Stupid, stupid, stupid. She had been stupid to come here. She saw it now. Sadash had been right. And Valeria, in her own crazy way, was probably right, too. Why had she come here tonight? To ask a question to which there had been no answer? Had it been worth it—killing Miguel and revealing herself to Valeria?
"Why did you kill Miguel?” Valeria whispered.
"You want to know the truth? I don't know! Because he was there. Because I was hungry, because I'm a killer, because he talked like the big bad wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. I don't know!” Alana burst out, pacing across the room and making a wild gesture with her arms.
"I think I understand you. You didn't really want to kill him, but ... but something forced you to..."
"Oh, you're wrong. That's the awful part. I wanted to kill him."
"I think I understand you. Your new nature. I do, believe me."
"You don't know anything!"
"You wouldn't let me die ... you wouldn't let me grow old and die, would you?"
"I can't..."
"You wouldn't just watch me die ... not when you have the power to stop it."
"You don't know what's involved. You don't know what you'd lose."
"Oh, come on. Don't tell me I'll be selling my soul to the Devil. I don't believe in the Devil. You don't believe in the Devil. You want to believe, maybe that's why you took my crucifix last night and kissed it. Yes, maybe you want to believe in all of that now. In Heaven and Hell and God and the Devil. But you don't. I know you don't. And I don't, either.” She paused for breath, full of vehemence. “Just think about it. You and me. Against the whole goddamned world."
Yes ... Alana had fantasized about it many times. The two vampiric twin souls. Against the whole goddamned world. The invincible pair. But why was it that at the end of the fantasy she always imagined destruction. Why wasn't there ever a happy ending?
"He's not enough for you,” Valeria suddenly said. “That's why you're here."
"You got it all wrong. You always have. I've never been obsessed about you the way you've always been about me. Do you know why I decided to go to Boston? To get away from you."
"But you came back."
"True,” Alana admitted. “And now, because of entirely different reasons, I'm away from you again. And I intend to leave it like that."
"But you don't understand. Why did you come back? You could have stayed in Boston. Your chances of getting a job were a lot better there."
Alana shrugged. “I missed this place. It was too cold there."
"No, Alana. You missed me. You couldn't stay away from me. It's always been like that. Since we were little girls."
"You're crazy,” Alana said, incredulous, angry now. “You are the one who can't stay away from me. My God, you should have gone to a psychologist a long time ago."
"It doesn't matter anymore. Don't you see? Nothing else matters, except the power that you now possess, and that you can give me ... that we can share..."
"It'd be destructive."
"You have to..."
"You don't know anything about it. You ask for it, but you don't know the rules."
"Then tell me! Tell me everything. I want to know everything that happened to you."
"The guilt...” Alana whispered, ignoring Valeria.
"Because of killing?"
"You don't get satisfied, if you don't kill."
"But immortality, Alana? Immortality?"
"Yes."
"Give it to me!” Valeria said. With trembling fingers she unbuttoned her collar to fully exposed her neck. “What do you have to do—kill me? I trust you, Alana. I trust your love.” She stood there, waiting, looking at Alana with pleading eyes. Lovely eyes, as always. Big and brown and fringed with dark long lashes. The blond hair flowing dense and silky on her shoulders. The skin of her neck that light golden tan, almost covering the blue trace of the vein. Almost, but not quite.
"Stop it,” Alana said, trying to keep her cool, trying to sound nonchalant. “You're vicious. It makes me detest you.” She wanted to hurt, hurt her.
The words did hurt. Alana saw her recoil, but only for a second.
"Give it to me,” Valeria said, slowly coming closer and closer to Alana. “I'll give myself to you. In love. Has any victim ever given himself or herself willingly? Like this? In love? Have you tasted that?"
"What the hell do you know about blood? About what it tastes like?” Alana said.
But she was appalled. She was repelled by Valeria's reaction, and at the same time wildly aroused. No, no one had ever given himself or herself in love to her. Only Sadash. But he was a vampire. The blood of a mortal was a totally different feeling.
