Wind rushed by, making our skin sink and flap with the pressure, but there was no other feeling in the world like the rush of skydiving, of seeing the land below you and the sky around you. Only up there, unhindered by windows or anything else, were we able to see what we missed with our feet planted on the Earth. Nothing held us back…we flew.
Chapter 25
Emma
It had been a long time since I experienced this kind of rush; although some of my fellow MG Flakes seemed to think getting our IVIG (a special IV medication) treatments gave us a rush. IVIG might make us feel stronger or temporarily hold back some of our symptoms, but this was different.
Flying through the air with the wind pressing against you, pushing you toward the earth and holding you up at the same time, creating a sort of pressure as the group came up to meet you—nothing compared. I loved it. Something I believed gone forever, Bryan found a way to reunite me with it once again. I would forever feel grateful to him for that.
As the ground rushed ever closer, my heartbeat increased to beat even faster than when we initially jumped. It had been a while since I had jumped, even longer for a tandem ump. Would we be all right? My imagination ran away with me. I pictured us—me—falling face first with him on my back, or the wind catching the parachute and pulling us backwards like in the cartoons. All of these ideas fell under the category of ridiculous, and yet, they ran through my head like a film reel that would not end.
“Don’t worry,” Bryan shouted in my ear, his volume toned down from the sound of the wind.
Flicking my thumb up, I signaled to him that I heard him loud and clear. His words ceased the crazy images and I allowed myself to do nothing but feel.
And a split second later, our chute deployed, and we were jerked from a free fall to a casual float. In the past, this was the time I always really studied my surroundings. The endless ocean in the distance, and the vast land laid out before us. It awed and inspired me, reminded me of how small each person was in comparison, and at the same time, it overwhelmed me and scared me a little. The world was bigger than me, and I needed this reminder.
Closer and closer, the ground snuck up ready to either embrace us with a gentle landing–not that any landing was ever exactly gentle–or spit us out and make us eat dirt. On the edges of our drop zone, I saw a van waiting to pick us up and take us back to the hanger. Two men prepared to help us as soon as we touched down.
The ocean in the distance disappeared, swallowed up by the land as we neared the earth. Trees and bushes became clearer. We were no longer the rulers of the world from the sky.
Hitting the ground harder than I ever remembered doing, Bryan tried to keep us upright, however, when he realized gravity didn’t want to cooperate, he wrapped one arm around my chest, right under my breasts, and twisted us so that he took the brunt of the landing with an “oomph.” I kept my eyes closed until everything stopped moving, and then when I cracked them open, I peered up into a cloudless blue sky with the sun shining brightly. Up there. I had just been up there and flew down to the ground, and it was AMAZING.
“Are you all right?” the deep voice behind me inquired. Hearing it, instinct kicked in and I tried to clamor up and off of him, forgetting the impossibility of such a feat since we were still strapped together. “OUCH! Don’t move. Stop wiggling.”
I stilled instantly and muttered, “Sorry.” My cheeks were hot enough to ignite a forest fire, or glow in the dark, as my blush intensified. Then I felt it. It shouldn’t have been possible, but I felt something. Maybe it was the harness or something in his suit because surely it couldn’t possibly be a hard on. I mean, I didn’t remember feeling anything prior to my “wiggling,” but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there before. Right?
I thought I heard him groan, but it might’ve been because I was laying on top of him crushing his liver or spleen or some vital organ. I suddenly felt hotter than I did a moment ago; my pulse raced and my breathing became shallower. Did the hard thing beneath me grow a little more?
Slowly, his hands crept up to release the harness that bound us together. Maybe it was my imagination, but he held me a little longer, a little tighter before he released it, and this time the groan sounded a little closer to my ear.
Everything—the groan, the holding me, the hardness—must’ve been my overly active, annoying imagination, because as soon as I heard the click, he pushed me off of him and scrambled to his feet, leaving me in the dirt. He took five steps away from me, stretched, adjusted himself—I couldn’t possibly miss that one—breathed deeply a few times, and then came back for me with his hand outstretched. He acted no differently and appeared in complete control of his emotions and body, ergo, I concluded his hard on was nothing more than a natural reaction to my unintentional stimulation when I “wiggled” on top of him. Damn! Was it so wrong to wish it was more than that?
Grabbing his hand, he hauled me toward him and swung me up into his arms in one fluid motion as the two men who were waiting for us collected the gear. This man embodied sex on legs, and I wanted to enjoy the view and my time with him as long as I could.
It did not escape my notice though, that he carried me a little higher than he previously had. Coincidence? I thought not, but I wouldn’t say anything to him. Hell, in my experience–limited as it may have been–if a penis got stimulation, it reacted. A secret smile filled with private musings and enjoyment...that was safe. I could pretend, regardless of the fact that it had been a natural reaction, that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. And that was exactly what I would imagine as I lay in my bed alone at night.
Chapter 26
Bryan
I couldn’t believe that after we landed, my dick decided to stand at attention…with Emma lying on top of me. How the hell had that happened? I mean, sure I considered her pretty and she had a great personality, but she wasn’t my type. Not now, not ever. FUCK. I know she saw it. Hell, she felt it. How could she not?
