But knowing he had returned to London without saying goodbye left her with a hollowness in her chest. For all his lovely words and actions, their time together meant nothing to him. He had already forgotten about her.
* * *
Andrew stared into his glass at the dining-room table of Gabriel’s home, not even pretending to listen to his brothers as they sat together drinking port after dinner. He had recently returned from his trip and been out earlier in the day walking along Bond St when he thought he had spotted Charlotte from behind, dressed in grey, and entering a perfumer. He waited a full twenty minutes for the lady to emerge with his heart pounding just to get a glimpse of her, only to discover it was the Duchess of Skeffington. He knew his brain had been muddled since his visit to Toby’s. He hadn’t realised how much until today.
It had been easier not to say goodbye to her before he left. He preferred his final memory of her to be of their evening under the stars. His goodbye wouldn’t have changed anything. He still would have had to leave. So why did his gut burn with guilt about the way he’d left every time he thought of her?
He took a deep breath and picked up his glass and finished off the remaining contents in one gulp. He caught Gabriel’s eye as he reached for the crystal bottle to refill his glass.
‘You’ve been particularly quiet this evening,’ Gabriel offered, eyeing him from his chair.
‘Have I?’
Monty held his hand out to Andrew for the bottle. ‘Let him be, Gabriel. I much prefer a quiet Andrew to the cross one I’ve been facing.’
‘I’ve not been cross. Why would you tell him I’ve been cross?’
‘Perhaps because you have been. I cannot recall the last time that scowl was not permanently affixed to your face.’
‘What is there to smile about?’
‘What is there to prevent you from smiling?’ Monty asked, pouring himself more port.
‘I’m dealing with you. That is enough to make one cross.’
‘I’ve been very patient with you, Andrew. But my patience is wearing thin. Whatever has caused this foul mood you are in, do not think it gives you permission to discharge your anger at me. And the next time you find yourself at White’s ready to come to blows with another gentleman, you can find yourself another brother to step in to smooth it over. Oh, forgive me, you don’t have another brother who would do that. Gabriel would have let you brawl it out and then have yourself barred from the club.’
Andrew directed a glance at Gabriel to determine if this was the first his brother was hearing about his altercation with Lord Aldrich.
From the look in Gabriel’s eyes, it was. ‘What was the argument about?’ Gabriel asked, shifting his attention to the contents of his glass.
‘Boreham accidentally bumped into Aldrich on the stairs going up to the card room,’ Andrew explained. ‘Aldrich made much ado about nothing and would not accept Boreham’s apology. It was unnecessary and prevented the rest of us from reaching the tables. I told him he was being an ass and should accept Boreham’s apology and move on. He took umbrage at my interference and we began to argue until Monty stepped in.’
‘It was more than an argument. I’ve never witnessed anger like that from you over something so trivial and that had no impact on you.’
‘It did impact me. I wanted to play cards.’
‘You should have hit him,’ Gabriel said off-handedly, observing the back and forth between his younger brothers. ‘Aldrich is an ass. He would have deserved it.’
‘Would you have Andrew barred from White’s? I think it would be safe to say you will find him dining here more frequently should that occur.’
‘I assure you I would make certain it was temporary and I believe Olivia would welcome it. She does appear to like the both of you more than necessary considering you are both rather vexing most of the time.’
‘I’m trying to be responsible,’ Monty replied. ‘As the youngest I should be taking on the role of wastrel—instead I’ve been forced to play nursemaid to him with his bad humour.’
‘I haven’t asked you to.’
‘Someone needs to.’
‘I am fully capable of handling my affairs and my mood. Go find some tavern wench to occupy yourself with and leave me alone.’
Before Monty could reply, Gabriel raised his hand to stop him. ‘Finish your port, Monty, and let the ladies know Andrew and I will be joining you in the drawing room shortly.’
‘But—’
‘Let me speak to him, Montague.’
His younger brother downed his port, glared at Andrew out of the corner of his eye and walked out, leaving Andrew to face Gabriel alone. Why couldn’t Monty keep his mouth shut?
With a lift of his hand, Gabriel dismissed the two footmen who had been on either side of the doorway and the sound of the door closing behind them echoed around the ornate red and gold room.
Andrew dropped his head back on his chair and stared up at the ceiling. ‘I am in no humour to listen to you lecture me.’
‘I wasn’t aware I had been lecturing you.’ Gabriel’s brow was knotted when Andrew met him in the eye.
‘Maybe not yet, but you know you want to.’
‘What I want to do is find out what happened when you went to visit Knightly.’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘You were instructed to take leave for a fortnight. You agreed to remain disengaged from all operations. And yet you were only there for one week.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Spence mentioned he saw you the next week in Windsor.’
‘I spent most of my time in a tavern. I was nowhere near the castle or His Majesty.’
‘But you told me you spent all two weeks with Knightly.’
Damn Spence. After years of working side by side in the field with the man and considering him a friend, one would think he would know when to keep quiet. ‘I never said that I was at Toby’s the entire time. You just assumed I was when I walked in this study exactly fourteen days after I left.’
