by DC Renee
What if she pushed me away?
I wouldn’t let her. I’d cradle her in my arms, showing her my love, proving to her that we belonged together, and I was meant to be here with her with our baby.
Finally, I was in front of her door, my hand raised to knock on the door.
“She’s not there,” I heard a voice call out. My hand stopped midway on its decent toward her door as I turned to see a petite red-head in the yard over.
“Um, hi,” I responded, slightly disoriented by the interruption.
“You’re the baby daddy, aren’t you?” she asked, but the accusation in her voice was clear. She knew Annalise, was even fond of her, and thinking I was the asshole who had left her pregnant and then high and dry, she wasn’t fond of me. I smiled at the loyalty this woman offered Analise, whom she probably barely knew.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.
“You don’t deserve her,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Up and leaving her like that.”
“I don’t,” I admitted. “But I love her.”
“Well, then I guess you better go tell her and your baby that.”
“My baby?” I asked, somewhat stunned by her words.
“Yeah, saw her rush out of here, grabbing an Uber, a small duffel in hand, clutching her stomach. I put two and two together. I would have driven her,” she said matter-of-factly. “Would have even stayed while she delivered, too, so she wouldn’t have to be alone. But she ran off alone. I told her plenty of times she could count on me. I’ve been trying to tell her we’re friends and get her to open up, but she’s a closed book.”
“She’s in labor?” I asked, confused by everything that had transpired in the mere moments I’d found the courage to walk to Annalise’s door. The scenario in my head had gone vastly differently.
“Well, I don’t know for sure, seeing as she didn’t tell me anything, but I was there when my sister went into labor, so I’m guessing, yeah. I’m guessing she went to Presbyterian Hospital since it’s the closest. Better make a move, though, baby daddy, or you might miss all the fun.”
“Thank you,” I told her. “Thank you,” I repeated as I fished out the keys from my pocket to the car my dad had left for me to use just days before so that it would be less noticeable. He’d graciously thought ahead, and I wouldn’t even be able to thank him for it.
I jumped in the car, pulled up the hospital info on my phone, and sped away … toward Annalise, my baby, and my future.
Annalise
“YOU’RE DOING GREAT, Lise,” my nurse Ella said as she checked on me, and I cringed. I still hadn’t gotten used to hearing “Lise” come out of the mouths of anyone other than Nolan. I knew Neal had chosen it so that it would be close enough to my name that I could quickly get used to it. But he could have gone with Anna just as easily. I knew, deep down, that he’d chosen Lise so that I wouldn’t forget Nolan. Trust me, Neal, I could never forget him.
Each time I heard someone call me Lise, I responded. I was programmed to, thanks to Nolan, but it hurt. My heart sought him out, wishing I heard his voice instead of the person talking to me. At this moment, with my hormones on high power, it hurt even more.
“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Ella said, pity in her voice. She’d been my nurse the moment I was admitted. She took a look at my ring, and asked, “Is your husband on his way?” I broke down in tears.
I had refused to part with my wedding ring even when Neal had suggested leaving it behind. “You tell him I’m buried with it if you have to,” I responded. I knew it was silly because it was just a piece of jewelry. But it was more than that sentimentally. It was a symbol that I belonged to Nolan, and he to me. Not like the baby brewing inside me wasn’t just as much of a symbol of that, but the baby was something we’d created. The ring was something we chose.
I didn’t wear it, though. It brought out too many questions that were difficult to answer. But when I was feeling emotional, I took it out of my jewelry box and slipped it on my finger. I couldn’t help but do that right before the Uber picked me up on my way to the hospital.
“No, he … my husband …” I couldn’t finish my sentence because I was crying so hard, the emotions overwhelming my senses.
“Shh, it’s okay,” she whispered and soothed my hair like a mother talking to her daughter. “I’m here for you, and I’m not leaving.”
I thanked her, and sure enough, she stayed with me. And she kept telling me that she was there for me over and over as though she was making up for the fact that Nolan wasn’t there. I appreciated her sympathy and her knowledge, but no one could replace Nolan’s presence.
“Lise,” I heard my name whispered with reverence, and I turned toward the door. I smiled as tears rushed down my face. A mirage, a beautiful mirage. My wish come true … if only it were real.
“My God, what’s in this IV?” I asked, turning back to Ella as my fantasy walked slowly toward me. “It’s absolutely magical,” I said with a smile as I looked to my side, staring at my mirage.
“I’m the husband and the father,” he said to the nurse, who had started smiling at some point, no longer looking at me with pity.
“I’ll give you two a moment,” she whispered. “But only a moment because this baby wants to come out into the world.”
“You can see him too?” I asked her, beyond shocked.
She nodded and chuckled. “Right on time, daddy,” she said, not looking at me. “But let’s be quick in our reunion, yeah? I’ll go check on the doctor’s status.”
“Lise,” Nolan said, and I stared at him, taking in his features. “I’m here, Lise. I’m real. And I’m staying.”
“You’re here,” I stated, ignoring the pressure building inside me.