"He took a little of my blood once ... Sadash."
Alana stared at her. “You're lying!” she roared. She tried to read her thoughts, to catch her in the lie. But she couldn't! She couldn't tell if what Valeria had said was a lie or the truth. The possibility that it could be true filled her with murderous rage.
Valeria must have seen the venom in Alana's eyes.
"I'm sorry. I ... I don't know why I said that,” Valeria mumbled, taking a step backwards in alarm. “I'm jealous ... I'm jealous of him."
"Why did you lie? If it had been true, I would have killed you.” Yet, the fact was Alana still couldn't tell for sure if it had been a lie or the truth.
"Even then, you wouldn't have killed me."
"You're incredible,” Alana said, exasperated. She felt like grabbing Valeria into her arms and get the whole goddamned thing over with. She glanced at Miguel. The devastating guilt she had felt at first had somehow subsided. Poor Miguel. Even Valeria seemed to have forgotten him. In the middle of this conversation he had become like an unwanted piece of luggage in the way. What was she going to do about him? How was she going to dispose of the body? She couldn't just leave him here, it would implicate Valeria. On the other hand ... if she did what Valeria wanted, there wouldn't be anybody to implicate.
"Please...” Valeria whispered, standing dangerously close to Alana. “Afterwards you'll tell me all there is to know."
"What's the rush? I mean, even if I decide to do what you wish, what's the hurry? Why not talk about it first? Why don't you want me to tell you everything, explain you everything, before you jump into this?"
"I trust you. I'm overwhelmed. To think that something like this really does exist. But I trust you. Completely. What difference would it make to do it before or after? I just want you to do it. Now. I'm ready now. Later I may not want it. If I have time to think about it, I may not want it. Now it's perfect. I want it with all my heart, with all my soul. It would be like consummating our love. My God, the blood pact ... It was like an omen. Don't you see? Now the blood pact can truly be consummated. Our sisterhood, our bond, forever. Now we can truly become blood sisters,” Valeria said. She wrapped her arms around Alana's waist, and rested her head against Alana's shoulder.
Alana's heart sank. How could she fight this? As long as distance kept them apart she still had a chance, even if that distance was only a few feet away. But like this—in her arms, feeling Valeria's pulsing heart right against her own, blinded by the overpowering scent of her blood—how could she? She was no human, but she was a creature made of flesh and blood, a creature who would forever be driven by the bloodlust.
She stroked Valeria's hair, and listened to her crying as if in a dream. Actually, Valeria wasn't really crying. She was whimpering softly, like a little girl. And her hair smelled of apple pie. It was that silly shampoo she used, apples and cinnamon. Alana had already forgotten what apple pie tasted like, but now, smelling Valeria's hair, she remembered the smell. But it was only a tiny distracting smell compared to the flooding power of her blood. Of course, her closeness with Valeria amplified her hunger a hundredfold.
The whole world shifted. Everything was silent, expect for Alana's heavy breathing and the relentless drumming of Valeria's heart.
Alana took Valeria's face between her hands. They were nearly the same height.
&n
bsp; "I'm afraid...” Valeria whispered.
"Don't be.” A whisper, too, her voice. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it ... ! She could feel Valeria holding her breath, shuddering against her, wrapping her arms tighter around her waist. Valeria's fear was ecstatic. And Alana was perversely thrilled by it. She had never behaved like this with any other mortal. She had never been so expertly patient, her will had never been so much in control. Every split second was precious, every split second had a feeling to offer.
Everything is feeling to you.... Yes, everything is feeling...
Lowering one hand, Alana searched for that spot vampires loved so well, that little pulsing spot where the artery throbs.... Ah, yes, here, just below the side of the jaw. It was like an obsession, thumb stroking this part of the human neck, swelling with life.
Alana turned Valeria's head to the side, gently, as gently as she could. Her whole being craved for the core, for the fountain. Lowering her mouth to Valeria's neck, she began to graze the flesh, carefully, as lightly as a little cloud, as if trying to memorize her scent.
