Electric fire grows underneath my skin, funneling in from the sky, spreading wide. The ice begins to thaw, to melt away, replaced with lava that turns my insides to molten rock. I harden, turn to stone. My chest seals closed, the fire stops, and I hang in a void, not quite in the world but not quite out of it.
All I see are flashes of brilliant light in the dark, bursting overhead, bursting internally. Little explosions tear my organs apart and then replace them with something new, something not wholly human, something that yearns to be set free.
A force is alive inside of me.
The magic, I realize, but it has a will, like a spirit who wishes to escape. My veins are chains, holding it down, holding it captive. Power seeps through my skin, released into the world where it wishes to be, but the essence remains locked in my heart, pounding with each beat, hoping someone besides me might hear it.
But no one can.
My eyes ease open, greeted by the stones in the ceiling above. I sit up, muscles aching.
How much time has passed?
I have no idea. But it could not have been long.
I look around the room. The commander rests immobile in the corner, still unconscious from the blow to his head. Blood pours from the hole in his knee. But it is not the wound that grips my attention, it is the subtle neon glow around his body, putrid yellow mixed with hot lime green, raw pain, raw distress. Inside his chest, a white star gleams, pulsing with a slow beat. His soul or his heart? Or are those one and the same? I'm not sure.
I stand, pulled over by curiosity, by a new instinct blossoming to life. Placing my hand to his cheek, I kneel and suck in a breath. The magic flares to life in my veins, urging me to use it, to let go. The energy under my fingers grows until it stings. I give in.
Emotions flood my system. Pain. Fear. Hurt. Longing. Love. I coerce them into my bloodstream, feeling everything, stealing the sensations from his body. I am warmed by them, made more human by them. The aura surrounding the commander fades away. His eyes lose their crinkle, easing open, calmed despite the wound. He is empty, but his breath comes easier. The star in his chest brightens to a pure white, no longer damped by the colorful array of emotions surrounding his figure.
Easing back onto my heels, I rip his shirt, shredding the cloth to tie a tourniquet around the wound. The commander will be fine, especially now that his panic has been stripped away. But I look away, unable to look at him knowing what I've just done, how similar to the queen I have become.
The spirit inside of me subdues, no longer pulling against me for freedom, but rather content to ride the humanity I have fed it. With the magic under control, reality sinks back in. Memories flood my system.
"Asher!"
I bolt up, revolving until I find his still body on the floor, and then I run to him. A star beams from his heart, strong, almost blinding. But a subtle black shadow surrounds his limbs, seeps into his skin. Death. Decay. Yet his chest rises and falls. Trapped within the gloom, he is alive.
I put a hand to his cheek, but the magic recoils, shrugs back in fear—it will not accept this gift. The power only wants promises of life, and all Asher exudes is mortality. I pull anyway. The darkness does not move except to cling to Asher tighter.
"Come on," I beg, yanking, trying to force the magic into submission. The queen said it would heal him. That magic was the only thing that could cure him.
Did I really think it could be so easy?
I take a different method, shaking his shoulders. "Asher!" I shout, as though I can pull him from this sleep through determination alone. "Wake up!"
No movement crosses his eyes or his lips. His hands fall lifeless to the floor, limp, and his head rolls to the side. I follow the ghostly gaze, eyes slipping across the floor to the gun resting a few feet away, pointed at me, speaking for the prince.
I know what Asher would want me to do. Though he said we would find another way, we both knew the truth. Asher wants the magic released back to the wilds where it belongs. There is only one way to do it. Still, my fingers caress his soft cheek, unprepared to say goodbye, to leave him like this.
I stand, eyes shifting to the window where the queen drew her last breath, mind sinking to the sleepy town below. Self-loathing spews from my gut with each step closer, but I do not stop moving until my palms grip the stones. I lean out, wind billowing against my cheeks, and gasp.
Sky and land mirror each other, each an ebony blanket dusted with stars. Above, the stars are a million miles away. Below, they are all too close, prickling my heart with awareness.
