Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  “She fucking knows better! Why you putting thoughts in my head. If I kill her ass I hope you take the charge,” I said getting mad thinking about the shit.

  “Say something else stupid to me, Kenjay, and I will fuck your yellow ass up!” she jumped up getting into my face.

  “I’m taking my ass home!” I told her.

  “You better! Don’t bring your ass back until you grow the fuck up and I mean that shit! You think I’m playing! You and O’Shea both getting on my nerves dealing with the shit y’all both got going on! This nigga can’t even admit he loves Britain but smiling all in her damn face in the tabloids! Then your Smokey Robinson-looking ass can’t even own up to your responsibilities! Y’all need to grow the hell up! I’m sick of y’all!” she screamed as I walked toward the door. She grabbed the house phone and dialed out, “O’Shea! I just let Kenjay ass have it! Now, it’s your motherfucking turn! Let me tell your little black ass something!” she said walking off into the kitchen. I loved ma dukes but she be wildin’ when she got mad. I know I say wild shit talking to her, but that’s just the type of bond we had. I have a ghetto-ass mama that’s all.

  Two days later…

  I pulled up to the mall to grab a few things. Fucking around with Latavia’s southern cooking ass had a nigga gaining a little weight. I went into the True Religion store and I heard giggles that sounded familiar. I turned around and it was Latavia with some nigga smiling all in her face. She was looking good too in a white tennis skirt and jean shirt she had tied in the front. She had on some flat, nude ballerina-looking shoes that laced all the way up her legs. Her red hair was in a bob like always with a swoop coming down over her eye. She was rocking the diamond tennis bracelet I bought her along with the matching hoop earrings.

  “Latavia!” I called out to her. She looked at me then rolled her eyes and continued talking to the nigga like she didn’t see me. I walked up to her, “You don’t hear me talking to you?” I asked.

  “I hear you talking but I’m not paying attention to shit you saying!” she fired back.

  I grabbed her arm, “Shorty, don’t make me embarrass your ass in here because I will!” I said to her.

  “Ay, yo, you need to chill!” the nigga she with said to me. I knew him from somewhere but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  “Nigga, who the fuck you rapping to? Fuck you mean I need to chill? This ain’t got shit to do with you and if you know what I know, you would be walking the fuck out right now!” I told him.

  “Rodney, please just chill out!” she said putting her hand on his chest. He smacked her hand away, “Naw, fuck that! I’m no hoe-ass nigga! Fuck this pretty boy nigga going to do to me?” he asked laughing. I bit the inside of my cheek because a nigga was heated.

  “Fuck you just say to me?” I asked him. He was bigger than me and taller but I didn’t give a fuck! I was six feet so I knew the nigga had to be six-four.

  “You heard me! Fuck you in her face for?” he asked me.

  I jumped up head butting the nigga and he fell into the clothes rack. I grabbed one of the racks and cracked him upside the head with it, making his forehead leak.

  “Talk that shit now, nigga!” I said kicking him in the mouth while people ran out of the store.

  “Stop it, Kenjay!” Latavia screamed but I couldn’t stop! The thought of this nigga fucking my shorty was pissing me off.

  The nigga grabbed my legs lifting me up then slamming me down on the floor with him. I slid out of his grasp punching him in the throat. Security came in pulling me off of him, and when the nigga got up, his face was a bloody mess.

  “Talk shit now, my nigga!” I said wanting to whip some more of his ass.

  He charged into us knocking us all down. This nigga was on steroids or something. He got a hit in punching me in the nose and I sent a strong jab to his ribs followed by another one. When he stumbled, I got up and picked one those long metal stick things up that they use to get clothes off the rack when they can’t reach it. I cracked him upside the head with it and he fell. I continuously beat him with it until he blacked out. The security guards started calling the cops. I dropped the stick then grabbed Latavia by her arm rushing out of the store.

  “Motherfucker, wait! You know I’m a thick girl and not used to all this fucking running!” she said as I pulled her.

  We got outside and I unlocked the doors to my Range Rover. She stood by the truck grilling me.

  “Get your ass in the truck!” I told her.

  “NO!”

  “GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS IN THE TRUCK, NOW! I’M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU!” I told her.

  “NO!” she said. I walked to the passenger side door then unlocked it. I shoved her in there and she went face-first. I picked her legs up stuffing them inside the truck. By the time she lifted her body up I was peeling off.

  “Shorty, you lucky I don’t smack fire out your ass! Fuck you doing with that Ving Rhames-looking nigga anyway? Big motherfucker talking all that shit! Nigga big for no damn reason! I’m fucking his ass up next time I see him!” I told her. She sat quiet not saying nothing. She actually looked scared. She was not talking shit now like she usually did.

  “You didn’t have to beat his ass like that! You didn’t have to beat him with that long rod-looking thing!” she said.

  “Shorty, there aren’t any rules in fighting! I do what I got to do to keep a nigga off me! That’s a big motherfucker! Fuck you doing with a man that can’t defend you anyway? What if I slapped your ass then what? Both of y’all motherfuckers would’ve got cracked!” I said heated.

