“Ryan,” she called out as she opened the door, but was greeted by silence. He wasn’t here.
Dread filled her heart as she went into their room and packed her belongings. His things seemed to have disappeared as well. He’d been here but had now gone. What did this mean? Where would he have gone?
Carrying her bags, she made the trip back across the desert, hopeful she would never have to make that journey again. Her mother would be worried about them and someone had to tell her about Cody.
Cody.
The thought of him stabbed her heart and fresh tears welled in her eyes. Cody. Her beloved big brother gone, sacrificing himself for her happiness.
The gates were down when she arrived at Cherrywood Estate. Standing outside their house was Astor, her worry etched into her brow.
Spotting her daughter, she ran to Mackenzie and enveloped her in a hug so tight she almost couldn’t bear it, but she didn't want her mother to let go either. Being safe in her mother’s arms caused the tears she held back to stream down her face and she sobbed into her shoulder.
“We’ve all heard what’s happened. The government was overthrown. We are free again.” Astor stopped. “What is it, honey?” she whispered.
“C-c-cody.”
“Is he okay?”
Mackenzie shook her head.
“Ryder?”
“He’s okay. He was so brave, he’s amazing.”
Her mother pulled her back from her hug and left her hands on Mackenzie’s shoulders while she studied her, tears streaming down her face. “What about Ryan?”
“I don’t know, Mum, I don’t know where he is,” she said between sobs.
“He survived though?”
“Y-y-yes, I just don’t know where he is right now.”
“Come inside. You look like you need the rest. You can look for him later, when you’re feeling better. I’m sure he’s okay. Maybe he just needed some space.”
“Okay.”
Astor led her inside and helped her climb into bed. Within seconds she fell asleep.
Feeling somewhat refreshed after her nap, Mackenzie showered and dressed. For the first time in a long time she put on a skirt. After weeks of wearing cargo pants and gear she felt free and light.
Her mother had made dinner, so they sat in comfortable silence while Mackenzie tucked into her meal. She then unpacked her things and wondered what to do next. Where would Ryan have gone?
Simmo would know. She had to find out.
Events replayed in her mind. All the people dead or dying on the floor, lives taken too soon, lives sacrificed for the greater good, some by her hand. Guilt surged through her. She had killed some of the troops. Did they have families who would miss them, as they would Cody and their father before him?
They’d had plenty of casualties on their side too. Unfortunately they were collateral for the greater good.
She wondered what the aftermath at the barracks would be. Had Sinclair been incarcerated? How were they going to establish a new government? One that was fair and just. Rebuilding the city would take time, but she felt positive about the future and it helped to appease her guilt.
Now all she had to do was find Ryan. He would be carrying a lot of guilt of his own. Mackenzie located her mother in the kitchen tidying up after their dinner.
“I'm going to see if I can find Ryan. It feels so weird that I can go outside at night without any fear. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way.”
“It will be nice for things to go back to what they were before. It will take some time, but I feel positive about the future.”
“Me too.” Needing comfort, Mackenzie fell into her mother’s outstretched arms.
“If you run into your brother, send him home. I’d like to see he’s okay.”
“Sure, Mum.”
Walking out into the night air, she took a deep breath. Not because of fear, but because of freedom. The air smelled better. The buzzing of the wall was gone now and disabled forever. To be leaving the estate with no fear was exhilarating.
Although her guilt remained and would probably be with her for a while, it lessened at the prospect of a new Artinean.
As she headed towards the barracks, she relished the freedom of being able to walk in the dark and not look over her shoulder. Although anxious to find her brother, and Simmo, so she could find Ryan, she took her time, taking in the sights of happy people returning to their homes or enjoying being free from walls.
Hope made her feel exhilarated. Guilt still weighed heavily on her shoulders, but she thought, in time, this would fade. They did what they had to do. She had to get on with her life. Things would be better now and the lives lost would always be remembered.
Walking into the barracks, she searched the area for her brother or Simmo. She found Ryder first. He was helping medics attend to the wounded and wrap blankets around others in shock.
People from the compound, previously incarcerated citizens and gang members stood or sat littered around the grounds. Relief and disbelief adorned their faces all at once, as though they were happy to be free but surprised all the same. It was a sight to behold.
She walked over to Ryder and pulled him in for a hug. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay. It feels so weird now, like I don’t know what to do. I want to jump around for joy."
“I feel the same." She offered him a grin, which he returned. “Where’s Cody?”
