by Leigh Bale
Correction. He still loved her. He always would. And he had no room in his heart to love another woman. Not ever again.
Now, Abby sat with her battered suitcase resting beside her on the hardwood floor. Her shoulders sagged with weariness. Still wearing her black travel bonnet, she appeared tuckered out and in need of some time by herself. She reached up and slid an errant strand of flaxen hair back into her kapp, looking lost and all alone in the world.
A twinge of compassion pinched his heart.
“Koom. I will show you to your room.” Without waiting for her, Jakob scooped up her bag and headed toward the back stairs. She followed. He could hear the delicate tapping of her sensible black shoes behind him.
Upstairs, he pushed the door wide to offer Abby admittance. She stepped inside and looked around the tidy room. It included a simple double bed, a nightstand on each side with tall gas lamps, a chest of drawers, a wooden chair and an armoire. The oak furnishings were beautiful but plain. Jakob had crafted the wood himself as a wedding gift for his new bride. They complemented the lovely blue Dresden Plate quilt that covered the bed. The design included small gold hearts at the corner of each quilt block. A matching braided rag rug covered the bare wood floor. Susan had made the quilt, rug and plain curtains hanging across the window. She’d claimed that the hearts on the quilt were a whimsical reminder of their love. And though pride was not something Jakob should allow himself, he couldn’t help feeling just a bit of Hochmut for her skill in making them.
Abby turned, her gaze riveted to the far corner of the room where a rocking cradle sat awaiting a little occupant. She made a small sound of sympathy in the back of her throat, her eyes filled with sadness. He’d made the cradle for his new child. As he looked at the empty mattress, a wave of lonely helplessness crashed over him. All his hopes and dreams seemed to have died with Susan and their unborn child. He should have removed it by now but hadn’t been able to let go of the past. Packing the cradle off to the barn would seem like burying his wife and child all over again. So he’d left it here, a constant reminder of all he’d lost.
He looked away, trying to squelch the pain. Setting Abby’s suitcase on the floor with a dull thud, he walked to the armoire and reached inside. It took only a moment to gather up his clothes. He didn’t have much, just what he needed.
Abby watched him quietly, her delicate forehead crinkled in a frown. Her gaze lifted to a hook on the wall where his black felt hat rested. He scooped it up, feeling out of place in his own home. Having this woman see the room he had shared with his wife seemed much too personal.
Abby looked at him, her eyes creased with compassion, and he felt as though she could see deep inside his tattered heart.
“This is your room,” she said.
It was a statement, not a question.
“Ja, but it is yours to use now. I will join Dawdi in the dawdy haus. He turned ninety-three last month and is quite frail, but he still lives alone now that his wife is gone.”
The dawdy haus was a tiny building next to the main house with a bedroom, bathroom, small living area and kitchenette. It included a front porch with two rocking chairs, although Dawdi Zeke didn’t do much idle sitting even though he was so old. The cottage was the Amish version of an old folks’ home, except that they cared for their elderly grandparents instead of turning them over to strangers. Jakob had no doubt the man would be happy to let him live with him for the time being.
“I’m sorry to chase you out of your room,” Abby said.
He shrugged. “It’s no problem, although Dawdi Zeke does snore a bit.”
He showed a half smile, but she just stared at him, totally missing his attempt at humor.
“We will eat supper soon. Come down when you are ready.” With one last glance around the room, he closed the door.
Alone for a moment, he stood on the landing, his thoughts full of turmoil. He didn’t want Abby here, but the situation wasn’t her fault. She’d come to Colorado in good faith. No doubt she was hoping for a better life than what she’d had with her own familye. He knew how he would feel if Reuben were beating little Ruby with a stick, and he made a mental note to speak with his son right after supper. He’d feel like a failure if one of his children grew up to be cruel and abusive. He couldn’t marry Abby, but neither could he turn his back on her in her time of need. If nothing else, he could shelter her. The Lord would expect no less.