“I’m here,” he repeated. “Oh God, Lise. I missed you so fucking much. I love you,” he said and then leaned in and crushed his lips with mine. I moaned as his tongue explored my mouth, missing his taste, his touch.
“How?” I asked after he pulled away.
“Same way you did it, Lise.”
“You’re dead,” I whispered, understanding crashing over me like a giant wave.
“Nolan Corrington is,” he answered. “Landon Dollanger is alive and well, and he’s right here, by his wife’s side, waiting for their son to arrive.”
“Time’s up,” Ella said, interrupting us, but still smiling as she took in the way we were staring at each other.
“I’ll tell you all about it another day,” Nolan told me.
I nodded, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this time, he wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was I.
Nolan
“HE’S BEAUTIFUL,” I said as I held my son in my arms.
“He looks like you,” Annalise said beside me.
I don’t know if it was because of the circumstance, but we didn’t have the big reunion I had anticipated. I gathered that was a good thing because I had been certain there was a fifty-percent chance that Annalise would have kicked me to the curb for putting her in the position to have to fake her death and get away in the first place.
I knew we still had a lot to discuss. What I’d missed these past months, for one. How I came to be here, second. What the future held, third. And I’m sure there were more topics I was glossing over.
We’d go over all of that, but now was not the time. Now was the time to celebrate that we had a beautiful baby boy, that Annalise, the wonder woman that she was, gave birth to our son.
“Did you choose a name?” I asked her, hoping she hadn’t, but knowing that was a very real possibility since she’d figured she’d be alone in this the entire time.
“No,” she said. “I couldn’t come up with anything that I thought was worthy of him. I just figured I’d know what to name him when I saw him.”
“And did that happen?”
She shook her head. “I think we were meant to figure it out together. That’s why I couldn’t come up with anything,” she told me.
“Noah,”
I said as I looked at Annalise.
“I like it,” she said with a nod, not making the connection.
“After my mom,” I added.
Her face lit up, understanding how I’d come up with Noah. Noel had been my mother’s name. My mother and father had thought it was amusing that their names were similar, and of course, that meant I got an “N” name too. Noah was my male-version take on Noel.
“Welcome to the world Noah Dollanger,” she said with a wry smile.
“It’ll take me a bit to get used to that,” I admitted.
“I’m still not used to it,” she said with a smile. “Welcome to the club.”
“As long as the club has you and our son, I’ll join it happily.”
“You sure about that, Landon?” she asked with an amused smile. “Because once you’re in, you’re in for life,” she teased, but I knew she was also one hundred percent serious.
“Lise,” I said, still holding my son with one arm pressed tightly under his tiny little body, the other hand cradling Annalise’s face, staring straight into her eyes. “I’m already in for life.”
“I love you,” she told me; the first time she’d said the words since I’d magically reappeared in her life like Houdini popping up from the depths of uncertain death.
“I love you too,” I told her. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
She didn’t tell me it was okay, but it wasn’t. Not really. It just was. So instead, she said, “I know.” And that was enough.
We took Noah home two days later, where I ran around like a headless chicken trying to organize everything for him and Annalise while trying to find room in their life for me.
It took a week for us to finally settle into something resembling a family, complete with a routine. And that was when we found time to talk.
She told me how things had transpired for her from her point of view. It was identical to what my dad had told me, but it still hurt like hell to hear it again. And to remember the raw agony I felt when I thought she’d died. I never wanted to feel that again.
Then I told her what had gone down after her death, how my family transpired against me.
“Those motherfuckers,” she said. “It’s one thing gunning for me. I’m not blood. But you are!” she yelled so loudly I had to remind her we had a sleeping baby just a few feet away. I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t feel a sense of pride, that even after everything, she was still defending me. I didn’t know what I did to deserve Annalise, but I’d spend every day of my life proving to her that I was worthy of the love and loyalty she bestowed upon me.
I told her how my dad and pulled off my “death.” She cried when I gave her the details even though she’d asked for them.
Then she peppered me with questions about her parents. I answered them all honestly even though it broke her heart to know how sad they were. What did she expect, though? They thought they had lost their only daughter, their only child.
“I wish there was a way to let them know,” she said sadly.
“Maybe one day, Lise. Maybe when this all blows over, we can let them know.”
She knew as much as I did that it was unlikely, but she nodded in response.
“And Stephanie?” she asked. I hadn’t kept in touch much with Stephanie even though she’d tried to stay in touch with me. I wasn’t in a good place, and I admitted as much to Annalise. But whatever information I did have, I relayed it, which was generally good. Stephanie was happy with her life, with her boyfriend, but I knew from the few and short conversations we did have that she missed Annalise.
“We’ll figure out a way for you to see her too one day,” I told her even though I knew the possibility was slim. But we’d try … one day.
“Lily?” she asked.
“We told her the truth. She cried and cried and cried some more tears of joy when she found out you and our baby were alive. Then she hit my dad over the head with a towel before she did the same to me.” Annalise laughed. “When she found out what we were planning for me, she decided it was time to go help out her own kids seeing as we no longer needed her.”