  “Why are you doing this? Why should it matter if I’m with another man? You not looking for love! You don’t want me! So, why are you really mad?” she asked crossing her arms.

  “You shouldn’t have been with the nigga! You shouldn’t be with no fucking nigga! Simple as that! You already know what the fuck it is! You keep fucking with me when you know how I feel about this situation!” I told her.

  “Elaborate! I don’t understand confused-ass niggas’ emotions! I don’t understand shit from a boy’s point of view because I’m a grown woman on grown woman shit! I deal with men who say what the fuck they mean! I don’t understand when boys throw temper tantrums! So, come harder or don’t come at all, bitch!” she said. I done got cursed out twice today and had to fuck some big nigga up! Today was not a good day!

  “Shorty, check this shit out real quick! Don’t speak on some shit you don’t know nothing about! I’m all fucking man! I told you what it was! I told you I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship! I told you all I wanted was to fuck! I laid all this shit out for you and you chose to fuck with me! You had it in your head that you was going to change me! You see that shit ain’t happening so you running up on the next nigga! I could’ve been a petty ass nigga and pretend to be interested in something more to get the ass! Y’all bitches trip me out! Y’all stay falling for a nigga when y’all know he ain’t shit then get mad because he isn’t ready to change! That’s your fucking problem not mines!” I told her.

  “WHAP!” she slapped me and I almost swerved off the road.

  “Fuck you hitting me for?” I asked looking at her noticing the tears falling from her eyes. That caught me by surprise because she never showed her true emotions.

  “You know I wasn’t looking forward to catching feelings neither! I saw a fine ass nigga who I could tell was balling and I figured I could fuck you and save my money at the same time! Yes, I do work but there is nothing wrong with a nigga kicking out! I will admit that I was being a gold-digger! I knew you was sitting on some paper, so when Britain introduced us, all I wanted was to get into your pockets! I knew you wanted the ass and I was going to make sure you was going to pay for it! Call it what you want but it was a fair exchange, no robberies. As, time went on you started growing on me! I started thinking about you a little too much and my feelings got stronger. I wasn’t trying to change you! A nigga is going to be a nigga regardless! I was trying to make you see that I’m wort
h changing for!” she said sniffling. See, this that emotional shit! How the hell can I comfort her?

  “You started all that mess back there because you couldn’t stand to see me with someone but at the same time you are not ready for the next step. I don’t sit around waiting for a nigga to come to his senses! You still got that crazy bitch Janae calling your phone! You still fucking Takera, too! You fuck anything that walks! I’m too done with this whole situation,” she said.

  I pulled up to my house, which wasn’t far from the mall.

  “Who house is this?” she asked.

  “Mines,” I said getting out. She was still sitting in the passenger seat.

  “Get your fucking ass out! We are going to talk about this shit! I don’t fucking want to, but I know it’s the right shit to do!” I said. She better get her ass out that truck before I changed my mind. She got me feeling bad as hell right now. She looked sad and defeated and this shit we put ourselves into was serious.

  I opened up her door and she slowly got out rolling her eyes at me. She took her purse and purposely hit me with it once she stepped all the way down.

  “Yo, hit me one more time and I’m going to lay your ass out on the ground, like how y’all lay those Saturday night dresses out on the bed when y’all females be ready to go out!” I told her.

  “So, this is your real home?” she asked me.

  “Yeah, only three people know and that’s you, O’Shea and my ma dukes.”

  “It’s gorgeous! Why do you have all this house and it’s just you?” she asked.

  “When you grow up in the hood being broke you fantasize a lot. Well, I always wanted a big ass crib with six bedrooms, an inside pool, a theater room and all that. I have the shit now and it no longer impresses me. I stay at the condo you be chilling at with me more than I stay here,” I told her.

  “Nice. Now, can you take me home?” she asked.

  “Naw, we chilling!”

  “Says who?” she asked.

  “You staying your ass right here! I don’t give a fuck what you do or say! You can hit me if you want to again but you not going anywhere!” I told her.

  “Are you going to hit me?” she asked getting scared and I laughed.

  “Man, I don’t be hitting females although I have smacked one broad before. But that’s some sucker ass shit! I will choke your ass out, though!” I told her.

  “What’s the damn difference?” she asked me.

  “I’m not swinging on a female! I only did that once and it was a reflex. She tried kissing me after I squirted all my seeds in her mouth! She didn’t even swallow the shit!” I said and she frowned her nose up.

  “When are you taking me home?” she asked.

  “When you stop asking me questions and sit your ass down to get comfortable,” I told her.

  We went into the kitchen and she sat down on a barstool.

  “Are you knocked up or not?” I asked cutting to the chase.

  “No, I am not! Are you fucking happy now?” she asked.

  “Why did you have the pregnancy test?” I asked.

  “I picked it up for a friend. I took it to her later on that day!” she said and I nodded my head, “You lying to me?” I asked her.

