by Jenika Snow
Yeah, I couldn’t let this go.
And what, you think she’ll just accept you? You think she gives a shit that after seeing her again after all this time, you want to make things right?
Shit.
I ran a hand over my hair; the short strands were standing on end.
Fuck, I didn’t care if she fought this. Since we’d separated, I’d wanted her back fiercely, but I’d given her that space she’d demanded.
But she’d been through so much; Blaine too. Their life had been so fucked because of their piece-of-shit old man, and as much as I’d wanted to tell her that being with me would make things better—as arrogant as that had been and sounded—I’d loved her enough to let her go.
And though she left, I’ve never really let her go.
I’d even told myself if I’d been a real man, I would never have let her walk away. I would have demanded she stay with me.
But doing that, trying to control her because I was too damn alpha to realize how I should have acted with the woman I loved, had ruined everything.
That had been the worst mistake of my fucking life.
But I’d show her that I’d changed.
I’d show her I was a changed bear.
Am I really? I know I’m still as alpha and controlling as ever.
I couldn’t waste this opportunity, not when she was back in Stales. Seeing her after all this time had that intense love I had for her rising up like a violent fucking beast.
Excerpt: Brutal (A Real Man, 11)
Axel
Having Roxie here made me feel stronger, had my blood rushing through my veins, my heart pumping harder, faster. I glanced at the girl I loved—secretly—and saw that she was worried. This was only practice, me boxing with one of the guys at the gym, one of my friends, but she worried for me.
“Dude, pay attention,” Lenny said, his words muffled by the mouth guard. He glanced at Roxie, and I saw the smirk that covered his face. I swung out, knocking him back with the force.
One of these days I was going to grow some balls, pull Roxie in close, and kiss her senseless. One of these fucking days I’d tell Roxie I loved her, damned if the friendship was ruined or not. Being around her and not kissing her, holding her, letting the world see she was mine was so fucking painful I’d risk anything for the chance to claim her.
I just needed to grow those balls first.
Roxie
I always hated watching Axel fight, even though I knew he’d win. The fact he was getting violent with someone else scared the shit out of me.
Axel ducked, dodged the punch, swung out, and drew blood. He was vicious in the ring, his blue boxing gloves standing out against the red of his opponent’s. Over and over he did this, hitting, blocking, his focus on the other guy, his moves precise. I glanced at the clock, the time seeming to speed up, then slow to a halt. I had to leave for work soon, but not before I saw him win.
This was only practice, but I had to make sure he was okay.
I saw the other boxer say something to Axel, although it was too low for me to hear. And then the other guy glanced at me, grinning around his mouth guard, making me feel pissed for Axel. The guy did this to piss Axel off. I knew that, knew he was trying to get under Axel’s skin.
But he should have known better, should have known taunting Axel would only lead to him on his ass.
And sure enough, Axel delivered a punch to the face that had the guy on his back, out cold.
I retreated a few steps as the trainer went closer and motioned Axel over. They started talking. I turned my back to the ring, grabbed the rest of my stuff, and felt someone behind me. I smiled and looked over my shoulder.
Axel stood there, all six-foot-three inches of him, his body glossy with sweat, his massive chest rising and falling. I noticed he had a small cut above his eyebrow, one of the many times he’d gotten hurt boxing.
He grinned down at me, gestured to my bag, and because I knew he’d keep bugging me until I gave in, I handed it over.
“You have time for me to shower and clean this up?”
I glanced at the clock. “Only if you can do it in ten minutes.”
“Done.” He turned, but I called him back.
But to be honest I’d be late for him if it meant spending more time together. “Text me when you’re done showering and I’ll come in and clean the wound up.” He smiled, and my heart raced.
“Um, my bag.” I chuckled when he handed it over. “You can be all manly and carry it when you’re done.”
He winked and I felt my heart start to race. I watched him walk away, not knowing if I’d ever have the nerve to tell the boy I loved—the man he’d grown into—that I cared for him. For years, ever since I knew what the word meant, what it would feel like, I knew what I felt for Axel was more than friends.
I wanted to be his, needed to show him that we were meant for each other. I could pretend that I “saw” the way he looked at me, that maybe he felt the same way. But at twenty-two, the years passing, and nothing being said, I pushed any notion about what I could have with him.
