“Language! We’re in a church!” she griped.
Normally, I would have shut up and gone along with any harebrained scheme she came up with, but not this time. “You cussed too when you said damn.”
“So?”
“S-S-So?”
“Shh. I wanna watch this.”
“Will someone explain what’s going on?” Rayne demanded.
“Your brother finally grew a pair of balls. I’m proud to say, he’s no longer a pussy.” Mel chirped.
I felt Rayne’s gaze shift to me in order to size me up and pass judgment. I was fairly certain I came up short of the mark with her. I was sick, even if I didn’t appear sick as I clung to my friend for stability. I did not fit the mold Bryan had cast.
Already on edge, my eyes met hers, and fed up with everything, I snapped. “Take a picture, it lasts longer!” This made Mel double over as she laughed hysterically. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought a howler monkey had been set free in the church.
Another bang.
Craning my head toward Chad and Bryan, I noticed the pews on either side of them were askew. Had the whole world gone mad? They were grown men, and yet, they were physically pushing each other around in a church.
My heart skipped a beat. Was it wrong to hope Bryan fought for me? If only my brain would shut up. It wanted to argue that he kissed me because he felt sorry for me. I hated the logical side of my brain that reminded me not to get my hopes up.
As I opened my mouth to order them to stop fighting, his sister sneered, “You are so not worth it. I bet you’re faking.”
That sent me over the edge. I’d had enough. My feelings laid in tatters from everyone pushing me. I could take a lot, but my limit had been reached.
Spinning around too quickly, Luke grabbed me, holding me tight around the waist to prevent my fall. “You can think whatever the hell you want to. I don’t give a flying fuck. I’ve been subjected to your kind enough to say that I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I don’t care if you believe me or not. I don’t care what the fuck you think of me. You aren’t the one using a cane. You aren’t the one using a walker. You aren’t the one that had to leave all her friends in Texas and move out here. You aren’t the one whose life was stolen from her because one day you felt normal and the next you were in the ER and no one could figure out what was wrong with you. You aren’t the one that lost friends after she got sick because you could no longer do everything you were able to before. And you aren’t the one who guys look at like you’re the dirt beneath their feet just because you’re sick. And you know what? I hope you never have to experience any of this for yourself because it sucks! I hate being sick! I hate having to depend on others! I hate knowing that I’m going to be sick for the rest of my life because there is no fucking cure! So say whatever you damn well want about me, but before you do, you better have your fucking facts straight!”
Tears gushed down my face as I sniffled and hiccupped. It was only then that I realized the fighting had stopped and no one was saying anything. Utter silence engulfed the church. All eyes were on me. Turning my head, I took in the scene next to me. Chad had a bloody nose and the makings of a black eye. Bryan, on the other hand, had a little blood on the side of his lip, but seemed to be none the worse for wear. Cussing in a church. Fighting in a church. Yelling in a church. My granny was probably rolling around in her grave.
“Why? Why did you kiss me?” I demanded, my eyes boring into Bryan’s.
“Because I can’t stand the thought of you going out with Chad.” His words came out tense and rushed.
“So, you thought you’d kiss me? Bravo. That’s exactly how to get me past my issues,” I bit out sarcastically.
“Em…”
He took a step toward me, and I held up my hand. “Don’t you dare come near me. I don’t want to hear it. I thought you understood better? I thought we were friends, but I guess I should have known that isn’t the case since you’ve hardly talked to me this past month. I’m not even dating Chad. We’re only friends, which you would’ve known if you’d bothered to talk to me He’s been trying to get me out of the house more often because…because…” My crying overwhelmed me, making it harder to talk.
“Wait, Emma! I think you’re misunderstanding something.”
Shaking my head, I whimpered, “I don’t think so.”
“I do think so. Emma, I love you.”
Had I heard him correctly? I stood there gaping at him as if he had lost his damn mind while my tears continued to fall. “I’m…I’m sorry?” My voice was nothing but a soft squeak.