Okay. Calm down, Bryan. This is normal. Her ass hugged my dick…NO! She squirmed, and it just happened. Natural reaction. Nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Easy in theory, but in practice, I still needed more convincing.
Why was I so worked up about this in the first place? We had a good time, it happened, that was it. I dropped her off at her house, and I even gave her a hug without anything “springing” into action. So it had to have been the wiggling after we landed. Entirely her fault.
I held some of the blame, because it was my penis that reacted, but no more. She was not my type.
Running my hands through my hair, both my fists grabbed handfuls and pulled. Between my family and Emma, my life felt completely out of control, and I didn’t like it one bit.
I sighed and my eyes drifted to rake over the house sitting across a well–manicured lawn outside my passenger window. My parents’ house. The home I lived in and loved my entire life. A perfect family with two perfect parents who had one boy and one girl. A two story colonial where birthday parties went off without a hitch in order for my mom to impress the neighbors, where I figured out I could use the trellis as a ladder and sneak out of the house so I could meet up with my girlfriend, where my sister and I fought like cats and dogs only to make up later, and where a growth chart had been penned into the wall of the kitchen marking mine and Rayne’s heights every birthday since we were one. I lost my teeth and put them under my pillow in the room on the top left corner. My sister forced me to play Barbie’s with her in the room next to it.
So many memories came with that house, and now a For Sale sign had been stabbed into the ground. My parents, were getting divorced. It didn’t shock me, however, I could finally admit that it felt strange to think of my parents living separate lives apart from each other, and in a weird, awkward way, it hurt. Not so much as a betrayal, but in a roundabout way, maybe I thought of it as such. This wasn’t about me or Rayne though. This was about them doing what they believed was best for them. Our feelings no longer mattered.
I should have gone in, but I didn’t move from my car. The scheduled time to meet arrived and passed, and I still sat there. That was until my sister started incessantly tapping on my window. Not a word left her mouth. She only used her index finger to pound on the glass. Tap, tap, tap. It sounded more like a woodpecker at my window than it did a woman in her twenties. Aggression and annoyance built up until I rolled down the window and snapped, “What the fuck, Rayne?”
When I dropped Emma off at her apartment, I had put the top back on the Jeep since clouds had started to form on the drive to her place. I didn’t want to take the chance, and as soon as I got on the highway to come to my parents’ house, the skies opened up and released a deluge of water. Of course it ended before I arrived, but at least, Rayne couldn’t simply invite herself into my vehicle.
She plastered on an innocent smile, which probably had angels and demons alike running away in fear, and practically sang, “What are you doing out here?”
“Nothing.” I released my pent up breath in a gush.
“I can see that.”
“What?”
“Ready to come in and do battle?” Rayne flexed her arm to show off her muscles, or lack thereof. Unlike me, my sweet no so innocent sister could be considered petite at 5’3”, but her height never prevented her from taking charge or giving as good as she got. I could still recall various bruises and one cracked rib I received thanks to her. And even though I could almost guarantee she was possessed by the devil or something, people seemed to believe she was this sweet woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Men flocked to her side and wrote prose about her long wavy black hair. Or should I say, “Liquid onyx that flows like the ocean waves.” Or her “Deep sapphire blues eyes that glisten like the night sky full of stars.” I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried. Men actually did that for her.
I didn’t get it. I’ve liked plenty of girls through the years, and I’ve had my fair share of relationships, but I DID NOT and HAVE NEVER written poetry, songs, painted a picture, or anything else, to compliment a girl’s hair or eyes. Maybe I’ve never found a girl that moved me enough to act like a love sick idiot. I loved my sister, and I remembered when I gave her a haircut at the age of four. I wondered what the men that waxed poetic would think of her shiny beautiful hair if they saw those pictures. I got into so much trouble for that, but she never cried about it until my mom found out what I had done, and then Rayne milked it to the moon and back. One thing that was for sure was that I never went near her hair again out of fear it would end in a death sentence for me.
“Look,” I began, glancing at her hopeful, yet pleading, face. Damn. Saying no to her was like telling a kid Santa didn’t really exist. It was next to impossible when I stared into her eyes. Sighing again, I shifted my gaze to look out the windshield and tried again. “Rayne, if they aren’t happy, why should anyone force them to stay together? For our sakes? We don’t even live at home any more. And if this is about our childhood or holidays as a family…” I paused and glanced toward her again, and wanted to moan with regret. Tears pooled in her bloodshot eyes, threatening to spill over. No backing down. Those tears could be real, or they could be a plot she used to manipulate me. Throughout the years, she had become a pro at using emotional manipulation to get what she wanted, and it usually involved getting me into trouble or stealing my candy.
I took a deep breath and pushed ahead. “We’re adults now and can’t act like kids any more. For holidays, we’ll work something out. Do you really want them to stay married if they don’t want to? Think about it. Rob, your ex that you were with for two years. We all thought you were going to marry him, but you didn’t. You dumped him the night he planned on proposing. What if we forced you to stay with him?
