‘From the moment I began living with her I came to realise she has more tolerance for constant activity than I ever will. You should have seen her in Paris. There were many nights I wished to leave a ball or rout and she insisted we stay just one more hour.’ Juliet took Charlotte’s hand in hers. ‘I wish we could have been here for Lizzy when Skeffington died, but knowing you were here to support her through it all was a comfort to the both of us. You always have been the best of sisters.’
She might have been months ago, but now she was the worst. If only she hadn’t decided to watch the fireworks that night. If only she had left when Ann and Toby did.
Juliet broke into her thoughts. ‘Lizzy informed us that Skeffington’s will stipulates all parties mentioned need to be present before it can be read and they have finally located his heir.’
‘They are just waiting for him to make his way to Town from the Continent.’
‘Why do you think Skeffington made that stipulation?’
‘I suppose he wanted to exert his control over the proceedings even from the grave.’
‘He was a horrid man, was he not? I had two Seasons in London...two, because I could not bear having him dictate who I was allowed to dance with and speak to.’ A faraway look crossed her face before it was replaced with obvious disdain. ‘Lizzy tried to intercede on my behalf regarding a few of the gentlemen who I thought appealing, but he insisted I was not to associate with anyone who was less than an earl and they had to be from only a certain set of families. He really had little use for those below him.’
‘I gathered as much over the years. Why did you not ask me to chaperon you?’
‘The grief of losing Jonathan was too fresh. You were not in the ideal humour to be a chaperon to me in a city you are not fond of. And I did have Aunt Clara to help with my second Season. Please do not tell Lizzy, but I was so relieved when Aunt Clara told Skeffington she’d like me to live with her as her companion. Living with him was so oppressing, especially during my first Season.’
‘I wish Father would have made Jonathan your guardian, but I suppose an army officer who is away for months at a time is not an ideal guardian.’
‘I enjoyed my time with Lizzy. It was only when Skeffington was around that I wanted to spend most of my time in my room. He was the surliest man I know.’
‘I can’t imagine Aunt Clara being easily swayed by Skeffington’s wishes during your second Season,’ Charlotte mused with a smile.
‘She wasn’t. However, it appeared most of the gentlemen of the ton had been advised to give me a wide berth at most of the entertainments I attended. I do believe I was not a sufficient enough temptation to risk Skeffington’s displeasure,’ she spat with obvious disgust at these men from the past.
‘Why do I not remember any of this?’
‘Because you were dealing with your own grief.’
‘I’m sorry, Juliet. Every girl should have a glorious Season. It’s not too late. You are only two and twenty.’
‘But now I find I much prefer life in Bath with our aunt. There is enough to keep me entertained there with a well-stocked rotation of young men into the area to keep it interesting.’
‘I always thought Aunt Clara would be a terrible influence on you,’ Charlotte said through a teasing smile. ‘Do not allow any of those young men to lead you astray. I trust you to use good judgement in your actions.’ The hypocrisy of her words burned in Charlotte’s stomach. She should not be lecturing anyone about moral fortitude. Not now.
‘You have nothing to fear. I will not be falling for the pretty words of a gentleman and going off behind closed doors with one. Our Aunt Clara might be adventurous, but she has reinforced certain rules of decorum with me far too many times to count.’
If only Charlotte had paid attention to those words, she would be better off right now. But it wasn’t a closed door that was her undoing—it was being with Andrew...on a hill...in the grounds of a neighbour’s park. She needed to stop thinking about it and try to forget it ever happened. She needed to stop thinking about him.
‘You looked flushed. Are you still feeling poorly?’
Charlotte stood and walked towards the window. Looking through the branches of the trees, she watched men walking in pairs and by themselves on the gravel pathways of Green Park. As she toyed with the handle of the cup in her hand, the open green space reminded her how much she missed her home.
‘Drink some tea, Charlotte. It should help to settle your stomach. I know it helps when I have pains during my monthly courses.’
The teacup slipped from Charlotte’s hand and broke into pieces on the wooden floor. Juliet jumped off the bed and rushed to her sister, who was now shaking uncontrollably.
‘What is it? What is wrong?’ She pried the saucer out of Charlotte’s left hand and placed it on the writing table beside them. ‘Sit back on the bed. We can ring for the maid later. It was insensitive of me to go on so and force conversation when you aren’t well.’ Gently, she guided Charlotte by the elbow to the edge of the tester bed and pulled her so that once again they were sitting side by side.
This could not be happening. Her courses had always been very regular. Every thirty days they would begin. She always knew the exact date. But she hadn’t bled since before she met Andrew. How had it escaped her notice?
Ten years she had been married to Jonathan. Ten. And even though he had been away on a number of military campaigns during those ten years, when he had been home she had never conceived a child. When Lizzy married and also bore no children, they assumed it was because of some physical condition in their family that prevented both of them from conceiving. Could she have been wrong? Oh, heavens, he had told her he could prevent this very thing. And she had told him there was no need. This was all her fault.
‘Charlotte, you are frightening me. You are shaking and I’ve never seen you this pale. I’m going to have Lizzy summon a physician.’