The queen described this to me once, tried to show me. Back then, I didn't fully understand why, but I do now. An entire universe is splayed out before me, sparkling dots connecting into a million constellations, each one centered around me. Their hearts are beacons calling out. The magic inside my limbs answers, pulsing down below to take their troublesome emotions away, leaving them pure, untainted with humanity.
I can live a thousand different lives in the span of one. Everything they experience, I do too. Everything they feel floods my veins. But right now, I only want to find one life, one person who I promised I would not use, but who I must. The only person I trust to do right by Asher's body, to not give up on him after I am gone, to try to nurse him back to health.
Maddy.
As soon as her name enters my thoughts, one star brightens, overtaking the others, and in my head a new awareness springs. I sense her emotions, the confusion bubbling beneath her skin, a sadness. I close my eyes and behind those lids, I see what she sees. Wooden walls, bales of hay, soft black hairs beneath her fingers. She is in a stable, petting a horse slowly, softly.
I tug on the magic.
She stops moving.
I yank again.
Maddy's head lifts.
I steal her thoughts, her emotions, emptying her mind, and bring a new idea to fruition. The castle. Hurry.
When my eyes open, her star is moving swiftly through the streets. Horse hooves echo in my ears, carrying her quickly to me. The magic fizzes, excited to be used, but I form my hands into fists, hating how natural this feels, and release Maddy from my head.
I have a few minutes, fifteen or twenty at the most.
I must be gone by the time she gets here.
The commander still has not woken, leaving Asher and me, for the most part, alone. I sit beside him, lifting his head gently onto my lap, brushing stray hairs off his forehead.
The magic will not disappear from my sight, so I must look beyond it to see the boy I love. Underneath the black shadow that encases him, I find my prince. The soft curves of his face. The straight nose barely dusted with freckles. The light brown lashes that perfectly frame his closed eyes. I yank the gag from his lips and Asher breathes easier, mouth open just slightly, almost inviting.
Leaning down, I brush my lips softly against his. They are warm, but motionless, and I pull away, searching his face once more. For a moment, I allow myself to think he might wake, just like in the stories. But Asher does not move. Does not blink.
My kiss is not enough to save him.
I dip closer to his ear. Though I know the words will not penetrate his slumber, I must say them. We waited too long. I always thought they would be too painful to hear, too painful to say, especially when I knew they would only be temporary. But I whisper them anyway.
"I love you."
My heart feels lighter as soon as I speak. The magic in my chest buzzes, waiting, listening as though it is just as invested in the response as I am.
Silence is all that greets us.
I press on, throat stinging, eyes wet. "I know you didn't want to say goodbye, so maybe this is for the best. When you wake up, everything will be like you always dreamed it would be. Everyone will be free. You'll be their hero, and they'll love you."
A tear drops from my eye, staining his cheek. I wipe it away with my thumb, sniffling the rest back in.
"I don't want you to blame yourself. There was no way you could have
stopped me, could have stopped this. I just want you to live, to be happy, to find love. I want to give you everything that you gave me. In the old world, people used to think the dead watched over us. My mother used to tell me that my father was looking down on me, proud of me, keeping me safe. I'm not sure if I believe that, but I do know that if I can, I'll keep my eyes locked on you. I'll protect you."
I lay Asher down, removing the chains from his body, brushing all of the broken bits of chair away from him. I tear the bottom foot of my skirt off, bunching the silk into a pillow, and set his head gently down.
The shadow over his body looks a little grayer, a little less opaque. I pray its because he's getting better. That the magic is somehow doing its job.
I'll never know for sure.
Easing back onto my feet, I grab the gun on my way up. I want to tell him I love him one more time. I want to whisper goodbye. But I can't. A plug blocks my throat, making it difficult to even breathe. My eyes have blurred.