“Medics took him to the morgue. He’ll stay there until we have a funeral for him.” Ryder stopped and wiped his eyes. “Does mum know?” All Mackenzie could do was nod. “How is she?”
“Doing surprisingly well. We’ll all miss him, but his death wasn’t in vain. Our city is free again.”
“It feels so surreal.”
“It does.” Mackenzie smiled again. “Have you seen Ryan or Simmo?”
“I haven't seen Ryan since you left and Simmo is helping bring out the bodies.”
“Any news on what happens now that Sinclair is in jail?”
“There are a couple of people from the government who didn’t believe in Sinclair but followed him for the same reason we all did, fear. They wanted to overthrow him, but were scared of the consequences. I think they’re going to have an election and then start using Sinclair’s corrupt funds to rebuild the city. People can be free to choose what they want to do with their lives, who they want to be, do the job they want to do.”
“That’s exactly what I hoped would happen. This is great news.”
“Yeah. It’s going to take some getting used to.”
“That’s for sure.” She offered her third smile. Despite the losses of the day it was nice to smile again. “I see Simmo over there, I need to go and talk to him. Go home and see mum. She’s worried about you.”
“Okay, I’ll go shortly.”
Pride filled her. Her little brother had become a man.
37
Love Conquers All
The house was a mess, vandalised almost beyond repair, but still salvageable. To keep his mind busy so as not to dwell on his guilt, Ryan grabbed a roll of rubbish bags and started cleaning up. There was a lot to do, but he had time.
All he had now was time. No army to captain, no scavenging, no fighting. He suddenly felt lost. This was all he’d known for so long, what was he going to do with his life now? Compounding this was how he was going to live with the guilt of Cody dying for him. How would Mackenzie be able to forgive him? He couldn’t forgive himself. Why did Cody have to save his life? He felt anger and gratitude all at once.
After leaving the barracks he went to the compound, packed his clothes, books and other personal items, but left the rest behind. He wouldn’t need or want to keep any of the furniture or reminders of underground living. He wanted to put it behind him, but the problem was he wasn’t sure how.
It was cowardly to leave without finding Mackenzie. What she must be going through … he didn’t want to contemplate. Her brother was dead and it was his f
ault. He’d been too busy watching after her that he didn’t notice being shot at until Cody fell to the ground.
His focus had slipped. He should’ve been focused on ensuring all the fallen troops were disarmed, but instead he watched her. He should’ve trusted that she could take care of herself. She was out of the line of fire by then anyway. The rest of the troops had surrendered. If he’d been checking on the bodies spread across the floor instead of watching her, this wouldn’t have happened. He would never be able to be with her as his guilt would consume him.
Pushing thoughts of her from his mind, he filled several rubbish bags before locating some cleaning products. He scrubbed walls, floors, bench tops, anything that needed cleaning. He even scrubbed things that didn’t need it. It took his mind off everything. It took his mind off her.
Cleaning complete, he took an inventory of what still needed to be done. There were holes in the walls in most rooms, so they would have to be patched up. There were missing floorboards and broken cabinets and doors. It would take some fixing, but he could get it back to the way it was before the war began.
He felt somewhat comforted at being in his childhood home, but the memories that lived within the walls would take a while to fade, including forgetting about her. She wouldn’t want to be with him after her brother saved his life, and he didn’t blame her. Letting her go would be the only way he could live with it.
Artinean would return to how it was, but Ryan was too broken to go back to how he was. He would miss her like flowers missed the sun, but he had to let her go. He was too broken and it wasn’t up to her to fix him.
“Simmo,” Mackenzie called out as she crossed the grounds.
He turned to her and beamed. His relief was evident in his expression like so many surrounding them. Hope lived in the hearts of people again. Now all she had to do was find Ryan and let him know it was all okay, it wasn’t his fault. Cody sacrificed himself so they could be together and she was determined to ensure they were.
“Hey, Mac.” His smile dropped. “I'm sorry about Cody.”
“Thanks.” She paused. “So how’s it going here?”
“Slowly. There were casualties on both sides and a number of people injured, but for the most part it wasn’t too bad. It’s going to take a while to get things back the way they were. I will miss the sport of fighting,” he said with a sneer, “but cleaning up and rebuilding will be rewarding and better than the war. Sinclair’s troops have surrendered and will become the army and the law under the new government.”
“That’s great. Maybe you could become a cop.”
His laughter boomed out of him. “Now that would be interesting.
“Have you seen Ryan?”
