by Meg Cabot
Date: March 17 2:24:11 AM EST
To: [email protected]
Subject: You
Dear Becky,
Hi, just checking that everything is okay! I haven’t heard from you at all in a couple of days. I know you have that new job (your sister told me) so you’ve been busy.
But I was wondering if I’m going to see you tonight? We’re having a pretty exciting tasting at the boutique. We’ve got some Irish cheddars that will blow you away. I know how much my girl loves her cheeses.
I’m just hoping she still loves me?
XOXO
Graham
Visit Authentic for the most AUTHENTIC taste sensation you’ve ever experienced!Authentic—Bloomville Courthouse Square—Bloomville, Indiana
From: [email protected]
Date: March 17 2:35:19 AM EST
To: Graham [email protected]
Subject: You
Hi, Graham. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately. Like Nicole said, this new job really has got me burning the candle at both ends.
I don’t think I’m going to make it to Authentic tonight. I really should attend the fundraiser for the Stewarts over at the high school.
I’d ask you come with me, but I know you have your own celebration to throw.
And truthfully, Graham, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’m not sure right now is the best time for me to be seeing anyone romantically. I seem to be going through some kind of quarter-century crisis. I think I need to spend some time with myself before I can commit to a romantic partner.
I’m sorry to tell you this in an email, but I thought it was better that you heard it now than wait until I could tell you in person, since I know you think it was something you did, and it absolutely was not.
Everyone jokes about the “It’s not you, it’s me” thing, but in this case, it absolutely has nothing to do with you. I really do need to take some time off to get to know me better, and I wouldn’t dream of asking you to wait, since I know you want to start a family, and that’s not a plan you should put on hold.
I hope you understand and that we can still be friends. I wish you the best.
Becky
Becky Flowers, CSMM
Moving Up! Consulting LLC, President
Sent from my handheld device, please excuse typos
From: Graham [email protected]
Date: March 17 2:45:23 AM EST
To: [email protected]
Subject: You
Dear Becky,
Of course I understand. I’m sad to hear it, because I thought we got along and would have made a great team.
But I absolutely wish you the best as well, and am glad you were so honest with me (I wouldn’t have expected anything less, since your integrity is one of the qualities that attracted me to you in the first place).
I’m actually quite relieved to receive this because I’d been hearing rumors (it’s a small town, as you know) that an ex-boyfriend of yours was back, and that you were working for his parents, and I’d begun to worry that that was why I hadn’t heard from you in so long—that the two of you had gotten back together, or something.
I should have known that that wasn’t the case. You’re not that kind of girl!
Glad we can still be friends, at least. There’ll always be an ergonomically designed stool for you at Authentic ;-)
Graham
Visit Authentic for the most AUTHENTIC taste sensation you’ve ever experienced!Authentic—Bloomville Courthouse Square—Bloomville, Indiana
Becky Flowers created chat “Reed Stewart”
Leeanne Matsumori
15:04
(No reply)
Leeanne Matsumori
15:04
(No reply)
Leeanne Matsumori
15:05
(No reply)
Leeanne Matsumori
15:06
(No reply)
Becky Flowers
15:06
Just kill me. Please. I’m begging you.
Becky Flowers
15:07
Okay, not really.
But if a small earthquake occurred right now and knocked the weather vane off the top of the courthouse and it landed on my head and knocked me unconscious for the next twenty-four hours, I would not mind, so long as there was no permanent damage.
To my head, not the weather vane.
Enrique Alvarez
3:12 PM EST
Just checking in to see if you got those photos I sent. What do you think?
Reed Stewart
3:12 PM EST
It’s perfect. Richard and Connie love it.
Enrique Alvarez
3:12 PM EST
Who the hell are Richard and Connie?
Reed Stewart
3:12 PM EST
My parents, genius.
Enrique Alvarez
3:12 PM EST
You call your parents by their first names? What kind of disrespect is that?
Reed Stewart
3:12 PM EST
The kind my dad deserves. Hey, your advice about women sucks, by the way. SHE Big Bertha’d ME.
Enrique Alvarez
3:12 PM EST
Why, what did you do to her?
