She finished rubbing the back of Shane’s hand before clamping hers over top. “Next one,” Cassie said, releasing it altogether.
With one arm propped behind his head, Shane lay on his back. He rotated so he could give her his other hand. “You didn’t tell me that you’d missed your breakfast entirely,” he said with a frown.
A sting of guilt pricked at her chest. Cassie hadn’t wanted him to see that, but he’d insisted on running in to get the drinks. “I forgot to thank you for that. I tasted some of those hash browns and they were amazing. I promise I would have eaten every bit of it had I not left.”
“Makes me feel bad,” he said.
“No. I was glad to help,” Cassie assured. “This has been one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.” She pressed at the muscles along the edge of his palm, thoughtful. “I mean, I’ve really enjoyed all my time here. But I loved seeing what you do out there all day. It was…” Sexy is what it was, but she wasn’t about to say that. “Nice.” Cassie hadn’t known that being a rancher held so many titles. Rider, roper, doctor or vet. One minute Shane Emerson was riding on that massive stallion of his like the lone ranger, and the next he was helping birth a calf after its mother had died.
“I’ve liked it too.” A slight moan sounded from deep in Shane’s chest as Cassie pressed deeper into the area along his thumb. “It’s been nice having you with us. Reese was thrilled to see you out there today,” he added.
Cassie turned to work at the back of his hand. “I didn’t realize she went with Blake so often.”
“During calving season mostly,” he said. “But she’ll venture out to pasture every once in a while. Jade too. Sometimes one of the couples will disappear altogether and leave us to pick up the slack.” He paused to wink at her. “Means we can do the same.”
A rush of heat spilled over her body at the sheer thought of being married to Shane – sneaking away on long summer days. She gulped, working to redirect her thoughts.
“I really like your family,” she offered. “I mean, growing up, it was pretty much just me and my grandma. So to watch your parents and see the way they are day to day – so involved in your lives…” She shook her head, recognizing the extreme contrast. “I can’t help but think that’s how I want it to be with me and my own kids. I can tell how much Betty and Grant enjoy having everyone over. Seem to even treat the ranch hands like family.”
Shane propped himself onto an elbow, a thoughtful look in his eyes; their warm, hazel depths seemed to reflect every ounce of golden sunlight shining across the large, open field. “How often do you talk to your parents?” he asked.
“Oh, I don’t. They don’t really go places they could get reception. Not that they’d ever dream of owning a phone. They just send postcards every once in a while. Tell me how long they’ll be where.” Cassie hadn’t thought much of what she’d just said, but as Shane’s expression changed, his handsome brow showing signs of a strange sort of concern, she considered the details she’d just shared.
“What about when your grandma died? Didn’t they come for the funeral?”
“No. They hate staged ceremonies and functions like that. To them, nothing’s an emergency. Anything that happens, happens. Knowing sooner rather than later, attending some funeral service – none of it can change the events. My parents grieve in their own way. Wherever they are. Whenever they hear.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. What about the others who are grieving?” Shane sat up and pulled his hand away, causing Cassie to realize she’d been done massaging it for a while. Had just been holding onto it.
His face was flushed and angry. “So you’re telling me that if you died before them, heaven forbid, they wouldn’t even come to your funeral? You – their only child.”
Cassie gulped the odd lump forming in her throat. “No. They wouldn’t be there.”
“Who would plan it? What family do you have?” He was looking more disturbed by the minute.
“My mom’s an only child. Her mother’s the one who raised me. She never really had a father. But I have two aunts on my dad’s side. They’re my emergency contacts, so they’d be the ones stuck taking care of the details.”
Shane shook his head, his strong, handsome jaw clenched in agitation. “You say that like you’re a problem. Some thorn in their side even in death.”
He searched her eyes for a breath. “Has anyone in your life not made you feel like you were some … burden? Some chore to take care of?” His voice had risen, thick with a strained level of hostility.
