by CeeCee James
More pounding on the door. “Just break it down, why don’t you?” It was a weak demand, I never kept it locked.
Thomas burst in, his curly hair flying in every direction. “Dude, c’mon! We’re late!”
I rolled out of bed and slowly stood up. After rubbing my eyes I inspected the clothes I had on. Pants three days worn without being washed. I grabbed the front of my t-shirt and took a sniff. Gah! Beer, and who knows what else.
Thomas thumped down the steps. “I’m not waiting for you, dude!”
I rifled through the dirty pile on the floor looking for a t-shirt less grimy than the others. Finding one that would do, I yanked it over my head and stumbled down the stairs. School, blech.
At least I’d get to see my brother, a freshman at the high school. I hardly ever saw him anymore. I didn’t go too often to Mom’s house because she always gave me a hard time. She knew I was living kind of rough. Whenever I saw her she’d shake her head and say, “You’re just like your dad.” I didn’t want to hurt her and give her the response I wanted to say, so I avoided her.
Her nagging at me made me feel like I could relate with Dad. I understood him better because of what Mom thought of me.
Besides, I liked the way I lived.
Or so I told myself. Somewhere along the way a tiny voice told me I’d compromised, and I started to feel scummy inside.
But, alcohol always beat down the scummy feeling.
I jumped in the car just as Thomas rolled down the driveway.
“We hanging with your dad tonight?” he shifted the car into second.
“Yep!”
“Cool.” Thomas stepped on the gas, and we flew to school.
*****
That night, Dad was waiting on the front steps of his house when Thomas and I roared up the driveway. Thomas slammed the car to a stop and I jumped out. Dad stood up with his truck keys dangling from his finger.
“C’mon kid, let’s get trucking.” The pun caught him, and he slapped his knee with laughter.
I grabbed the Toyota’s side-wall and checked the back of his truck. Dad had plenty of beer back there.
Dad sauntered over, thumping his sneakers as though they were cowboy boots. “I want to go down to the trestle for a bit.”
“How long you been drinking tonight?” I asked, although I already knew the answer. His breath was so fumy I’d be nervous to light a match near him.
“Never too early to start, Son!”
“Five o’clock somewhere, right Dad?”
He laughed. “Screw five o’clock.”
I climbed in to the driver’s seat of the Toyota. Thomas drove his GTO up next the passenger side and rolled down his window.
Dad paused in mid-swing up into the seat, shouting to Thomas. “We’re going to the trestle.” He reached into the back of the truck for a beer, before scrambling the rest of the way in the cab. He slumped into the passenger seat with a groan and popped the tab.
I stepped on the gas and roared down the driveway, making him gag at the sudden rush of beer into his mouth. He sputtered, “Damn, watch my truck, Son!”
I smiled, threw it into second gear and squealed out onto the main road. Black smoked followed me as Thomas squealed his tires back.
But, we didn’t get out of town for another forty-five minutes, because Dad made me run him through the drive-thru to get super-sized fries. After that, we had to gas up. It was full-on dark by the time we arrived at the turn around under the trestle.
Arriving at the dead-end, I pulled the e-brake and did a little fish tail. The truck came to a stop, and Dad climbed out, stumbling a little as his foot caught the ground.
He took one look around. “Crap. Can’t see nothing.” He climbed up on the tire to reach the cooler and got another beer.
It’s true, another cloudy night meant no moon. Thomas’ GTO rumbled up next to us. “We gonna stay?”
“Hell no,” Dad said. ”You boys brought me here too late.”
Thomas grinned. “Let’s go do some donuts down behind Truck Depot.”
“You wanna do that, Dad?” I asked. I couldn’t see his face in the dark, just his shadow as he shrugged.
“Why the hell not,” he said, taking a swallow. He climbed back in and slammed the truck door shut.
I clicked on the radio and flipped through the channels, then circled to pull back on the road. Those thrills of excitement were growing in my stomach. I’d never taken Dad’s truck spinning before and I gripped the steering wheel hard in anticipation. Dad was quiet, probably focused on drinking.
