by Eden (lit)
“Such a lovely green,” he said with a sigh. “They almost sparkle. And that dress is fabulous,” he said, gesturing for her to turn around.
Catrina did a little turn for him and Draco sighed again.
“Absolutely fabulous.”
Viktor smiled and motioned for her to join him. She stood behind his chair like she’d been asked and Draco announced, “I’m starting my own clothing line.”
Before she could respond Bernard asked, “Why are you talking to his servant?”
Catrina still didn’t look at him. He was further down the long table and if she focused on Viktor and Draco, she didn’t have to pay attention to Bernard.
“Because she obviously has great fashion sense,” Draco replied.
“I’m sure Viktor dressed her,” Bernard snapped.
“Well, that’s a nice thought,” Draco said with a smile. “Tell me, my dear, did he dress you?”
“Yes.”
“And did you enjoy it?” His eyes sparkled with the question.
“Always,” she purred.
Draco’s questions and her sultry reply seemed to be enough to shut Bernard up for the moment. While Draco went on to talk about his clothing line, Viktor explained to her telepathically, “Servants eat last, either with each other or by themselves. On rare occasions they are asked to join their master. I’m about to ask you to join us, but only after the council members have been served. Either way it’s going to piss Bernard off.”
“I thought you didn’t want to rock the boat.”
“I don’t. But I know you’re hungry and I refuse to make you starve to save his sense of superiority.”
“I love you, Viktor.”
“I know you do.”
Someone must have already taken their order, because about that time a young man came out and presented Draco with a bottle of O positive. The man bowed and left the room. Catrina glanced toward Bernard and Viktor explained, “He only drinks from women and I have only men here.”
Before Viktor could explain further, Bernard snapped his fingers and one of the women sitting on the floor rose to her knees. She moved closer and presented him with her wrist. Bernard gave the woman a look Catrina had never seen on such a young face. But then she reminded herself that he only appeared to be a teenager. He was probably a thousand years old, judging by his level of creep-appeal.
He must have communicated something to the woman without words, because she stood up and sat in his lap instead. Bernard made a great show of brushing aside her long blond hair and laying her neck bare before he sank in his fangs. Throughout this entire process he made eye contact with Catrina. Damn him. He was provoking her and she refused to give in. He had seen that he could upset her and was trying to do it again. Catrina met his icy stare and only turned away when Viktor said, “Catrina, would you like to join us?”
She could hear Bernard making soft choking noises at this request and it gave her great pleasure to say, “Yes, thank you.”
Viktor stood up and pulled out a chair beside him and Bernard sputtered again. Even though Bernard was a council member, Viktor Van Helsing was a bad-ass vampire and this was a petty issue. If he challenged him over treating his human servant with respect and won, it would make him look even more cruel. But if Bernard challenged him over this issue and lost, he would look like a fool. That is if he survived the encounter. It was this knowledge which kept the council member in his seat.
“I’ve asked them to prepare something I think you’ll like,” Viktor said to Catrina. Inside her mind he added, “I know Bernard makes you sick. Just take a few bites for the sake of appearance and you can eat the rest in my bedroom later.”
She took her seat beside Viktor and within five minutes the kitchen staff brought out one of her favorite dishes, blackened chicken pasta. She was absolutely starving, but due to the show Bernard was making, including licking his lips and his victim’s neck, she could only take a few bites.
Catrina suffered through dinner as best she could and continued to ignore Bernard as much as possible. She focused instead on the sound of Viktor’s voice and the smell of his cologne. Draco wasn’t too bad to look at either and he treated her like a human being. Not like how you’d expect a vampire to treat a human, but the way another human would.
When there was a break in the conversation she asked Viktor, “Will you excuse me please? I’m not feeling well.”
“Sick?” Bernard asked eagerly.
“Catrina has been battling a cold,” Viktor said. The wink he gave Catrina let her know he wouldn’t let Bernard think he’d gotten the better of her. Since they all knew human servants rarely fell ill due to their connection to their master he added, “She has stubbornly refused to let me heal her. But I may convince her yet.”
She smiled her appreciation and quietly left the room. But Catrina didn’t go downstairs to Viktor’s chambers. She practically ran up the stairs to the second floor. Along the way she found an ornate liquor cabinet and removed a bottle of scotch and a tumbler. She walked about halfway down the hall and threw open the French doors which led to the balcony. It was a beautiful night. The air was cool and crisp and the smell of Viktor’s rose garden wafted up to meet her. A million stars sparkled like the diamonds on her necklace and they were the only ones who saw her start to cry.
Catrina focused on her connection to Viktor and blocked it off as best she could. He didn’t need to know she was falling apart. He also didn’t need to get drunk, which was exactly what she was planning to do. As long as she kept their connection blocked he would be able to continue being a gracious host and she could quietly fall to pieces.