“Nobody makes me feel that way,” she spat. “They just … have their own lives. They never asked to raise a grandchild, or some distant niece they barely know.”
“Well don’t you think that’s a problem all its own? Fact that a father practically abandons his own child and his sisters don’t even step in?”
“My grandmother was raising me.” Her words sounded weak and broken. Tears built up in her eyes as she continued. “His sisters lived half a country away. What were they supposed to do?” The conversation was hitting too close to home. Too close to the thoughts she’d entertained earlier in the barn.
Shane didn’t let up. “And what about his parents? Where are they?”
“Same. They all live in Georgia. We’ve always been too far away.” Cassie wiped at a tear. “My father and his parents didn’t have a great relationship to begin with, from what my grandma told me.”
“I’m not trying to be an ass, Cassie. I just, I can barely stand the people you call family, that’s all.”
She shot to her feet. “Well, not all of us were born in a perfect little place like Emerson Ranch, Shane.” In a hurried rush, Cassie flung open the small cooler and began tossing all their picnic items back into it. “I can’t exactly change the hand I was dealt.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, Cass.” His voice carried an edge of desperation. “You misunderstood me. I just… I’m just pointing out–”
Cassie rose her head, looking up to glare at him. “What?” she yelled. “Pointing out the obvious? That my life is one giant train wreck? That I’ve never had anyone see me as anything but some horrendous burden to bear? Thank you for that. I feel much better.”
She strode toward the truck, flung the cooler into the flatbed, and hopped in, sitting as far from the driver’s side as possible. With her arms folded across her chest, Cassie stared out the window. Beyond the field lay what Shane said was his property. As her eyes settled on the stack of rocks, the fun-looking fort he’d built with his brothers, a sting of jealousy twisted its way into her heart.
Shane’s door opened, and the crumpled blanket plopped between them onto the seat. “Could you just give me a minute to explain?” His breath came out loud and labored.
“I’d rather you didn’t,” she said. “With each word you say, you only make it worse. So just stop already. It isn’t my fault I was born into that family, Shane.”
“Yeah, but what about…” He let the sentence die, and Cassie didn’t bother turning to look back at him, only continued to rant.
“All I’ve ever done is try to see the best in everyone. Sue me for not being some bitter, hateful person who wants them to suffer for not falling all over themselves to raise a child no one wanted in the first place.” Cassie proudly fought the tremble of her bottom lip, but she could not contain the tears spilling down her cheeks. Never had she wanted so desperately to disappear. To be anywhere else but where she was – in Shane Emerson’s truck, racked with grief.
And as if he could sense it, had known she needed a moment to give in to the pull of it all, Shane flipped on the radio. There was something unspoken in the gesture. Kind. It was his way of giving her the privacy she needed, as stuck as they were in the cab of his truck. And as he turned up the sound, the country beat picking up in volume, Cassie quietly released the pain welled up in her heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY
If Shane had learned one thing, it was to never tamper with a firecracker duri
ng an explosion. That stood double when applied to women – especially when you were the idiot who’d lit the fuse.
It had taken nearly everything in him to refrain from bringing up her crummy boyfriend – the one person Cassie had chosen to be a part of her life. But he was glad he’d been able to resist the urge. It was hardly the right time.
Shane rubbed a hand along Drake’s side before climbing onto the saddle. Cassie hadn’t uttered as much as another word. Only hopped out of the truck and stormed into the house. Some first date that was. Shane wasn’t sure how he’d make up for the mess he’d made, but he intended to fix things one way or another. He only needed to give her time to cool down first.
Drake picked up speed at Shane’s command. The steady thump of his gallop, along with the familiar rumbling vibration, set his mind to thinking of the time he’d lost Natasha. He’d ridden for hours on end after that woman left, distraught over the loss. Only now, he could hardly remember why he’d been so broken. The city-bound girl was a devil, in truth. He was far better off without her. Too bad he couldn’t say the same about Cassie Lovell. Anyone’s life would be blessed to have her in it. And yet Cassie felt like her mere presence was a curse to those around her. That’s what made him so crazy. The selfish people she called family.
