by Izzy Bayliss
“I ordered the weather especially,” Sam said, laughing.
We stood and kissed, and I felt as though I was the star in one of the romantic movies that I loved watching. When we pulled away I noticed Sam’s face grow serious. Urgent.
“Marry me, Lily –”
“What?” I said. I wasn’t sure I had heard him right.
“Lily, marry me. It’s perfect – this moment – you’re perfect. I’m sorry. I know I’m doing this all wrong – it wasn’t meant to be like this.” He hurriedly got down on one knee. “I have no ring and I haven’t even asked your Dad yet . . . but we’ve had the most perfect day and I can only see you in my future. I know it’s you – it’s always been you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I was utterly gobsmacked. I had not expected this.
My face obviously told Sam this. “Say something, Lily,” he pressed gently.
“I’m sorry, Sam, it’s just such a shock –” I said in a small voice.
“A good one, I hope,” he said nervously.
“Of course,” I smiled. “I just can’t believe it . . .”
“Say yes, Lily –”
I was completely stunned. “Yes, Sam – of course I will marry you.” I started to laugh then and he laughed too.
“I love you, Lily. You’ve made me the happiest man alive. At least this way the distance between us will be a little more bearable for the next few months.”
We forgot the world around us as we kissed tenderly on the steps of The Plaza.
CHAPTER 19
The next morning I opened my eyes and saw that it was just before seven a.m. Sam turned around and took me into his arms. “Good morning, fiancée.”
Everything that had happened the previous evening came rushing back to me. I couldn’t believe we were engaged.
I smiled. “Good morning.” My head felt a little tender. We had ended up returning to The Plaza where they had treated us to a complimentary bottle of champagne. Then we had ordered another for good measure.
“Thanks for making me the happiest man alive. There’s just one thing though –”
“What?”
“I’m doing this arseways,” he groaned.
“What is it?”
“You’ve no ring –”
“There’s no rush, we can get it when you’re back home.” I folded my arm around his waist and laid my head against his chest. There was no forgetting that I was leaving in a few hours’ time and I was dreading the distance between us again.
“No way!” Sam said, sitting upright in the bed and jerking me up with him. “I’m not letting you go home without a ring; it wouldn’t be right. I want the world to know that you’re mine.”
“Okay,” I said, laughing as he hopped out of bed eagerly.
“Come on, there’s only one place we can go in this city.”
* * *
As we strolled down Fifth Avenue, I took in the twinkling fairy lights and wreaths on every building. We stopped to watch the famous light show on the walls of Saks and then went to see the colourful fairy lights twinkling on the seventy-foot tree at the Rockefeller Plaza. I couldn’t help but feel the whole city was wrapped up like a giant Christmas present. I could see why people loved New York. There was an excited energy; the streets were thronged with shoppers, people were jubilant, and it was hard not to get caught up in the festive atmosphere.
Sam held my hand firmly as we snaked our way through the crowds. Soon I could see Tiffany & Co in the distance and I realised that was where we were going. When we neared the door, a couple emerged hand in hand, both beaming. They stopped and looked down at her left hand giggling, and I saw a beautiful engagement ring stood proudly on her ring finger. I smiled at them. I could not believe I was getting my engagement ring there too.
We walked through the art deco showrooms and made our way to the diamond rings. We peered through the endless glass displays of stunning jewellery. How on Earth was I supposed to choose?
“Can I help you there?” a salesman greeted us.
“We’ve just got engaged!” Sam said proudly.
“Congratulations! An engagement ring from Tiffany’s is a symbol of true love and a lifetime of commitment. Its brilliance signifies the promise of a long future together,” he said.
Suddenly I felt my stomach lurch. The words “lifetime of commitment” felt like an assault. I thought of the last time I had chosen an engagement ring; I had thought I was getting a lifetime commitment then too. I took a deep breath and tried to quash those thoughts; I didn’t want bad memories to ruin what was happening right now. I had to keep reminding myself that Sam wasn’t Marc.
