by Nikki Rose
“I have some errands to run before I go to this meeting with Mikhail tonight so I probably won’t be back until late.”
“Whatever, have fun,” I mumbled around a bite of cereal and propped my feet up on the coffee table.
“Do not leave this apartment.”
“Wasn’t planning on it. I’m still pretty tired from last night so I could use a day to chill.” It was a low blow but Drew was making me so angry with his cold detachment. I’d trade that for a heated argument any day.
“After all those random hook-ups you like so much, I’m surprised you aren’t used to it by now.” He jeered as he walked out the door.
“Asshole,” I yelled out as he slammed the door shut. He made me so mad that I wanted to scream. His words hurt me more than I should have let them.
It had been awhile since I’d had a place all to myself for more than an hour and I planned to make good use of it. I changed into some baggy sweats and one of Drew’s big t-shirts because I was tired of having to look good all the time. I threw my hair up in a bun and made myself a cup of coffee. Then I grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer and ate it with my coffee while watching some obviously fake talk show about a girl and her cheating boyfriend.
I started getting tired of the show after the third episode and began flipping through the channels when my phone rang. I’d almost forgotten I had a phone since the cheap little flip phone was all Drew had provided me and no one really had my new number.
I rummaged for it in my purse and checked the caller i.d. Aunt Audrey. Who the heck was Aunt Audrey? Since the number was programmed into the phone, I decided it was best to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi Hailey, are you where you can talk?” It was Rebecca.
“Oh my god, hey, I’m so glad it’s you.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just this whole situation. It has me really missing my normal life.”
“I get it. So, can I ask how things went last night or is that off-limits?”
“It went as well as could be expected.”
“I’m so sorry you got wrapped up in all this but I think what you’re doing is admirable.”
“I wish other people shared your feelings.”
“You mean Drew?”
“Yeah. He’s worse than ever after last night.”
“Can you blame him? I mean, really? The guy clearly still has feelings for you and to know you were going off to sleep with another man? And such a horrible one at that?”
“Last night was horrible. All I could think of was getting back here, being with Drew and feeling safe again but now that I’m here —.”
“Oh my god.”
“What?”
“You have feelings for him too,” She accused.
“Whether I do or not is not the issue.”
“Does he know you still care?”
“No. I told him I didn’t.”
“What? Why?”
“He told me he loved me. He said that if I could tell him I didn’t love him too that he’d agree to this whole thing with Mikhail.”
“So, you lied to him so he’d agree to last night?”
“That’s not the only reason.”
“Hailey, if you love him, you have to tell him.”
“No, I don’t. And you can’t say anything to anyone either. I know you think everyone’s happy ever after includes falling in love with the man of her dreams but not me. I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
“When he cheated on me, he nearly destroyed me. I can’t let myself go down that road again.”
“The people that can hurt us the most are the ones that we love the most. But the reward of loving and being loved outweighs the pain.”
“Not for me. I never want to hurt like that again.”
“Okay, consider it a dropped topic.”
“Thank you.”
“So other than that, though, you’re okay? I know being in this situation can’t be easy. It has to mess with your head.”
“I’m hanging in there. I just want this to all be over.”
“It will be soon from what the guys are saying. Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, Cole just dumped his whole sippy cup out. I don’t know how he managed to get the top off. I need to run but we’ll talk again soon.”
“Okay, give Cole hugs for me.”
“Will do.”
I hung up the phone and flopped back onto the couch with a loud sigh. I missed my best friend. I missed my normal life. It wasn’t perfect, but it was mine. Before long, these feelings for Drew would just be a distant memory again.
A loud thud woke me from a deep sleep. It was dark in the bedroom except for the glowing clock letting me know it was two in the morning. I sat up and turned on the lamp. Drew hobbled over to the bed and sat down hard.
“What the hell, Drew? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I hit my toe on the dresser and knocked something over. I was trying not to wake you.”
“Well, let me tell you, you are doing a great job of that.” I teased.
“Glad you think so.” His words seemed to slur more as he talked.
“Are you just getting home?”
“Yeah.” He undressed down to his white boxers and climbed up the bed, plopping down beside me.
He smelled of whiskey which I found odd. He usually drank vodka when he was with Mikhail. “Were you with Mikhail this whole time?”
“Nope. He went home hours ago.”
“What were you doing?”
“Drinking.”
“By yourself?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I needed to get the images out of my head.”
I froze and turned to look at him. He was sloppy drunk. I’d never seen him like that before. “What images?”
“Mikhail thought it would be fun to show me some stills from the hidden camera in his bedroom from your night together. He figured I’d appreciate them as much as all his guys did.”
It felt like a bolder sunk to the bottom of my stomach and I spoke slowly, “He showed you pictures?”
“Yeah. I gotta say. The black panty, bra, and heel combo was a good choice. Very sexy.”
“Drew...”