***
Bryan
Crap! I had everything planned. I knew exactly how I wanted to declare my feelings. But with one fell swoop, everything had been blown out of the water as I unceremoniously blurted my entire confession. In my head, everything would be said at the perfect moment in time, with her in my arms. It wasn’t supposed to happen while she ranted. It was supposed to be a sweet, romantic confession. But what she got was a desperate man grasping at straws.
The moment she walked in the door, I felt her. Her very essence called out to me, pulling me toward her as if my soul recognized its other half. The only thing that marred the image of her standing at the back of the church was that Chad stood next to her with his arm dangling around her waist. Reason told me she only did that because she needed someone to steady her while she used her cane, which she probably used because it seemed less noticeable than her walker. It didn’t take much to see that her stance wavered, leaving her looking a little unsteady. What killed me the most, was that I was not the person helping her Fucking Chad got the honor. Asshole.
I forced myself to keep my head straight, or else I would gape at her, but periodically I allowed myself the liberty to watch her out of the corner of my eyes. She looked breathtaking. Her black strapless sheath dress fit her figure perfectly, accentuating her body’s curves. Both flawlessly done, her hair held a hint of curl, and her makeup—though not needed in my eyes—made her lips seem fuller and her brown eyes stand out a little more. The picture perfect angel…except for Chad. I wanted her, and so did my dick. Sheer willpower kept it from becoming too noticeable. Thankfully, my black slacks had some give and they helped mask my hard on. People have said the color black made the person wearing it slimmer, and in this case it hid my very physical reaction to her.
And then my sister had to storm in like a bat out of hell, ignoring everything around her. Before I could say anything to her, Chad tore into her, and when they went toe to toe, the distraction became my opportunity to confess my feelings to Emma. I had it all planned out right down to her ecstatic reaction in which she would confess her own feelings for me.
Unfortunately, reality and imagination very rarely coincided. Her tears pained me, twisting my gut.
She refused to look at me, thus I did what any red blooded man in love would do: I kissed her in order to get her attention. I expected Chad to back off at that point, or at the very least to remain oblivious as he continued to argue with my sister. However, once again my expectations fell short. Upset that I dared kiss her, he yanked Emma away and threw her behind his back. Did he not realize that Emma was mine? His actions pissed me off for two reasons. First, he stood between Emma and me. Second, when he grabbed her, he had been too rough with her. She was a treasure and should be treated as such.
Unable to hold back after Luke pulled Emma to safety, I proudly threw the first punch, hitting him in his nose. Hopefully, I broke it. It didn’t take him but a moment to retaliate, and he punched me in the mouth. If he thought I was done with him, he thought wrong. Throwing my fist, I caught him in the eye.
Our fight stopped there. Emma’s voice carried throughout the small church, her words loud and echoing. She was crying again. All of her rage was directed at my sister, and I wouldn’t stop her. Rayne had done this to herself. For Emma though, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and shut out the world. I wanted to end her pain, her disappointmen
t. I wanted to protect her from anything that would rob the world of her smile.
I never expected her to turn her anger on me, or to challenge my kiss. I said the first thing that popped into my head. HUGE MISTAKE! As true as it was, that wasn’t the real reason I kissed her. My jealousy had spoken for me, and instead of confessing, I misspoke.
After I finally declared my love for her, she stood there with her mouth agape, stunned into silence. Everyone in the church watched us closely, waiting to see what would happen next, as if our love life was some sort of soap opera. Chad’s expression of disbelief was mirrored on almost everyone’s face, except Mel. On her face, I saw a knowing smirk. I didn’t question it, because she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. The fact I had asked about Emma before I got into town a month ago, had probably clued her into the fact I felt something for Emma. But I ignored them all, focusing all my attention on the only girl I loved.
Her small voice questioning me, felt like a slap in the face, but I understood her confusion. I had told her countless time that she was not my type. Enough that I had started to sound like a broken record, and here I stood before her contradicting myself. I had been a fool.
