“Hey, it’ll be all right,” Ben says, and he squeezes my arm lightly. “They’re doing their best on him.”
“But what if he won’t make it? Oh, god, it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t poured his alcohol through the drain like that, he would still be at home, alive and well.”
“He’s alive, I’m sure of it. Don’t put yourself down like that. Jack’s been like this for ages. Trust me, I know. I’ve seen this coming. He’s like a ticking time bomb.”
“What do you mean?” I ask while we both sit down.
“Well, I’ve been taking care of little Maddy ‘ere, on and off.” He winks at her, trying to lighten the mood, and she smiles.
“Problems were … multitude with Jack. He and Rose never planned on having … Well you know. It just happened,” he whispers.
He must mean Madeline. I’m sure he doesn’t want her to hear we’re talking about her.
“He couldn’t handle it … had a lot of arguments with his wife. She ran off. You probably know the rest by now.”
“She died in the same water. On that same bridge.”
“You found him there?” Ben’s eyes widen. “Damn, it’s worse than I imagined.”
“Do you think he meant to …?” I stammer. The words hang in my throat, and I can’t get them out, thinking of the horrible things coming to mind. No, Jack’s not like that, is he?
“No, no. I don’t believe he’s capable of that. He knows he’s got Maddy now. He wouldn’t just follow Rose. He was probably just trying to get his head straight, and something must’ve happened.” Ben coughs. “You know, Jack’s been trying to get his life back together ever since. He’s been spending a lot of time with Maddy and loves her dearly.” He glances at Madeline for a moment, whose ears perk up when she hears her name.
“I love daddy, too,” she says.
It brings the tears right back into my eyes. I never knew Jack had so many problems with Madeline. He blames himself for everything. Is that why he can’t start anything new? Is he afraid to forgive himself?
“I’m just saying. I know Jack’s got some problems, but he’s a nice guy, and he deserved better,” Ben says.
He gets up with a grunt and stretches his leg. “This ol’ geezer ain’t used to sitting for long periods of time, so why don’t you lemme get ya some drinks, ‘kay?” He walks toward a coffee machine and puts a cup under.
“Sure … I could use an energy boost. And something warm,” I say.
When Ben brings me my coffee and Madeline some lemonade, we’re all silent. Nobody knows what to say. There’s nothing to say that will make things better. However, I’ve not seen Madeline quiet for so long, and it’s almost scary.
When a doctor emerges from the room Jack’s in, I jump off my seat and almost spill my coffee on the floor.
“Mister McCallister was under water for quite some time and has suffered hypothermia. We’ve managed to stabilize his temperature for now. He’s been lucky to have you resuscitate him in time, which got his oxygen flowing again,” he says, and he smiles at me. “He’s awake. You can see him now.”
I don’t wait for another word before I walk inside the room. When I see Jack lying there, covered with a thick blanket, all wired up, it drains the blood from my face.
Nurses leave us alone as Maddy and I walk into the room with Ben behind us. We’re all anxious to see him, but didn’t expect it to be like this. He’s black and blue, bruised all over, his face pale white and his lips dry and contorted. He doesn’t look at all like the man I’ve grown to like.
I swallow away the fear I have of seeing him like this and grab his hand. He’s cold as ice, and it makes me shiver. The machines beeping tell us he’s alive and well, but if it weren’t for those things, I wouldn’t even notice. He’s so silent and still.
Ben picks up Madeline and lets her sit on his bed side. She rests her head on his chest and clutches the blanket, her tears staining it. I purse my lips together to stop myself from crying with her. I’m sad and happy at the same time. Happy that he’s all right and that he’s made it, but sad that we have to see him so fragile. Jack’s been so strong all this time and seeing him lying here, broken, is killing me.
Suddenly I hear a noise coming from his mouth. He’s groaning.
My eyes widen and I lean in closer to see if I’m dreaming, but I’m not. His lips are parting.
“Jack,” I whisper, and I release his hand, because I don’t want them to notice.
“Daddy!” Madeline yells, and she squeezes him so tight that he starts coughing.