Reed Stewart
3:12 PM EST
Nothing. Showed her an amazingly romantic evening and then kissed her good night in the moonlight.
Enrique Alvarez
3:13 PM EST
What is your problem, man? That is the direct opposite of what I told you to do.
Reed Stewart
3:13 PM EST
How is that the opposite of what you told me to do? You told me to Big Bertha the problem.
Enrique Alvarez
3:13 PM EST
When I said to Big Bertha her, I meant show her the man you’ve become as opposed to the boy you were when she last saw you, boudro.
A man who cares about the things she cares about.
A man of sophistication and worldly charm.
I didn’t mean a man who goes around taking advantage of vulnerable small town businesswomen by chowing down on them the way a monkey chows down on bananas.
Reed Stewart
3:13 PM EST
Thanks, Alvarez. You really know how to make a guy’s day.
How the hell am I going to get back together with her if she won’t go out with me?
Enrique Alvarez
3:13 PM EST
What do you mean get back together with her? I thought you meant sleep with her.
Reed Stewart
3:13 PM EST
Sure, yes, of course that’s what I mean.
Enrique Alvarez
3:13 PM EST
Oh good cuz for a second there I thought you meant have an actual real relationship with a woman that lasts longer than 3 months.
Reed Stewart
3:13 PM EST
Well, I mean, I feel like with Becky it could be something more. I don’t know.
Enrique Alvarez
3:13 PM EST
You don’t know.
Is one of the things you don’t know how a relationship with her is supposed to work if she lives in Indiana and you live in LA?
Reed Stewart
3:14 PM EST
I don’t know. Maybe.
Enrique Alvarez
3:14 PM EST
Maybe that’s one of the things she doesn’t know either. Maybe that’s why she Big Bertha’d you.
Reed Stewart
3:14 PM EST
Yeah, but we could work out the long-distance thing.
Enrique Alvarez
3:14 PM EST
How? With her business and you on the circuit?
Reed Stewart
3:14 PM EST
People do it.
Enrique Alvarez
3:15 PM EST
What people? Are you talking about Cutler? Have you seen the news about Cutler lately?
/> Reed Stewart
3:15 PM EST
Yeah, well, I’m not Cutler.
Enrique Alvarez
3:15 PM EST
Yes, I am aware of that. If you were, I’d be making more money.
Reed Stewart
3:15 PM EST
Ow. Really, Alvarez? Kick a man when he’s down, why don’t you.
Enrique Alvarez
3:15 PM EST
I think I see now why the young lady objects to you.
Reed Stewart
3:15 PM EST
Why? What are you talking about?
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
What do I tell you that you have to do if you want to get your swing back and be a champion once again?
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Things that literally make no sense.
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
Such as?
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Remember the love of the game.
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
And what else?
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Be a kid again.
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
There you go.
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Those are both horrible pieces of advice that have so far proved completely unhelpful.
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
Because you haven’t thought them through.
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
How is loving the game and being a kid again going to help me with my romantic life?
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
You’ll figure it out. Or you won’t. And you’ll keep losing at both love and sports.
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Alvarez, are you drunk? Oh my God, you are. You’re drunk with Cutler’s caddy, aren’t you?
Enrique Alvarez
3:16 PM EST
Erin go Bragh.
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
I forgot. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. You guys are at the United Kingdom Pavilion at Epcot drinking green beer. Hilarious, Alvarez. Just hilarious.
Reed Stewart
3:16 PM EST
Alvarez?
Reed Stewart
3:17 PM EST
You better not be using the expense account.
Nicole F
3:28 PM
Holy crap, did you just break up with the lumbersexual?
Becky F
3:28 PM
How . . . ?????
Nicole F
3:28 PM
Henry just ran into the lumbersexual at Kroger and he told him.
Becky F
3:28 PM
Why is Henry at Kroger in the middle of a workday?
Nicole F
3:28 PM
He got a call there. It’s St Patrick’s Day. Two drunk idiots are fighting over a pound of bacon.
Tell me what is going on with you and the lumbersexual.
Becky F
3:28 PM
Nothing is going on. I’m just not ready to be in a committed relationship right now.