This time when I stepped toward her she didn’t stop me. I only had one chance to convince her. “I love you more than you’ll probably ever know. When you decided to go out with Chad, I got so damn jealous. Every time I saw a status update saying you were out with him, I wanted to punch something, him mainly. He’s my friend and I hated him because he got to spend time with you. Emma, when I took you skydiving, it turned into the best day of my life–and I’ve had some pretty good ones. Honestly, I have more fun talking to you on FaceSpace than I have ever had with any other girl. Chad turned into my enemy because he was trying to take all of that away from me.” My gaze shifted to Mel. Sending her a small wink, I shrugged. “Sorry. Em’s—”
“I get it.” She grinned. Yep, she had me completely figured out.
Focusing on Emma again, I told her, “I just want to make you happy. I want to be the one to support you when you have to lean on someone either physically or mentally. I want to protect you from anyone and everyone that would harm you, or hurt your feelings. I want to love you, and I know you want the same thing.”
Her brow scrunched as she regarded me, before she shook her head in denial. “No, I don’t.”
“You do.”
“No.”
Sometimes her pigheadedness made me want to wring her neck…or kiss her senseless. “You do. Trust me on this.”
“Oh, and how do you figure?”
Her nose resembled Rudolph’s, her eyes were red and swollen, but even when she probably thought she looked her worst, she still looked beautiful to me. “You kissed me back, and were ready to continue when I ended it.”
Her blush intensified and moved down her neck and chest. Had her breasts also turned red? “I’ll admit you’re a good kisser, but it’s been a while since I’ve been kissed and I like kissing. That’s all there is to it. I don’t want you or need you.”
“But you love me.”
“No.”
“Why don’t you try looking me in the eye when you say that?” Her eyes looked everywhere except my eyes.
She locked her gaze with mine. “I…I…I…” Huffing with annoyance, she snapped, “It doesn’t matter if I do or not. I refuse to be with anyone who pities me. I want more.”
“It’s not pity, and I intend on giving you world.”
“I’m not your type, remember?”
Why was it when I had something important to say, people chose those moments to interrupt me? The pastor, who had been running late, ran into the church with the door slamming shut with a loud bang. Out of breath, he asked loudly, “Is everyone here for the rehearsal?”
“We’re not done, Emma,” I warned her.
Wiping her tears away with my handkerchief, she held it out to me. “Yes, we are.”
“Bryan, take a hint. She doesn’t want you. Besides, you can do better than someone who’s broken.” Rayne’s snide remarks made me want to slap her. My sister should be supporting me, not trying to rip Emma apart again.
“Emma isn’t broken! And if you can’t accept her, then you can’t accept me either.”
“Bryan!”
Emma, the peacekeeper, said, “He doesn’t mean it, Rayne. You’re the little sister he adores more than anything.” Her words held a note of finality to them which terrified me. And my fears were confirmed when she asked Chad, “Can you take me home? I don’t feel so well.”
“I’ll take you home,” I insisted.
Luke grabbed my arm, holding me in place, as Chad helped her toward the exit. I tried to break free, but could not. “Give her some space. After what Rayne said, and on top of everything else, she’s hurt and confused. You’ve barely talked to her this past month, then you show up with this monumental declaration…You know, anytime we saw her this past month, she always asked about you. We knew she was pining for you. She only needs some time,” he instructed me.
“He’s right. Listen, I’m pretty sure she’s in love with you, even though she hasn’t admitted it to me. Give her some space and try again tomorrow. They say weddings can help bring people together. Maybe it’ll work in your favor. If not, I fully intend to have her catch my bouquet. We’ll just make sure you catch the garter.” Mel snickered, getting entirely too much pleasure out of my suffering. I almost shrunk away from her in fear due to the devious expression on her face. She was plotting, which never turned out well for her victims…I meant friends.
Reluctantly, I agreed. However, when I whirled to confront my sister, my demeanor changed. I seethed with anger, and I clenched my jaw as tightly as my fists hanging at my sides. “If you ever treat her or someone else so disrespectfully again, I don’t care who you are, you will regret it. Not all diseases can be seen. Mom has diabetes. You can’t see that, can you?” When she didn’t answer, I yelled, “Can you?”
