“It’s Emma!”
“What do you mean?” That caught her attention.
“She’s slurring her words and she doesn’t sound right. She’s barely moving.”
“Fuck! I should have known you’d end up over there. She’s fine. Her medication wore off and she needs to take another dose.”
I paused and inquired, “Is it white?”
“Yes, and round.”
“I think she just took it.” I felt like an idiot.
“Give her about fifteen minutes for it to start kicking in, but she likes to give her morning dose thirty to really get into her system. Then, and only then, can you ask her all the questions you want, but she’s supposed to be over here by nine, and I think she said something about stopping for breakfast first.”
“So why did she set her alarm for six?”
“She gets tired and needs to take breaks while she gets ready. Takes her longer and all that jazz. Listen, I’m going back to sleep. Let her explain it all.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. I hated waiting for answers, but I didn’t have much of a choice.
Before I could hang up, I heard Mell call out to me, “And Bryan?”
“Yeah?” I asked, holding the phone up to my ear.
“Are you sure about this? This is her life, how she is every morning. She can’t immediately jump out of bed like you can. Are you sure you want to take this on? Are you ready for that?”
Honestly, I didn’t know what I was prepared for, but I loved Emma and I couldn’t live my life without her any longer. If needed, I’d learn and adapt to her life as much as I could. “I am,” I said softly, and then pressed the end button.
I could tell Emma lay there awake, and probably heard my whole conversation with Mel, but she didn’t say anything nor did she try to look at me. I wanted to know what was going through her head. That said, I remained quiet until she was ready to talk to me.
As I sat there waiting, I heard nature coming to life outside. Birds were waking up, singing to welcome the rising sun. Something rustled in the bushes right outside Emma’s apartment window. Somewhere in the distance, a cat meowed. And upstairs, her neighbors had started to move around.
Thirty minutes never seemed so long.
“I’m surprised you didn’t leave,” her voice sounded almost normal, still a slight slur, but nothing like earlier, which relieved me.
“I told you, I love you no matter the disease.” My panic and emotions made my voice gruff.
“You called Mel.” Not a question, a statement.
“I was scared and didn’t know what to do because you wouldn’t answer me.”
“I don’t like talking when I’m like that. I’m hard to understand, and people have accused me of being drunk when I’m like that.”
“You sounded drunk, but I knew you weren’t.”
“No, I couldn’t have been.” She lay there in silence after that. Her body faced the window, so I couldn’t tell if her eyes were opened or closed, therefore, I stared aimlessly at the window, waiting for her to explain what had happened, but she said nothing. The sun began to rise steadily as we laid there, penetrating the break in the curtain to light her room.
The longer we laid there, the more agitated I became. I couldn’t take it anymore. “Is that really how you are every morning?”
“Yes.” She sighed, and started to sit up. I tried to assist her, but I quickly realized I was more of a hindrance than a help. She didn’t complain though, and the small smile I received made me feel like the king of the world. Yeah, I had it bad for her. When she settled into a comfortable position, she explained, “My daily mestinon doesn’t work for long periods of time. I have to take it every four hours during the day. At night I take timespan, which is a long-acting mestinon. It lasts eight hours, which gets me through the night. It’s basically the medicine that helps my muscles work and keeps me functioning like a somewhat normal person. I call it my muscle med.”
“Why don’t you just take the timespan all the time?”
“More expensive and not as mass produced. Usually my alarm is set for seven so I can get my first daily dose of mestinon—a lot of us call it mesty—into my system before Curley demands food. He seems to understand that he has to wait a little bit after the alarm before he can bug me.”
“So basically, we would have to wait for morning sex?” I grinned, joking with her.
She didn’t seem to appreciate my jest. Narrowing her eyes, she studied me for a couple of minutes, and I almost squirmed under her intense gaze. “You aren’t freaked out? You know I wouldn’t be offended if you left.”
I read between the lines. She might not have been offended, but she would be hurt. After all my promises, her acceptance of my feelings, it would have been a knife to the back. “I’m not going anywhere. I hate to tell you this, but you’re stuck with me for pretty much fucking forever.” Her eyes widened, her cheeks burned pink, and her smile grew. That reaction was everything to me. I bent forward to capture her lips in a kiss. When I reluctantly ended it, we were both out of breath. Had I ever experienced a kiss that set my whole body on fire? I couldn’t think of anyone doing that to me except Emma. Damn, I sounded like a girl, but for her, I would do anything, and not care what anyone besides her thought of it.
When she had sat up, she’d tucked the sheet under her arms, but I remembered what her body looked like. I wanted that body, craved it like no other.
Beautiful, sexy, funny, courageous…how had I gotten so blessed?
“Was that your only question?” she probed.
So many questions ran through my head. Questions I’d never thought to ask before, but the first one that popped out was, “Have you ever gone into crisis?”
Shaking her head, she said, “No. I’ve been lucky.”
Lucky. She called that lucky. I called it a miracle.
“You know, not everyone with MG goes into crisis,” she stated, her head tilted a little to the side.
Had my expression changed to the point she felt it necessary to reassure me? “I realize that. It’s just…” I couldn’t find the words.
