“It wasn’t like that.”
“Then tell me how it was Riley,” she yelled. “He’s ten for God’s sake.”
“Keep your voice down or the kids will hear.”
“They’re at my mum’s. No way did I want them overhearing this conversation. I thought you were better than threatening people Riley. That was something Alex would do.”
“Oh no, there’s no way I’m having that.” He sighed when he realised he couldn’t keep this from her any longer. “Sit down, there’s something you need to know.”
Bristling with fury, she sank back down onto the couch. He sat beside her and tried to take her hand but she snatched it away.
“I didn’t want to have to tell you this,” he began. “But Archie set a trap for you.”
“Set a trap?” she frowned.
“On Christmas Day. You remember when I was helping you out in the kitchen and I slipped in the pantry? You called me clumsy.”
She nodded.
“Well, Archie had smeared butter across the floor for you to fall on.” His heart ached at how devastated she looked.
“No, he wouldn’t.”
“He would and you know it. He’s jealous of this baby,” he said, pressing his hand to her stomach.
She sighed and raked her hands through her hair. “I was afraid something like this would happen, I’ve seen the way he looks at my stomach. But he’s just so convincing, turning on the tears.”
“He turns them on easy enough but he doesn’t feel them. It’s just an act.”
She took his hand. “I’m so sorry, I should have known you wouldn’t do something like that for no reason.”
“It’s okay,” he said, pulling her close, so glad she wasn’t angry at him anymore. “But we have to face the fact that you could be in real danger.”
“From my own son,” she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. “It’s so horrible.”
“Maybe he should stay with your parents, until the baby’s born? You’re so vulnerable right now and the last thing you need is to be constantly on the lookout.”
She nodded. “That’s a good idea, he’s always so well behaved for them and it would be a relief not to have to worry about him for a bit. But what about after the baby’s born? What if he tries to hurt her?”
“It might not come to that. Hopefully sending him to his gran’s will knock some sense into him.”
“If he’s anything like Alex, which I’m afraid he is, normal human emotions won’t come into the equation,” she said sadly.
Mikey didn’t want to leave the care home because he felt that at any moment Jules could wake up properly and he was so desperate to be there when she did but Amber was pressuring him to leave with her. The nanny was due to clock off in an hour and they had to get home. He knew he couldn’t press the issue without causing a huge row in front of the whole family, which he knew Amber wasn’t afraid of doing. But he couldn’t take the embarrassment so he acquiesced and left with her.
Rachel noticed that Jackson, rather than looking hopeful about Jules’s recovery seemed almost apprehensive. Instead of getting angry about it she was trying her best to be understanding because she could only imagine the hell he’d been through recently. Ryan had noticed his behaviour too because he kept throwing annoyed glances Jackson’s way, which he didn’t notice, which ironically annoyed Ryan even more.
Wanting to get her husband away for a bit, she said, “why don’t we go and check back into the hotel?”
“I don’t want to leave her,” said Ryan. Jez and Cathy had already left, the former to take care of some business and the latter to pick up their children but they’d both said they’d be back later. With them gone that only left Jackson and for some reason he didn’t want just him to be here when she did wake up, he didn’t feel he’d provide Jules with adequate support.
Rachel resisted the urge to huff. Her husband could be a stubborn bugger.
“I understand that babe but don’t forget about the kids, the boys are getting bored,” she said, indicating Ethan and Aaron playing together in the corner, hoping Ryan didn’t notice how absorbed they were by their computer games.
“I don’t want to leave her either,” said Leah.
“We don’t know how long this will take sweetheart. We can’t stay here indefinitely.”
“Why don’t you take the boys to the hotel and me and Dad will stay here?” offered Leah.
“Sounds like a good idea,” said Ryan, casting another glare at Jackson, who failed to notice because he was too busy staring at Jules with that same odd faraway look.
Rachel knew she wasn’t going to win this one, so instead she said, “fine, I’ll take the boys to the hotel. You two stay here but Ryan I’d like a word before I go. In private.”
“Okay,” he said, knowing he had no choice. His wife was as stubborn as he was.
He followed her outside into the hallway.
“If you’re staying I want you to go easy on Jackson,” she said.
“Have you seen the state of him?” said Ryan. “He looks like he doesn’t want Jules to wake up.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course he does but it’s been different for him. While we’ve been down south, paying the odd visit he’s had to watch her getting weaker, losing hope that she’ll ever wake up. What if he’s scared to believe that she will wake up in case she doesn’t? Coma’s are difficult things to predict.”
“The doctor said these things rarely go backwards.”
“No one can predict the future. He’s also probably struggling to work out how to break it to Jules that not only did their baby die but that she’ll never have children again and that the daughter she does have is terrified of her, because that burden will land on his shoulders. The same applies if there are any after-effects of the coma. So go easy on him.”
Ryan felt awful. “I didn’t think of it like that.”
“I didn’t think so. It’s fortunate I’m here.”
He pulled her to him. “I think that every day.”
“You old romantic you,” she smiled. “And keep an eye on Leah. She’s been really tense lately and this waiting is only going to put more pressure on her.”