  “No, nigga! Now, I’m trying to go! I have to see if Rodney is alright,” she said.

  “Who is that nigga to you?”

  “Someone I talk to when I feel like it! No, we are not fucking neither! So, now that we got all of this out, it’s time for me to go!” she spat.

  “Tell that nigga come pick you up because I’m not taking you nowhere and cabs don’t come out this area. If you want the bus, you got to walk like five miles down the road. So, if I was you I would get comfortable!”

  “You know for a heartless ass nigga you are starting to act like you give a fuck about me,” she laughed.

  “I do care about you! But, why are you lying to me, Latavia? I know you pregnant! I can feel that shit and so can my mama! So, one more time, are you pregnant?” I asked her.

  “Yes!” she said with her head down.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked.

  “I don’t know yet! Are you happy now?” she asked with her eyes watering up.

  “No, I’m not happy because I want to know what the hell you planning on doing! If you getting rid of it or if you keeping it! I have a fucking right to know! So, you and I are going to sit here and decide what it is we are doing!” I told her.

  “Kenjay, I honestly don’t know! I want a baby but then I don’t want one by you! I know we have to chalk it up and it’s both of our faults for having raw sex so soon. We’ve only known each other for three months now! But you are not capable of being someone’s father. You are selfish, self-centered, and rude. So, that plays a lot in my decision. But if I do decide to keep it, I don’t want you to be in his or her life,” she told me.

  I reached across the kitchen island jacking her ass up by her shirt and she almost fell off, “Don’t you ever tell me some sucker-ass shit like that again! Don’t you fucking downplay my manhood like that! You don’t know what the fuck you talking about! If I have a fucking child out here in this world, I want to be there regardless if I was ready or if I don’t wanna be with the mama!” I told her shoving her back and she fell off.

  “You motherfucker!” she said getting up.

  “Call me what you want but don’t sit here and tell me you don’t want me be there for my seed! I spat.

  “You sell drugs for a living” she said and I lost it.

  “Bitch, you should’ve thought about that before I fucked you! You wasn’t thinking about that when I was dropping thousands of dollars on your retarded ass! Fucking gold-digger ass bitch! Who the fuck are you to judge what I do for a living? When you just admitted you was only fucking with me because you knew a nigga was getting paid! Yo, I swear I want to slap you so fucking bad!” I banged my fist on the counter top.

  “I didn’t mean it like that!” she cried. This bitch knew what the fuck she just said to me. But it’s all good because she could get her ass on.

  “I will take you home,” I said.

  “I didn’t mean it like that!” she said grabbing my arm.

  “I’m done talking with you! Your mouth going to end up getting your ass beat on some serious shit. You got a nigga in here thinking like O.J. Simpson on some real shit!” I told her.

  “It’s just that I be worried and I know what comes with being a drug dealer. It’s not that you are one, it’s the shit that comes along with it. It’s dangerous and someone can try to run up on you while you got the baby with you! Shit like that happens! People don’t care about babies when money is involved! You know what I’m talking about!” she said to me.

  “What if I quit then what?” I asked.

  “Seriously?” she asked me.

  “Seriously, I got money saved up so I can live comfortably,” I told her.

  She smiled, “My boo growing up!” she said throwing her arms around me.

  “If you choke me like that again, I’m stabbing your crazy ass!” she said.

  “Stop saying dumb shit then! You almost hurt a nigga feelings with that one!” I told her.

  “So, we about to be parents then?” she asked me.

  “It looks like it but I better not catch your ass with another nigga again! I’m dead ass serious, though!” I told her.

  “Did you fall in love with me yet?” she asked, putting me on the spot.

  “Yes, man, damn! Fuck you keep asking me this shit for?” I said getting agitated.

  “We going to have a pretty baby! An Asian, Spanish looking baby with caramel skin,” she said.

  “There you go with that shit again!” I said laughing.

  “I didn’t mean any of those things, Kenjay. I just threw back what you tossed at me to show you how the shit felt. I know you wasn’t looking for a relationship but at the same time, you should’ve fell back once you felt like I was putting pressure on you. I wasn’t going to stalk you or anything
but if you know something is too much, you back away from it. You didn’t do that so you gave me an impression that maybe you were changing. I didn’t make you stick around, you chose to, so you cannot blame me for acting the way I did!” she said. About time she talked to me like she got some sense because that mouth was foul.

  “I can dig it, but who is that nigga Rodney? He looks familiar,” and she started laughing.

  “That’s one of O’Shea’s bodyguards!” she said cracking up.

  “How the fuck you end up with him?” I asked.

  “I met him the night of Jordan Liles’ album release party. He been asking me out for a while but I declined until recently,” she said.

  “That big bitch-ass nigga isn’t protecting anybody!” I said. O’Shea need to be careful with who he hires!

  “You said you got an inside pool in here right?” she asked.

  “Yeah, why you trying go for a swim?” I asked eyeing her breasts.