“God! Ack. No.” She acted as if she had a hairball stuck in her throat that needed to be coughed up. I understood the feeling well.
“Same thing, sunshine.”
Stomping her foot like a child having a tantrum, she whined. “But this is our parents.”
“And they deserve to be happy, to find their own way. If they stayed together simply for our sake, they would start to hate each other, might resent each other, and possibly resent us as well.”
“But—”
I held up my hand to stop her. Getting out of the car, I pulled my sister into my arms for a hug. “I understand, but this is their decision and their lives. We have to respect their wishes and support them. They would do the same for us.” At least I was certain they would do the same for Rayne, however, my positivity waned when the light shined on me.
“I hate it when you’re right.”
“I know you do.” I felt her tears soaking through my shirt as she finally let the tears free. I said nothing else as I held her, wishing I could take away the hurt and pain. Out of the two of us, she had always been the more sensitive one…and the biggest trouble maker, but she was still my kid sister, and I loved her to death.
When she finished sniffling and no longer had any tears to cry, Rayne gave me a lopsided smile. She breathed in deeply, and then released it slowly. Then and only then, did she finally say, “All right. Let’s go be nice little children for our parents’ sake.”
“That’s my girl.” I chuckled, tweaked her nose, and then ran away. She despised it when I did that, but hey, she began laughing.
Chapter 27
Emma
The afternoon I had spent with Bryan had been more than I ever imagined. Since I had gotten sick, I firmly believed I would never jump again, but he made it happen. He understood how much I missed it, and got me back up there. And not only had I gotten to jump, he strapped my body to his as if it were an everyday occurrence.
Simply remembering the feel of us tethered together, his body pressed against mine, made me squeeze my legs together, desperate for release. After almost two days, the excitement, joy, and lust remained fresh, poignant, and new. I tried to stop it, to fight it every step of the way, but I lost. My crush grew, drowning me in the feelings I wanted desperately to subside and disappear.
How I wished those feelings would wane and vanish, but apparently I hoped for too much. It was almost funny. After Bryan dropped me off at my apartment, he put the top on the Jeep, made sure I got into the house safely, and then left. And the rain had been falling off and on since, matching my mood perfectly.
There I was bemoaning the fact that no man wanted me, and I had already fallen for the one man that remained the most out of my reach. I stood inside the circle and he on the outside. How many times did I have to hear or read that I wasn’t his type before my heart would listen? It hadn’t worked so far. Instead, my feelings grew and surpassed the harmless level of a crush since I agreed to this whole stupid experiment. If only he had not answered. If only I selected the right name to begin with. If only I had never met him. If only…
If only sounded a lot like ‘what if,’ and I could hear Gia’s voice inside my head hollering at me. “What if my grandma wore combat boots?” I was never sure why she liked that particular saying, or what it had to do with anything, but she said it a lot. Basically, it meant the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’ didn’t matter. If my parents had never met or had decided to stop at only one child, I would not be here. If I hadn’t gotten sick, my life would have continued down the path it had been, and I probably wouldn’t have met Bryan or any of the other people I’d met online and in person who have MG as well.
My life changed the day I got sick, and I in some ways, I was still fighting the transformation, trying to decide if it had changed for the better or the worse. It was a strange argument to have with myself. Most would argue that it changed for the worse, and in many ways, I thought it had. No one should have to deal with this. Some days I could barely lift a soda can. But then again, there were many ways in which my life improved. I stopped to smell the roses now, I remembered to live—really live—as much as I could, and I tried to never take for granted anything and everything life offered me. I may not always get along with my fam
ily, however, they were there for me, loved me, and supported me. Not everyone was so lucky.
I was done and tired of it all, or maybe I was just tired of life in general. I didn’t know anymore, but I had figured out one thing, I didn’t want to be alone any longer, which meant I had to get over the one man I cared about romantically. It was ironic, that the one man I wanted was the one man helping me find someone else to be with. How was I supposed to get over my infatuation and feelings for him while still spreading my wings?
I stood there and no one saw me because of the throngs of people surrounding me. I needed someone who saw beyond the distractions, who could pick me out in a crowd.
I remembered watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade one night with my best friend. Gia had never really been into those types of movies, but I wanted to watch it, and she agreed to put it in the lineup for one of our movie nights. She must’ve loved me or something, because we watched it only two nights after I initially requested it.
In the movie, there was a scene toward the end where he made it through all of these different tasks and entered a room full of grails, and amongst them all, he had to pick out which one was the Holy Grail. So many were bejeweled and shiny, adorned with trinkets. Finally, he picked the plainest and most obscure grail. He picked correctly. I was the grail, and I wanted someone to find me amidst all of the decorated cups that surround me.
It was time to start living again. Really living. I had been going through the motions, but was always scared to really put myself out there. And my dates had left a lot to be desired, however, if I wanted to find someone to spend my life with, to love me, to find me in the sea of grails, I had to do more than sit at home complaining that no man wanted me. My walls were an impenetrable fortress which dared not open the gates. The time had come to take those baby steps Bryan suggested.
Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series Page 22