Witch Weigh (A Paranormal Romantic Comedy)

by Caroline Mickelson

  Smug bastard. Tessa longed to be anywhere other than in this gaudy little condo. She glanced at the door. What good would running do? She didn’t even know where she was. Besides, she was Contessa Von Hellengaard, and she wasn’t about to let a fairy get the better of her. She straightened her shoulders.

  “Nice tattoo.” She stepped back. “Would you like another beer?”

  But Liam was already on his way into the kitchen. She heard the refrigerator door open and the rustle of paper carry-out cartons.

  “It won’t work, you know,” he called out from the kitchen. “Fairies can’t get drunk.”

  Tessa bit her lip. Was she really that transparent? Or could he read her thoughts? Ancient spirits help her if that was true.

  “What would you like?” Liam stepped just outside of the tiny kitchen, a white box in each hand. “Shrimp Foo Young? Or Mongolian Beef?”

  “I’d like some answers.”

  “Ask me a question then.”

  She waited until he stopped rummaging through a silverware drawer. “How long are we stuck here for?”

  A microwave door shut and she listened as he punched in the warming time. He reappeared in the hallway. “What’s wrong with this place?” He looked around, his hands casually stuffed in his back pockets.

  “Are you kidding me? It’s like Barbie does Vegas here.” She shuddered. “When can we go?”

  “Well, I want lunch even if you don’t.” He gathered his plate from the microwave and seated himself at the cream rubbed wooden farm table. “We’re here until you learn your first lesson.”

  Tessa struggled to find any semblance of patience that might be lurking within her. She came up empty. “I can’t learn anything in a place like this.” She clenched her fists. “Who can think with all this pink everywhere?”

  He paused, his shrimp laden fork halfway to his mouth. “For the love of heaven, all right. I’ll help you this once but don’t be expecting favors all along our journey. We’re here until you can recognize your surroundings.”

  “Let’s go then because I am one thousand percent certain I’ve never been in a place this vulgar before.”

  “You’re sure?”

  She nodded. “Mr. Kennedy, I bet you anything you want that not one of my petite little feet has ever stepped in this room.”

  “You’d bet anything?” he asked.

  “Anything.” It was a bet she’d win. It felt good to be sure of something again.

  “A kiss?”

  The look on his face was one of pure self-assured amusement. Men, wings or no wings, were such fools. This one she had in the bag.

  “Yes, prove to me I’ve been here before and I’ll kiss you like you’ve never been kissed.”

  He laughed. “This shouldn’t be so easy or so fun.” He threw down his napkin and came to stand in front of her. “Touch me. Just put your hand on my arm.”

  She hesitated only briefly before she laid her hand on his forearm.

  In the time it took her to blink, the room went from pink to gray.

  Chapter Five

  She was home! Tessa could hardly believe her good fortune. Safely back in her elegant and tastefully decorated condo, she’d made the trip without the benefit of either easy listening music or pixie dust. Everything was just as she’d left it this morning, right down to the calla lilies on the glass top table in front of the plasma screen tv.

  “Ha, a loser’s bet if ever you made one, Mr. Kennedy.” Tessa spread her arms wide, supremely confident now that she was home. “Look around. You’re now in the land of good taste and elegance. We’re a million miles away from that pink nightmare.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. Now, if you don’t mind, it’s been a long day and I want to be alone.” She pointed to the front door. “That way out.”

  “I’m not in a hurry. Besides, I have unfinished business here. Something I need to do.”

  Tessa raised a delicately arched eyebrow. “To reform miserable, rotten me?”

  “Later, yes. But first something else.” He took a step toward her.

  She refused to give him the satisfaction of backing up. That would be backing down. She stood her ground but was forced to tilt her head up to look into his eyes.

  “And what exactly are you planning to do?” she asked. “You can’t think I’m actually going to kiss you?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Hmm, a kiss. Interesting idea. But no, what I really want,” he lowered his voice and leaned in as if he had a secret to share, “is to finish my lunch.”

  With an ever so quick wink, he headed toward her dining table. Not a farmhouse one either, her table was a Danish inspired smoked glass piece she’d had custom made. She watched as Liam settled himself in a chair and picked up a fork.