I turn away, facing the window, unable to look at him while I do this. I met Asher at the dangerous end of gun, and as I press the barrel against the side of my head, I realize I will say goodbye the same way.
I don't want to die. Not really. Not if I had a choice. All I've ever wanted is to live, to be free. But I think of all the stars twinkling on the ground below me, souls trapped in the magic coursing through my veins, and I understand what I must do.
I don't fear death.
I fear life, this life I have found myself in. I fear being queen. I fear what will happen to me if I do not let them go, if I put myself first. I fear the way Asher will look at me if he wakes to find me alive, turned into the mother he could not kill. I fear the hatred that would burn in his eyes.
Taking a deep breath, I begin my countdown.
One.
My heart sinks just a little.
Two.
I tighten my fingers on the gun.
Three.
I pull the trigger.
"Jade!"
Is death so quick? Has Asher come to welcome me at the gates of heaven? Or have I been banished to hell, cursed to hear his voice in my head for all eternity, knowing I will never touch him again?
A warm hand lands on my cheek. Darkness surrounds me. But it gradually fades as fingers dig into my shoulders, shaking me. Asher continues to call my name.
"Jade!"
"Can you hear me?"
"Jade!"
Pain explodes in my forehead, a sharp point just above my ear. But despite it, I begin to laugh, to cry, to weep. All at the same time.
I am alive.
What a bitter realization that is as Asher's face becomes clearer, looking down into my eyes, worry evident on his features. I blink. He lifts me into his arms, hugging me into his chest, crying, laughing too. But I know his sighs are ones of relief. Mine are of dread. I'm not sure if I can pull that trigger again, not now, not when Asher is looking at me with love in his eyes.
"What happened?" I murmur, awed, confused.
"The gun misfired," he tells me, ripping it from my hands and tossing it to the far side of the room. "But the barrel still slammed into your skull from the kickback and knocked you down. I was so scared, Jade, I thought you were dead."
Asher pulls back, flattening my hair to my head, looking at me as though I might crumble at any moment, as though part of him believes I'm a ghost. But through the magic, I watch as his aura begins to change, from the deep purple of relief to a maroon filled with love to a brilliant red ripe with anger.
I wince.
"You said you wouldn't do anything stupid, you promised," Asher scolds, face harsh in the candlelight. "You almost shot yourself. If not for a mechanical malfunction, you'd be dead. What do you call that?"
"Honorable," I murmur. The red-hot blaze around him only ignites brighter. Before he can open his mouth to yell, I ask, "How are you awake? The queen said only magic could revive you."
Asher rolls his eyes. "As usual, the queen lied. I got knocked out when I hit the wall. I think I have a concussion or something, the room is spinning quite a bit actually. I thought I was just reeling in anger, but now I'm not so sure."
"Lie down," I order. Asher listens, placing his body next to mine on the floor. Our faces still gaze at each other while we remain still on our sides, as though in bed and not in the middle of so much destruction.
"Jade," he whispers, voice wavering. His aura has turned the mocha color of fear. "Don't scare me like that again."
"I have to," I tell him, shaking my head. "The magic is inside of me, Asher. Even now, I want to rip your emotions from your heart, I want to tear them away."
And I do. The magic is pulling at my fingertips, urging me to touch his skin, to remove every ounce of warmth from his body and claim it as my own. But this is Asher. And I could not bear to take his soul from him. Not yet anyway. Eventually though, the magic will win.
Asher takes a deep breath, reaching his hand to my cheek even as I recoil, worried that his touch would be too much to resist. "I told you before, there's another way."
"I'm not going to risk all these people—"
"You won't," he interrupts. I gather my courage, looking into his eyes as they hold me captive. Hope. I'm not sure if it will be my salvation or my demise.
"Asher," I plead, begging him to release me, to let it end.
"No, Jade, listen. I realized it after you left me in my cell. This whole time, the answer has been so obvious, it's been staring us in the face. All we need to do is break the curse."
