A lot of bad things, almost certainly.
What am I doing here, anyway? What possessed anyone to think I was up to this job, when all I ever do is muck things up? Kellen thought despairingly.
When he’d found the three Books of the Wild Magic in the Low Market, he’d had a home and a family and a bright future available for the asking. He’d thrown away all three for stubbornness and willful pride. He was probably never going to see Armethalieh again, and the longer he was away from it, the more he realized how much he missed the City.
No, not the City. He missed what the City could have been—a place of justice, and honor, and law. He missed the fact that he’d used to believe that it was. He missed the sound of the City bells on a winter morning, and spice-bread and hot black tea, the small good things that you couldn’t get anywhere else. Suddenly he missed them very much.
Sentarshadeen was gorgeous, but—it was full of Elves, who weren’t the most comfortable of neighbors. Merryvale—well, there probably wasn’t much left of Merryvale now, even though Idalia hadn’t been able to get any news of it. He longed for the company of simple, uncomplicated humans (and Centaurs) with a kind of craving.
And in a way, he longed for his old life, as well, and the days when his only responsibilities were to be the good son and student his father wanted.
And most of all, at that moment, Kellen realized that the more he learned about the Wild Magic, the more he realized that it really was truly a dangerous thing. Beneficial, yes, necessary, yes, but not a tame magic, one with the consequences all laid out in advance, where you could see them before you acted. The Wild Magic demanded belief, a faith that the world’s needs were more important than your own comfort and safety, and far more important than your own peace of mind.
And that—well, that implied that it could be dangerous to him one day. Someday—and maybe that day was now—it might very well ask a Mageprice of him that would kill him, cripple him, or change him beyond recognition, and the Wild Magic wouldn’t care, because it couldn’t care, any more than a general could care about whether or not one of the individual soldiers in his army got hurt in war. The general knew that the war itself was worth fighting, that was all. The Wild Magic would bargain whatever it needed to, for the greater good of all—and some would fall in seeing that greater good accomplished. Wonderful if you were one of the survivors, but pretty hard on the ones who weren’t.
Piece by piece, Kellen removed his Elven armor and set it aside, as carefully as if he were certain he would be coming back for it. And as he did, a second set of thoughts occurred to him, no more comforting than the first. In neutralizing this spell—if he had the strength, the luck, the will—he would be placing himself—not Sentarshadeen, not Idalia, but him, Kellen Tavadon—in direct opposition to the Prince of Shadow Mountain. The Demons, the Endarkened, the creatures that haunted his innermost fears, the monsters that frightened even Jermayan and Queen Ashaniel, that terrified Vestakia, would be hunting him.
He’d stood up to the Arch-Mage of Armethalieh—his own father—and the consequences of that had been grim enough to make him wary of the penalties of rash defiance. The full cost of that act was one Kellen was only barely coming to realize, one that he was going to face for the rest of his life. What would be the price of making a personal enemy of the Prince of the Demon Legions of Hell and his allies?
Kellen stood shivering in his underpadding and leather socks. He picked up the keystone again. The crystal was warm in his hands, the only warmth in all the world. It seemed to pulse with sleeping life.
He hesitated, glancing up at the fog of green lightning around the obelisk.
He was afraid. He had to acknowledge that. In fact, he was terrified. Not because he didn’t know what would happen, but because he was fairly sure he did. No matter what was to come, it was going to be bad. The only question was, how bad?
For a moment Kellen felt nothing but panic and despair that held him frozen in place where he stood. He felt the hatred here, in a way that was hard to articulate. The things that had created this place, the emotion they had for everything that was not them was so malevolent that the word hatred didn’t begin to describe it. Even if he succeeded here—and there was no guarantee of that—nothing would be over. All the four of them would have done was end the drought in the Elven lands and alert Shadow Mountain to the fact that the Elves knew the Endarkened were moving against them and preparing to strike at the World Above once more. Shadow Mountain would still be as powerful. The Elves would still be as weak. Armethalieh would still be as blind and arrogant, thinking of nothing but itself.
Nothing much would change for anyone, except for Kellen. He would have made powerful enemies, enemies that would not stop until they had taken their revenge for what he’d done here today. Was even Sentarshadeen strong enough to protect him? Would they, if they could?
Would he want them to? Could he live with being the reason why Shadow Mountain brought their agents, their armies, against the Elves of Sentarshadeen?
He looked down at the keystone. He held his future in his hands. He could drop it and run. It would break. If not here, then he could do it once he got to the other side of the cairn, where the others wouldn’t see. He could throw it off the side of the cairn. Then he wouldn’t have to make this choice. He wouldn’t have all the Demons of Shadow Mountain after him personally. He could sneak down the far side, get back to Armethalieh somehow. Lycaelon would forgive him—especially if he renounced the Wild Magic and told him everything he knew about the trouble among the Elves and in the border lands.
Oh, he could see it so clearly: he could become his father’s favored son again; there’d be some tale put about of his having been sent out as a special agent, and he’d be safe, safe, safe …
But then he looked at Vestakia. She’d struggled to her feet, clutching at Shalkan’s shoulder for support. Vestakia had lived every day of her life on the run from the Prince of Shadow Mountain—not hypothetically but really—she’d been fathered by a Demon but had never given up the fight to be human. He looked at Jermayan, who hated Demons with every fiber of his Elven soul, but stood beside a woman who looked like one, who had been fathered by one, and did so now because he trusted Kellen.
