warm for June, but not too bad, so I decide to go with some cargo shorts, a T-shirt, and one of my five UC Irvine baseball caps my mom got me. Yeah, she went a little overboard when I got my letter of acceptance to the school and decided to buy me a brand-new wardrobe of UCI clothes. I’ve got five hats, three shirts, two hoodies, and a couple pair of pajama pants. And don’t even get me started on what she bought for herself. I think she’ll be wearing some form of clothing that says ‘UC Irvine Mom’ or something to that effect, even years after I graduate.
Jackson has on some board shorts, completely forgoing a T-shirt, and is wearing a cowboy hat. I like country music, but I’ve never been into the cowboy attire. The more I hang out with Jackson, the more I’ve discovered the guy likes having fun.
He’s laid back, carefree, and I’m comfortable enough with myself to say he’s not a bad looking guy. It’s noticeable by all the second glances he gets. And he’s actually pretty forward with girls, having no problem walking right up to a girl and making conversation and getting numbers. I’m actually impressed because the last month of school he seemed a little bit shy.
As far as I know, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I haven’t said anything because it’s none of my business, but I do find it weird. He’s with girls all the time, seems to like them a lot and they appear to like him, but it’s usually just some kind of hook-up. Which is fine, but there’s something else about Jackson. He doesn’t come off like the hit it and quit it type of guy. He actually reminds me of Matt, who’s about as straight-forward and honest as they come.
But I can say with total certainty he’s pulling off the cowboy hat look, because I’ve noticed more than a few girls checking him out. I don’t miss the looks I get either, but every time I meet eyes with some, I do what I’ve always done. What I did all throughout high school. No matter how attractive the girl is, I always end up comparing them to Jen. It’s really annoying and I wish I could stop, but invariably, that’s where my mind goes.
“This is awesome!” Jackson yells over the loud speakers we’re next to.
We’ve been at the festival for a few hours, seen a few musicians we both like, and discovered a couple new ones. One of his favorites just finished the last song of his set and we both scream out with everyone else around us.
“Want to get something to drink?” I ask, and he nods.
We make our way over toward an area for food and drinks, and both grab a bottled water.
“Damn, this is so sick!” he yells at me, even though it’s not loud anymore.
“Yeah, man.” I grin, taking a drink. “Thanks again for the ticket.”
“No problem.” He takes a drink and then flashes a wink at a couple girls that pass us. “What’s up, ladies?”
He grins, and they giggle back, though they keep on walking.
“Okay, bro, I gotta ask …”
“What?”
“Dude, your confidence level is off the chart.”
“Don’t worry, Lucas
, you’ll get there. I’ll teach you if you want.”
His line makes me throw my head back, releasing a laugh. “Nah, man, I’m good. I mean, I’m not some player like you, but I got some skills.”
“Sure, sure,” he says, looking at me with skepticism.
“No, my question is, why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
“Aw, Luc, are you asking me out?” He laughs, taking another drink.
“No offense, but I’m kind of sticking to Team Hetero.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing.” He grins, wiggling his eyebrows.
I haven’t asked about relationships with him before and it’s two jokes in a row, so it makes me second guess myself. “Sorry, bro. I didn’t mean anything. I mean, it’s cool if you’re gay, or bi, or …” I feel like I’m gonna stutter, because now I feel embarrassed that I assumed he was straight when he could be gay.
He lets out a laugh. “Dude, I’m straight.”
“Oh, okay,” I reply, because I don’t know what else to say and now I feel stupid for even bringing it up.
“Why are you asking anyways?”
“Uh, nothing, just forget it.”
He eyes me sideways, but I turn my head away, taking another drink of my water. It’s none of my business whether he just likes random hook-ups or not, so I decide to drop it.
“Hey, didn’t we go to school with those girls?” he says, motioning behind me.
Behind us, on the other end of the food and drink area, two girls look over at us then whisper something to themselves.
“Yeah, we did,” he answers himself. “I think the one on the left was in cheer.”
“Yeah,” I agree, because the one on the right looks familiar. “The one on the right, I think her name’s … Sally? No. Sasha. It’s Sasha.”
“Come on.” He tugs at my arm.
“What?”
“You know her name, so you’re with Sasha. I got her friend.”
“Dude, who are you?”
“What?” His brow furrows in confusion.
“In school you always seemed so reserved. Now, you’re like Casanova or something.”
“In school,” he hesitates, casting his gaze down at the ground. “It was hard to hide who I was.”
“Who you were?” My eyebrow raises. “What’s that mean?”
“Forget it.”
“Hey, you know we went to school with these girls, right?”
“Yeah, but they don’t really know me. So, it’s all good.”
“So, you do just like hooking up?”
He grimaces, looking back down at the ground. “Yeah, sure.”
I feel like there’s more to the story, but I don’t push it because we’ve walked over to the girls. Sasha makes eye contact with me and smiles.
“What’s up? Sasha, right?” I say to her and she nods.
“Hey, Lucas.”
“The one and only.” I flash a grin, before motioning to Jackson. “This is Jackson.”
He extends his hand to Sasha’s friend and she introduces herself as Tara.
“Yeah, Jackson.” Tara looks as if she remembers him. “I think I had a class with you. You weren’t there much though.”
“Well, I had late nights, and sometimes couldn’t make it to school the next day.”
I give Jackson a look, unsure if he’s being honest or just trying to make up a line.
“Oh, really?” Tara smiles at him. “Late nights doing what?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He gives her that confident grin I’m becoming more familiar with, and I chuckle.