Nicole F
3:29 PM
OMG. Then it’s true? You’re really broken up?
And you say it’s because YOU are not ready to be in a committed relationship anymore?
Do you realize this is like the pope quitting his job because he’s decided he’s an atheist?
Becky F
3:29 PM
Nicole, could you please stop? How is Mrs. Stewart’s Etsy store going?
Nicole F
3:29 PM
Great. I’ve got an auctioneer lined up to come next week to take a look at the Judge’s gavels, too. Ha, I wrote “the Judge’s gavels.” But whatever.
Did you break up with the lumbersexual because of Reed? Tell me the truth.
Becky F
3:29 PM
I don’t have time for this, Nicole. Animal control is coming over in a few minutes to trap the raccoon and I need to emotionally prepare Mrs. Stewart. She’s grown very close to Ricky.
Nicole F
3:29 PM
She’s not the only one who’s grown very close to someone in that house. You and Reed were spotted together last night, you know.
Becky F
3:29 PM
So? I don’t deny that we were together last night. We had dinner at Matsumori’s. We spent the whole time talking about his parents. I used the gold AmEx because I intend to write it off as a business expense.
Nicole F
3:29 PM
No, you didn’t, because I checked the file as soon as I heard and there’s no receipt in there. He paid, didn’t he? So you DIDN’T only talk about business, which is why you felt too guilty to charge it to the business AmEx, AND why you let him pay. I know you.
And then you let him kiss you.
Becky F
3:30 PM
I did not.
Nicole F
3:30 PM
Yes, you did, because Henry’s sister’s boyfriend’s cousin plays pool at Stick and Stein every night with one of the waiters at Matsumori’s, and he said the waiter said he saw you kissing Reed Stewart in the parking lot after his shift last night.
Becky F
3:30 PM
God, this town is WAY too small.
Anyway, whatever. It was a good-night kiss before we got into our cars.
Nicole F
3:30 PM
Right. Because we kiss all our clients’ good-looking pro golfer sons goodnight before we leave for the day. And then the next day, we break up with our longtime boyfriends.
Becky F
3:31 PM
I’m not texting with you about this. I’ll talk to you about it later, when we get home. Maybe.
Nicole F
3:31 PM
You bet you will. And I want details. Like where the wedding is going to be. And am I going to be maid-of-honor, or Leeanne?
I think I should be, because Leeanne doesn’t even live here anymore.
Becky F
3:32 PM
It’s not like that, Nic. Reed Stewart and I are not back together. And please don’t tell people that we are.
Nicole F
3:32 PM
Sure, I won’t. I get the basement apartment when you move out.
Becky F
3:32 PM
I’m not going anywhere, Nicole. I can assure you.
Nicole F
3:32 PM
I think you’ll like it in LA. I mean, I hear it’s smoggy, but they probably need senior moving consultants there, too. I genuinely think they force people to move away from there as soon as they hit 50.
Maybe even thirty.
Becky F
3:33 PM
You’re not funny. Or right about any of this. It’s sad how wrong you are, as a matter of fact.
Nicole F
3:33 PM
I was right about the lumbersexual being all wrong for you. I’m right about this, too.
Oh, Mom wants to know: What time are you meeting her to go to the Stewart fundraiser?
Becky F
3:34 PM
I’ll meet her there at 5:15. And tell her no, I won’t take any Blessie Sticks in my car.
Nicole F
3:34 PM
Good luck with that.
Goodbye, Mrs. Reed Stewart.
Becky F
3:34 PM
You’re not funny.
Reed
5:15 PM
Hey, it’s me. I’m here. Where are you? I don’t see you guys.
Marshall
5:15 PM
We’re by the bouncy castle, Reed. Where else? I have small daughters. My whole life is about bouncy castles and will be for the next foreseeable decade.
&nb
sp; Reed
5:15 PM
Well, excuse me. It could easily have been the face painting or ice cream.
Marshall
5:15 PM
Bouncy castle, Reed. I see bouncy castles when I close my eyes to sleep at night.
Reed
5:15 PM
I will join you momentarily. I have spied a distraction.
Marshall