Both of them—and Shalkan—were counting on him to keep his part of the bargain he’d begun when he first began to read The Book of Moon. He couldn’t back out now. This was his price. He wouldn’t refuse to pay it.
Maybe I’ll die here, Kellen thought in a kind of grim hope. Compared to being the target of the entire race of Demons, death didn’t seem terribly bad. Death—or failure—if he died trying, surely Jermayan would take up the stone (if it was still intact) and see the task to its end. Surely, now that he knew what to do with it, it didn’t require a Wildmage to actually put it in place!
He clutched the keystone tighter, imagining it cracking in his hands—accidentally!—knowing that even amid the guilt and horror he would feel nothing so much as relief at the choice and responsibility that would be taken from him in that moment. I’m only a boy! I’m only seventeen! a voice deep within his mind shouted despairingly. I’ve never done anything special in my life! I’m not ready for this!
Part of him yearned desperately to believe that, but even if it were true, it couldn’t be allowed to make a difference now. Ready or not, able or not, he had to do what he had come here for, because so very much depended on him.
He turned away from the others and began to walk slowly across the broken wasteland toward the cairn. Taking the first step was the hardest thing he’d ever done, and it was only after he’d begun to walk that Kellen realized he hadn’t even said good-bye. But he knew that if he stopped, or turned back, or spoke, he would never have the strength to start walking again, and so he gritted his teeth and kept walking. If he got back, he’d be able to explain. If they all died here, it wouldn’t matter.
He had not gotten more than twenty paces away before the first attack struck him.
Only it wasn’t the first attack, was it? They’d been under attack from the moment they set foot on the mountaintop, Kellen realized. Why else would he even have considered betraying his friends and going back to Armethalieh?
It was terrifying to realize he couldn’t even trust his own thoughts!
I won’t give in, he told himself stubbornly. I WILL take the keystone to the top of the cairn. I WILL do what Idalia trusted me to do. I WILL …
The next attack was subtle as well, though now Kellen was suspicious of everything. It began with pain, but not intense pain, only the dull aching of every muscle in his body. As if he were in the throes of a fever, except that he was so cold … as if he had been beaten from head to toe. But the pain increased the nearer he drew to the cairn. His real injuries hurt far more than they should have. Each step was an agony, as if his muscles were filled with lead. Each impact of his foot against the ground jarred his bruises into sullen life, until his whole body ached like a rotten tooth, and he trembled with pain as much as cold.
Though he knew his friends were only a few yards away, that if he turned and looked back he could still see them, Kellen felt utterly alone, as if when he had taken that first step he had somehow passed into a place where they could not follow.
And despite the fact that he was the one who had moved, he felt as if it was they who had abandoned him. He was out here alone, likely to die, and they didn’t care.
Jermayan doesn’t care about me. He never did. He only cares about the Elves, about ending the drought. He only pretended to like me to get me here.
If Idalia was such a great Wildmage, why hadn’t she come back to the City for him? Why had she left him to suffer, lonely and despised in his father’s house? She knew better than anyone else what it was like, but she had left him there. And then, Idalia had left him again, to do this thing that he wasn’t ready for, and she didn’t care.
Why had Alance left both of them with Lycaelon, knowing what kind of man he was? What kind of mother would abandon her children to a man like that? His mother had thought only of herself and the trap that she was escaping. She didn’t care either, about either of her children.
Why had no one in all the City cared what Lycaelon did to either of his children? The Law was supposed to be Armethalieh’s greatest treasure, but the Mages set themselves above the Law. No one would interfere in a Mage’s personal life, and so—corrupt, petty, vindictive as they were—the Mages of Armethalieh were a Law above the Law, and their families suffered for it. And the Mages gave everyone the safe little world that they wanted, no one cared what that cost.
No one cared.
He knew his thoughts were petty, unworthy, coming from a part of him that wanted to live at any price, that would do anything, say anything, to get him to give up and turn back. He knew the thoughts came from the cairn, from Shadow Mountain, from the Demons. Kellen ignored the voice, letting it say what it would, letting the words pass over him unheeded. He didn’t even care if that inward voice reflected who he truly was. It wasn’t who he wanted to be. It wasn’t who he would be.
He had a choice. He was free.
Kellen walked on.
He kept his eyes fixed on the ground, both to shut out the terrifying sight of the obelisk, and to keep from stepping on a stone. The only thing covering his feet were the thick leather socks he had worn beneath his armored boots. Kellen’s feet were quickly growing numb with cold, but if he stepped on a stone and cut himself, or twisted his ankle, he might not be able to walk. And he had to be able to walk, at least as far as the top of the cairn.
Even if he was alone and abandoned. Even if he had no true friends, no family worthy of the name. Even if despair weighed him down so heavily that it felt as if he should be staggering beneath the weight of it. Despair drove him even to tears; he felt them leaking out of the corners of his eyes, but he was too sunk in despondency to care.