I chalked it up to my own fantasies.
I stared at the other boxers training. Some were back in the ring; others were working out or hitting the red punching bag violently.
Five minutes later I got a text from Axel. I took my bag with me into the locker-room, saw him sitting on a bench, shirtless, water dripping from his hair, and tried to control my emotions.
I’d patched him up before, so finding the first aid kit, and doing this less than appealing job, wasn’t a hardship.
I grabbed some peroxide, ointment, and a butterfly bandage. For the next few minutes we were silent as I tended to his wound, cleaning it, smearing the thick cream on it, then finally applying the small dressing.
When I glanced down I noticed he was focused on me, his gaze intense, his pupils dilated. I let my hand fall to my side, but he caught it and placed it over his heart.
“Thanks for always being there for me.”
I smiled, and tried to play it cool, like feeling his hand on mine wasn’t totally affecting me.
“Always.” I cleared my throat and took a step back. “I’ll meet you by the benches.” I left before I made a fool of myself. Once I was at said benches I breathed in and out slowly. A few minutes passed and I felt myself relax.
“Hey.”
I glanced at Liam, one of the other boxers Axel trained with. He was younger, maybe eighteen.
“Hi,” I said. He was a lot smaller than Axel, leaner, like a swimmer. He was either coming or going, with his bag slung over his shoulder and his jacket on.
“There’s a small party later tonight at one of the guys’ houses. Everyone from the gym should be there, and lots of food and booze. If you don’t have any plans, we can hit it up, relax a bit?”
A shadow crossed over Liam, and I knew Axel was standing right behind me.
“If she does end up going, it’ll be with me.” Axel’s voice was hard, unforgiving, and he moved beside me. He was my best friend, and because of that he’d always been very protective, almost overbearing at times. But truth was I loved it and wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
“Hey, man,” Liam said. A moment of silence passed. “You guys, like…” He looked between us. “Dating now or something? That why she’d be going with you?” I could hear in Liam’s voice that he was genuinely curious.
“Like I’m going to let her go to a party with a bunch of sexed-up boxers who have been drinking all night?” Axel lifted a brow and stared Liam down.
Liam held his hand up. “Cool. Well, I’ll see you guys there then?” He didn’t wait for either of us to answer. He headed out the front doors.
I stared at Axel.
“What?”
I was the one to lift a brow now. “Sexed-up?” I chuckled at that and shook my head. “None of these guys would dare put a finger on me.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in. I loved the feel of his hard, w
arm body close to mine, even if it was just in a friendly manner.
“Yeah, but sometimes they like to push, to see if they can get their dick wet.”
I scrunched my nose. “That’s nasty.”
“Unfortunately that’s the truth and how most of these assholes think.”
We headed outside to his SUV. “Are you wanting to go to the party?” I turned and glanced at him. He looked like he wanted to say no, and I knew it was because of what we’d just talked about. “It’ll be fun, and honestly I’d like to get out of the house. My roommate brings her boyfriend over constantly, and I can hear them having sex through my bedroom wall.” I felt my face heat.
I spoke with Axel about anything and everything. Nothing was ever hidden between us. But talking about sex with him—when I knew nothing about it, and because of how I felt toward him—always made me feel on edge.
I could assume Axel knew nothing about sex either, was a virgin just like me since I’d never seen him with any women, but I didn’t want to assume. He was big and strong, attractive and powerful, and I knew the opposite sex wanted him. I saw how they looked at him while he boxed and trained.
“If you really want to hang out there, I’m game.” The way he stared at me, his blue eyes piercing, his focus trained on me, had this chill racing up my spine. “And I hate that you’re staying at her place. You know I still have a room open if you want. It’s yours, always will be.”
As much as the prospect of staying with Axel, living with him under the same roof was oh so appealing, because we were “just friends” I didn’t want to put myself in that situation. And by situation I meant inadvertently walking in on him with a woman in his bed, or hearing him talk to his friends about females, or anything that had to do with the opposite sex.
“I know, and I appreciate it, but I like living on my own…kind of.” He smiled at me, and once we were in his SUV and headed to my work, I tried to put any worries I had about me and Axel, and what we did or didn’t have, to the back of my head.
About the Author
Find Jenika at:
@jenikasnow
jenikasnow
www.jenikasnow.com
[email protected]