The salesman lifted out cushioned trays of diamonds and I tried on ring after ring.
“What about this one?” the salesman suggested, taking out an emerald cut diamond. “The elegant cut of the centre stone is embraced by bead cut diamonds all set on a platinum band.”
I slipped the ring up my finger, and I held my hand out to admire it. The light caught the dazzling centre stone beautifully. I wished I had been born with naturally slender, elegant digits rather than my chubby little stumps, but it was stunning. I knew it was the one.
We left Tiffany & Co a while later and I was swinging a little blue bag even though it was empty as I already had the ring on my finger, but I couldn’t bear not to take a bag with me anyway. Whenever I caught a glimpse of the ring’s sparkle, I kept stopping to admire it; even on my stumpy fingers, it still looked dazzling. I had stripped off the rings Marc had given me after I had found him in bed with Nadia, and I’d forgotten how much I had loved wearing them.
By the time we had left Tiffany & Co it was time to go back to Sam’s so I could start packing to leave. My heart filled with heaviness. I had been dreading this bit. I had been trying not to let my impending departure overshadow the last few hours we had together, so I had blocked it out of my head, but now that the time was upon us I had to face up to reality. It would be several more months before we would see each other again, and the time together had been so sweet that it was going to be all the more difficult to be apart again.
“I wish I could magic a way for us to be together.” I sighed as I put my clothes back into my case. It felt like just minutes ago that I was packing to come here and now I was heading back home.
“Me too,” Sam said dolefully.
Frankie had ordered a car to pick me up at three p.m., and every time I looked at my watch to check the time, I felt the weight of gloom.
“Taxi’s here,” I said eventually when Frankie called to say that the car was downstairs.
Sam walked me down to the street. I saw Frankie waving to us from the backseat of the cab. Sam pulled me in close to his chest, and I felt tears building in my eyes. He tilted my face up towards his and kissed me as people busied all around us.
“It’s only a few more months and then we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives,” Sam said, trying to cheer me up.
“I know,” I whispered.
The driver sat on the horn to hurry me on, so we reluctantly pulled away from one another and I climbed into the backseat of the car. Sam shut the door after me and I watched as he brought his fingers up to his lips, kissed them, then raised them towards me as the car pulled out into the New York traffic.
CHAPTER 20
I watched from the rearview window until Sam faded to a blur in the New York street, then I turned around and slumped back into the seat.
“Oh my God, Lily! What is that?” Frankie squealed, grabbing hold of my hand. “Is it what I think it is?”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded.
“I can’t believe it! Congratulations!” She reached across and hugged me hard. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“It only happened last night – I’m still getting used to it myself . . .”
“Lily, what is wrong with you? You don’t sound like someone who has just got engaged!”
“Of course I am, Frankie. I’ve just said goodbye
to Sam, so excuse me if I’m not doing a Tom Cruise and jumping on the couch –”
“Jeez, Lily, some people have to wait a lifetime for a proposal and you get two before the age of thirty-five. Cheer up.”
“Frankie, I’m over the moon, honestly.”
She looked at me skeptically.
“Stop it!” I said, getting annoyed with her.
“Sorry,” she said after a minute. “I get that you’re missing him.”
“S’okay.”
I turned and looked out the window for the rest of the journey to the airport. The city became flatter, the streets less crowded the farther away we moved from Manhattan. I was already missing Sam intensely. Every time I caught sight of the magnificent diamond on my left hand, it would stir up the sense of loss again.
We were more subdued on the way home compared to the outbound flight. I passed on the free champagne, once we landed in Dublin I would be heading straight to Baked with Love so I wanted a clear head. Frankie looked at me in wonderment as she took my glass and her own too.
I put the seat back into the recline position, pulled my duvet up around me, and slept for the whole flight home.