“Scary? Believe me I know. It’s one of the things I fear the most, but according to the doc, I’m fairly stable. Although, my legs like to take vacation more often than they used to. We’re still playing with my meds, trying to find the right combination. I have good days and bad days, I take my meds, and I get treatment every couple of weeks.”
“Treatment?”
“IVIG.” I guessed I appeared bewildered because she quickly explained. “It’s an IV treatment and helps me function. It means intravenous immunoglobulin. The easiest way to explain it is, it is like a sponge. It soaks up the bad antibodies and helps decrease the symptoms. I go every two weeks right now, but starting next week I go every week. Insurance took their sweet time approving the treatment since it’s costly. I think I got a bill once and it was over $24k for the month. When someone donates blood, one of the things that’s extracted is the immunoglobulin. That’s what is pushed into me.”
I ran my hand over my face and huffed. “I guess I still have a lot to learn.”
“You don’t have to, you know.”
“Why are you saying that? Of course I do.”
Picking at an invisible piece of lint on her blanket, she refused to meet my gaze. “It’s a lot to take in, and I’m sure it’s more than you bargained for. I accept the fact that with my MG and the stuff that comes with it, it’ll take someone unique to accept everything, and—”
The irritation that had disappeared, returned with a vengeance. “You mean someone like Chad?” Apparently, my jealousy hadn’t diminished as much as I thought it had.
“Not necessarily, but he’s one.” She stared at me as if she were trying to figure out the secrets of the universe…or just my own hidden agenda. But I had none. When it came to her, I opened myself up and gave her everything.
“You don’t think I’m up for the task?”
Her eyes dropped to the bla
nket again as she shrugged. “It’s a burden. I’m going to be a burden to anyone who decides to be with me. And it’s a lot bigger commitment than it would be for a normal person. If I was normal, you wouldn’t have panicked this morning. You would’ve probably kissed me awake and—”
“Stop it right there.” Holding up my hand, I needed her to quit right there, because my imagination booted up, and thoughts of what came after the kiss were quite colorful in my head. “While that might be true, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you or love you.” Now if only my dick would stop reacting to my wayward thoughts, this conversation might be a little easier to handle. It didn’t help my situation when she started to bite her lip though. I wanted my teeth to do the biting. Damn! She made me feel like an out of control horney teenager.
And then something occurred to me. “What are you really afraid of?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.” I’d been sitting on end of the bed, and moved to sit next to her. Nudging her, I pleaded, “Talk to me. Please.”
“I just…A lot of my single MG friends find that after they start dating someone, the other party eventually realizes they can’t handle someone who’s sick. Chronic illnesses don’t go away. And for a lot of people, it gets really old really fast. Cancelling dates last minute, because I’m not having a good day. The walker, the cane, the meds, the fatigue, and all the doctor appointments.”
“Are you trying to talk me out of being with you?”
“No, but—”
“Yes, you are.” I chuckled. “We really need to work on your self-esteem. When you finally land the guy, you’re supposed to sit back, enjoy it all, and be happy. I don’t care about any of that. If you want me to go with you to doctor appointments, I will. Hell, it might help me understand everything a little more. If you have to cancel our dates, I’ll come over and take care of you. And if you have to take a nap or lie down because you’re feeling fatigued, I’ll lie down with you.”
She furrowed her brow in confusion. “How?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, how can you do all of that? You don’t even live here.”
Grinning, I wrapped my arms around her, and lifted her onto my lap. “Well, even if I wasn’t transferring to Charleston, we’d make it work somehow.”
I saw the moment everything clicked. A smile slowly formed, tugging her lips upwards. I loved her smile, the way her eyes seemed brighter with a little more gold when she honestly felt happy. There was so much about Emma Taylor I still needed to discover, and I estimated it would take a lifetime to find out what made the woman I loved so unique.
“You’re transferring?” she asked. Eagerness lit up her expressive eyes. She wanted this, wanted me to transfer. Maybe some of her hesitation sprung out of her uncertainty over the physical distance that would’ve separated us.
“Yes. Two more months and I’ll be here full time…or as full time as the Navy allows me to be.” My own smile grew, mirroring hers, and I leaned down to kiss her again, feasting on her lips. And now that she had her medicine in her system, I could dine on her.
If only we didn’t know Mel.
In the middle of our kiss, my phone started to ring. I ignored it, intent on kissing my girl. Another ring. Based on the ringtone, Mel decided to be insistent this morning. I didn’t care if it was her wedding day, Emma in my arms was heaven on earth, and I was reluctant to let her go.
I ignored it again, but seconds later, another call. This time Emma’s phone started to ring, and a second later, mine joined hers, this time with my sister’s ringtone.
A man’s ego could be a delicate thing. In other words, it hurt a man’s pride when his new girlfriend laughed with his tongue in her mouth. But, that was exactly what happened when our cell phones kept ringing. As they both began ringing simultaneously for a third time, she couldn’t stop giggling and our kiss was cut short.
“You know they won’t leave us alone, and if I don’t start getting ready, I won’t make it to Mel’s on time.”
“Five more minutes.”
