by Alexa Davis
There was a lot of talk about where the picture was taken, until I finally caved and joined the conversation. There was honest interest in a computer geek and sometimes hacktivist who wore boots and a ball cap, who rode horses and could rope a calf. I’d never talked much about my family life, because as soon as they heard “horse and cattle ranch” people assumed I was a dumb hick. The guys asking me questions probably still thought that. But, they sure as hell couldn’t say that in front of the super-hot model from Oklahoma farm country.
Still, it made me smile to hear guys asking about what kind of truck I drove (Chevy) and if I had my own horses (Coddle Me and Yankee Bastard). In our private chat, C.J. started to tease that she’d have to come see me and do a stream from the ranch, or I was going to have to stream myself. The interest was high enough that, for a split second, I considered it. Then I remembered that my anonymity was both a priority and a matter of personal safety for me, after some of the shenanigans I’d pulled in my home town of Austin in the not too distant past.
I typed to C.J. that she’d have to come see me, and do the stream herself, since the less the local branch of Big Brother Law saw of me, the better. Not that I hadn’t had good cause. My older brothers, Logan and George, had recently begun subcontracting work for George’s father in law and taking on projects for their new company, Hargrave Construction. A competitor had been undercutting them so bad that, to stay in business, George had to call in the family card and take more work than he felt comfortable with from his new in laws.
I’d helped George out in the past, so he came to me, asking if I could track down any evidence that those ultra-low bids were the result of shady dealings of any kind. It had only taken a few hours to blow their computer security wide open, and when I did, I’d discovered that not only were the boys at Austin Building and Supply fudging their quotes with lower quality materials, they’d been bribing city and county officials to take their bids and then padding their own pockets with the difference between the money coming in from the tax payers, and that which was going out to buy shoddy materials.
It had been truly satisfying to have so many sets of cajones in a vise at once and, I had, perhaps, gone a little over board with my very public retribution, in the form of private documents and memos being released with links directly to the people behind them, both to law enforcement and the general John Q. Public. Yeah, that had felt damn good. So good, I wasn’t as careful as I should have been and almost got caught.
No, I wasn’t going to throw my personal IP address out there for any curious internet division law man to start looking into. But I enjoyed the friendly curiosity of these fellow gamers, even if it was based largely on finding out about me, to find out why I was getting C.J.’s attention. Truth be told, I was mighty curious about that myself. I just wasn’t as sure I’d like the answer if I got it.
5. Carina
There was something about his voice that set Jackson apart. Every time he joined me in game, my number of female viewers in chat skyrocketed. After a couple of weeks of playing together, even one of my girlfriends, Kimmie, sent me a private message just to swoon over how deep and gravelly he sounded over the mic. Imagining his sun-bleached hair and deep set eyes looking down at me and talking in his “sexier than a Rockstar” voice just about had me undone, and I hadn’t even met the guy face to face. Of course, I wasn’t about to tell him that.
Every time someone suggested that with his gaming skills and that amazing, shale-dipped-in-chocolate voice, he should stream, he changed the subject, or went quiet. He obviously wasn’t interested in that, but he handled the guys like a professional diplomat and I got a ton of messages from people encouraging me to keep him around, because they liked his sense of humor and modesty. They even thought that a home on the range kind of stream might be fun. That was, if we still liked each other in person.
My stomach felt tight and knotty thinking about what I would do if I did stop liking him when we met, or worse, if I didn’t, but he decided I was just some dumb skinny bitch who’d got lucky and been “discovered” in a shopping mall one day on a trip into Tulsa.
I ended my stream a full hour early one afternoon, after asking Jackson if he’d like to spend a little time playing as just the two of us. From a couple thousand miles away, it was about as close to asking him in for coffee as I was going to get. He made me laugh a hundred times over stupid things, and we played until after midnight again. It had been a long time since I’d enjoyed gaming that much and, even better, I was ignoring every message and invitation that scrolled up my computer screen as we played.
It was getting late and we were getting to the end of our run when, suddenly, he dropped me and stopped talking. I checked the Ventrilo room we were in and he was gone, but still in game. After a few tries at asking him where he’d gone, he said a friend had asked him to help her with something, and then he stopped responding. I replied with a few choice phrases that would make my grandmother turn in her grave, and logged off. It had been a long time since anyone had ditched me for another girl and, in that moment, I figured that was all I needed to know about Jackson Hargrave.
I didn’t go so far as to delete him from my phone, but I logged into my stream to ban him there, and went to bed feeling irritable and hurt, but mildly pleased with myself for at least removing his voice from my stream. Stiles the cat cuddled up under my blanket and I watched a couple of YouTube videos fans had uploaded for me on my phone. I made sure I liked them and thanked the fans for taking the time to immortalize my cosplay win, and I fell asleep with my phone still in my hand.
The darn thing started vibrating and woke me up before six the next morning and I scrolled through texts from Jackson, a series of questions that from their time stamps had taken close to an hour for him to send, but to my dry-eyed, caffeine-less morning brain, felt like I was being jack-hammered with meaningless drivel from an idiot who hadn’t realized how good he had it. I viciously hoped that he’d spent the night worrying that I would never speak to him again, turned off my phone, and plugged it in, since sleeping with it had left me with almost no juice.
