by Hope, Amity
“Yeah,” Lanna interrupted. “I got it. You’ve always thought Max has a ton of great qualities. Has anything changed?”
“No. Oh, I can add awesome kisser to the list. In fact, that was probably the most memorable night of kissing in my life.” I tossed myself down in the chair that overlooked the ocean.
“See! Even better. If it were anyone else, I’d be worried. But you’ve known him a long time. You know what you’re getting into.”
She was silent for several beats and so was I as I watched the waves rolling in. Between the view and the conversation, my agitation from earlier had nearly faded.
“What about Collin?”
And just like that, my agitation was back. “What about him?”
“How do you feel about him?”
I took a moment to process the question. “Honestly, I don’t miss him as much as I thought I would. Mostly I’m still so mad at him that I don’t bother to think about him at all. The few times I have let my mind go there, I’ve realized how wrong we were for each other. I think we both got so used to playing a part from the time we were kids. I don’t think either of us knew where we really ended and where each of us began alone.”
“Okay, so give Max a chance.”
A stray thought came to me. “If I do that, everyone will think Collin was right. They’ll believe I ran off with Max because there was already something between us.”
She was silent for awhile before saying, “You do realize they already think that, don’t you? So what difference does it make?”
I got up and started to pace the short length of the living room. Yes, she had mentioned it to me before. At the time, I wasn’t seeing Max. The thought that anyone would believe Collin’s lies seemed too absurd to worry about. But now, I was worried.
It was infuriating to me that Collin was the one who had behaved so reprehensibly, and yet I was thought to have been guilty of the same thing. A huge part of me wanted to go home and set everyone straight. But that would mean leaving Max.
“You’re being too quiet. Do I even want to know what you’re thinking?” She paused. “Actually, I can guess what you’re thinking. Please do not let Collin’s lies ruin this for you.”
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It’s just, well, it looks bad.”
“Holly!” she snapped. “You can’t be serious! Do not let what other people think get to you.”
“But if I date Max, if we start something, really start something, it’s going to make it look like Collin was telling the truth. Like I was the lying cheat first!”
“Your friends know that’s not true. Who cares what everyone else thinks?” she demanded. After a little pause she said, “Besides, you already left with Max. You’ve already spent a good chunk of the summer with him.”
I groaned, clearly hearing what she was saying. “So I already look guilty as charged.”
“Yes,” she said unapologetically. “Your family knows the truth. Your friends know the truth. I’d be willing to bet that his friends all know the truth, too. Who cares about anyone else? If there are people who are going to believe him and think the worst of you, then they’re not people who are important to you, anyway. It’s as simple as that.”
Maybe it was.
***
After I’d gotten off the phone, I’d spent the rest of the morning thinking about Max. Probably not in the way he’d intended. I knew he wanted me to think things over, seriously. Instead, I was seriously wrapped up in daydreaming about him.
I knew exactly what I wanted.
I could only hope that it was what Max wanted, too.
The day was dragging by and I decided I needed to find something to do or the afternoon would seem endless.
My mind started spinning and I made a plan.
My culinary repertoire was painfully limited. But I’d always been able to make a decent lasagna and an even better white chocolate mousse. After a quick walk to the grocery store, I started dinner preparations. By the time I was expecting Max home, the lasagna and breadsticks were in the oven, the mousse and a salad were in the refrigerator. I’d set the table out on the patio complete with cloth napkins, a pillar candle I’d found in my bedroom and some flowers I’d plucked out of the flowerbed.
It wasn’t terribly fancy. But it was better than eating in the living room with our plates propped in our laps like we normally did.
When he ended up being later than usual, I started to worry, wondering if I’d accidentally scared him away. Maybe he really didn’t want me in the way Mike said he did. I was worrying myself into a nervous mess by the time he finally did come home.
He was only half an hour later than normal, but it felt like a whole lot longer than that.
I had no intention of playing games or acting coy. When he finally came through the front door, I was waiting for him.
“Hey,” I said as he slipped in. “I thought you’d be back before now.”
“Oh, I just went for a little drive to clear my head. I wanted a little bit of time to think before I came back.” He looked surprised and a bit leery as he stood in front of the closed door. “Were you waiting for me?”
I nodded and worry coursed through me. “What did you have to think about?”
Please don’t tell me you changed your mind, I thought as I took in the uncomfortable way he was looking at me. Now that I finally know how you feel, please don’t tell me that you don’t feel that way anymore.
He let out a little puff of air that was probably supposed to be a laugh. Only it was too humorless to actually pass for one. “I was thinking about how I was going to handle this when you say you just want to stay friends.”
“That’s not what I want,” I said. I took a few steps toward him. “I want to see where things go with us.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Yeah?”
I nodded, closing the distance. “Yeah. Just so you know, this has nothing to do with you-know-who. This is about us, no one else. There are,” I took a deep breath, willing to lay it all out there, “so many things that I love about you. To be honest, even before Mike said anything, there were times I caught myself thinking that I wished I was with someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” he asked with a smirk.