Turning, he descended the creaking stairs and entered the wide kitchen. Mamm stood in front of the gas stove, stirring a pot of bubbling soup. Strands of gray hair had escaped her kapp and hung around her flushed cheeks. She looked tired, but he knew she’d never complain. It wasn’t their way.
The fragrant aroma of freshly baked biscuits wafted through the air. Mamm paused, looking at his armful of clothes. Her gaze lifted to his face, as if assessing his mood.
“Jakob, I’m so sorry. Your vadder never should have interfered...”
He held up a hand. She hadn’t been privy to his father’s plans and it wasn’t her fault, but he didn’t want to discuss it any further. “Abby is welcome in our home until she wishes to leave, but I am not marrying her or any woman. Not ever. Now, I’m going to get Dawdi and the children so we can eat. I heard Abby’s stomach rumbling and believe she is hungry. We should feed her before I complete the evening chores.”
With that final word on the subject, he stepped out onto the back porch and walked past the yellow daffodils Susan had planted the first year they’d been married. He saw her presence everywhere on the farm. In the garden where she’d grown huge beefsteak tomatoes in spite of the short growing season, and in his children’s eyes. They both looked so much like their mother that he could never forget. Nor did he want to.
No, he definitely would never marry again. It was that simple.
Chapter Two
“What’s taking her so long?”
Abby heard the impatient words as she reached the bottom of the stairs. The voice sounded grouchy, like it came from a young boy. No doubt Reuben was hungry and she was keeping him waiting.
Smoothing one hand over her apron, she subconsciously patted her white kapp before entering the kitchen. A gas lamp hung from the high ceiling, filling the room with warm light. Through the window above the sink, Abby saw the dusky sky painted with fingers of pink and gold. The warmth from the woodstove embraced her chilled arms and hands along with the delicious aromas of food. She hadn’t eaten since the day before and her stomach grumbled as she took another step.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” She stood in the doorway, gazing at the occupants of the room.
Two children, a boy and girl with identical chins and eyes, stared back at her. The boy sat on Jakob’s left with the girl next to him. As Naomi turned from the woodstove with a plate of steaming biscuits, Jakob and an elderly man scooted back their chairs and rose from their places at the head of each end of the long table. Their respect was not lost on Abby, and she stared at them in surprise. No one had ever stood up for her in her father’s home.
“Here she is.” Naomi spoke in a lilting voice as she showed Abby a happy smile.
“Willkomm to our home.” The elderly man hobbled over and took Abby’s hands in his.
This must be Dawdi Zeke, Jakob’s grandfather. His long beard was white as snow, his face lined with deep creases. A pair of wire-rimmed spectacles sat on the bridge of his nose, his gray eyes sparkling with humor and the experience of a long life. As Abby looked at him, she found nothing to fear.
“Danke,” she said, conscious Jakob was watching her.
“Sit here.” Naomi pointed to a chair on Jakob’s right.
As Abby rounded the table, the two children stared at her...the girl with open curiosity, the boy with open hostility.
“But that’s Mamm’s seat,” the boy said.
Abby hesitated, her hand resting along the high back
of the wooden chair.
Jakob’s mouth tightened and he didn’t say a word, but his dark eyes mirrored his son’s disapproval.
“I can sit here.” Abby sat across from Ruby instead, not wanting to stir up any more animosity.
In spite of her effort to please him, Reuben gave a gigantic huff and rested his elbows on the table, his chin cradled in the palms of his hands. He eyed her as though she were a stinky dog that shouldn’t be allowed in the house.
“Sit up straight and mind your manners,” Naomi told him with slightly raised eyebrows.
The boy did as asked, but his glare stayed firmly in place. Abby tried not to squirm beneath his unfriendly gaze and decided that ill-mannered children should be ignored. She instead focused on Ruby and was rewarded for her effort. The girl grinned, showing a bottom tooth missing in front.