“I guess you really can handle hooking up with just about anyone as long as there are no feelings involved. I think there’s a name for that. Whore? Slut? I’m sure you can pick whichever you prefer.” His words were so cold, like icy blades cutting into me. I wasn’t sure if I was more hurt or angry.
“Drew,” I scolded, keeping my voice hard but the pain was there. Tears pricked my eyes. I couldn’t believe the words he was saying. Some would argue it was the alcohol talking but, in my experience, when alcohol talks, it's usually the truth that comes out.
“You’ll sleep with him, but not me.” His words were more slurred and I could barely make them out but there was more anger behind them. “Maybe if I could stop loving you, you’d sleep with me too.”
I couldn’t take anymore. I threw the covers off of my legs and jumped out of bed.
“Where are you going?”
“To sleep on the couch.”
“Why? Come cuddle with me.” His voice was muffled as he laid face down on the pillow.
“No thanks.”
“Fine. maybe you should go find Mikhail to cuddle up with instead.” He spit out angrily before I slammed the bedroom door to drown out any more of his drunken ramblings.
Lucky for me, Drew’s couch was extremely comfortable but it didn’t help me sleep the rest of the night. Drew’s drunken words tore at my heart as I tossed and turned until sleep finally found me.
I was back in Mikhail’s penthouse as I removed my clothes piece by piece. He sat back on the bed as he had before, watching me intently with lust in his eyes but this time he lacked the drunken haze.
“Go ahead, go to him,” Drew said and for the first time, I noticed him sitting in a chair
facing me.
“Drew, what are you doing here?”
“Watching.”
“But — Why?”
“Go to him.”
“Drew...”
“Stop talking to him and come to me my little whore.”
“What?” I turned to see Mikhail sitting at the foot of the bed now, stunned by his words.”
“Well that’s what you are, isn’t it?” Drew added. “Once you’re done with him. I figured I could loan you to the rest of his guys too.”
“Drew, don’t say something like that.” Tears blurred my vision and threatened to fall from my eyes. “Please, don’t talk like that.”
“Why not? Isn’t that what you want? Sex without emotion? But what is sex without feeling? It’s empty, hollow —.”
“I know.”
“So why do you do it?” Drew was right in front of me. I looked around but Mikhail was nowhere in sight.
“Because I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to love again just to get hurt.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“You already did. You completely shattered me before. Don’t you see? You destroyed me. I can’t do that again.”
“If you never feel, you might as well be dead. To love, to hurt, to feel, that’s to live. If you don’t, then you are already dead.” He held up a gun and pointed it at me.
“Drew, what the hell are you doing? Put that down.” I screamed at him.
“Why? You’re already dead.” I watched in slow motion as his finger slowly squeezed the trigger and the bullet exploded from the gun heading straight for me.
I woke up in a panic, sweat pouring down my face and dampening my hair. My throat hurt and I was panting.
Drew came running into the living room. His face as white as a ghost. “Shit, Hailey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I wiped away the tears I didn’t know I’d been crying.
“That scream didn’t sound like you were okay. What the hell happened?”
“It was just a bad dream.”
Drew sat on the couch next to my feet and gently rubbed my leg. “You want to talk about it?”
I pulled my leg out of his reach and shook my head but even thinking about talking made the tears demand to escape once more.
“Okay, we don't have to talk about it. Will you at least come back to bed?”
“Why would you want to share your bed with a whore?”
Drew’s face dropped and he looked down. “So, I really did say that, huh?”
“You really did.”
“Hailey, I’m sorry. I was upset and —.”
“And that’s how you see me. It’s okay, why wouldn’t you?”
“Hailey...” Drew pulled my legs into his lap and scooted to be closer to me. His touch felt good but at the same time, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. My mind, body, and heart were all at odds with one another.
“Look, last night was apparently hard on both of us but I did what had to be done. Let’s just finish this mission and be done with it. Then we can go back to never having to see each other again.”
“Is that what you really want?” He looked so hurt.
“It’s what we both need.” I pulled my legs from his lap and curled up into a ball on the couch. I drew the covers up closer as though it might protect me and I looked away from him.
“If that’s what you really want.” Drew sighed and stood from the couch, disappearing back into the bedroom. The door clicked shut. That’s when the tears really came. Hot, heavy tears burned down my cheeks as hard sobs ripped through my chest. The pain wouldn’t last. Not like it would if I had told him the truth — that I loved him.
Chapter 18
I woke up to the most delicious smell in the world. Waffles, bacon, and coffee. Familiar noises coming from the kitchen. Food sizzling, dishes clanking together. Before the haze of sleep faded, I thought I was at Jason and Rebecca’s during one of my sleepovers when Rebecca cooked us a big breakfast in the morning. Then I remembered, I was in Drew’s apartment, asleep on his couch.
The memory of his hurtful words flooded back into my mind. The words he most likely meant but was too nice to say when he wasn’t drunk off his ass.