“I will. We’ll meet you back at the hotel later.”
“And if Jules wakes in the meantime, please call me.”
“Of course.”
They returned to Jules’s room to find her once again moving about on the bed, Jackson and Leah standing over her.
“Aunty Jules?” said Leah, the hope in her voice making Rachel’s heart ache.
But she settled back down and went still again.
Jackson sank back into his seat with a sigh, dragging his hands through his hair. “Jesus, this is torture.”
Ryan felt even more of a shit. “I know,” he said, making an awkward attempt to pat his shoulder in what he hoped was a consoling gesture. “But it won’t be for much longer.”
Ryan’s kind words made Jackson feel even worse. They had no idea what he’d done and this family was not one to tolerate traitors. He was quite sure if Ryan found out his dirty little secret he would cut his head from his shoulders which, it was rumoured, was exactly what he’d done to Alex Maguire. He prayed Amber didn’t suddenly get an attack of guilt and blurt it out to Mikey. The only other person who knew was Benson and he could trust him to keep his mouth shut, as well as Cindy. Amber was the only danger he faced. Holy fuck, how the hell had he ended up in this mess? Still, he only had himself to blame. He couldn’t quite believe it himself that now he finally had Jules he’d cheated on her, after waiting for her for so long. What if she was disabled? That thought terrified him more than anything else. Health and fitness had been at the centre of his life for so long. He’d never been good at dealing with ill health, never mind disabilities. The prospect overwhelmed him and he was torn between pulling her into his arms and running screaming from the building.
As George was being grizzly Jez returned to the hospital alone, leaving Cathy at home
with the kids. He was disappointed Jules hadn’t fully come round yet. On top of that Jackson’s odd, detached behaviour was getting on his nerves. He kept sighing and throwing irritated glances towards Ryan, who urged him to keep calm but after an hour of biting his tongue he couldn’t hold back any longer.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” he demanded of Jackson.
“Me?” frowned Jackson.
“Yes you. Your wife’s finally waking up and you look like you don’t give a shit.”
“Oh I do, do I Jez? Well I’m very fucking sorry that I’m not acting how you want me to but you know what? I couldn’t care less. Right now I’m more concerned with what happens when she does wake, all the time it’s going to take her to get halfway well again. And just how the fuck do I tell her the surgeon took her insides out and that she can’t have any more kids?”
They all gasped when Jules’s eyes flew open.
“No more kids?” she breathed.
“Jules honey, it’s alright,” said Jackson, getting to his feet and leaning over her, stroking her hair. “We were just talking…”
“No. Not true,” she breathed, eyes filling with tears. “Tell me.”
“I…I can’t,” he said.
“No,” she groaned, thrashing about on the bed.
“I’ll get a doctor,” said Jez, rushing out of the room.
While Jackson stood by helplessly, tears shining in his eyes, it was Ryan who gripped onto Jules’s hands. “Jules, look at me,” he said firmly.
Her eyes focused on his, the pain in them breaking his heart.
“I know that was a shock for you to hear but your body’s been through a lot and you need to calm down.”
“Can’t,” she rasped, a tear sliding down her face, gripping onto his hands tighter.
“Well you need to because you have a little girl who needs you well again. Do it for her.”
She nodded and took a deep breath, resting easier in her bed. To all their astonishment, her eyes slid closed again.
“What’s she doing now?” whispered Jackson.
“She’s gone back under,” said Ryan. “We’re going to have to watch what we say.”
“What have I done?” rasped Jackson, appalled by himself. Without another word he rushed from the room.
Ryan didn’t have time to be concerned by him because the doctor hurried into the room with Jez.
“She just spoke to us,” said Ryan. “She actually engaged in a conversation.”
The doctor produced a small torch from her pocket and shone it in Jules’s eyes. Ryan couldn’t help but smile when Jules smacked it out of her hand and it went flying across the room, landing on the floor and rolling under the armchair in the corner. Jules released an annoyed grunt before turning on her side, away from the doctor.
“Well I think that’s all the proof I need that she’s aware of what’s going on,” said the doctor. “Thank you,” she added when Jez handed her the torch. “What were you talking about?”
“She overheard her husband talking about the hysterectomy,” said Ryan, lowering his voice. “Naturally she was distraught, then she lost consciousness again.”
“She’s continuing to come out of it. I’m afraid there’s really nothing I can do except monitor her condition. This is excellent progress, I’m just sorry she had to learn that news that way.”
“Believe me, so are we,” said Ryan. Rachel was going to kill them all for this.
Jackson had no idea where he was going, all he knew was that he had to get away from the care home before he exploded.
As he walked over to his car, frantically fumbling for the keys in his pocket, he was met by Amber.
“Where are you going?” she asked him.
“Away, I need to get away.”
“Why, has something happened to Jules?”
“Me. I fucked up big style. I’m so fucking useless.”
“No you’re not. Stop being so hard on yourself.”
“You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“If this is about Cindy…”
“It’s not. Jules overheard me saying she can’t have any more kids. She woke up…she was crying…it’s all my fault. I have to get away, I’m just making things worse for her.”