Chapter Twenty Six
Catrina sat the scotch on the wrought iron table which adorned the balcony and poured herself a glass. Ordinarily she would have been cold, but she had her anger and plenty of alcohol to keep her warm. She propped on the railing and looked out over the garden below. Viktor grew mostly white roses and they seemed to glow in the darkness. There was a plaque which hung above the arch in the middle of the garden. It said, “In memory of Abraham.”
When he had showed it to her the night before she thought it was very touching and now it made her cry. Everything made her cry. She was absolutely furious and all she could do was cry. Catrina hated herself for not going back to her apartment, packing a bag full of holy items and wooden stakes and turning Bernard into a piñata. But she hated him even more for making her want to.
She was seated at the table and working on her third glass of scotch when someone asked, “Is this where you go to come undone?”
Catrina shivered at the sound of Bernard’s voice and didn’t bother trying to hide it. He made her sick.
“I don’t usually come undone,” she replied coldly and took another sip of scotch.
He moved closer in order to get a better look at her. Even though she wasn’t crying now, it was obvious by the tracks of her mascara that she had been. For some reason, that bothered him. Here sat one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen and she hated him to the point of tears.
Catrina rose suddenly and said, “Excuse me, but I need some ice.”
“No,” he said, stepping in front of her. “I’d say you’ve got plenty of that.”
Catrina turned her back on him without replying and walked back over to the railing. There she propped and stared out at the night while she finished her drink. Bernard stood beside her and watched. He waited for her to acknowledge his insult or to even acknowledge him, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t.
When she went to pour herself another drink he asked, “What is it about me that disgusts you so much?”
She looked up at him and then back down at her glass.
“You don’t want me to answer that question and neither does Viktor. You are his guest and my opinions would offend you. Besides, what is a human’s opinion worth to you?”
He thought that over for a few minutes before answering, “I don’t know. No one has given me their honest opinion on a
nything in years. Everyone is afraid of me and fear I’m used to.” He gestured toward her. “But not this.”
She laughed and it was a bitter sound. “I can’t be the only liberated woman you’ve ever met.”
“No, you’re not. But you’re the only one willing to risk death to tell me how you felt.”
“Is that what you want?” she asked, turning toward him. “Do you want me to run off my mouth so you’ll be justified in killing me?”
“No.”
“Then what do you want? I came out here to be alone.”
He stepped closer to her and to her credit Catrina didn’t retreat.
“I want to know what you see when you look into my eyes. No tricks, no vampire magic. I just want to know what you see. I give you my word Viktor will be held harmless no matter what you say.”
Catrina didn’t point out that his word wasn’t a comfort to her. Maybe it was the liquor or maybe it was her sense of injustice that cried out too loudly to be ignored. Either way, she took a deep breath and a good long look into the vampire’s eyes.
“I see pain and more than a lifetime of cruelty to make up for it. For that I’m sorry.”
Bernard looked like he’d been stabbed.
“You’re sorry?” he asked breathlessly. “But why?”
“I’m sorry for the childhood you never truly experienced, for the life that was stolen from you. I’m sorry for the eternity you have to spend with the face of a child and the thoughts of a man. But I didn’t do this to you and neither did those women you treat like slaves.”
“And what else?” he said, raising his voice to provoke her into saying more.
Catrina threw her glass, shattering it against the table as she advanced on the vampire.
“I hate you!” she yelled. “You make me sick with your goddamned superior attitude and complete disregard for other’s feelings. You make me want to vomit.” She shook with fury as she took another step forward and yelled into his face, “You make my skin crawl! You look down on people but you are so much less than human. You don’t even know what that word means.”
“Tell me,” he said and it sounded like a command.
“To be human means to have compassion, to be able to love not just hate. To be able to have some fucking feelings,” she said. And with her last words Catrina actually shoved him backward. “I have never met anyone that made me feel the way you do.”
“And how is that?” he asked.
“Like I should go and bathe in holy water, just because I was near you.”
Catrina’s chest heaved with the effort it took to get those words out. She walked back to the table and her hands shook when she reached for the scotch. Then she remembered breaking the glass and let loose another string of cuss words.
“Kill me if you’re going to,” she said. “But you let those women go.”
Bernard was silent for a moment. He moved to stand beside her and said, “I told you Viktor would be held harmless. Didn’t you understand that meant you too because you are his?”
“No, I didn’t. I find it difficult to think of myself as a possession.”
He looked astonished. “You didn’t know.” He said it like it was an unbelievable fact. “You would really have given your life for them?”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t even know them.”
“I realize the concept is beyond you, but people really don’t enjoy being treated like animals.” Then she remembered Draco’s entourage and said, “Well, most people.”
Viktor came running up the stairs and froze in front of the balcony doors. He looked from one face to the other, clearly not knowing how to react.
“Everything is fine,” Bernard said. “We were just having a conversation.”
Viktor looked toward Catrina and she nodded her agreement.
“So, you’re alright then? I heard shouting.”
“It’s a very lively conversation,” Bernard added.
It was obvious Bernard wanted to finish that conversation in private. Viktor looked to Catrina again and said, “I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.” Then he turned on his heel and left her alone with Bernard.