  How could he sit there so calmly and eat? She stared in horror. His half eaten plate of Chinese food was right where he’d left it.

  Tessa raced into the kitchen, her picture perfect kitchen with virtually unused appliances. She heaved a sigh of relief when she saw everything was as it should be. She glanced at the refrigerator but she didn’t need to check the contents. She knew the top shelf had six bottles of red wine and the bottom shelf six of white.

  “Can you bring me some soy sauce?” Liam called, his voice as placid as a summer lake at sunrise.

  Tessa leaned her head against the refrigerator door, resisting the temptation to bang it instead. Deep breath. In. Out.

  “And another beer while you’re at it.”

  Tessa bit her tongue. Hard. She wasn’t used to censoring herself but her suggestion as to what Liam could do with his beer once he got it wouldn’t sound good on tape. And surely this was all a set up and Liam was recording her. It would be just like Evelyne Allswell and the other witches to want to watch a tape of her freaking out while they laughed themselves silly.

  They were out of luck. She wasn’t playing along.

  “Contessa?” Liam’s voice held a questioning note.

  “I don’t have any soy sauce,” she called.

  “Check the fridge.”

  She did. Her wine was nowhere in sight. But a bottle of soy sauce she hadn’t seen before was smack in front of the carry out boxes. She groaned. Just how long was this going to go on? She grabbed the bottle of sodium laden sauce and then a beer for good measure.

  Obviously this was all a game and she had to play along until she could figure out the rules. Only then would she be able to turn the tables and beat Liam Kennedy at his own game.

  ***

  Liam took the bottle Tessa held out and smiled his thanks. He took a long draught and set the bottle beside his empty plate. He pushed back his chair, crossed his legs and put his hands behind his head. The beer hit the spot, lunch satisfied his hunger and now he had Tessa right where he wanted her. Life was good.

  “I’m ready to hear what you have to say.” Tessa sat in the chair opposite him and folded her hands in her lap.

  She looked demure. Contrite. She was up to something.

  “I recognize my surroundings. Now are we done?”

  “Tell me what you’ve learned,” he answered her question with one of his own. He kept his eyes on her. It wasn’t a difficult task, she was a beautiful woman. By build, tiny and petite, but in terms of spirit she was mighty. And she knew it. So it was time to take her down a peg. Or two. For her own good of course.

  “I’ve learned I need to be aware of my own surroundings.”

  “Cut the crap, Contessa.” He was willing to be patient but not willing to be condescended to.

  “It’s Tessa,” she shot back. “And I understand what you were trying to show me.”

  “Prove it. Answer the door.”

  In what could only be perfect synchronicity, there was a knock at the front door. Tessa glanced at him, a question in her eyes. Good. Maybe trying to get through to her wouldn’t be as much like banging his head against a cement wall as he’d first thought. He motioned for her to go to the door. “I’
m sure it’s for you.”

  “I bet it is,” she muttered under her breath as she walked past him.

  He pretended not to hear her.

  ***

  When Tessa opened the door she found a well groomed White West Highland Terrier sitting squarely on the doorstep. As far as dogs went Tessa supposed this one could be considered cute, but she didn’t like dogs. They were too needy. And then this one began to bark, high pitched yelps as if it wanted to give her an earful. She started to shut the door but stopped. Hadn’t she heard a knock?

  She stuck her head out into the corridor. A neighbor from the end of the hallway was running toward her, well, perhaps shuffling was a better word. Wearing a flowing, polyester one-size-tries-to-fit-all caftan and house slippers, Mrs. Henderson stopped in front of the open door.

  “You naughty doggy,” Mrs. Henderson scolded the terrier between gasps for breath. “You should have waited for me.” She reached down to pick up the red leather leash and handed it to Tessa. “Here you are.”

  Tessa shook her head. “I don’t want your dog.”

  “Silly girl, he’s your dog. But thank you for letting me walk him.” She reached down to scratch him behind the ears.

  “He’s not mine.” Tessa frowned at her neighbor and the dog in turn. “I’ve never seen this animal in my life.”

  “Are you feeling quite all right, Tessa?” Mrs. Henderson asked, a concerned expression on her face.