I made myself a boring, skinny-girl breakfast of egg whites and cantaloupe, and brewed a strong pot of coffee. I rushed through a yoga routine and eventually gave up. I was still pissed that I’d finally found a guy I liked and he had immediately turned out to be a jerk. I ended up lying flat on my back in the corpse position, with Stiles bumping me with his forehead and purring in a passive aggressive attempt to remind me to feed him. One deep, self-pitying sigh turned into two and, after a few moments, I was breathing deep and even with Stiles purring against the top of my head. I was quickly losing my irritation to my sweet, adopted fur-baby’s ministrations.
I cracked open Stile’s favorite cat food and infused my morning with blessed caffeine before settling in to check emails, beg for work, and budget my winnings so I could afford more costume materials.
My phone was vibrating hard enough that it was shaking itself right off the table next to my pull-out bed when I was cleaning up, but it was Jackson again, and I felt my irritation creeping back. I answered tersely, even more frustrated when he talked right over me, as though he couldn’t understand me being upset at all.
“Look, Jackson, I don’t care who you hang out with. We don’t even know each other. But, if a chick said they had time to give you, then bailed in the middle of it because some random guy had asked them to go hang out, you’d feel pretty damn insulted too. I mean, God, are you twelve? I would have happily helped out too, being personable and good at games is, well, kind of my job, you know?” He didn’t answer right away, and if I hadn’t heard him sigh, I would’ve thought he’d hung up. I took a deep breath, then another, trying to find that calm again.
“Look, C.J., I wasn’t trying to insult you…” Jackson began, but I didn’t want to hear any excuses.
“Look. If that’s the kind of person you are, I just don’t have time for it. I’m not some pathetic little bitch who has to sit
around and wait for socially handicapped men to show her a little attention.” I cuddled Stiles and tried to ignore the disappointment in my gut. “I like you, Jackson, you can be really fun to talk to. I wish you the best, but I don’t have time in my life for friends who don’t remember that I’m a person and I have feelings. Bye, Jackson.” I hung up and threw the phone against the sofa. I felt dirty and a little used. God, was I glad I’d only sent him a picture of my elbow.
I looked around my apartment. I had two choices to work off my funk. I could clean, or I could play computer games. Obviously, I opted for the later. What was the point of being young and broke if you couldn’t live in a sty and ignore the squalor around you?
My computer went on, my hair went in a ponytail, and Stiles the cat curled up in his favorite spot, on my toes, right next to the nice, warm computer tower. Once I was in my favorite game, I noticed my in-game mailbox was full. When I checked, there were several messages from Jackson, including little in game tokens, which I promptly took. The messages were like tweets, limited to a little over one hundred characters, so his apology took several separate messages. I screen saved each one, then pasted them together in a word document that read:
“I know you think I’m an idiot. I hang out with a lot of girls, who are just friends, and I’ve never been interested in them the way I am in you. When I left group, it wasn’t for her, but for our friend who’s leaving for a deployment. She was hanging out with him one last time and asked for help with a stupid world boss. I should’ve just told you what I was doing. I didn’t know who had been invited, or if there was room for one more. So, you’re right. I was stupid. Next time, if you let there be a next time, I’ll handle it differently. I’m sorry. I spent all my fake, in-game gold on a bunch of really fake-expensive, in-game gifts so you won’t hate me. PS: I really like your elbow.”
The message made me smile, and I finally sent a thank you message in reply. I unblocked his character in-game and stayed on to play a little while longer with an eye out for him , just in case he made an appearance. I felt stupid for making a big deal out of getting ditched in a make-believe world while playing pretend online. Maybe I’d been a streamer too long. Or maybe I really was the attention whore my detractors liked to call me. Either way, I had to figure out a way to apologize for being too sensitive and get back on track as a professional.
I unbanned him from the stream site, with my fingers crossed that no one had noticed and there wouldn’t be ugliness from my fans, most of whom were a little crazy in the keyboard warrior department. I didn’t text him, even though it was killing me not to. When I looked at the empty monitor of my second computer, I was staring at the eyes of a jealous woman. I was all green-eyed monster over a man I didn’t know, who had a sexy voice, and from his pictures, had a rocking body to match. He didn’t need to chase me like the other gamer nerds did. He was probably the one used to being chased.
It was crazy to me how much I wanted this particular guy to like me, and how important it was that he not know that. But, I told myself, it didn’t matter. I was putting on makeup only to make myself feel better after being offended the night before. My clothes matched just because I wanted to show the stream how professional I was, not to show off for a guy I didn’t even know.
Just as the stream was about to start, I looked over at my phone. On it was a message. “Pizza is on the way. It’s paid for, just don’t get too crazy with the tip.” It was from Jackson, and I had to smile. There was no point in being angry with him. He was just a hot guy who never had to think about anyone but himself. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be fun as hell, and I wasn’t looking for love anyway.