“Careful, Maddy,” Ben says, and he takes her hand off him. “Daddy’s a little sick right now. Gotta be gentle with him.”
“Daddy, you’re okay!” she yells, and she hugs him some more.
Seeing Jack open his eyes puts a smile on my face, and I have trouble holding back the tears.
Squinting, he gazes at Maddy and lifts his fingers to caress her face. “Hey, sweetie,” he says.
“I thought you were going away, too, like mommy did,” Madeline says.
It breaks my heart hearing her say that. She’s so painfully aware of what happened to her mom. This little girl must’ve been through so much crap in her short life.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Jack says, and he coughs.
He hugs Madeline as much as he can, considering his restricted movement and stiffness. He’s shivering, and it’s not a surprise.
“What happened?” he says when Madeline gives him room to breathe again.
First he looks at Ben and then at me. We both don’t know what to say to him. We don’t even know what happened, and now he’s asking us?
“I uh … I found you in the water under the bridge,” I mumble.
Jack’s eyes drift off to the ceiling and he frowns, probably trying to remember.
“You didn’t call my sister, right? Please tell me you didn’t,” he suddenly says.
“No, shit, I forgot. Wait, what? Why not?” I stammer.
He groans. “I don’t want more trouble.”
“She’s your sister!” I say.
Ben clears his throat. “Well, we could use a break. I think Madeline’s hungry and I could use something to eat as well, so I’ll take her to the cafeteria. See you two in a bit, ‘kay?”
Ben lifts Madeline from the bed. He winks at me, and I know he’s only saying this to give me and Jack some room to talk.
“Thanks,” I say, and Ben pats me on the shoulder before leaving the room.
When the door closes, I suddenly feel very nervous. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s because Jack’s here and I didn’t think past reviving him. I didn’t think about it in advance that we’d have to talk about what happened.
He gazes at me and never lets his eyes leave my face. It makes my cheeks flush with heat.
He holds out his hand, and I step closer to the bed to take it. I squeeze his hand as he starts caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. He’s so gentle and sweet, even when he’s the one who almost died. I should feel bad about what I did. I drove him away. It was my fault he was in the water.
“Are you okay?” he says, his voice still hoarse.
“What? I’m the one who should be asking you that.”
“You seem upset.”
“Of course I am,” I say, snorting. “I had to drag you out of the water!”
He opens his mouth and takes in a breath, gaping at me with a befuddled look on his face. It’s like he’s digging in his mind, trying to find the memories. He licks his lips and scrunches up the blanket with his fingers.
Then his face grows blank.
“Rose …” he mutters.
Damn. Even now, after he almost died, the first thing he thinks about is his late wife. I understand, but it’s heartbreaking, too. I like him. I wanted it to be me he thought of first.
I look down at the floor, trying to avoid his eyes that spell out the love he feels for her.
“I saw her. I heard her. She was talking to me,” Jack whispers.
“You were drowning, Jack. I had to fish you up. You drove your truck into the water.” I sigh.
He must be delusional from all that. Doesn’t matter. Of course she’s the first thing he thinks about. I should’ve known. What am I doing here? He’s still trying to get over the death of his wife and has a little kid to take care of. He doesn’t have any time or room to start anything with me.
He looks at me and grabs my hand when I want to stand up. “No, please, stay.”
“This isn’t good, Jack. For neither of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t watch you hurt yourself over her. I know what happened. Maddy told me.” I’m not going to tell him that I’m actually jealous of the love he has for his wife. It’s wrong on so many levels that I feel like I want to smack myself for thinking about it. But I do.
His eyes grow dark hearing my words.
“And I like you too much to see you do this to yourself,” I add.
The tears well up in my eyes again, and I can’t stop them from running anymore. “God, I was so afraid I was going to lose you, and what about poor Maddy …”
“Hey,” he says, and he pulls my wrist to get me to turn around. “Don’t cry. I’m not trying to hurt myself. I didn’t do it on purpose, trust me. I can vaguely remember a deer crashing into my truck, and before I knew it, I was in the water. Next thing I know, I’m here in this bed, feeling like I’ve been refrigerated.”