“You are not driving in that state,” she said, snatching the keys from him. “Come on, let’s take a walk. There’s a nice park around the corner. You can cool off.”
He nodded, thinking that might be a good idea. The way he was shaking he would be a danger on the road.
As they walked off together Amber ran her hand up and down Jackson’s back, who walked with his shoulders slumped, failing to notice Rachel climbing out of the taxi that had just pulled up at the kerb. She watched them both disappear into the park together with a frown.
“What’s going on?” demanded Rachel when she walked into Jules’s hospital room. “I just saw Jackson going into the park with Amber.”
“Amber?” frowned Jez. “Where did she come from?”
“You tell me and why did Jackson look so upset?”
“Well, that might be a little bit my fault,” said Jez.
Rachel’s eyes turned black. “Why?”
“I was getting annoyed by how detached he was from Jules. He wasn’t showing any real emotion and it was getting on my nerves. So I called him out about it.” He looked to Ryan for assistance as Rachel’s eyes turned blacker but Ryan refused to get involved, leaving him to his fate.
“Isn’t that man under enough pressure without you sticking your oar in?” she said.
“I tried telling him but he wouldn’t listen,” said Ryan.
“Obviously you didn’t try hard enough. So that’s why he’s upset, because you had a go at him?”
“You’re joking,” said Jez. “It would take more than that to upset him. He vented some steam, saying he was trying to work out how to deal with Jules’s recovery and how he was going to explain about the…hysterectomy,” he whispered this last word to her. “Unfortunately Jules overheard and woke up, she was upset and crying. Fortunately Ryan managed to calm her down. Then she lost consciousness again. Jackson blames himself for her finding out like that.”
“That poor man, isn’t he going through enough?” she said. “I ought to bash your heads together you pair of idiots.”
“Excuse me?” said Ryan. “I didn’t put my foot in it.”
“You said you’d look out for Jackson then you let your brother have a go at him and now look what’s happened.”
Her tirade was interrupted by Mikey walking in, to Jez and Ryan’s mutual relief.
“What’s happened?” he said, sensing the tension in the room.
“Thanks to their enormous gobs,” said Rachel, gesturing at her husband and brother-in-law. “Jules has already found out about the hysterectomy. She overheard Jackson talking about it when she woke up.”
“She woke up?” he said, delighted.
“Yes, at completely the wrong time and apparently she was devastated.”
“Oh Jesus,” he sighed. “Hold on, why have they got enormous gobs if it was Jackson who let it slip?”
“Because Jez wound Jackson up and he came out with it. He was worried about breaking the news to her. Well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore, does he boys?” she said, glaring at them both with pitch black eyes.
“So why has Ryan got an enormous gob?” said Mikey. “He didn’t actually say anything.”
“You’re right, he didn’t,” continued Rachel. “He’s not got an enormous gob.” She jabbed a finger at her husband. “Tiny gob.”
“Isn’t this getting a bit ridiculous?” said Ryan with a raised eyebrow. “We can play the blame game all day or we can decide how we’re going to manage this.”
“What’s to decide?” said Rachel. “Jules knows and she’s devastated and all we can do is be there to support her.”
“Where’s Amber?” said Mikey. “I dropped her off outside while I found a parking space.”
“Alright, I’m sorry I fucked up,” said Jez. “But something’s wrong with him.”
“Well duh,” said Rachel, gesturing at Jules.
“Not just that. I can’t put my finger on it but something’s not right.”
The gentle floating had gone. Now Jules felt like she was being tossed about on gigantic waves and she was helpless to save herself. There was pain, so much pain, surrounding her, trying to suck her down into the black depths and part of her was tempted to give up the fight and let the inky blackness swallow her up. She didn’t want to wake up again because she knew she’d have to deal with the source of that horrible pain. At least here she couldn’t quite remember what had caused it. But no, she had to wake up because she had to do something vitally important, if only she could remember what it was.
Then it hit her with the force of a tidal wave and she sat bolt upright, eyes flying open. It was dark and she was alone.
“Jared Slattery I’m going to fucking kill you,” she yelled, or at least she tried to, her voice still didn’t seem to be working very well.
A stream of memories hit her - something being slammed into her stomach, the blond woman staring right in her face, the woman’s hand on the hilt of the knife. Who was she? Tina? No, Tanya, that was it. But that woman was gone. She wasn’t sure how she knew, she just had the vague recollection of a voice she knew, a voice she loved deeply telling her he’d killed Tanya for what he’d done to her. Who was that voice? Jackson? No, someone else…
Jules pulled up her pyjama top, which was red with black Scottie dogs on. Fucking seriously? That hideous tube was still there, snaking into her stomach, her empty useless stomach that would never carry a child again, the baby that had been there gone.
“No,” she rasped, the tears starting to fall.
Jackson’s face danced in her mind, taunting her, teasing her with the joy in his eyes when she’d told him she was pregnant.
Horrible realisation struck, dashing Jackson’s face from her mind. There should have been a healing wound where she’d been stabbed but instead there was a scar and scars took time to heal. How long had she been unconscious?
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