As she stood, Charlotte pulled her down by her arm.
‘No. I’ll be fine. Give me a moment. There is no need to alert Lizzy.’
It was impossible to swallow. There was a lump in her throat the size of an apple.
‘Shall I fetch you more tea?’ Juliet looked almost as panicked as Charlotte felt.
Blocking everything out as best she could, Charlotte closed her eyes and tried to recall the last time she had bled...and came back with the same date, which was two weeks before she met Andrew. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach. Could she have been walking around all this time with his child inside her? How was it possible she hadn’t realised it until now?
‘I’m going to fetch you a glass of sherry. It might not help your stomach, but it should help with your tremors.’
Charlotte grabbed her wrist. ‘Don’t leave me.’
Juliet’s eyes widened. Charlotte had always been emotionally strong and stoic. She was the oldest Sommersby. It was her responsibility to care for her younger sisters. Even immediately after Jonathan’s loss, she shut herself away from the world rather than allow herself to be comforted by others. In solitude, she found her strength.
Except this time. This time the thought of being alone was terrifying.
The pressure of Juliet’s hand on hers was her anchor. She would concentrate on her sister’s warmth. If only she could absorb the calmness of her sister at this moment, she could stop shaking. When Juliet slipped her arm around Charlotte’s shoulders, the comfort became too much and Charlotte broke down in sobs.
‘Please tell me what is troubling you, Charlotte. I need to know how I can help you.’
How could she tell Juliet what had happened? How could she admit to being a wanton? Juliet would never understand how she could have given in so easily to her passion with a man she barely knew. Her sister would never look at her the same way again.
And yet, she could not go through this alone.
‘I’ve done something so foolish, Juliet, and now I am to pay the price for it.’
‘I’m certain whatever it is you said to Lizzy, she will forget it in a day or two. She told me how uncharacteristically sharp you were with her in her carriage today.’
‘It is not that simple. I don’t think Lizzy will ever forgive me.’
‘Whatever did you say?’
Charlotte leaned forward and dropped her head in her hands. The thought of Juliet pulling away from her once she heard what Charlotte had done was giving her chills. ‘Juliet, I think I’m with child.’
After receiving no response from her sister for what felt like hours, Charlotte glanced to see Juliet staring at her as if she had confessed everything to her sister in Italian.
‘I don’t understand. How is that possible? You always said you could never diminish your love for Jonathan by marrying again. You always said that no man could ever compare to him or turn your head. How can you be carrying a child?’
‘I don’t know what happened!’ she replied with a choked sob. ‘I met a man at home while he was visiting a friend. We spent a wonderful day together and that night he kissed me. And I didn’t think about Jonathan. I didn’t think about how it wasn’t proper. I just knew that at that moment, I wanted him to kiss me.’
Juliet put her hand on Charlotte’s back and began to softly rub her hand in circles. It was just what Charlotte would do to soothe Juliet when they were younger.
‘You cannot be carrying his child from a kiss. Even I know that. You’re certain you’re with child? Is there a chance you are mistaken?’
‘It hadn’t occurred to me until you mentioned the tea helping with your monthly courses. I have not bled in six weeks.’
‘Perhaps you are late.’
‘I am never late.’
‘This could be an anomaly.’
‘It isn’t.’
‘Will you tell me his name?’
She closed her eyes and took a breath. ‘Lord Andrew Pearce.’
‘Lord Andrew Pearce?’ Juliet’s voice rose an octave before she was struck mute once more. Did she know Andrew was the only man Lizzy had wanted?
‘Say something, Juliet.’
‘Did he force himself on you? Is that what happened?’
‘No. No. It was a kiss that, before either of us knew what was happening, turned into so much more. He asked if he should stop. He gave me time to say it wasn’t what I wanted. He is not to blame.’
‘The look in your eyes leads me to believe you liked being with him.’
‘I did. Very much.’ And even though he had left abruptly, she hadn’t truly regretted what happened between them until today—until she brought scandal and pain to her family, and discovered she could not place those memories in a box and forget about them. Lying under the stars with Andrew that night had changed her life for ever. At the time, she had no idea how much her life would change—how much her actions would change all their lives.
Juliet rubbed her lower lip as she appeared to be pondering the ramifications of what it all meant. ‘What will you do?’ Her voice was slow and quiet, as one would talk to a skittish horse.
‘I need to tell him.’ There was no hesitation—no other option. ‘He cares nothing for me and I am terrified of his reaction, but he needs to know. He needs to have the opportunity to give this child a name. Once he decides how he will proceed, then I will determine what I need to do next.’ She was forming a list in her head. It was helping her feel as if she had a bit of control over this situation.
Considering that he might not ask her to marry him was making her body run cold. She would not beg him. She was too proud for that. However, the life of an unwed mother was not an easy one. She knew of one woman in her village who had moved away not long after the child was born. People could be cruel and children were an extra expense.
‘You said you met when he was visiting a friend,’ Juliet said, interrupting her depressing thoughts. ‘Do you know where he lives? How will you send word to him?’