"Break the curse?" I repeat slowly. I don't understand. "That's what I'm trying to do. I need to kill myself to lift the queen's magic, now my magic."
Asher shakes his head, leaning closer, imploring. "Not that curse, Jade. The original curse. A while ago, I told you magic always starts with a curse. But I was too fixed on my path to realize what that statement meant. It wasn't until I was faced with your death that I understood. The curse brought the magic to my family, so only ending the curse can take it away. Do you understand?"
"I don't have to die?" I ask, shivering, not really clear.
"No," he smiles, shaking his head. "You see, I thought death was the only way, but for the entirely wrong reason. I thought it was because the magic would have no new body to enter, but that's so wrong. If it wanted to, the magic could go anywhere. But the curse, the curse is tied to the bloodline. If you die, the curse would be broken because there would be no heir to inherit it. But there's more than one way to break a curse."
"What's the other way?" I ask. My fingers ache to touch his skin, to feel the happiness burning his cheek, turning his aura a wonderful yellow, as though he were the sun. Or maybe a guardian angel. In paintings, the angels are always depicted in a halo of soft ambient light, too good, too bright for Earth's dull atmosphere.
Asher sits up slowly, leaning over me, placing his hands on either side of my head so I cannot escape. I roll onto my back, gazing up at him. Every nerve in my body is alert. The magic stops pulling for his skin, stops yearning to steal his light. Instead, it stills, waiting with me, wondering if it has finally found its freedom.
"My family's curse was to never find love, to never understand it, to use the magic to take what can never be given to us. Now you're the heir, so it is your curse. But don't you see? We already broke it."
Asher's fingers brush the hair from my face, caressing my skin. He leans down, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, on my nose, on my lips.
"I love you," Asher whispers.
My heart bursts.
His words have shattered it, busted through the ice, the frost, releasing the heat inside. The magic breaks free, ripping through my chest, lifting me partially off the ground as it expels from the cage my body had become. For what feels like the first time in my life, I don't fight. I remain passive, limp, letting everything drain away.
Sparks ripple the air around me, brilliant white light, swirling with the wind. The higher it flies, the fainter it becom
es—twinkling magic returning to where it belongs. Free, as I always yearned to be. As I finally am.
My eyes find Asher, watching as the aura around his body mutes, fades away, and then entirely disappears. He still looks like an angel to me.
"Asher," I whisper, voice hoarse as my hand rises to cup his cheek, "I love you."
He smirks, as though he knew my secret all along. I knew his too.
In a flash, our lips are a mere inch apart. I wonder if the burn will be stronger now that I know exactly how he feels, if it is even possible. Already my toes tingle with anticipation, my breath comes uneven, my heart flutters girlishly in my chest.
I close the gap just as a cough sounds at the door.
"Uh, guys?"
Asher and I break apart in a rush. He nearly falls to the floor in surprise and I sit up, narrowly missing his head.
Maddy stands in the doorway, face absently confused, totally blank. But not an emotionless emptiness, more like her mind has cleared, leaving her unsure. My fault, I realize. I completely forgot I used the magic to call her here.
"I, uh…" She shuffles her feet. "I feel like I was coming here for a reason, but, like, I have no idea why all of a sudden."
"Maddy," I breathe, releasing all of the pressure from my chest. This is not the girl I left on the street a week before. Her voice is full of life, full of the energy that first scared me but I have since come to love, which can only mean one thing.
The curse is broken.
The magic really is gone.
I leave Asher on the ground and run to Maddy, hugging her close. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."
"Really?" she asks, hugging me back and then leaning away to peer at Asher over my shoulder. "I mean, I was a little worried I interrupted something. You know…" Her cheeks grow pink, and I do know exactly what she's thinking.
But I look over my shoulder at Asher, at his disheveled hair. His eyes are shining brighter than I've ever seen them, as though they hold a magic all their own. We smile at each other, one mind thinking the exact same thing.
Gathering Frost (Once Upon A Curse Book 1) Page 19