I chuckle from the idea of Jack sitting in a fridge. It’s the sort of stupid things my mind thinks about in times of crisis, trying to avoid the heavy subjects.
“But you were drinking, and your sister said you were in trouble, so I wanted to help you,” I say. “I couldn’t stand one more day seeing you wasting away. I flushed your drinks, and then you ran. It’s all my fault. If I didn’t pour your drinks down the drain, you wouldn’t have—”
“No,” Jack interrupts me, and he grabs my arm firmly. “It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself.”
“But you were on that bridge; the exact place your wife—”
“It doesn’t matter. It was a moment of weakness. It won’t happen again, I promise.” He looks me in the eye, and the corners of his mouth tip up into a tiny smile. “I’m sorry. I never meant to scare you. And I’m sorry for drinking and making you feel miserable because of it. And I’m sorry for not tellin’ you, and I’m also sorry for draggin’ you in to this mess.”
“I’m sorry, too. If I’d known about your wife, I wouldn’t have …”
Jack shushes me. “That’s all in the past now. I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I say.
“I don’t know. I feel different, somehow. Like a burden dropped off my shoulders.”
I snort and shake my head.”Sounds like bogus to me.”
“It’s not. I want to change. I want to be there for Maddy.” Jack lifts his finger and reaches for my face. I stay still as a statue, not moving an inch. He brushes aside my hair and wipes away the tears on my cheeks. “And maybe for you, if you let me.”
His touch makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter about. Is he serious? I can’t believe it. It feels like a dream to me. He can’t possibly grow over Rose so quickly and want to be with me. Things like that don’t happen to me. I’m not that lucky.
“Are you sure?” I say. “I mean, I’m not easy, and you saw what I can do when I’m pissed about something.”
Jack chortles. “Yeah, well, guess there’s only one way to find out.” He cups my face between his hands and pulls me in for a kiss so sweet it sparks the fire inside my chest and sets me ablaze. I can’t say no anymore.
Chapter 3
Jack
Finally, after two days, I get to go home. It’s stupid, but the only thing I can think about right now is eating junk food. Can’t wait to get my hands on a juicy hamburger from the grill again. Compared to hospital grub, which tastes more like Styrofoam, those burgers are heaven. And Amy promised to cook them up for me sometime.
My mouth is watering just from thinking about it. But it’s not the only thing that’s appetizing. Amy’s supporting me along with Ben, getting me back to the car, and my face is pointed straight at her boobs. I don’t have any intentions; it’s just hard not to look at.
“Want me to take Amy? I can drive to your house. Give you some time alone.” Ben winks at us, and it makes me chuckle.
He knows I like her. It’s written all over my face. And he’s right, too. I could use some rest. Madeline’s such a force of energy, and I don’t have any energy at all. Doesn’t work well when she’s stuck in a car for hours getting back home.
“Sure, see ya there,” I say, and we get into our cars and drive off.
Ben goes first, so Amy knows what route to ride. It’s very quiet, but I don’t mind. Silence isn’t making me feel miserable anymore. It used to provide entry for excruciating thoughts about Rose drowning, but when I think of her now, all I see is the shining light she’s turned out to be for me. I don’t know if it was real or not. It was probably all in my head, like Amy said. I’m nuts, but I don’t care. It’s given me a momentary peace of heart that I hope might last.
When we arrive at the ranch, the smell of wheat and horse dung is now a welcome stench I missed. I’m glad I survived another day just to see this beautiful place again.
We step outside and Amy helps me get inside. Ben and Maddy are already waiting for us there, and when she sees me, she runs up to me and jumps into my arms. I can barely hold her weight and stumble back against the door.
“Whoa, be careful,” I say. “Daddy’s still a little fragile, sweetie.”
“But I love you, Daddy. I don’t want you to be in pain.”
“I know, sweetie. I love you, too.” I kiss her on the forehead, and she grins. Then I put her down again, and Ben walks up the stairs with our bags. He was so nice to get some fresh clothes for me yesterday. I really owe him a lot. He’s done so much for Maddy and I, I don’t know how I can ever repay him. But I can start by offering him dinner.