“Or better yet, you,” I said, smiling back. “I promise I won’t…” I was going to say, ‘Hurt you,’ but that sounded pretentious.
He raised his eyebrows. “Tear out my heart?” he wryly offered.
My own heart twisted a bit at his words. “I won’t.”
I took another step, which put me right where I wanted to be. I was close enough to slide my arms around his neck. I hummed out a happy little sigh of relief when his arms looped around my waist and he pulled me in so that our bodies were finally touching. I ran my fingers across his neck and a smile broke out on his face as he closed his eyes. When he opened them he looked as happy as I felt.
I kissed him the way he kissed me the night before. As if I couldn’t get enough of him. I ran my fingers through his hair as his hands slid up my back. I realized I may have the same effect on Max that he had on me. He stumbled a few steps back, until we were pressed against the closed door. Then he squeezed me in a hug so tight he pulled me right up off of my feet, never once breaking our kiss. I was alternately gasping for air and whimpering for more when the oven timer went off.
He set me back down and I reluctantly pulled away.
“What was that for?” he asked. He was smiling as he echoed my question from that morning.
“The kiss?” I shrugged and grinned up at him, instinctively knowing he wasn’t questioning the timer. “Just because I can.” I grabbed his hand and tugged him into the kitchen with me. I reached for the pesky timer and shut it off.
The aroma finally seemed to register with him. “Did you make dinner?” he asked in surprise.
I motioned to the sliding glass door. The table was clearly visible, set against the backdrop of the ocean and the setting sun. As always, I
was stunned by the beauty of it all. I knew if I saw it every evening for the rest of forever, I wouldn’t tire of it.
“I was hoping tonight could be like a date? Only I thought with such a gorgeous view, why go anywhere. Besides, here we have privacy,” I said as I slid the lasagna onto the stovetop.
“Wow. This?” he said with a huge grin as he pulled me back to him again. “I think this is going to be even better than I ever thought it would be.”
Chapter 18
The next morning, Max woke me up by sprinkling kisses across my face before he left for work. I didn’t get up, since he was getting ready to leave. Instead, I buried myself back under the covers and let my mind wander.
After dinner, we’d turned on a really bad made for TV movie. Not that it mattered; we hadn’t watched much of the movie. At the end of what was our first date, he’d walked me to my bedroom door. The goodnight kiss wasn’t what I expected. He held both of my hands in his as he leaned down and placed one quick kiss on my lips. Then his hands slid away as he walked backward to his own room.
I smiled as I watched him go. I knew exactly what he was doing. Living together, it would be way too easy to get carried away. He’d told me he’d been waiting years for this and he wanted to take things slow. I told him that was fine, as long as he didn’t take things too slow. He had laughed at me as he shut his door.
When I finally pulled myself out of bed, I made the call I’d been putting off for too long.
My mother sighed in agitation when I told her my plan.
“I’m not particularly surprised,” she admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I like it. You left so abruptly, we didn’t even get to say goodbye to you. First you said it was only for a few days. Then a few weeks. Now the rest of the summer?” Her tone was loaded with disapproval.
“I didn’t plan for it to happen that way,” I explained.
“I realize that. Quite frankly, I don’t think it’s a very good idea. I have told you, the way you ran off with Max, it looks questionable.”
My mother came from a generation when befriending the opposite sex just wasn’t something people did. So in all fairness, she’d always thought that everything Max and I had ever done together was questionable. This, though, I knew crossed every line she had ever set in her mind.
“Quite frankly,” I grated out, “I don’t care.” That wasn’t true. I did care. Because I realized that not only did it make me look bad, but it would make Max look bad as well. And he was completely innocent in the mess that Collin had made of my life. I contemplated telling her that Max and I had decided to try dating but that was a complication I didn’t need just then. “I can’t help how it looks. I can’t help it if Collin won’t take responsibility for what he’s done. It’s not my fault if your friends are being misled. I just hope that you’re trying to set them straight.”
She hesitated so long I was afraid of her answer. She finally sighed. “Yes, of course I am.”
“Thank you.” I was inclined to believe her because not only was my reputation at stake but by association, hers as well.
“However, it is causing quite a strain between Gwen and me.” Her tone was slightly accusatory.
“Mom,” I said, my voice was pleading.
“Don’t get me wrong. I do agree that Collin was entirely inappropriate.” I rolled my eyes at her word choice, glad she couldn’t see me. She would only reprimand me for my unladylike behavior. “But the way you ran out, to be honest, has made things a little difficult around here.”
“You’re right,” I conceded. “I shouldn’t have run out the way I did because I should’ve called the wedding off before it even got started. My mistake.”
“You can’t change the past, Holly.”
“I know that. But I can make my own choices for my future,” I pointed out.
“I just wish you would reconsider. There’s no reason you can’t come home and think about your future here. I don’t like having you so far away. And it’s so unlike you to run from your problems.” I could picture her, so prim and proper, probably standing ramrod straight, gazing out at her beautiful flowers. She was likely wishing I would stop acting nineteen and start acting like I was thirty.