I was not looking forward to facing him. A part of me wanted to just stay under this cover, pretend to be asleep until he left or until this whole nightmare was over. My growling stomach was not going to allow that, though.
I sat up and attempted to smooth down the mess of hair only sleeping on a couch could cause. I’d hoped to slip off to the bathroom to freshen up before Drew saw me, but there was no such luck.
“Morning,” he said in a surprisingly cheerful voice. Considering the copious amounts of alcohol he’d consumed the night before, I’d assumed he’d be more hungover.
“Morning,” I muttered back with less enthusiasm.
“Breakfast is almost ready. Coffee’s on and there’s orange juice if you want some.”
“Thanks.” I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. After the night I’d had, I needed it.
“You look like shit.” Drew glanced at me as he plated the last of the bacon.
“Yeah, well.” I looked at him, trying to find an insult but came up blank. He looked great. His hair was still damp from his shower. His bare chest and the slight V at his hips that disappeared into his low hanging pajama pants made my mind short circuit.
He caught me staring and smirked which only irritated me more.
“Shouldn’t you look and feel worse? I mean, where’s the hangover?”
“It takes a hell of a lot more than that to give me a hangover. Besides, I have my little tricks to combat that.”
“Clearly.”
Drew grabbed the plates of food and I helped by carrying our cups to the already set table. I took a seat and Drew sat across from me.
“Dig in.” He smiled and started filling his plate.
“This looks amazing. When did you learn to cook?”
“A man can’t live on take out alone.”
“That’s not what you used to say.”
His voice lowered to a more serious tone. “I’ve changed a lot since then. Some good, some bad.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I busied myself with a bite of waffle.
“Hailey.” He placed his hand over mine and I looked up into pained eyes. I wanted to pull away but I was frozen. “I’m sorry for everything I said last night — I’m so sorry. I was a total ass to you. I was upset — hurt — angry, but there is no excuse for how I talked to you.”
I swallowed my bite around the lump forming in my throat. “I didn’t sleep with him.”
Drew’s gaze snapped up to meet mine. “What?”
“I didn’t sleep with Mikhail.”
“But — the pictures, the video, and he said —.” He pulled his hand back and sat upright in his seat.
I shook my head. “I faked it.”
“How the hell do you fake something like that?”
“He had a lot to drink.”
“That’s not the first time he drank a lot and that doesn’t explain how you faked it.”
I dropped my gaze and let out a sigh before explaining what had happened. “I might have slipped something in his drink back at his place.” I took a drink of orange juice to keep myself busy.
“You might have?”
“I might have.” A little smirk teased the corner of my lips. “I might have given him something that warns it can increase the effects of alcohol.”
“But the video he has. The photos he showed me looked —.”
“The drugs made him more drunk so he didn’t remember everything but I figured that he’d remember some parts, plus I knew he’d have a video camera in the room after finding the one at his country estate. I had to make it look convincing but... I didn’t sleep with him. I couldn’t.”
Drew practically lunged over the table, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me to meet him. Our lips crashed together. H
e kissed me with such passion, I barely noticed him swiping the food and dishes to the floor with a loud crash. He twisted me until I was laying on the table with his warm body pressing against mine. He nudged my thighs open with his hips and settled between my legs.
He tangled his fingers into my hair, controlling the kiss tenderly as his tongue invaded my mouth. He teased my lips and our tongues began to dance a sensual tango. I took his lip between my teeth, giving just enough pressure to tug his lip as it slipped from my grasp.
He caressed my body with firm, demanding hands, running down my neck, chest, and sides. His arousal pressed hard against the thin material of our pajama pants that was the only barrier between us. He ground against me and my body responded instantly. He pulled up my shirt, exposing my breasts. A flood of heat pooled at my core. He teased my nipples with his tongue, sucked one into his mouth and let his teeth graze over the already tender flesh until it hardened into a taught peek.
“Drew...” I moaned and lifted my hips, wanting — needing more friction there.
His hands moved down to grip my hips and he tugged at my pajama pants, bringing them down over the rounded globes of my ass.
I wanted him so bad. I’d wanted him for so long. From the moment I’d walked out of that bar, never to see him again, I’d craved to feel his touch one more time. The bar. The night he cheated on you.
“Drew...” His name on my lips was no longer a whimper but direct.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He squeezed my ass, lifting my hips and pulled my pants down farther but I tensed.
“Drew, stop,” I demanded.
He froze instantly, pulling his lips from my neck, he looked up at me. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t.” I squirmed to get out of his grasp and sit up but he kept me pinned to the table. Even though he’d retreat enough that he wasn’t touching me, his body still hovered over me.
“Hailey, don’t do this...We both want this, why are you fighting it?”
“Because I can’t — let me up.”
Drew moved off of me and plopped down in a chair. I pulled up my pants and started to slide off the table. He stopped me, scooting up so that he sat between my legs while I sat on the table. He appeared more than just disappointed. He was hurt.