  Tessa could feel that Liam had come to stand behind her. His presence radiated a warmth that she wished she could find unpleasant. She needed to work on that.

  “She’s fine, Mrs. Henderson. Thank you.” Liam slipped an arm around Tessa’s waist.

  She turned to glance up at him, too startled to pull away. With Liam behind her and Mrs. Henderson and the beast in front of her, she was trapped.

  “Hello, Mr. Kennedy. Nice to see you again.”

  “Liam, remember? You promised to call me by my Christian name. And it’s lovely to see you as well.”

  “You two know each other?” Tessa looked from one to the other for some kind of clue as to what was going on.

  “Are you sure she’s okay?” Mrs. Henderson asked Liam.

  “Tessa’s been under a little stress lately.” Liam pulled her closer. “Haven’t you, sweetie?”

  Unable to find an answer that would sound coherent and yet not foul, Tessa stayed quiet.

  “We’re going away for a while,” Liam told the other woman. “I’m not sure how long we’ll be gone. That’s up to Tessa.”

  Tessa opened her mouth to object but then closed it. She was too far behind in this conversation to catch up. But where in the world was he taking her?

  Mrs. Henderson beamed. “Oh, a romantic get-away? You two young ones have a lovely time.” She pointed to the dog. “Do you want me to keep him while you’re gone?”

  Liam shook his head and reached for the leash. “No, thank you. We’re taking Jinx here with us.”

  As soon as Mrs. Henderson had been dispatched down to her end of the hallway, Tessa slammed the door shut and whirled around to confront Liam.

  “What have you done to my cat?” she demanded.

  “Jinx wants to be a dog.” Liam’s voice was smooth and even.

  An anger such as Tessa had never experienced coursed through her being. Instinctively, desperately, she tapped her finger against her palm. Nothing happened. No spark. No power. No magic.

  Jinx barked.

  Tessa dropped to her knees. “Come here, Jinx.”

  Jinx came to stand beside her, his tail wagging. His tiny pink tongue was visible as he panted. Panted. Her cat was panting.

  Or was it her cat? Was it really Jinx or was this one of Liam’s pink to gray tricks? She held out her hand, palm facing upwards. The real Jinx would know what to do.

  The Westie immediately lifted its right front paw and rested it in her palm, just like she’d taught her cat to do. The feel of his nails and heavy paw against her skin saddened Tessa. She wanted to feel the tiny pad of Jinx’s paw the way it used to be. The way it was supposed to be.

  Tessa knew she wasn’t the most devoted pet owner. Okay, she was selfish by other people’s standards. But she cared about Jinx. And she wanted him back in feline form.

  Leaning in close enough so that she could stare straight into the animal’s eyes, she whispered, “Don’t worry, Jinx. I’ll get you out of the dog suit. I promise.”

  Tessa took Jinx’s leash in hand and stood. She glared defiantly up at Liam.

  “You’ve made your point. I didn’t recognize my own condo and I didn’t recognize my own animal. I’m not aware enough of my own surroundings because I’m a self-centered witch, I get it.” She took a step closer to him, her voice trembling with a barely contained rage. “Next lesson.”

  In answer, Liam scooped up the dog and tucked him under one arm. The other he wrapped securely around Tessa’s waist. His expression was unusually serious.

  “Let’s go then. But I warn you, it’s going to get more difficult from here on out.”

  Tessa didn’t dignify the warning with a response. She’d lost her magic and black cat in one day. How much worse could things get?

  Chapter Six

  When the gold sparkles settled, Tessa looked around curiously. They were outdoors, standing beside a sparkling, turquoise swimming pool which was surrounded by luxurious lounge chairs with huge shade umbrellas. If a shirtless cabana boy with an iced drink were to walk by, the picture would be complete.

  “You can let go of my waist,” Tessa said. “And you can give me back my cat too.”

  Liam released her and stepped back. Obediently, he handed her Jinx’s leash. “You might not want to call Jinx a cat when other people are around.”

  “There isn’t anyone in sight.” Which was odd come to think of it. The grounds looked impeccably manicured. Was this a resort?