‘What did you find in Windsor that you are not telling me about?’
‘Nothing. I am just partial to a tavern there.’ There was no need to tell his brother he needed to be in Windsor, where he last served the Crown by foiling a plot against King George. It helped to remind him that what he did mattered. That the safety of his country, at times, would rest in his hands and that was why it was so important for him to leave Charlotte. That was why duty came before all else.
‘You promised me you would disengage yourself from your responsibilities while you were away, yet you returned with information on the status of unrest in the area. I said nothing when you handed over that information. You’re a grown man. Your instincts are what make you effective. But, since you’ve returned you are more on edge than before you left. Something has changed. Something has happened.’
Andrew let out a deep breath and pushed his chair back from the table. ‘I haven’t been any different from how I was before I left.’ He had been telling himself this very thing over and over again. Part of him might have believed it.
‘You and I both know that isn’t true.’
He was not about to explain his feelings to Gabriel. He could barely explain them to himself. Charlotte had touched something inside him, and he had been unable to let her go.
‘I am simply tired.’
‘You didn’t leave Cheshire because you were tired. Did you hear Mr Hunt speak? They say he can be very persuasive and impassioned in his views.’ There was concern in Gabriel’s voice, as if he, too, was thinking about how their uncle had his views turned all those years ago—and the fatal consequences of his actions.
‘There were no speeches to be heard.’
‘Then what?’
Andrew tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the image of Char
lotte out of his head. When would he forget what she looked like?
He hated when Gabriel pushed him on things he’d rather not discuss.
‘I met a woman at Toby’s.’
Gabriel grew still as he gave Andrew his undivided attention.
‘I can’t get her out of my mind. I liked her. I just liked her.’ He pushed his palms into his eyelids as if he could prevent himself from seeing her face in his mind. ‘I’ve always been able to separate my work from my emotions. I’ve always believed I could stop anyone who was plotting against the Crown or this organisation with any means possible. That having killed one person to protect you and the Crown, I could do it again. What’s one more body to the list? But with her... I think I might have found the one person that if I was forced to harm, I wouldn’t be able to, which is mad since I barely know the woman.’
‘You had sex with her.’
‘What? No. How would you...? Why would you—?’
‘Deny it all you want, but you will not convince me you did not have sex with her. That is the only reason neutralising her would be impossible for you.’
Andrew was not about to tell Gabriel what he did or did not do with Charlotte. ‘I’ve become compromised. I’m a danger to this organisation. She has me at sixes and sevens, and I don’t know what my instincts are where she is concerned.’ If he was to be completely honest with Gabriel he would tell him his instincts were screaming at him to head back to Charlotte.
‘What is her name?’
‘Lady Charlotte Gregory.’
‘Did you include her name in your report?’
‘No. I don’t believe she poses any threat.’
‘I’ve just received a letter from Spence today. He is following up on those leads you gave me in Cheshire. Would you like me to confirm that he also did not find reason to concern ourselves with her?’
‘I have already put her out of my mind.’ It was a lie and thinking that he saw her today had not helped his mood.
From Gabriel’s sceptical expression it came as no surprise when he took Andrew into his study, removed the paper from a locked box and looked it over. Andrew held his breath as Gabriel worked on the cypher of each name on the list.
Finally, he looked up at Andrew. ‘Her name isn’t mentioned, which means she has done nothing to warrant suspicion.’
Andrew dropped into one of the upholstered chairs by the unlit hearth, his muscles weak with the news. ‘Thank you, but you did not have to look for me. It no longer matters.’
‘You mean she no longer matters.’
‘It’s all the same.’
Gabriel flicked his tailcoat and sat down across from Andrew. ‘You did the right thing by leaving. It was better to err on the side of caution. Knowing your limits is the sign of a good agent.’
‘Not having limits is the sign of a good agent.’
‘Is that what has been bothering you all this time? You are one of the finest agents I have. Do not concern yourself with leaving her. You provided us with useful information.’ He leaned forward on his elbows and grinned. ‘Even when you weren’t supposed to.’
Chapter Twelve
Andrew spent most of the morning in the ring with his partner Jackson. The physical exertion felt good and exhausting. His plan was to return home and try to sleep. Most nights he didn’t sleep well. If he could work his body hard enough in the morning, he could immediately go home and sleep for five hours. That was more than he would get when he went to bed at night. Now his muscles were soft and pliable from the long sparring match and he was grateful another morning had gone by where he could find some sense of peace in the ring.
The hair on the back of his neck was still damp with sweat as he stepped from the brick building on to Bond Street. A pair of gentlemen was heading inside and they tipped their hats to him before he turned and made his way towards Piccadilly.
He held in a yawn as he adjusted the brim of his hat to block out the sun on this unusually sunny day. Walking at a leisurely pace, he made his way past the iceman’s cart before almost walking into the gentleman in front of him because of the sight ahead. A woman dressed in lavender with a fashionable bonnet that obstructed the view of her face was peering into a shop window. She clutched an embroidered reticule in front of her. He recognised that reticule. Charlotte had carried one just like that during the fair. He had mistaken the Duchess of Skeffington for her once before. But now, studying the way this woman moved, he was almost certain this was Charlotte.