At last—he had no idea how long it took—Kellen reached the ring of stones at the foot of the cairn. They were not directly at the base, he saw now, nor did they completely enclose it. There was a gap about six feet wide between two tall stones, and through the gap he could see that the cairn did not rest on the same level ground as the rest of the mountaintop, but at the bottom of a deep pit which began a few feet inside the ring of stones. The sides of the pit were absolutely vertical except where a long sloping path led down between the stones and into the pit.
The cairn was much taller than he’d realized; from where the four of them had stood, they had only been able to see the top two-thirds. He would have to go down in order to go up. Down into a place that had almost certainly been designed as a trap.
Kellen hesitated just outside the tall stones, almost unable to force himself to walk between them. The closer he got to the obelisk, the more he could sense the Darkness radiating from it. The air seemed thick and dirty, heavy now with that bitter scent and taste, making him reluctant to breathe, as if he were accepting the obelisk’s foulness into his lungs when he did. With a conscious effort, Kellen compelled himself to breathe deeply. There was no point in half-measures when he was actually going to have to touch the thing.
He felt a little better once he did, as if the icy air had cleared his head, and a few good breaths had actually swept some of that despair away from him. He was shivering in earnest now, and his body ached with cold. He wished he had his sword, or even a dagger, but the instructions that had come with the keystone had been quite specific. He could bring nothing with him but the keystone. The stone and himself.
He continued forward, stumbling a little through the stones, down the path to the cairn itself.
In the temporary relief from the wind, it was almost warm. He could still hear it moaning, but at least the cold wasn’t cutting through to his bones. Going down was a little easier than going up, which made it a little easier to resist the spiritual attack on him, the attempt to make him give up before he started.
And in a way, that was heartening. If despair was the Demons’ primary weapon—perhaps the odds weren’t as great as he feared.
Soon he was facing the cairn itself, and the long winding grey stone staircase that led to the top.
Here was where the Demons had battled in his vision—hordes of them beneath a black-red sky filled with green lightning. Had his vision been of the past, or of the near-future? Would they come now?
He could feel them, though they were not visible. Their presence was everywhere. And one step on the stairs would be the trigger that released them.
He almost turned back then to warn the others, though he wasn’t sure even now what he’d say. Why hadn’t he told them earlier, when there was time?
You’re stalling, he realized, and smiled grimly to himself. Stalling didn’t make this any easier, and not going up those stairs didn’t guarantee that the monsters from his dreams and visions wouldn’t come. No matter what he did, they would come.
He took a step forward and placed his foot on the first of the steps.
Suddenly the wind’s force increased, changing from a steady monotonous whine to a howling gale in an instant. But even that was not enough to mask the shrieks, the howls, the tumult of the creatures as they were released from whatever arcane concealment they’d been held in.
He looked back. He could see nothing but the wall of the pit, but he didn’t need to see to know what was happening now, this instant.
This was the place of the monsters of his vision, and the monsters were on their way. Imprisoned in the rocks, perhaps, or held in pits, or even materializing out of the thin air, taking the path between the rocks to the cairn, to tear him limb from limb and end the threat of the keystone forever.
He had never had a chance, of course, and he stood there in a state of fatalistic resignation, waiting for them to come.
But fast as they must be, Jermayan and the others were faster. Ill and wounded as they were, it was Jermayan, Shalkan, and Vestakia—not the monsters—who appeared between the rocks that guarded
the entrance to the path. They took a stand just between the tall rocks Kellen had passed through. The stones formed a natural gateway to the cairn, and one that could be defended.
As the Seven defended that pass?
He saw Vestakia snatch Jermayan’s bow and quiver from his shoulder, and nock an arrow on the string, and fire.
Kellen hesitated, on the verge of turning back to help them. But he had no weapons, no armor, only the keystone in his hands.
It could be that this was what the Demons wanted him to do—turning back to help his friends would certainly doom them, for unless he placed the keystone on top of the obelisk and triggered the spell, all was truly lost.
He trembled in place, almost physically torn in two.
—Longing to run to join them as a Knight-Mage should.
—Knowing his duty as a Wildmage and a Knight-Mage lay in finishing the task he’d begun.
A Wildmage’s honor lies in betrayal. Finally I understand.
With a bitter cry, he turned away from the sight of his friends, blinking hard against sudden tears.
They were going to die. Jermayan was wounded, Shalkan and Vestakia were poisoned by the emanations of this hellish place. The three of them could barely stand. How could they fight?
Go on. Don’t make them die for nothing.
He took a second step, then a third, up the grey stairs. And then, he began to run.
“HOW long?” Vestakia asked in a small voice, watching Kellen walk away from them.
“As long as it takes to climb the tower and set the keystone into position,” Jermayan answered shortly. He took a step forward, leaning heavily on his sword as he peered after Kellen. His wound—or the hell-spawned magic of this place—must be affecting his vision. The boy seemed somehow insubstantial, as though he moved through mist. But no. The rocks around him were as sharp as ever to Jermayan’s sight. It was only Kellen who had taken on the aspect of unreality.
The Obsidian Mountain Trilogy Page 72