“That’s not what this is about. I’m not running away from my problems. I’m trying to figure out my problems.” I didn’t know how to explain to her that it was simply about finding myself.
“You can do that here,” she firmly replied.
“No, actually I can’t.”
“What are we going to do with you,” she muttered.
“Mom,” I said with a little laugh, “I’m nineteen. You don’t have to do anything with me.”
“Ronald,” I heard my mother say, “I have tried talking some sense into this child of ours. Would you like to take a turn?”
I couldn’t make out my dad’s muffled reply but when he came on the line he sounded pretty chipper. “Hi, Pumpkin. I hear you’re not coming home quite yet.”
“I guess not,” I said.
“Are you doing okay? Are you having a good time? Are you out of money yet?” he asked.
“I’m doing fine. I’m having a great time. And I have plenty of money left,” I said with a laugh.
“I’m happy to hear that. You have your credit card with you if you get into a pinch, right?”
I smiled, relieved this conversation was so much different than the one I’d just had with my mom. “Yes. I have it. I haven’t had to use it yet.”
“Okay then,” he said. “I don’t see any problem with you staying right where you are. Max is behaving himself?”
I stuffed down a laugh, picturing Max slowly backing away to his own room. He was definitely behaving himself, even though I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t. “Yes, Daddy, Max is behaving himself.”
I knew his words had been meant as a joke. My parents liked Max but Dad just might change his mind about me living with Max if he knew the truth. I felt a tiny twinge of guilt over omitting this news. At the same time, it was all too new to delve into with them just yet.
“Good, good,” he said. “I will admit, your mother is sitting right here giving me the evil eye but I’m going to say what I have to say anyway. I think it’s good for kids your age to get out on their own for awhile.”
“Ronald!” I heard my mother hiss in the background. It didn’t deter him.
“Now, I’ve been married to this lovely woman who just swatted me with a newspaper since I was eighteen years old. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, in this day and age, I think it’s just fine to wait. Get out and see what the world has to offer you,” he said.
“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” I asked.
He laughed at me. “For one thing, you didn’t ask. For another, you wouldn’t have listened. Not to mention that your mother and Gwen wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. So I’m telling you now. I’ve got to get going but you keep in touch.”
“I will,” I promised.
“Call if you need anything.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“See you in,” he hesitated, possibly looking at a calendar or maybe just ticking off the weeks in his head, “six weeks?”
“That sounds right.” Six weeks…it was going to go so fast. It was as if my dad knew exactly what I was thinking.
“The summer will be over before we know it. You enjoy yourself, Pumpkin.”
***
That evening, Max walked in the front door with a smile on his face. I could relate. He’d called me on his lunch break. It was something he’d never done before. I’d ended up smiling like a giddy preteen with a crush the rest of the afternoon.
“So we’re…dating,” he said as he crossed the kitchen.
I was sitting at the table, sorting through my beads. I was taking note of what I was running low on because I’d found a shop in town where I could buy new supplies.
“Yes, we’re dating,” I said with a nod. I was wondering where he was going with this.
/> “And we’re living together. I mean, we’ve been roommates all summer.”
“Yes?” I got up, tired of my sorting and went to lean on the kitchen counter.
“So that kind of complicates things.”
I frowned. “How so?”
“Does that mean I need to wait until we’re on a date before I can kiss you? Or is it okay to kiss my roommate any time I feel like it?” He had his head cocked to the side. I couldn’t tell if his inquisitive expression was genuine or a bit manufactured.
I smiled as I edged closer, hooked my thumbs into the belt loops of his khaki shorts, and pulled him in. I stood on my tiptoes so that his lips were only inches from mine. “It’s okay to kiss me whenever you want.”
“Really?” he wondered as he settled his hands loosely around my waist. “What if I want to kiss you all the time?”
“Then I’d have to say I’m one lucky girl. But just in case I’ve forgotten how lucky I am, you should probably kiss me right now to remind me.”
I met his gaze, noted again how the amber rings around his irises made them so unique. His eyes swept over my face. Even though he’d seen me almost every day the last few years, I felt like he was taking in the sight of me in a whole new way. His gaze traveled from my eyes, to my lips as his hands slid around my waist and cupped my backside. He was smiling slightly when he moved in to kiss me. My eyes fluttered closed and I could feel his breath on my cheek, funny because I felt like I wasn’t breathing at all. When his lips met mine he kissed me deeply and with insatiability. He kissed me until I was gasping indecently right there in the kitchen.
“We should probably stop this,” Max muttered.
“Do we have to?” I playfully pouted.
He smiled down at me. “Yes because we’re going out tonight.”
I pushed away from him, ready to get my shoes on. “Where are we going?”
He laughed as he followed me to the door. “You seem a little bit excited to get out of the house.”
“I am! Where are we going?” I repeated.
“There’s an art festival in town this weekend. I guess it’s a yearly thing. I’ve never been to it before but I thought maybe it was worth checking out.” He grinned at me. “A guy that came into the winery today told me they had cheese curds.”