Shane puffed out an irritated breath. Could be that he was only blinded by love, the way he’d been with his ex. It was possible that once Cassie was gone he’d see, in retrospect, that she wasn’t so great. That he’d had his heart broken by another witch of a woman he should have never fallen for in the first place. Hell, maybe he shouldn’t allow himself to get involved at all.
With the afternoon sun high overhead, he pushed Drake harder, faster, determination setting in. There was no maybe about it. Somehow Shane had lost every shred of his initial intent to stay as far away from this woman as possible. Kissing, dating, snuggling up to a gal who’d jet right out of his life and back to her own in a Seattle second. What kind of fool had he turned into? It was time to put up that armor – the shield that had slipped off him the moment he’d met eyes with her. There would be no more pursuing something that wasn’t meant to be.
With his thoughts so consumed as they were, Shane met up with his older brother in no time. Blake was hunkered over a calf, having just tagged the thing. After opening the corral gate for Shane, Blake nodded toward a calf running along the outer edge of the pen.
“Grab that one, will you?” he asked.
The rope hung within Shane’s reach at the front of the saddle. After tugging on his gloves, he secured the rope in his grasp, widened the loop, and swung it over his head. With narrowed eyes, he zeroed in on the calf’s small hoofs while the creature sped along the border. It took him a moment to get the horse trotting at just the right pace, but once he had it, Shane flung the rope.
He muttered a curse under his breath as it landed just behind the small animal’s step.
“Losing your touch there, Brother,” Blake razzed.
“Shut up, Blake.” Shane wound the rope back in and prepped it once more. When he flung the loop for a second time, the dang calf darted to the right, missing the trap again. “Son of a…” He let the sentence die, preparing the rope for a third time.
In seconds flat he had the loop ready and was swinging it over his head, the muscles in his arm warm with exertion. The animal trotted toward him now, and Shane didn’t waste another minute in throwing the lasso solidly beneath his hooves, yanking it back to hold him in place. At last the rope tightened with the resistance of his catch. He climbed off Drake and hurried toward the calf, keeping a solid hold on the rope as the animal struggled to free itself.
Blake strode over as well, shaking his head. “That was pathetic. Looks like something has gotten beneath that thick skin of yours.” He gave him a knowing smile but Shane was in no mood for it. “You want to talk about it?” his brother offered.
And let Blake talk him out of his fresh resolve and back into Cassie’s arms? “Nope,” Shane answered. Besides, there was no point in explaining how he continued to mess things up where Cassie was concerned. He sucked when it came to relationships and was better off alone. “Where’d Reese go?” he asked, eager to change the subject.
His older brother leaned a knee against the calf’s head as he reached into his tool belt. Shane helped still the animal while Blake readied the tagging clamp.
“Reese had to pick the twins up from school,” Blake said, speaking loudly as the animal began to bawl. He squeezed the clamp to pierce the little thing’s ear, then nodded toward its legs.
“Already?” Shane hadn’t realized how much of the day had passed. It took a moment to slip the lasso off the calf’s legs, but once he did, Shane widened the loop and swung it over his head again, sneaking up on the next little one on foot. Once he got him down, Shane and his older brother approached it.
“So what does Cassie think of this place?” Blake asked. It was a rare moment when the brothers had time alone. There hadn’t been much conversation about Shane’s witness protection bride.
Had Blake caught him on the subject sooner, Shane may have been in better spirits. As it was, he was gritting his teeth just to be polite. “She likes it,” he finally said, unwilling to offer more.
Blake broke out in a knowing smile. “They all like it. I don’t know what it is. They just do.”
Annoyed heat raced through Shane. “I know that’s what you all think, but it hasn’t been that way for me and Cassie. Have you not heard about her boyfriend?” Shane asked. And though he knew all the ranch hands had gone with Gavin to work on the ditches for the afternoon, Shane looked over his shoulder after he’d spoken it.