“Not since I saw him leave the barracks. He looked pretty shook up, probably in shock. He’s not at the compound?”
“No, I’ve been there and his stuff is gone. Do you have any idea where he might be?”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
His house appeared mostly undamaged from the outside and gave no indication of how much it had been destroyed on the inside. Most of the abandoned houses were broken down, spray painted and seemingly unrepairable. Ryan’s family home looked better than some, so she was hopeful they could get it repaired quickly and easily for him to live there again. They could live there again. At least she hoped it was they.
His disappearance made her uneasy. Why did he leave? All she’d wanted to do when it was over was jump into his arms and stay there. Hold him close and tell him it was okay.
Taking a deep breath, Mackenzie went inside. The place looked clean, broken down but clean. There was lots of work to be done, but it was salvageable. They could work together to get it the way it would’ve been. In her mind’s eye she pictured how it would have looked before and she was confident they could restore it.
Going from room to room, she searched for the man she loved. It was quiet. She couldn’t hear him working anywhere in the house. Was he even here? It looked like he had been. Had she missed him again?
After checking several rooms, she walked into what would have been a bedroom. Boxes lay unpacked on the floor and clothes were strewn about. In the corner was the love of her life. Arms around hunched up legs and his head resting on his knees. It appeared he hadn’t heard her come in.
She crouched and put her arms around him. “Are you okay?”
He jumped as though she’d surprised him. His head stayed on his knees and he didn’t move a muscle. His eyes would show her all she needed to see, but it was though he couldn’t lift his head, couldn’t meet her gaze.
“What are you doing here?” he asked without looking up.
His tone was even and she could tell nothing from it. The ability to hide his true self from her remained, as when they first met and he’d puzzled her with his resolve.
“Looking for you.”
“Why? I killed your brother.”
“No, you didn't.”
“It’s my fault.”
His voice sounded agonised. The first sign of the emotions that would be churning inside him; guilt, hope and grief mingled together. She wasn’t sure if this was good or bad. His guilt took hold of him the hardest. Though she didn’t blame him, he obviously blamed himself.
“No, it isn't.” She squeezed him harder, to show him how much she loved him, that she didn’t blame him, but he didn’t move. “I need you to look at me. Please, Ryan.”
His despairing expression caused her to gasp. His eyes were agonised, like she’d never seen them before. He looked like a lost boy. He was taking it much worse than she anticipated.
“I love you,” she whispered.
As though he didn’t believe her, he shook his head. He went to speak, but stopped himself. His eyes did a lap of her face. She poured all her love into her gaze. Convincing him of her love was the most important thing right now.
“You’re too good for me. I’ve killed people, lots of people.”
His head shook again and his face screwed up as though he was in pain. Blue eyes filled with agony, and love and despair glowed bright. Never had they appeared so blue.
“So have I now. We did what we had to do. It sucks, but it was all part of the cost of being free.”
“I got your brother killed. I got you involved in all of this. I never should’ve taken you to the compound in the first place.”
“I’m glad you did. I love you so much. All I want is to be with you. You didn’t get my brother killed - Sinclair did. None of this is your fault, the war is at fault. I don’t want to be without you. I want to rebuild our lives together. Fix your house and live here like we deserve.”
“But Cody …”
“Will always be in my heart, but we have to live for now, for what we do have, and that is each other. I don’t want us to have gone through all this together only to break up. Cody made his sacrifice so we could be together. Please don’t make it for nothing.”
His eyes widened in surprise.
“Don’t you love me anymore?” she whispered.
He swallowed. “Of course I love you, but I let you down.”
“You didn’t. Please, Ryan, I love you so much.”
She saw it in his eyes first. The love, the guilt, everything … and then his expression softened. The Ryan she loved beyond all else returned to her. She took hold of his hands and they stood up together.
“I love you, Mackenzie, more than I can express. I want to fix this house together, fix our new home.”
“I’d like that very much,” she said with a smile. “Now which room will be our bedroom?”
Without answering, he took her hand and led them to their new life.
The End
About the Author
Joanne Sexton is an Australian romance writer and mother of two. When she isn't writing, Jo enjoys reading and floristry. She also runs her own small bookkeeping business.
Joanne previously wrote under the name Joanne Ellis. Rich Girl (formally known as Spoilt under Joanne Ell
is) held the No. 1 position on Amazon's Bestselling list in US and No.2 in the UK. It was considered a bestseller in a week.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/josextonwritesromance
Twitter: @jowritesromance
Website: http://www.josextonbooks.com/
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