“Mel will probably drive over here if we don’t answer.”
“We’ll barricade the door.”
“I’m in. We can skip the wedding.”
Groaning, my forehead fell to her shoulder. “Fuck! We can’t. I’m going to need help moving into my new place.”
“I thought the Navy paid for all that. Always did for my dad.”
“They do, but I’m going to need to buy some new furniture. I planned on putting Luke to work. Plus, Mel knows my parents. They’ll kick my ass if I don’t show.”
“Big bad Navy man afraid of his parents.”
“More afraid of Mel. She’s scary.”
Emma stated laughing again. “She seriously is.”
The fourth time they rang, I unwound myself from Emma’s body and grabbed my phone from the floor. Fucking Mel and her demands. The fact she knew my sister, only made it worse. Before Emma’s own phone sent the call to voicemail, she answered. I left her in the bedroom to deal with Mel, while I went into the kitchen to make coffee and deal with my sister. “What do you want?” I demanded.
“About time you picked up your phone.” Rayne’s snooty tone was not lost on me. I pushed down the urge to reach through the phone and strangle her. What exactly was her problem with Emma anyway?
“Did you need something, or did you feel like giving me attitude before I’ve even had my coffee?”
“Rawr.” She mimicked a pissed off cat.
“What the fuck do you want, Rayne? You’ve got three seconds before I hang up.”
“Fine! Don’t get your panties in a twist. I called because Mel asked me to try your phone. Apparently she’s been trying to call you and that girl all morning. She got worried when no one picked up.”
“That girl is Emma, and we’re both fine. We couldn’t answer because I was helping her do something, and the phones were in the other room.” I’d always been a pretty good liar when it came to my sister—for the most part—so I prayed she bought my story.
“Yeah, sure you were.”
“I’m serious about what I said yesterday, Rayne.”
“It’s not like she’s going to stick around long enough. You’ve introduced me to girls before and they never lasted beyond that. What’s the big deal about her?”
“The big deal is I love her and plan on spending the rest of my life with her. If you don’t like that, you better start looking for a way to deal with it.”
“Bryan—”
“No. That’s how it is. Period.” I hung up before she could say anything else.
Damn it! My emotions were all over the place this morning. Scared, relieved, happy, ecstatic, irritated, pissed off, and every other fucking emotion in between. I would’ve probably thrown my phone if I didn’t have a use for it.
I couldn’t understand why Rayne had a problem with Emma when they’d never met before. Had Mel or Luke said something to Rayne that my sister took offense to? No. I knew Mel better than most, and I believed beyond the shadow of a doubt, she’d never said anything derogatory about Emma. So then what the hell was Rayne’s issue?
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I released a sigh and sagged against the kitchen counter. I loved my sister, and no matter what happened in life that would never change. But Emma…this was different. If I lost her, part of me would disappear as well.
“You okay?” her voice called out from behind me.
A slow smile appeared on my lips as I turned around. Being with her, having her here, lifted a weight off my shoulders, and my mood instantly brightened. How did she hold so much power over my mood? I neither knew nor cared. This was the affect she had on me, and I embraced it.
Walking around the counter, I carefully pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly as I kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, just a small sibling squabble.”
“You sure?” she asked, her concern evident in her tone as she returned my embrace.
&nb
sp; “I’m sure. She’ll get over it.”
“What happened?”
I opened my mouth to speak and snapped it closed. Finally, I admitted, “I don’t know. A bee flew up her ass about something, but I can’t tell you why.”
“It’s about me, isn’t it?”
I didn’t want to lie to her, but at the same time, I didn’t want to tell her that yes, my sister had an issue with her for some unknown reason. I needed to navigate this properly, and I hadn’t a clue as to how to manage it.
***
Emma
Bryan stiffened in my arms. He said everything he didn’t want to say in that one action, but I didn’t blame him for his sister. I couldn’t. If anything, I probably understood more than he did about his sister’s behavior. First, she probably had a brother complex. Most younger sisters I had met did. Second, she probably didn’t know what to think of me. She more than likely felt unnerved by the fact I was disabled and sick. Most people found it hard to deal with illnesses, diseases, or disabilities. I was different, and her brother showed an interest in me.
To Rayne, her brother had picked someone beneath him because on paper, Bryan was the cream of the crop. A Navy pilot with a killer personality and a hero complex. He was tall, good-looking, tall, dark, and handsome. Compared to him, I was average. After I got sick, I was unable to return to work, so I tried to keep busy by writing a little as my hobby, and reading. Comparing both of us side by side, I wasn’t exactly sure why he fell for me. That said, after last night, I did not doubt him.
His hands rub up and down my spine, relaxing me to the point that I accidentally dropped my cane. I probably should have selected my walker today, but once again I chose to pretend I’d be fine with less. I knew it was prideful, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to walk down the aisle today with my walker. I didn’t want all of the pictures from Mel’s wedding to have a walker in them. It was bad enough that I, at the bare minimum, needed a cane. Using a walker, would have called too much attention to myself, and honestly, I was slightly embarrassed to have my walker in Mel’s wedding. The guests should be focused on the bride, not me.
Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series Page 33