“You’re pretty,” Ruby said.
“Danke. So are you,” Abby said, feeling the heat of a blush suffuse her face. She wasn’t used to such praise, even from a child.
“You’re not our mamm. You never will be.” Reuben blurted the words angrily, then scooted back his chair and raced out of the room. The chair toppled to the floor with a loud clatter.
Abby flinched.
“Reuben!” Jakob called, but the boy kept going.
Abby blinked, not knowing what to say.
“I’ll go speak with him.” Jakob stood and walked around the table to set the fallen chair back up, then left the room.
Abby stared at her hands. It was obvious that Reuben didn’t like her. That he felt threatened by her. And if she were going to stay here, she must figure out a way to show him that she meant no harm.
“Where did Reuben and Daed go?” Ruby asked, her little chin quivering.
“Reuben isn’t feeling well. Your vadder will look after him, but he will be fine,” Dawdi said.
The girl accepted this without further complaint.
“It’ll be all right,” Naomi whispered and patted Abby’s shoulder, then set the biscuits in the middle of the table and took her seat.
Dawdi smiled at each person in turn, as though trying to bring a better mood back to the room.
“Let us pray and give thanks to the Lord for the bounty we enjoy each day.” He waited patiently for them to bow their heads.
His words warmed Abby’s heart. She couldn’t help comparing Zeke’s actions with those of her father and brother. Back home, if she didn’t hurry, she could find herself receiving a solid smack with the back of her brother’s hand. There was never any tolerance waiting for children or women in his home.
In unison, they closed their eyes. Silently in her mind, Abby recited the Lord’s Prayer from the New Testament. Then, she quickly thanked Gott for bringing her safely to Colorado and asked that He might comfort Reuben and help her make a successful life here. Everyone at the table released a quick exhale, and Ruby reached for the biscuits. Naomi hopped out of her chair and hurried to pour glasses of milk for them. The woman bustled around, seeing to everyone else’s needs. Abby stood up to help, but Naomi pushed her back into her seat.
“You’ve had a long enough day. Just sit and eat your meal.”
Feeling frazzled and exhausted, Abby sat down.
“How was your ride into town on the bus?” Dawdi asked as Naomi ladled thick soup into his bowl.
“It was long and tiring, but I saw some amazing scenery on my journey. Your mountains are so tall. I’m glad to be here,” Abby said truthfully.
“I’d like to ride on a bus someday, but we only travel by horse and buggy,” little Ruby said.
“Unless we need to travel a great distance, as Abby has done. Then we would take the bus,” Dawdi said.
“Then I want to go on a long trip one day. Then I can ride the bus,” she said.
Dawdi smiled. “I’m sure you will, one day.”
Jakob returned a short time later with Reuben in tow. The boy sniffled, his face and eyes red from crying. He paused beside Abby’s chair and stared at the toes of his bare feet.
“Go on. Do as you were told,” Jakob urged the boy.
Reuben heaved a tremulous sigh. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
Overcome by compassion for the motherless boy, Abby couldn’t resist reaching out and squeezing his arm. The moment she did so, she felt him tense beneath her fingertips, and she removed her hand. He might have apologized, but she could tell he wasn’t really sorry.
“It’s all right. No one could ever replace your good mudder,” she said.
He glanced at her face, as though surprised by her words. Then a glint of suspicion flashed in his eyes. He didn’t say anything as his lips pursed and he took his seat at the table. Keeping his gaze downcast, he ate his meal in silence. And then a thought occurred to Abby. Surely Jakob wouldn’t have beaten the boy into submission. She knew many Amish parents adhered to the spare the rod, spoil the child mantra. But not Jakob. Not the man she’d known and trusted all these years. He wouldn’t do such a thing. Would he? She hadn’t seen him in years and didn’t really know him anymore. Maybe he’d changed. And the thought that she might be the cause of Reuben suffering a spanking, or worse, made her feel sick inside. If so, he now had a viable reason to hate her. And if Jakob had struck the boy, she wouldn’t be able to like him either. Maybe it was a blessing they would not be marrying.