“That’s good,” Annalise said as she nodded. “They’re lucky to have her.”
“Yeah, they are,” I agreed. I took a deep breath before I said my next words. “I never wanted to hurt you,” I told Annalise. “I never wanted to lie to you. I just … in the beginning, I couldn’t tell you who or what I was, what I did. And then I fell in love and was afraid of losing you. It was selfish, it was wrong, but I was scared. I couldn’t imagine a life without you in it, and I didn’t want to send you running for the hills. I thought that I could keep the two things separate. Keep you away from all that. But you know what happened in the end. If I could go back, I’d tell you the truth, but I don’t think I’d be able to watch you walk away. I’d fight you until I wore you down. I’d do anything to keep you, Lise. You’re my world. You and Noah. And without you, I’d cease to exist. I love you. I love you with everything in me.”
“I’m sad,” she said. “I’m sad that our families won’t be here with us to watch Noah grow up. I’m sad about how it all worked out. I’m sad we were apart and that both our hearts were broken. But, Nolan … er, Landon … in the end, it’s you and me, and Noah. We’re together, and that’s all that matters. It’s the most important thing. I love you too. I love you with everything in me just the same.”
She grabbed my shirt and pulled me to her, kissing me with all her love, with everything in her. And I knew she was right. We had each other. And that was all that mattered.
One Year Later…
Annalise
“MY HANDSOME LITTLE boy,” I cooed as I stared down at Noah after I’d finished getting him dressed. “One year,” I said to him as he stared at me with a toothy grin. “Where the heck did the time go?”
The past year had been an adjustment.
I hadn’t gotten a job before Noah was born because it was hard for me to find one when I knew I’d be leaving a few months later, and I wasn’t sure what I’d do after Noah was born. Neal had provided me with enough cashflow that I wouldn’t have to work for several years. The plan after that was that I’d either find a job or he’d figure a way to provide me with more funds if need be. I didn’t like the idea of needing to take money from him, but I was happy to know I had that fallback just in case.
“It’s rightfully yours,” he’d told me to assure me. “Whatever I have goes to Nolan and his family, and you’re his family, Annalise.”
I conceded because I didn’t have much choice.
When Nolan appeared, he’d informed me that he’d offloaded enough money into untraceable accounts so that we wouldn’t have to work a day in our lives and still live comfortably.
We both took advantage of that after Noah was born. We’d been apart for a while, and we didn’t want to spend any more time away from each other, even for work. Especially with a new baby in the picture. We got to watch every milestone occur as they happened.
But Nolan and I were educated, accomplished individuals, and we started to get the itch to go out into the world and do something.
A few months back, I’d found a job at a shelter for women and children. It wasn’t exactly the social work I’d been used to, but it was one of the many reasons I’d gone into the social work in the first place—to help make a difference in the world. A bonus was that the hours were flexible, which meant I could pick up and drop off Noah at daycare with ease and be there for him when he needed me.
Nolan had a harder time finding something that he enjoyed, but he ended up working for a small mom and pop firm as the purchasing director, and he loved it. “It’s a lot less stressful,” he admitted to me one day. “And it has that family vibe,” he added. I knew he missed that. He might not have missed the drama that came with working with family, but he missed actually being a part of a family in that manner.
We might not have had our own families to lean on and see all the time, but we h
ad grown a nice little network of friends that we were close to.
Our neighbor, Tracy, had apparently helped Nolan out when he’d shown up at my doorstep. When he told me the story, I realized that Tracy really did want to be my friend. She and her boyfriend would be joining us for Noah’s first birthday in just thirty minutes, along with some of the other neighbors we’d befriended—some with kids and some without. A few friends we’d made at work would be here, and some kids from Noah’s daycare, along with their parents and siblings, would be joining us to make Noah’s first birthday special.
It wasn’t anything crazy, just a small party at our house, but Nolan still had managed to go over the top. He’d spent way too much on food, dessert, decorations, and entertainment, especially considering most of the kids were too young to enjoy most of it.
The doorbell rang as I watched Noah take a few tentative steps. He had taken his first steps just days before, and you can be sure Nolan and I screamed so loud that we actually scared Noah. He didn’t take any more steps that day, poor little guy. But then he took a few more the next day and a few more the day after. Slowly, each day, he was taking a couple more. He’d be walking more securely in no time.
“I got it,” Nolan called out as I stared at his little mini carbon copy.
“I wish your grandparents could see you,” I whispered and brushed a stray tear away from my cheek.
“Uh, Lise,” I heard Nolan’s unsure voice call out. “You better come here quickly.”
“Come on, little guy,” I said to Noah. “Let’s see who’s here to celebrate your birthday,” I said as I scooped him up into my arms. I walked to the living room and stopped short.
“Mom?” I asked, shock apparent in my voice. “Dad? Are you really here? Neal?” I must have been dreaming. Or did I have magical powers? Had I wished Noah’s grandparents there with my simple words from just minutes before.