  She glanced up at Liam, suspicion in her eyes. “Let’s not play twenty questions. What am I doing here? And what is it you want me to learn?”

  “You’re a bright witch, Contessa. I think deep down you know all the answers to the questions you’re asking me.”

  Tessa rolled her eyes. “At least let me sit if I’m going to be subjected to shrink speak.” She chose a lounge chair and made herself comfortable before patting the space beside her for Jinx to join her. She watched as he did, jumping up and turning a few times before settling down. Sympathy tugged at her heart. He looked so clumsy. So canine.

  Liam was the key to getting out of this mess. Tessa watched him as he dropped onto the lounger next to hers. He appeared relaxed, as if he didn’t have a single care in the world. She glanced sideways. His eyes were closed, which was just as well. She found his green eyes distracting. Not that the rest of him wasn’t worth a second look. His dark hair, cut short, had the slightest wave to it. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Tessa turned in her chair to study him. Fingers laced, his hands were behind his head. He might well relax, mightn’t he, considering he knew exactly what he was doing here.

  “Do I pass inspection?” Liam’s voice held a hint of amusement.

  Tessa bit her lip. Curse him. Wouldn’t she love to, but she wasn’t going to be able to put a curse on anyone if she couldn’t figure out how to get her magic back.

  “I wasn’t looking at you,” she lied. “I was looking to see if a waiter was anywhere around.”

  “Hungry?”

  “Famished.”

  “You should have had some of my Chinese food before we left.”

  Tessa sighed. “Well, I’m hungry now. I could eat my way through a buffet.” Enough of this sitting around already, waiting for Liam to give her a clue wasn’t getting her anywhere. “I want to eat and then explore this place. I assume it’s a resort. I can smell the sea.”

  She stood and snapped her fingers, motioning for Jinx to join her but he merely looked up. Lazy beast.

  “Well, aren’t you coming?”

  “Are you talking to Jin
x or to me?”

  “Very funny.” Tessa looked around. Where was everyone? The sun was beginning to set, and while it wasn’t dark yet, it would be soon. She inhaled. A gentle breeze carried a tropical, floral scent. “I’m going in search of food.”

  Liam opened his eyes but didn’t make a move to join her. “A word of caution about the dining room--”

  “I don’t need advice from you about food, Mr. Kennedy.” Tessa picked up the leash and tugged it but Jinx wouldn’t move. Weren’t dogs supposed to be blindly loyal and pathetically obedient?

  “It’s best to leave him with me for the night,” Liam said. He pulled a room key out of his pocket and handed it to her.

  Tessa took the key but pride prevented her from asking any questions.

  Liam smiled. “We’ll see you in the morning. Enjoy your salad.”

  A salad? As if. Tessa tossed her hair over her shoulder as she followed the torch lit flagstone path around the pool and toward what looked like the main building. No, she had her mind set on a New York strip steak with a loaded baked potato. And something sinfully chocolate for dessert. After the day she’d had, it was the least she deserved.

  ***

  “I thought I’d find you here.” Her voice was gentle, and only a bit reproachful.

  Liam half smiled in answer. He’d been expecting her. “You’ve brought a message, then, have you?”

  “You don’t sound surprised,” Fiona replied. She sat at the end of his lounge chair and scratched Jinx behind the ears. “I don’t remember dog sitting as part of this assignment. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Liam shrugged. “If you already know what I’m going to say then there’s no sense in my saying it. How long will you be staying?”

  “A few days. I’ve been sent to keep an eye on you.” Her expression was serious. “You know what headquarters wants you to do, don’t you, boss?”

  “Is that the entire message, fair Fiona? Tell Kennedy to keep Tessa occupied so Fairy Godmother Inc. can snatch the United Paranormal Council seat out from under her?”

  “Basically, yes, that’s it,” Fiona said.

  Darkness had settled in. The rustle of the palms was the only sound to dare the silence. Liam stood and held out a hand to help Fiona to her feet. He draped his arm over her shoulders. “Let’s take a walk and then call it a night. I’m going to have my hands full tomorrow when Tessa wakes up and figures out what she’s got to do to get her powers back. This might be my last chance for a bit of peace and quiet.”