Clearing my throat, I started to tell him about some engine work Thomas and I had done on his GTO. Dad didn’t say anything in response, but I saw the bottle tip up. I zipped the truck neatly around a bend, just as Dad opened the door to throw the empty beer bottle out. The door snapped shut as I came out of the curve.
“So Thomas’s planning to go to Spokane to get some tie rod ends for the GTO,” I said. “I’m going with him. We’ll be gone a few days.” I down-shifted as another turn approached. “Trying to be back by Monday, because we’re supposed to be moving. We got an apartment with a couple friends.” No response. I cleared my throat. “What are you doing Monday? Maybe you can help us move?”
I bumped off the road and into the dirt parking lot behind Truck Depot. As the truck coasted under the streetlight I twisted towards Dad.
He wasn’t there.
Empty seat.
My heart skipped a beat. I let the truck idle for a minute, trying to wrap my mind around what happened. Then I threw it into gear and slammed on the gas back the way I came. Adrenaline shot through my veins with the explosion of ten cups of coffee, just imagining him lying flat someplace like road kill.
I came back round the bend to a car stopped in the on-coming lane. My heart sped faster.
It was Thomas’ GTO. His car’s headlights lit up a man sitting cross-legged in the middle of the road. I pulled up alongside. Dad looked up at me and slurred, “I think you dropped something.”
“What the heck did you do?” I asked, shaking. He got up and brushed himself off.
Thomas hollered out his window, “I nearly ran him over! He was just lying there!”
Dad climbed back in the truck and began in an exasperated tone. “I can’t believe you just dumped me out. And left me! Left your ol’man.”
Inside me, the shaking had changed. It started deep in my stomach and I started to swerve. Laughter burst out of me, until tears streamed down my face
*****
The following Monday, Dad let me borrow his truck to load all of our crap for the move into the new apartment. We didn’t have much in the way of furniture; some old car seats for the living room, and mattresses on the floor. But we had plenty of alcohol and space to have our own parties.
We had the best parties, but all that drinking eventually did catch up with me. One afternoon, after a late night, I woke up to another phone call.
“Jim!”
“Dad?”
“Hell no, this isn’t your Dad. This is Jared. Your boss. You’re late again.”
Oh Crap! I sat up in bed and looked for the clock.
He continued. “Don’t bother coming in today. You’re fired.”
Rent was due, and it wasn’t looking good.
I came home the next afternoon to a pretty girl sitting on the kitchen counter. “This is Joe’s friend,” Thomas said. “She’s looking for a place to stay.”
Just like that we had money for rent, and a new roommate.
Chapter 18
The new girl slid off the counter and stood leaning back on her hands. She had on some of the tightest blue jeans I’d ever seen.
“Hi, I’m CeeCee.”
Wow! She was a looker. Blonde hair, curves in all the right places. Play it cool, I told myself, cracking open the fridge for a soda. “Hey, I’m Jim,” I answered back.
I grabbed the soda and tried to lean against the fridge nonchalantly. The fridge moved under my weight, makin
g me spill the soda down the front of myself. Inside I cringed, while flicking off the droplets like nothing happened.
The front door slammed opened, and Dad was there.
“We going out, boys?” he asked Thomas and me.
Thomas grabbed his hat off the counter and pulled it over his curly mop. “I’m in,” he said.
“Hell yes!” I said, setting the can down. Then, as if it weren’t a big deal, I told the new girl, “You hungry? Help yourself to anything in the fridge.” Her eyes got big, blue… gorgeous. She gave me a huge smile that melted my heart.
“Uh, yeah, see you soon,” I stuttered before kicking myself out of the house.
“Who’s the girl?” Dad asked as we headed for the truck.
“New roommate,” I muttered.
Dad looked over at me and laughed.