Feeling Valeria stiffening, Alana grimaced, moving her head a little, opening her mouth, willing her fangs to become the fullest, the longest they could possibly get. From the corner of her eyes she saw a flash of blue.
The next thing Alana knew she was being flung into the air with preternatural force. She crashed against the wall and collapsed onto the floor. Gasping for breath, panting, she brought a hand to her head, making sure it was still there.
If she had been human, she would have been dead with a crushed skull now.
She saw Sadash turning to Valeria. “You sleep, now!” he ordered her. For a moment Valeria's eyes widened, pupils oddly dilated as if in a coma. Then she fainted, falling onto the floor.
Sadash looked at Alana. The look he flashed her sent a shiver down her back.
"And you...” he began hoarsely, pointing at her. “I have ways of punishing you. Locking you up somewhere and starving you a little, for example."
Alana flinched. No blood? The prospect was too horrific to contemplate.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?” he said, gesturing to the room around him. “I expected you to use a little more common sense.” He was his usual, elegantly casual self: Black hair clean and lustrous, Levis 501, a white-and-blue striped shirt, expensive leather loafers.
"You could have split my skull,” she protested, massaging her head and getting up from the floor. She was sore all over.
"Maybe I should have. Believe me, I'm being gentle with you."
"Kill me then, if you wish. You're my Maker, aren't you? You alone have the power to do it. I'm too cowardly to commit suicide."
Her fierce words seemed to surprise him. “Don't play the victim,” he said.
"Well, it's true, isn't it?"
"No, it's not true. I already explained that to you. Don't try to change the subject."
Alana clenched her teeth, hating her fangs, which had not retracted yet. “How did you know I was here?"
"Where else are the bees, but where the honey is?"
"Is she going to be all right?” Alana said, humbler now.
"I should have killed her. I should kill her, now, snap her neck, get it over with."
"No! Please. You promised me. You told me you would never hurt them—the ones I love."
"You told me you would stay away from these people. But you didn't, did you?"
"I'm sorry,” she said. “I meant it, when I said it. I don't know what the hell happened. I can't control myself."
He seemed disgusted. “Please don't start crying."
"I'm trying."
He turned to Miguel. “This man. Valeria's lover. Why did you kill him? Or was he simply too juicy to fight it?"
"Sadash, please. The man is dead."
"Oh, I can see that. Drained to the bone. And by you."
"I came here to talk to Valeria. To ask her some things about my mother. But she had not arrived. The apartment was empty. Miguel arrived and he started playing hide-and-seek. He thought Valeria was hiding somewhere in the apartment and he started searching for her and surprised me in the closet and..."
"And he was simply too juicy to fight it, right?"
"Oh, Sadash, please! Don't make it so simple!"
"You're the one making it complicated. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As simple as that."
"Maybe you're right. I don't know. He had a wife, kids ... I'm ... I'm consumed by guilt."
"Yes. Especially when you were in Valeria's arms, you were consumed by guilt,” he said sarcastically.
Alana reddened. “I know I don't have any excuses. I should have listened to you. I tried. I wanted to talk to you before I came here. I called you and searched for you and waited for you, but you didn't care."
"Of all the Fledglings I've ever made, you're the damnedest. You're totally impulsive, and arrogant. Who do you think I am? You think you can have me by your side when you want, and send me away when you don't? You think I don't have feelings? How could you possibly think I was responsible for your mother's death?"
"It wasn't like that. I was angry at you. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't understand your attitude. I had the right to be angry.” Then she added sheepishly, “I'm sorry ... I didn't mean what I said. You know I didn't."
"That's not the point."
"Okay, I know that's not the point. I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm sorry. But why are you so angry? I don't think it's only because of last night. Is it because of ... Valeria? You're everything for me! What I feel for her is totally different. You don't have to be jealous."
"Jealous?"