She nibbled a biscuit but had suddenly lost her appetite.
Jakob lifted a spoonful of soup to his mouth. He chewed for a moment, then swallowed. “I’ll start plowing the fields tomorrow, but I don’t want to plant the feed corn too soon. We could still get a killing frost.”
“I think we’re safe now.” Dawdi spoke between bites. “We can plant anytime. But tomorrow morning, you should go with the women to the bakery. They’ve got a lot of heavy items to carry and they’ll need your strength. I can stay here and finish staining that oak hutch for Jason Crawley.”
“But the day after tomorrow is the Sabbath. I won’t be able to plant then,” Jakob said.
Dawdi shrugged. “We can plant on Monday. That is soon enough. It’ll give us a couple of extra days since you’re worried about frost. It shouldn’t keep us from having a bountiful harvest.”
Jakob nodded, accepting his grandfather’s advice without protest. Dawdi Zeke might be old, but he knew what he was talking about.
Jakob glanced briefly at Abby, and her senses went on high alert. She felt as though he could see deep inside her, but she couldn’t understand why he made her so jittery. Perhaps it was because she doubted him now, just as she doubted all men. Was it possible the compassionate boy she had known had grown up to be abusive like her brother?
“Ja, you are right. I should drive Mamm into town,” Jakob said. “She is low on flour, and I don’t want her to lift the heavy bags. We will drop off her breads and pies at the bakery, then go to the store and purchase the other supplies she needs.”
“Ach, I can lift those bags just fine,” Naomi said.
“I can help. I’m strong and can do the lifting, too,” Abby offered, wanting to earn her keep.
“Absolutely not. Naomi will be glad to have your help with the baking, but let Jakob lift the bags of flour,” Zeke said.
Abby nodded, returning the man’s warm smile. Back home, her brother expected her to do heavy work. In spite of the aches and pains in her muscles and joints, she’d learned not to ask him for help. Even with Reuben’s outburst, it felt so good to be sitting here, having a familye meal and a normal discussion. It was her first day in Riverton and she was beyond grateful to be here.
She tasted her savory chicken noodle soup, and her hunger took over. Even though she was nervous, she ate her fill, enjoying strawberry preserves spread across her warm biscuits. They consumed one of Naomi’s schnitz apple pies for dessert. And when the meal ended, the men scooted back their chairs.
“I will be out in the barn,” Jakob announced.
Abby realized his evening chores must have been interrupted because of her arrival, and she felt the heat of embarrassment stain her cheeks. Normally, the majority of farm chores were completed before sitting down to the evening meal.
“I’ll help you,” Abby said, wanting to do her part.
“No need. Tomorrow, you can work. Tonight, you should rest,” Jakob said.
Dawdi walked around the table and leaned down to kiss Naomi on the forehead. “Another delicious meal, my dear.”
Likewise, Jakob kissed his mother’s cheek. “Danke, Mamm.”
“Gern geschehen.” Naomi smiled with satisfaction. She squeezed Dawdi’s hand but looked at her son. “Don’t let him overdo or lift anything heavy out there.”
Jakob nodded obediently. “I won’t.”
Dawdi pursed his lips. “You can both stop mothering me. I’ve worked all my life and raised a familye. I’ll lift anything I want. I’m not a boppli.”
No, he definitely wasn’t a baby. He continued murmuring as he hobbled toward the door. Although his words sounded terse, his tone was light and pleasant. Abby knew they were just worried about the elderly man, but she wasn’t used to this kind of loving banter and couldn’t be sure.
“I would never question your skills, Dawdi. You know more about farming than anyone in the state,” Jakob said, resting his arm across his grandfather’s feeble shoulders.
“I’m glad I’m still good for something,” Zeke replied with a laugh.