Blake chuckled out loud as he came to a stand. “Are you telling me that, though she practically asked you to kiss her last night in front of everyone, she has a boyfriend back home?” He nudged his arm. “You villain, you.”
Shane shook his head, tempted to dwell on thoughts of that incredible kiss he and Cassie shared in the pantry. “He’s not exactly her boyfriend anymore. But what gets me, is that the guy has lived out of the country for the last three years.”
Blake scanned the corral. “Doesn’t sound like much of a boyfriend to me,” he said.
“Exactly. This joker’s been gone nearly the whole time they’ve been dating, if you can call it that. I just can’t figure out what the hell she was thinking? Staying with him so long.”
“So she made this decision to break up with him while she was here – on the ranch?” Blake asked.
Shane only shrugged. “I guess.”
“Sounds serious,” he replied. “Ready to abandon her man. You two didn’t…” While ending the sentence there, Blake tilted his head suggestively.
“No, no. I might be weak where she’s concerned, but I’m no fiend.” He shook his head. “I’m actually the one who stopped things last night. After attacking her at the front door, granted, but still.” Shane removed his hat and ran a tense hand through his hair, realizing he’d been sucked into talking about Cassie. Yet maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. May as well get some of it off his chest.
He glanced over at his brother, daring to open up a bit more. “After she told me she planned to break things off with him, I kind of flipped out.”
“How?” Blake asked. They had stopped walking, were paused in the center of the corral while the animals roamed about.
“I just told her we needed to slow things down. That I had no right to put my mouth on her like that when we hadn’t even dated. Said that if she really plans to leave the guy, we could start with that – dating.”
“That sounds about right,” Blake said.
Shane whistled to his horse. “Yeah, but it wasn’t. Why date a person whose destined to leave? A woman who hardly knows what she wants out of life. Especially when I’m so messed up. Just seems like the odds are stacked against us already.”
Blake shook his head as he let out a short chuckle. “When Reese came, every male on the ranch was hitti
ng on her. Thought I was going to lose my mind with jealousy over some woman who wasn’t even mine. Had to change that as quick as I could.” Blake stared off in the distance, the story playing out behind his deep brown eyes.
If there was one thing Shane knew about his older brother, it was this: he knew how to treat a lady. Blake was the kind of husband Shane longed to be. But the fear of never having what the couple had sent Shane running in the opposite direction, afraid of the hurt it might bring.
“Can I be honest with you?” Shane asked.
Blake’s face turned somber. “’Course.”
“I don’t want to pursue things with Cassie anymore. My whole body is in turmoil over the woman and she’s only been here a week. The only moment’s peace I’ve had since this whole thing started was on the ride here – when I resolved to leave the girl alone and be done with it.” He paused there, giving that some thought. “Doesn’t that say something?”
His brother didn’t respond right away, only nodded as he ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Says a lot.” And though Blake’s words were just what he’d hoped to hear, Shane felt the hot sting of heartache sink deeper into his soul.
“So we’re not meant to be together if it feels so … so unsettling all the time. Right?”
Blake turned back to look at him. “What unsettles you most? Thoughts of being with her? Or thoughts of being without her? If it’s with her – you might be right. You should feel good when you’re together. Should feel complete. But if it’s the thought of losing her that has you itching beneath your skin and ready to run before the gunshot sounds – why that’s just a man being a coward.”
Each word had registered in Shane’s mind, thoroughly, and without effort. He knew just what it was that unsettled him where Cassie was concerned – he was a coward. A straight-out coward who’d as soon run from love than chance losing it.
The sun had started setting in the west, turning his thoughts to spending the evening with Cassie. Perhaps Blake was right. No point in snipping something before it had the chance to grow. Maybe he just needed to see what, if anything, really existed between the two.
Cassie's Cowboy Crave: Witness Protection - Rancher Style (Sweet Montana Bride Series) Page 13