We touched down in Dublin, and the taxi dropped Frankie off at her place while I headed straight to my bakery. I knew I would be busy; Mondays always were as I prepped for the week ahead and having been missing in action the previous Friday would only mean more work for me to catch up on.
I was dying to see how Dad and Clara had got on in my absence. The bell gave its soothing trrring as I let myself in, and I instantly felt my body relax. Even though I had only been gone for three days, it was good to be home; I had missed this place. I looked around the café and was relieved to see that the place was immaculate, exactly the same as I would leave it. I breathed out a sigh of relief. I knew Dad and Clara had done a good job while I was away. I went through to the kitchen and saw everything looked neat and orderly. A little too orderly. I noticed the jars were all arranged by descending height for a start. There were also large signs stuck onto the wall. One said, “Work Station A,” there was a “Work Station B” too and another said, “Wash-up Area.” I groaned. I knew Clara wouldn’t have been able to resist interfering. I went over and pulled them down from the wall where she had Blu-Tacked them on. I realized how attached I had become to my kitchen; I hated anyone messing with it.
Just after eight I was busy pulling out ingredients to get started on the day’s baking when I heard my phone go. I quickly removed my latex gloves and saw it was Sam’s sister Marita.
“Congratulations!” she sung down the phone to me before I even had time to say hello. “Welcome to the family, I’ve always wanted to have a sister!”
Sam didn’t hang about sharing the news, I thought to myself. “Thanks, Marita. It was such a surprise!”
“It is just the best news ever! We are going to have so much fun planning this wedding! So when do you think it will be? Summer? Winter?”
“I’m not sure yet, it’s all been such a whirlwind . . .”
“Well, don’t leave it too long, I hate long engagements, it takes all the excitement out of it!”
“I have to talk to Sam . . . we’ve lots to discuss.”
After I had hung up from her, Dad came in.
“Great to see you back, Lily. You see I told you we’d survive without you!”
“You did great, Dad. Thank you – although those signs in the kitchen –”
“Ah yes, I meant to warn you about them . . . you know what Clara is like . . .’’
“Don’t worry, I’ve already taken them down.”
Dad laughed.
“Also, have you seen the vanilla pods?” I kept looking for ingredients in their usual spot but couldn’t find them.
“I think Clara might have moved the jar somewhere; she was doing something with them there on Friday – she said she was sorting it out for you.”
I turned back and looked again at the shelves. I realised that Clara had alphabetised all my ingredients. The jars were all facing forward and labelled neatly.
“She couldn’t help herself,” Dad said, smiling apologetically.
I laughed. “Well, I suppose I got away lightly if that’s all she did.”
“I take it you haven’t seen the freezer then yet . . .”
I shook my head.
“So how was the weekend?” he asked. “How’s Sam?”
“It was amazing, Sam is great – he got such a shock. We had such a good time though. The time flew so we didn’t get to do half the things I thought we would, but we went to Central Park and we had afternoon tea at The Plaza.” I felt a longing to be with him. It was hard to believe that less than twenty-four hours ago I was lying in his bed in New York. “You’ll never guess what else happened . . .”
Dad’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “What?”
“Sam proposed!” I held out my left hand tentatively to show him the ring.
“Lily, that is wonderful news! Congratulations!” He clasped hold of my hand to admire it.
“So now not only do you have your own bakery but you have a wedding to plan too! I’m so glad things are finally going your way,” Dad said after we had sat down with a cup of tea while I filled him in on the proposal. “You deserve it after all you’ve been through over the last few years.”
There they were again, more reminders of my history with Marc. It seemed my engagement to Sam had stirred up all those old hurts once more. It was like I had taken a stick to the bottom of a clear puddle, mixed it all around causing the water to turn dirty brown. It had unsettled everything. I pulled the corners of my mouth upwards in a smile. “Yeah, isn’t it great?” I said.