He approached her, wanting to know for sure. His stomach was jumping around so much, it felt as if he were still boxing. The lady was standing in front of a milliner’s shop. Various hats were visible through the clean glass windowpanes. The brim of her bonnet continued to obscure his view. His uncertainty lifted the moment a soft breeze blew along Bond Street and he caught a whiff of that light floral scent of Charlotte’s.
She appeared intent on the contents of the window display and didn’t even bother glancing his way when he had stepped up to her side on the pretext of admiring the hats as well. What should he say to her? What did one say to a woman you had had sex with and then never bothered to say goodbye to?
Approaching her was a mistake. He should have pretended he hadn’t seen her and moved on. In all likelihood, they never would cross paths again. But while he was free to walk away now before she realised he was there, he couldn’t.
What could have brought Charlotte to London? According to Mrs Knightly, she very rarely ventured outside the county. Six weeks and three days had passed since he had last seen her, yet standing beside her now it felt like yesterday.
‘Charlotte, I do hope you’re feeling better and—’
The sound of the Duchess of Skeffington’s voice made the hair on his arms stand up. He was very close to telling her to leave him alone and stop following him, when he realised she hadn’t been speaking to him. She had been addressing Charlotte.
‘Lord Andrew?’ the Duchess exclaimed, evidently just as surprised to see him as he was to see her.
He peered around the back of the woman beside him to the Duchess’s eager expression. How in the world were the two women acquainted? At the mention of his name, Charlotte looked his way. The colour drained from her face and her eyes widened. If he was at a loss as to what to say to her before, having the Duchess standing with them had turned him mute.
The Duchess, on the other hand, had no problem speaking. ‘Lord Andrew, what a pleasant surprise to see you here. One never knows who one will run into on Bond Street. Lady Charlotte Gregory, may I introduce you to Lord Andrew Pearce. Lord Andrew, may I present my sister Lady Charlotte.’
Sister? Sister! How was it possible someone as lovely and discreet as Charlotte could have the Duchess of Skeffington for a sister?
Charlotte was still staring at him as if she had seen a ghost. There was a distinct possibility she had grown even paler than when she had first turned and laid eyes on him.
He gave a polite bow to both of them and caught Charlotte’s eye as he straightened up. Her discomfort in the situation was evident in her expression and the way she was fiddling with the handle of her reticule. Apparently, she hadn’t told her sister about him. And by the way he left without saying goodbye, he probably should be grateful. If she had said anything, it probably wouldn’t have been complimentary.
‘We’ve been introduced,’ he replied in the most even tone he could muster.
The proper thing to do would have been to allow Charlotte the prerogative of revealing that they had met before. However, seeing her here and knowing their time together hadn’t even warranted a mere mention to her sister was picking at his pride and he wasn’t in the mood to be proper about anything at the moment.
The Duchess appeared startled by his admission that they were acquainted. ‘You’ve met? But how? My sister has just arrived in London.’ She turned to Charlotte. �
�How could you not tell me?’ It almost sounded like an accusation.
‘I didn’t know that you and Lord Andrew were acquainted.’ Charlotte’s forehead wrinkled. ‘Had I been aware when I met him, I would have taken that into account and included the detail in one of my letters.’
‘How is it possible that you did not know Lord Andrew—?’ The Duchess bit her lip and looked away. Whatever she intended to say about him, she clearly didn’t want him to hear.
Charlotte appeared just as confused by the Duchess’s odd reaction as he was. Looking at the two women standing side by side, he noticed a resemblance. It was easy to see how he could have mistaken the Duchess for Charlotte. They both were rather tall with long curves and they both had black hair and similar facial features. But while the Duchess’s eyes were brown, Charlotte’s were a mossy green.
Those eyes were still narrowed on her sister. ‘Lord Andrew is a friend of Toby’s and had been staying with the Knightlys. We met when Ann invited me for dinner.’ If she was hurt by his leaving abruptly without a word, he could not tell.
She looked down and adjusted her gloves. ‘I hope your travels back to London were safe and uneventful, Lord Andrew.’ They were the first words she had spoken to him since she bade him goodnight under the stars outside her home. And they were said with the bland politeness of one who was barely acquainted with him. He could almost believe that he had imagined being inside her on the grassy hill, with fireworks exploding in the distance.
Almost.
His trousers tightened, reminding him how incredible she had felt. He cleared his throat and waited for her to look up at him. ‘My travels were uneventful, thank you. I’d planned to stay another week in Cheshire, but needed to return to London urgently.’ It offered no real excuse as to why he hadn’t said goodbye, but it was all he could think of to say at that moment.
She seemed to search his eyes. Could she tell that she was the reason he left?
‘I do hope your family are well, Lord Andrew,’ the Duchess broke in, pulling both he and Charlotte out of their own thoughts as they both suddenly recalled she was standing with them.
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