“So, I didn’t know you liked country music,” Sasha says.
“You never asked.” I grin.
“Right.” She smiles back.
“Who’s been your favorite so far?” Jackson asks both of them.
“Oh, Jade Miranda, for sure,” Tara answers quickly. “But, I mean, Jesse Franklin was awesome, too.”
“Yeah, I liked his set,” Jackson agrees, but I know for a fact we didn’t see Franklin’s set today because we were in a different tent watching another artist. I raise an eyebrow at him and he just gives me a look.
“So, what are you guys doing next?” Sasha asks.
“I don’t know, we just saw Gunther but―”
“But now we were gonna hit the honkey tonk dance bar,” Jackson interrupts. He raises his eyebrows, as if he’s telling me to go along with it.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“You girls want to join?” he asks.
“Yeah, okay,” Tara says for them both, and we all make our way over to the bar.
Even though it’s called a ‘dance bar’, it’s really just a huge tent with a big stage up front where bands play, and a small bar for drinks in the back. In between the bar and the stage there’s a huge, wooden dance floor. We saw the set list earlier and the different times the music starts.
“Come on.” Jackson reaches out and takes Tara’s hand and they start dancing.
The band plays a few fast songs, a few slow songs, and then a few songs that get everyone involved for line dancing.
I can move my feet enough for it to be considered dancing, but Sasha can definitely move. It’s a faster song with a banjo twang to it and she has no problem getting a little closer while we dance to the music. I don’t mind, but just like any dance I’d gone to in school, or any girl I’d gone out with, it’s not her I see. I’ve always felt bad for being with a cute girl, who’s obviously having a good time, and all I can do is pretend like I’m enjoying being with her. Because the back of my mind prickles up and I can’t stop thinking about Jen, especially after this morning. I wish she was the one with me right now.
Chapter 10
Jen
My mind wanders as I browse through a rack of pants. As hard as I tried this week, I can’t stop thinking about Lucas. He didn’t say anything to me to try and get me to stay that morning. I don’t know if I’m sad about that or happy. He took care of me and it felt so good to trust him. I wasn’t worried, either that night or the next morning, about him trying anything or saying something stupid. I just wish it hadn’t ended with me yelling at him.
Emma is starting to get supplies before school starts, so we go to the mall, spending some of her graduation money. I’m happy that the school she chose is close to home. Only Emma knows that I’m not going to college in the fall, everyone else thinks I’m going to Irvine Community. When Nancy finds out I’m sure she’s going to be upset.
“Hello, Jen?” Emma waves her hand in front of me.
“Huh?”
“What is going on with you? You’ve been blanking out all day.”
She stares at me as I try to dismiss it, waving my hand. She’s right, though. I don’t think I’ve thought about Lucas this much since the first week of freshman year, when I didn’t want to see him at all.
She’s still staring, so I try to change the subject, holding up a blouse. “This is nice.”
“Eh.” She wrinkles her nose as she looks at me.
Continuing to browse the rack of clothes, I nod, but I can feel her eyes on me.
“Okay, spill it.”
“What?”
“Jen …”
“Emma.”
I still haven’t looked over at her, which must be why she walks around the rack of clothes and stops in front of me. “Come on, you’ve been out of it this whole week. Are you telling me everything?”
My eyes finally jump up to meet hers. “What do you mean? Of course.”
She glances down, embarrassment creeping up her cheeks. “It’s okay if you, you know, did something with Lucas.”
“Ugh.” I roll me eyes. “Emma, don’t even.”
“What? All I’m saying is, I wouldn’t say anything or make fun of you, you know that. Besides, you guys have known each other forever, so it wouldn’t be totally surprising either.”
“We didn’t,” I spit out, harshly. “Okay?”
She turns away, a wounded expression flashing ac
ross her. “Oh, okay. Sorry.”
Leaning closer, I wrap her in a quick hug. “Emma, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. We didn’t do anything, that’s true. But I just …” What? Don’t know how I feel? Is that even what it is? I hated him throughout high school.
No, you didn’t.
Okay, I tried to hate him throughout high school, but that night just reminded me why he’d been my best friend growing up. Why I crushed on him for so long. Why I even thought I loved him.
“Okay, real talk?” Emma quirks an eyebrow.
“Okay?”
“Do you like him?”
“No.” The word comes out quickly, but I can’t meet her gaze.
Emma obviously doesn’t believe me, as she gives me an expression that says come on.
“Emma, I don’t. How could I?”
“How could you? Because you’ve known him since you were little.”
“Yeah, and then he―”
“I know, I know,” she says, holding up her hands to stop me. Turning around, she motions for me to follow her. “Come on, let’s grab some Jamba Juice.”
After grabbing our drinks, we walk around the mall a little bit more, before heading back to my car.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” She turns to face me from the passenger seat as we head back to her house. “Carter said there’s this summer bonfire happening in a couple weeks.”
“Oh.”
If Carter brought up the bonfire, that means Matt will probably be there. If they’re both there, then how likely is it that Lucas will be too?
“And before you give me an excuse, Lucas always kept his distance during school, so I don’t see why he wouldn’t there.”
“Emma―”
“Please, Jen. Come on, I don’t feel like you’ve been yourself in weeks. Months, even.”
“That’s not true.”
“Oh yeah, who’s the last guy you flirted with? Heck, let’s not even talk about flirting, who’s the last guy you made a comment about?”
I don’t answer, because honestly, I have no idea. I used to be much more carefree and out to have a good time. To joke around with everyone. But this last month or so things have gotten so out of whack, all because I let my guard down.