Clara came in later. She had Jacob and Joshua with her. “Hi boys, good to see you! Would you like a honey cookie?” I said.
Their faces lit up. “Yes, please, Auntie Lily!”
Clara was looking at me like I had just offered them heroin. She immediately swiped the cookies out of my hand. “You know they only get treats on Fridays.”
They shrugged their shoulders and ran off past me into the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jacob giving Joshua a leg up onto the countertop whereupon he quickly lifted my jar of marshmallows down and handed it to his older brother before jumping down onto the floor beside him. Jacob prised the lid open and stuck his hand deep inside the jar and began stuffing fistfuls of them into his mouth. They were a dangerous duo. I tried to keep a straight face as Clara launched into a spiel about the dangers of sugar.
“Thanks for looking after the place so well while I was away,” I said when she eventually was finished ranting.
“Don’t mention it, I’d say you’ll notice I’ve implemented a few improvements –”
“Yeah, thanks, they’re great,” I lied. She walked past me and went straight into the kitchen. The boys quickly hid the jar of marshmallows. She stood with her hands on her hips and surveyed the room.
“Erm, where are my signs gone, Lily?”
“Oh, I thought they were such a good addition that I’ve ordered permanent ones be printed up,” I said quickly. I knew it would be a long time before she stood in this kitchen again and I hoped she would have forgotten all about them by that stage.
She nodded self-satisfactorily. “They are rather good,” she said. “A moment of inspired genius!”
“Lily has some good news,” Dad said, following us into the kitchen.
“What?” Clara asked, looking at me for answers.
“Sam proposed while I was away.”
Her jaw dropped, and it was hard to tell if her reaction to the news was good or bad. “Well, I guess I should say a cautious congratulations, after all, we have been here before with you . . .”
“Now, Clara -” Dad said warningly.
“I’m just being honest, Dad. Don’t tell me you’re not thinking it too!” She wagged her finger at him, and then turned back to me. “Just try not to mess it up this time.”
“I’ll do
my best,” I said through gritted teeth.
* * *
When I had finally finished up that evening, I got a taxi home because I didn’t have my bike with me, and besides, my legs wouldn’t have been able to cycle even if I had wanted to. I was exhausted, flying through the night and then launching straight back into a full day with Baked with Love had wiped me out.
I put my key in the door and let myself into the apartment. I wheeled my case inside and flopped down on the sofa. The place was chilly having been left unoccupied all weekend. I hated being here on my own. Our home lacked its heart when Sam wasn’t there.
I opened up my laptop and clicked on Skype. I dialled Sam’s number and I watched as the grainy image became clearer and Sam materialised on the screen in front of me. He was sitting in his office, dressed in a shirt and tie, and looking incredibly handsome.
“So how was your first day back, fiancée – I love being able to call you that –” he said.
“Well, Baked with Love survived without me so that’s good.”
“Have you started telling people the good news yet?”
“Well, just Dad and Clara . . . oh and Frankie too of course. I was so busy today, I haven’t really had a chance yet . . .”
“Mum and Marita are so excited. They want to know if we’ll go black tie or less formal.”
“Jeez, they’re eager.”
He laughed. “They probably thought no woman in her right mind would marry me so they want us to get a move on up to the altar now before you change your mind.”
I laughed.
“Look, I have to run to a meeting, but I love you and can’t wait to make you my wife.”
After I hung up I sat there looking around the room. I was waiting for the excitement to hit me, but nothing was coming and I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I was exhausted from the weekend, but it was more than that. I should have been ecstatic. I just didn’t get it. Why was everyone else far more excited about Sam’s proposal than I was? I wasn’t even sure myself, but all I knew was that I was pretty sure when you got engaged to someone you weren’t meant to feel like this. When Marc had proposed to me I had been over the moon. It had taken me weeks to come back down to Earth. But now I was a world away from that feeling. Maybe it was because it was my second time to get engaged, things were never as good the second time around. Were they?