*****
CeeCee was a talker. I tried like heck to be aloof around her, but she just had a way of worming herself in that made me feel awful chatty every time she was near. She gave me bits and pieces of her back-story on how she came to be living on her own at seventeen. It sort of made me want to take her under my wing even more.
The next week I was hired on at a landscaping company. It wasn’t much, but I couldn’t really mess up mowing, and the boss liked me okay. CeeCee worked at the little restaurant downtown. I started to meet her there to walk her home when her shift had finished.
On this night, I think I got a mite too close when we were walking, because out of the blue, she told me she wasn’t interested in dating anyone. “My life is kind of crazy,” she laughed, “I can barely take care of myself, let alone anyone else.”
I doubted that.
“I don’t mind crazy.” I gave her a small smile. She flashed me a grin and did a little skip on the sidewalk.
We stayed up all that night talking. At three a.m., and then again at four, I told her, “C’mon, let’s call it a night.”
Both times she said, “Okay, after this last cigarette.” And so here we were, throats sore from smoking, watching the sky turn grey until the sun peeped up over the window sill. I gave a big yawn, and she turned to me with a sweet smile. “You poor baby. Having to work with no sleep. You’re amazing!”
I had to smile back. She made me feel amazing.
It was close to our second week of late night conversations that I rolled a little closer to her. Reaching out with my finger, I brushed a strand of hair off of her cheek. She didn’t pull away. I studied her eyes, wide and blue. I leaned in and kissed her.
Best kiss of my life.
“Be my girl,” I whispered.
Her smile about melted my heart when she whispered back yes.
*****
About two weeks later, we both had the weekend off from work, so I took her down to the river to the place where Dad and I had fished. I parked the car, a beat up Pinto, off the side of the road. Her door was up against the bushes, so I grabbed her hand and helped her crawl over the gear shifter and out my side.
“This is nice!” she said, looking up at the thickly surrounding trees that grew right up to the shore of the river. I pulled a knapsack out from the back seat and then slammed the door.
“Yeah, I like it here.” I smiled at her, popping the trunk.
She walked back to me to take the fishing poles as I lifted them out. Reaching back in, I yanked out the metal tackle box and banged the hatch shut.
“Okay babe, let’s go!” I led the way down a tiny path just barely visible in between the bushes. It opened up after we got through the trees.
When it widened, she pushed past me and skipped ahead, walking across the bigger boulders with her arms flung out to keep balance.
It made me smile. In front of us was the same old log that I’d sat on while fishing with Dad what felt like a hundred years ago. She ran right over to it and claimed a spot of her own, the same place where I had sat, and set the poles at her feet. With a flip of her hair, she turned to look at me and patted the spot next to her.
“Come sit here, hon.” And, flashed me that smile. Man, she made me feel things I’d never felt before; smart, confident, unstoppable. I started to smile back.
Then, I stumbled, and the tackle box corner caught me sharply under the knee cap, grinding me to a stop. There was no sucking up the pain. I grimaced and hobbled to the log in halting steps, like a chicken chasing a grasshopper.
“Are you okay?” she asked, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. I dropped the fishing gear and bag and sat next to her.
“Yeah,” I laughed. “Just kind of klutzy.” I examined my knee (crap, not even a cool war wound) and gave it a rub. “Want a beer first? It might be warm.”
She wrinkled her nose at the thought of warm beer and shrugged. “Okay.”
Reaching down, I unzipped the duffle bag and pulled out two cans. I handed one to her and put the other by my feet. My can didn’t want to sit nice on the rocks, tipping over as soon as I set it down.
I sighed, and flipped open the tackle box. “Let’s get your pole set up.”
She scooted closer to me when I started baiting her hook. Mmm, she smelled like vanilla. She tried to take the pole after I’d finished, her hand just above mine, but I hung on to it to tease her.
“Give me!” she laughed. I leaned in and gave her a slow kiss. For a minute everything fell away.
“I love you,” I murmured against her lips. The kiss ended. She pulled away and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Umm,” I studied her. “Did you hear me?”