"Everybody is jealous. You don't have to deny it."
"Really? I'm impressed by your psychological insights."
"Would you stop the sarcasm?"
"It goes way beyond jealousy, Alana, way beyond. Just what were you going to do before I got here?"
"Nothing!"
"Anyway, it doesn't matter. I got here just in time."
Her eyes dropped. What could she say to that? He was right. And she was relieved, yes, relieved that he had come in time to stop her.
"Sadash, please, this is not getting us anywhere ... What are we going to do? About Miguel? About Valeria? She knows what we are. She doesn't know the details. She doesn't know how I came to be what I am, our past. But she knows we're vampires. She surprised me while I was ... on Miguel."
"I told you, I should kill her. The mere sight of her is already getting on my nerves."
"You wouldn't dare kill her, an innocent young woman."
"Don't tempt me."
"Sadash ... have you ever drank from her?"
He chuckled suddenly. “Is that what she told you? You'd never guess how sneaky, how manipulative that girl really is."
"You still didn't answer my question."
"No, I've never touched her. Do you believe me, little Alana?” he said, a perverse smile on his face.
But Alana believed him.
"Let me kill her.” His eyes narrowed at the sight of Valeria on the floor. “I want to kill her."
"You know I would never allow it. I would never, never forgive you."
"And you think I care, if you forgive me or not?"
There was a silence.
"Yes ... I think you care,” Alana said at last, coming over to him and wrapping her arms around him. He stiffened at first, but then he seemed to relax, and at once she was filled by his warmth, by his strength, by his love. She could tell he had just fed, he was very warm. He was here. In her arms. Her Sadash. And in spite of everything, she was overjoyed to have him beside her.
He gave a sigh, lifting his hands to stroke the back of her head. She could still feel his anger, his jealousy, his possessiveness, for as much as he cared to pretend otherwise—all arrogance aside—she knew he wanted her only for himself. Just as she wanted him only for herself.
He drew back to look into her eyes. “I could put a spell on he
r, but spells are not omnipotent. And she's strong-willed. Sooner or later she will remember,” he said.
"She wanted it, Sadash. She begged me to do it."
"Don't delude yourself. You've wanted her all along."
"Because I don't want her to die, I don't want her to grow old and maybe fall prey to some terrible disease and die. Don't you understand? She's the only person I've ever been so close to. She took the place of my father ... even of my mother. How can I let her die? And she wanted so much to be like me, like us."
After thoughtful moment, he said, “Did you talk to her, about your mother?"
"No, I couldn't ... I mean, yes, but just a little. Then the conversation took a different turn. Sadash, I found out my mother had a lover. I saw it in Valeria's mind, last night. When I got home I called Uncle Angelo. I had a long talk with him. And he corroborated it. You knew this, of course, didn't you? That's what you meant when you told me there were many things about my mother I still didn't know."
"Yes."
"And you knew it was Humberto's father."
"Yes."
"I think my mother saw him the day of the accident. I think he came to our home to see her. Uncle Angelo has my mother's diary. I didn't even know she kept a diary. According to her last entry, she was supposed to meet him on the day she drowned, but she didn't say when or where. Sadash, please tell me. Was Antonio there that day? Did she see him? Is he involved in her death? Please, tell me, damn you!"
"I told you, I don't want to get involved in this. But you don't need me. You seem to be doing pretty well in the investigations department.” Then he added, his eyes peering at her with an animal ferocity, “I'll tell you one thing, though. You were right last night, about my motives. I want to see you in action. I don't want you to suffer, but at the same time I want to have the full pleasure of seeing what you'll do ... when you find out the truth."
"So I was right."
"About that, yes."
"And you still insist in being silent, in not helping me?” When he didn't answer, she said dryly, “All right, perfectly all right, fine. I'll play it by your rules. I'll take care of it."
"Good. Now we have to get rid of this body. Later, I'll arrange for an anonymous gift of money to be sent to the family."
Embraced by the Shadows Page 23