Rayne flinched. “No.”
“Then I suggest the next time you see her, you apologize.”
The pastor appeared lost, confused, and a little scared, as if he had entered the middle of a war zone, and was trying to figure out if he should run for cover. His pews were askew, one of the members of the wedding party left in tears, and another raised his voice to a woman. This would be a wedding he never forgot.
It took Mel asking, “Are we ready to get started? I’ll give Emma the run down tomorrow,” to get everyone focused on the wedding again.
Nodding quickly, the pastor agreed. “Yes, shall we?”
I honestly couldn’t recall anything that happened during the wedding rehearsal or what I ate for dinner afterwards, but none of that mattered as I stood on Emma’s porch banging on her door at almost eleven that night. After I ditched Luke and the other guys, I drove here. She was more important than any mischief they wanted to stir up the night before the wedding. I’d given her a few hours, but now we needed to talk. I wanted explain myself, and then I would beg her to give me a chance.
Chapter 35
Emma
When he dropped me off, Chad offered to stay with me, but I wanted to be alone. My emotions were all over the place. Not necessarily in turmoil, but not jumping for joy either. I mean I felt both of those and so much more. Anger, confusion, happiness, nervousness, anxiousness, hopeful…I doubted there were enough words in the dictionary to describe how I felt the moment Bryan declared his love for me.
I wished I could believe him. I did, but, I couldn’t. Why now? Why after a month of radio silence, did he confess now? Because he thought I was dating Chad? If that’s all it was, he could keep his confession, his supposed love, and shove it up his ass.
Seeing him again after longing for him had been harder than I originally thought it would be. I certainly never expected to hear any sort of declaration from him tonight…his fake confession shattered my already broken heart. He didn’t really want me. It was more like he didn’t want anyone else to
have me. To Bryan, I was the shiny new toy. He reminded me of a child that wanted not only their toy, but everyone else’s as well. Eventually, my shine would fade, and he would move on to something else. The mere thought of that crushed me.
I had to clear my head of Bryan, I had to find some semblance of peace so that I could get through this weekend without breaking down. I failed. Bryan consumed my thoughts and my heart. Soaking in a bath had always been relaxing to me, even before myasthenia gravis entered my life, however, I gave up soaking after only five minutes because the longer I sat in the water, the more time I had to think. The more I allowed myself to think, the more my thoughts centered on Bryan and his confession. And the more I thought about that, the more I ached. It felt like a self-imposed torture.
Getting out of the bath had been a small struggle, but I managed it with the help of medical bars that had been installed all around the bathtub. They helped me to shower, to bathe, to soak without assistance, and gave me a lot of independence. Without them, getting in and out of the shower bath would be more difficult. On bad days though, I didn’t try to bathe myself. It was too dangerous, and I never knew if I would be able to get out of the bathtub by myself, even though I used a shower chair. Tonight, my legs were a little weaker than usual, and lifting myself from a seated position on the ground was not the most graceful feat, and that was all right because I still managed it on my own.
It wasn’t until I slipped on my nightshirt and shorts that I heard the first sounds of tapping. The small tapping turned into a knock, which kept getting louder and harder until the other person was essentially pounding on my door. The walls rattled. The door shook with the power. I could’ve pretended I didn’t hear, or I didn’t know who was attempting to break my down my door, but I somehow knew Bryan stood just outside of my apartment. Why was he here?
“Emma, I know you’re in there. Open up! We need to talk!” Bryan yelled through the door.
Talk? If he wanted to talk, he should have talked to me after he left Charleston a month ago instead of waiting until now. What was I expecting though? Bryan apparently thought everything should happen on his schedule. He tried to punish me for doing what he encouraged me to do from day one. But now I was supposed to listen to him and believe him after he ignored me? No. He always said I deserved better, he was right. I did deserve better from him.
Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series Page 30