‘He lives here in London. I saw him today when I was with Lizzy.’
‘She may know how to get word to him. It seems, at times, she knows every member of the ton and she has been known to be rather resourceful.’
‘Juliet, we can’t tell her.’
‘Why not? She loves you. This burden will be lessened if you share it with the both of us.’
‘If he doesn’t ask me to marry him, this burden will be our family’s downfall. No man will want to marry you or Lizzy because of me—because of what I’ve done. Why are you calmly offering your help and not railing at me and calling me a trollop? How can I say that I hold my marriage to Jonathan so dear and then do what I have done? I’ve tarnished the memory of my life with him. What does that make me?’
‘A woman who does not have one foot in the grave because she is living out her life counting the days until she can be reunited with her dead husband. Ever since Jonathan was killed, you’ve retreated to the past where you like to recount stories about your life with him. But that part of your life is over and you have many years yet to live...to really live. And if you have found a man who kissed you and made you feel that you wanted more, then I am happy to hear you might have more of life to enjoy. I will not desert you. I am here for you always.’
‘When did you become so knowledgeable about human nature?’
‘When you were busy telling yourself your life was over. What do you think he will do?’
‘I do not know. He was truly lovely. But then he suddenly left the next day without informing me he was going. Perhaps he believed I would expect some declaration from him. That is not the action of a man who will want to have any kind of future with me.’
‘He is a Pearce,’ Juliet mumbled and looked down at her lap with a sigh. ‘If he has an honourable bone in his body, he will ask you to marry him. It is possible something took him away from you that was out of his control. You are a caring, beautiful woman. Any man would be a fool not to want you for a wife.’
But what if he was meant for Lizzy? She had just destroyed her sister’s chance at happiness. All of it was making Charlotte’s head hurt.
‘You need to tell Lizzy,’ Juliet continued.
‘I can’t.’
‘She will find out eventually. I don’t think a baby is something that is easy to hide. Especially when they become fussy.’
‘I can’t tell her.’
‘You’re being unreasonable.’
‘How much has she told you about her plans for marriage now that Skeffington is gone? About the man she has set her sights on?’
‘She hasn’t told me a thing. What man? Skeffington just died a few months ago.’
Burning heat crept up Charlotte’s neck to her cheeks.
‘Please don’t say—’
‘Since Skeffington’s death, Lizzy has been telling me how she has wanted the Duke of Winterbourne’s brother since her debut. Lord Andrew Pearce is the Duke of Winterbourne’s brother, which I would have known when I met him if she didn’t have this fascination with titles and Society and she had simply told me his name.’ It came out more forceful than she intended and her nails were digging into her palms, but she was starting to think Lizzy was almost as much at fault in this as she was.
Juliet rubbed her brow, as if she wanted to scrub away everything she had learned. Now she would understand why Lizzy must not find out. When Juliet’s hand finally stilled, she looked at Charlotte. ‘You still need to tell her.’
‘What? Why? Can’t I go back home without letting her know? I barely saw her these last few years. There is a good chance I will barely see her now. Perhaps there is a way I can hide this from her.’
‘And should the Duke of Winterbourne’s brother ask for your hand? What will you do then? Would you rather she read about your nuptials in the papers or he
ar it from your lips, where you can offer her some explanation, no matter how flimsy it might be to her? You cannot hide in your home for the rest of your life and lock yourself away from her. I think she will grow suspicious.’
‘She will hate me. She will refuse to speak to me ever again.’
‘You do not know that. I will not lie and tell you she will smile and wish you well. She won’t. But she needs to hear about this from you and she needs to hear the truth. Above all else, you are her sister and she loves you. Give her a chance to be by your side should you suffer in scandal if Lord Andrew proves he is not an honourable man.’
‘Should he not ask for my hand, we will all suffer in scandal because of me.’ It came out a faint whisper. The sound of her voice was barely audible with the sound of her heart pounding in her ears. ‘I will leave. I’ll travel far away. Perhaps I shall go to America. In truth, I had no idea he was the Duke of Winterbourne’s brother. I had no idea this was the man Lizzy wanted. If I had known, I would not have spent any time with him and would have been sure to have maintained a polite distance. I did not intend for any of this to happen.’
‘Then that is what you will tell her.’
The tears started to fall again. This time without the breath-hitching sobs. ‘I am afraid. I’m afraid of having this child. I’m afraid of what will happen to this family because of it. I’m afraid of losing the affection of our sister. And of what will happen when I tell Lord Andrew that I am carrying his child.’
‘Your fears are justified, but the longer you wait, the stronger your fears will become. Do not allow them to take hold for very long. They may stop you from action.’
Wise words from someone Charlotte still thought of as being so young.
‘Will you stay with me when I tell Lizzy? Your presence may help soften her pain.’ Pain that she was going to inflict on her dearly loved sister.
‘If you’d like. Let’s put some water on your face and call for the maid to clean up the tea. Then we will go downstairs and face our sister together.’
Chapter Fourteen
One Week to Wed Page 12