“I’ll get you another glass.”
Before she could object, Bernard left to get the glass. She almost ran in the other direction and left through the back stairs. But something in his voice made her stay. When he returned Bernard gestured toward the chair and while she sat down he poured her another drink.
“It was a woman who bit me,” he said softly. “It was two weeks from my eighteenth birthday. I was just starting to develop some confidence with girls.” He laughed ruefully. “I didn’t know she was a vampire. I thought she just liked me.”
Catrina got the impression that he hadn’t told anyone this story before.
“You don’t have to tell me this,” she said.
“Yes, I do. You’re right about me, Catrina. If anyone else ever had me figured out they didn’t have the courage to say.” He sat down across from her and unbuttoned his coat. It was the gesture of a much older, much more graceful man. “I’ve spent years hating women. Hating their pretty hair and their lying eyes. And you,” he said, turning toward her. “You look just like her. You look just like the bitch who did this to me. And I hate you for it. But it’s not you. You didn’t do this.”
“And the one who did?” she asked.
“I’ve never been able to find her. But I nearly shit when I saw you.”
Catrina laughed, she couldn’t help it. Bernard was surprised by her reaction but he couldn’t help smiling. Just like that his creepiness was diminished.
“You know,” he said thoughtfully, “you looking like her and saying you were sorry for what happened to me is as close as I’ll ever get to an apology.”
“You didn’t want to find her for an apology,” she said.
“No. I wanted to stab out her bitch heart. But you get my point. Seeing your reaction tonight it … made me wonder.”
They sat in silence for several minutes. Catrina sipped her scotch while Bernard was lost in thought.
“If I come back to visit again, would you be willing to spend time with me?”
She hadn’t anticipated his question and the look on her face made that clear.
“What do you mean spend time with you?”
“I mean would you go out to dinner with me? You and Viktor.” He hesitated before adding, “Without my entourage.”
“I suppose we could,” she answered cautiously. “But why would you want to?”
He looked back to her then and the look in his eyes made her want to cry all over again.
“Because I have forgotten what it was like to be human and until you reminded me tonight I didn’t even realize what that meant.”
“So, you’re not the arrogant ass-wipe I thought you were,” she said, making it a question.
“No, I am. I just remembered I used to have a heart.”
Catrina had no idea what possessed her, but she had the strangest urge to reach out to him. She sat down the glass of scotch, walked around the table and reached for Bernard. Without hesitation he fell into her arms and held her nearly tight enough to break her ribs.
“Thank you,” he whispered fiercely against her hair. “Thank you.”
Catrina pulled back from him enough to look up into his eyes. If it wasn’t for the hatred which clouded them, he might have been charming.
“A friend of mine was also bitten by a woman,” she said softly. “He described her as looking a lot like me.” Bernard’s eyes widened as she continued. “If this was the same woman, she was killed twenty years ago.”
Bernard released her then and took a step back.
“This friend of yours, I’d like to speak to him. I’d like to hear his description of her. Do you think he would mind?”
“Give me a number where you can be reached and I’ll have him contact you,” she said. “I don’t think he would mind.” Catrina took a deep breath before she said, “Why wo
uld you suddenly care about someone’s feelings? What difference does it make to you if I hate you or not?”
Bernard’s eyes looked almost welcoming for the first time as he said, “You look a lot like someone I once loved. I thought I hated her until a few hours ago when I thought I’d found her again.” He reached out to touch Catrina’s face and she didn’t withdraw. “I wanted to fall at your feet and beg for mercy,” he whispered. “I wanted you to take me in your arms and curse me all over again, just for the chance to touch your lips.”
“I’m so sorry,” she cried. She still wanted to hate him, but she couldn’t help but be moved by the emotion in his words.
He sighed. “And the fact that you care enough about a stranger to apologize for their past hurts proves you are not her.”
“You’re disappointed.”
“A little.” He shrugged.
“You know, Bernard, no one goes from being an asshole to being a perfect gentleman overnight. How do I know that when you come back you won’t upset me again the way you did tonight? Especially since you seem to know which buttons to push.”
“Because I give you my word,” he said softly.
Catrina crossed her arms and looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.
“How old are you, Bernard?”
“Eight hundred and fifty.”
“So for the better part of a millennium you’ve hated women and now you’re going to change? Sorry, but I’m not buying it.”
“I’ll explain if you want me to,” he said. “But first I think you should go downstairs and let Viktor know your head is still attached to your body.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m sure he knows you well and at the very least he must have sensed your reaction to me. It was obvious he didn’t want to leave us alone. You’re free to go, but I’d really like for you to come back.”
Catrina walked past him without commenting further, put her glass on the table and went downstairs. On her way down she thought over what he’d said and decided that she would go back, if for nothing more than morbid curiosity.
She found Viktor waiting in the lobby. He and Draco were sitting on one of the large sofas and Draco’s men were sitting on the floor. The one with the mask was licking Draco’s boots. Viktor leapt to his feet at the sight of her and quickly said to Draco, “Excuse me.”