I switched the camera on and turned the wait music down. I scanned the names in chat real quick before I started, and grinned as I saw Jackson’s name at the very top of the list. There was no reason why he and I couldn’t just enjoy each other’s company without expectations. He was sexy and fun, and, when I had his attention, it felt amazing. I schooled my face into one less resembling a lust-crazed high schooler, and greeted my audience. I had the beginnings of a plan and, if it worked out, there was a lot of fun in store for me, and Jackson too.
6. Jackson
C.J. could’ve hung me out to dry on her stream, but she was mum on being pissed off at me, and even texted me not to say anything. She knew that there were some obsessed fanboys in her chat, she was afraid they’d try to hunt me down to protect “her honor.” She was absolutely right. Therefore, I took great pleasure in sending her another donation, this one of over two hundred dollars, with an apology for ditching her the night before.
It was the liveliest I’d ever seen any chat, let alone hers. I was blasted by men who lived in their mothers’ basements, and had never had sex without paying for it for a prostitute. Even better, the first ones wanted to top my donation and within minutes it was an all-out tip war and I’d been forgotten. I looked at C.J.’s face on the screen. Her jaw dropped and stayed just above floor level for almost an hour, as she raked in thousands of dollars in viewer donations without doing a thing.
When the spending finally slowed down, she promised a stream playing with only donors the next day, and spent a few minutes finding a game that would allow her to play with a large group of people at the same time. I logged out well before the stream ended and took Coddle Me down to the river before it got too dark for us to find our way back.
I liked C.J. I liked her so much that I didn’t have an excuse for cutting her loose when we were having such a great time. Of course, I should’ve known a beautiful woman wouldn’t take too kindly to being bumped for another girl. But damn, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I just needed a couple of hours in the same room to know if I was jonesing for her because she was a semi-famous hot chick, or if I wanted her because it was right for us to try.
I was tired and irritable when I got back, maybe even more than when I’d left. I tossed the reins to old Jack, who was already chatting to Coddle Me by the time I hung up my tack, and walked out toward the main house.
I saw my phone blinking, but ignored the notifications and ran myself a hot shower instead. It was full dark by the time I slid into my baggy sweats and picked up my phone on the way to lie down on the bed. I unlocked the screen and it lit up like Christmas, with texts and emails. I called C.J. right away, feeling like an even bigger jerk for ignoring her.
“You bought me a plane ticket.” I blurted as soon as she answered the phone.
“I bought you a plane ticket. I would’ve paid for your room too, but you were too busy ignoring me, so that’s off the table.
“I wasn’t ignoring you, I was out for a ride in the mountains. No cell reception outside the fence line around here.” I laughed and shook my head. “I guess I’ll have to stay with you, I already gave you all my money.
She made a rude noise on the other end of the line. “I didn’t pay for your plane ticket, you did. Or at least, you paid for the way out. You left before the end of my stream. I made over two thousand dollars by the end of the stream, all starting with your donation. It was crazy. I actually felt bad about accepting donations for the very first time ever.”
“You shouldn’t,” I laughed. “You give these guys the fantasy. You know they all tell their friends they hang out with a model who games with them.” I sighed and rubbed my stubble with the palm of my hand. “You know, I did a quick check of your system when I subscribed, you know, just to be safe, since I was giving out my card info.”
“Oh God. Do not tell me I’m being piggy-backed by some asshole credit card scammer.”
“Lord no. They wouldn’t dare. You have guys from a few hacker groups in your demographic, gorgeous. I mean hardcore guys from Lizard Squad and one old timer from LulzSec. If you complained once about a weird charge back or wonky looking subscription the idiot stupid enough to try would get exactly what he deserves.”
“So, you keep me safe?” She sounded impressed, and I grinned to myself and leaned back in my bed.
“Yes, ma’am, I do. So, since you bought my plane ticket, should I pick up a ticket to the whole convention, or just one day?” I could just about hear her gears turning as she thought.
“Go for all three days. That way, unless I get cut from the first round in the contest, you can watch me move up.”
“Well, shit, good-lookin’ of course you’re going to move up in the cosplay contest. How crazy would it be if you won two, back to back?”
“Well, it’s never happened before. You sure you’re good to come out? It’s coming up pretty soon.”
“Well, you know, I wasn’t just pining for you when I went out for that ride this evening. I told you I’ve been down about things here, I was thinking of going to school out in California, like my brother Logan did for a bit.”
“Like, here, in Los Angeles?”
“No, I wasn’t going to get that weird on you. I was thinking, maybe, Stanford? I got accepted there when I first applied, but my focus was Agriculture at first, you know, trying to be a Hargrave. Once I switched to cyber-security, a whole lot of university options opened up for me.”
“Do you need to take classes in cyber-security?” She sounded genuinely surprised, and I chuckled.
“I learned a lot more about the law and what I could do with my talent without doing jail time, that’s for sure. The older I get, the whiter my hat gets. No more black-hat vicious cyber-attacks for me.”
“Now you’re a hero, helping people even when they don’t know, like you did with me?”