She took the pole from me and stood up. After a few practice flicks she cast it into the water, the line catching a glint of the sun as it stretched across the water.
“You know I can’t say that back.” She sighed. “I like you. I like you a lot.” She didn’t turn to face me but continued to stare out at the river.
I popped my beer and took a long gulp. Yep, warm.
After baiting my hook, I cast the line into the water and settled onto the log. CeeCee crouched back on her feet where she was.
“Come sit here,” I said. She shook her head. We sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Want me to make a fire?” I asked, trying to break the awkwardness.
She jumped at the idea. “Yes!” Then, with a wink, “We’ll need it since I’m about to catch dinner.”
“What? No way!” I argued back.
“I’ve got a good feeling,” she teased back, taking a sip of her beer. She frowned and quickly set it down.
Great. I was batting 0-2 now.
Glancing around, I found a couple good sized rocks and propped my fishing pole up until it was secure. After that, I walked up the beach gathering an armload of driftwood.
Once back at my pole, I reeled it in a few spins. Still no bites. I figured I had to be falling rapidly from amazing, to unremarkable in her eyes after this.
CeeCee was sitting on a big river rock and held her pole like it was a sword. What a goof, I smiled, and started to build the fire.
“Oh my gosh!” she shrieked. “The pole is moving!”
Sure enough, the tip of her pole was bobbing up and down.
“I think I have something!”
“Pull back! Yank it hard!” I yelled, dumping the wood to one side.
Her brows wrinkled as she pulled and reeled. I stood behind her like a backseat driver, with my hands jerking in the air, wanting to reel it in for her. The fish came out of the water with its tail whipping. I let out a holler.
“That’s a beaut!”
She swung it up to the shore where it flopped like a silver eel among the rocks.
“Oh get it! Get it!” she squealed.
He was a slippery sucker, and it took me a second to nab him. “Come here, you!” I muttered. Finally, I had the hook free from its mouth, and held it up like a fat trophy. “Dinner.”
She frowned. “Oh, the poor thing. Put him back.”
The fish wriggled in my hand, its mouth opening wide and white. “You want me to rele
ase it?”
“Yes, let him go.” She pushed her bottom lip out. “I’ll make you a dinner instead. Whatever you want.”
I walked to the river’s edge and let the fish slip through my fingers back into the water. We watched it swim away. She came over and leaned her head against my shoulder.
“In that case, I like steak,” I said, and gave her a squeeze.
Chapter 19
I did try my hand at being romantic. One night, on the way to meet her after work, I picked a few stems of flowers that grew in a shrub by the Shop Rite. The flowers were bushy with layers of pink petals, and smelled like her perfume. I thought she’d love them. As I admired them, I noticed hundreds of black specks that filled the center, wiggling in the petals. They were covered in bugs.
Crap!
I shook the flowers as hard as I could, petals and bugs flying everywhere. Suddenly, I wasn’t too sure about my gift, but she had already seen me and was running down the steps of the restaurant.
“Jim! How beautiful!”
I felt a little dubious as I held the flowers out to her, my fingers and toes all crossed that I’d shaken them clean.
“I love them!” She plucked a flower out and moved it to her blonde hair to pin it behind her ear.
“Maybe you should, mmm” I swallowed, “smell them first.”
She held them to her face to take a sniff, and then froze. From her look I knew there were still a few more critters squirming in there. She looked up at me with wide eyes, not sure of what to do. I laughed, “It’s okay, you can toss them.” Like a baseball player, she pitched them through the trees. Then she took my hand.
She made me laugh like no one had. We had a good time together. She understood me. She thought I was important, and I wanted to be that for her.
There were times when CeeCee could get awful down though, when the mood struck her. It was a major point of contention when I’d tell her that I loved her. She’d shake her head and push me away.
It had been getting worse lately. “You’re just going to leave me,” she cried a few nights ago. I was flabbergasted. No matter what I said I couldn’t change her mind.