“Hey, Ben, wanna stay and eat?” I ask when he comes back down.
Ben looks up at me, his brows furrowed. “Huh? No, no my wife wouldn’t like that, sorry mate.”
“Ah, c’mon, it’s just one day. I’m sure she won’t mind.”
Ben shakes his head and laughs. “Oh, all right. I’ll call the ol’ gal and tell her I’ll be late tonight.”
“Great!” I say, and I move toward the stairs, but notice my balance is off. I can barely stand straight, and Ben catches me before I fall.
“Wow, don’t push yourself,” he says.
“Thanks, but I’ll manage. Just gotta put more focus behind it than usual, that’s all.”
“You almost died, Jack. I don’t wanna be crude, but it’s the truth. You need to take it easy and rest.”
“I agree,” Amy chimes in.
She’s in the kitchen, but I can clearly hear her yelling. It makes me chortle. She’s already turning into a meddling housewife, and we’re not even in a relationship yet. I think. I’m not sure. I don’t know what it is we have.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, but I’m not going to be a pussy.” It’s out before I realize it.
“A kitty cat, daddy?” Maddy says.
Fuck, I shouldn’t use those words in front of Maddy. She doesn’t know what they mean yet, and I sure as hell don’t want her to shout it out in town. Damn, that would be an embarrassing scene. Of course, me and my stupid mouth waste all that fathering I try to do.
“No, Maddy. It’s nothing.”
Ben laughs. “Hey, kid, let’s go play outside. What d’ya think?”
“Yay!” she screams and she jumps up and down on the floor before grabbing Ben’s hand and dragging him outside.
Even now, Ben tries to help me and take Maddy off my back for a moment. I don’t know any way to express how grateful I am, but I hope he knows.
Amy’s in the kitchen, making lots of nois
es. I walk in and see her rummaging about in my cupboard. Her ass is pointed straight at me and it makes my cock stir. I shouldn’t be thinking about this at all right now, but I can’t help it. Her perky ass just looks so fine.
“What are ya lookin’ for?” I say, licking my lips.
“Pans.” She doesn’t even look up at me. “Aha, found one!”
She comes up again, and I immediately put my hands in my pockets to hide my erection. She glances at me for a second and then at my pants, and a wicked smile turns up on her face. Shit, she’s noticed.
“What for?” I ask.
“I’m making a soup tonight.”
Raising my eyebrow, I say, “Oh. Nice.” Too bad the burger’s are for another day. She puts the pan on the stove. “You’ve already made yourself at home, haven’t you?” I say.
She gazes at me with a smirk. “Got any problems with it?”
My lips quirk up into a smile. “Nope. None at all.”
Her smile makes me want to grab her and kiss her until the night’s over. My blood is boiling, heated with desire, but I know it’s not right. My body wants her, it aches to be loved, especially after what happened the last couple of days. But I don’t want to put her through that again. I don’t want to use her. She deserves more than that.
But can I give it to her?
Can this even become more than just lust? Every time I look at her I get this full feeling inside my stomach, making me smile broadly. I wonder if it’s because I’m starting to grow more and more attached to her. Or that it’s because I’m falling in love.
I don’t know what it is, but I want her to stay and I need her beside me. I’m just scared that if we move any further, I’d be committing to something that’s not right. I know it’s not wrong to have a relationship, but my gut is telling me it is, because of Rose. Even after that weird ass conversation with her in my head, I still doubt if I can move on. If I can stop feeling guilty about what I’m doing.
“You should get some rest. You look tired,” Amy says, and I’m suddenly jerked out of my thoughts.
“Ah … yeah, I guess.”
She comes toward me, and I instinctively back away. I’m not sure what to expect. She hesitates for a moment, gazing into my eyes as if she sees what I’m thinking. I hope she can’t. I don’t want her to see my confusion, because I know it’ll hurt her, and that’s what I’d like to avoid. I care about her feelings.
Blissful volume 3 (New Adult Romance) Page 2