Jules screwed her eyes shut and shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Please babe,” he said when she leapt up and started pacing the room. “I love you.”
“Go Jax.”
“We need to talk about this.”
“I need time to think this through. Please, leave me alone.”
She looked so fragile again and he hated himself for doing that to her. “Okay but I’ll be back soon to talk.” He wanted to ask whether or not she was going to tell her family but now was not the time, so he quietly left.
When he’d gone she buried her face in her hands and cried. Catherine walked in, certain she’d find her brimming over with excitement about finally leaving tomorrow. Consequently she was shocked to find her distraught.
“Jules, what’s wrong?” she said, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She hadn’t expected her to actually confide in her.
However Jules blurted out, “Jax cheated on me when I was in the coma and knocked up some tart.”
Catherine was stunned. “My God.”
“He just came and told me.”
“What are you going to do?”
She shrugged helplessly. “For the first time in my life, I don’t know.”
“Do you want me to call anyone?”
“Yes please. My brother.” She hesitated before adding, “and Mikey.”
“Will do,” she said, wondering what sort of horrible fate they were going to inflict upon Jackson for this.
CHAPTER 25
“I knew there was something funny about that bastard,” seethed Jez when Jules had finished explaining.
“What do you mean?” she said.
“When you started coming round from the coma he was all squirrelly. Rachel told us all to go easy on him, that he’d endured a trauma too but I thought there was more to it. I never thought it was this though.”
“The cheating bastard,” said Mikey, trying not to think about the times he’d got hot and heavy with Jules but that had been before she’d married Jackson. She’d always stayed faithful to him and look what her loyalty had got her.
“Come on Mikey,” said Jez. “Let’s go and do the bastard over.”
“Stop,” said Jules, getting to her feet when they both made for the door. “You’re not to lay a finger on him.”
“Are you kidding?” said Jez. “After what he’s done?”
“No, I’m not kidding. I don’t know whether I wouldn’t have done the same had our positions been reversed.”
“You wouldn’t have knocked up some cheap tart,” said Jez.
“No, of course not but I can’t say I wouldn’t have cheated and for that reason I’m going easy on him, as well as the fact that he’s been bringing Cara up single-handed and that right now he’s the only parent she’s got.”
“She’s got you too.”
“Not in her mind she doesn’t. The only parent she has is Jax so you will leave him alone, both of you. Do you understand?”
“You can’t expect us to take this lying down?” said Jez.
“I don’t expect you to take anything, he’s married to me not you. I’m the one who’s been cheated on, I’m the one who can’t give him the baby he wants,” she said, voice cracking.
“So that’s what this is about,” said Jez. “You think you can give Jackson the best of both worlds - he gets the baby he’s always wanted and he also gets to stay married to you. Well that’s not going to work.”
“Why not?” she exclaimed. “Why can’t I keep my family?”
“Because seeing him with another woman’s kid will drive you crazy. Could you stand it when he goes with her to scans and antenatal classes?”
Jules thought back to how excited Jackson had been when he’d accompanied her to those things and the baby hadn’t even been his. She felt sick. “I can do it.”
“You shouldn’t have to put yourself through that, not after all the shit you’ve just gone through. You’re still recovering Jules and you don’t need this stress.”
“You’re being pretty quiet,” she said to Mikey. “What’s your take on this?”
“Sure you want to hear it?”
She nodded.
“I agree with Jez.”
“You don’t get it, either of you. Don’t you see, if I don’t have Jax I don’t have Cara either. He’s her dad and I’m the scary lady from the hospital. I chuck Jax I chuck her too and I’m not going to do that.”
Jez glanced at Mikey, both looking equally contrite.
“We didn’t think of that,” said Mikey.
“I know you didn’t but believe me, it’s all I’m thinking about. Jesus, this morning I thought I was going home to my husband and daughter and that somehow we’d pick up where we left off but everything has changed and now I’m almost dreading it. That place isn’t home, I’ve only been there twice. The home I remember is gone, my daughter hates me and my husband is having a baby with another woman. What a fuck up.”
“You don’t have to go there,” said Jez. “We’ve got plenty of room, you can stay with us.”
“I appreciate that but I’ll only be delaying the inevitable. I have to go and see if I can make it work.”
“I’m worried this will be too much.”
“I can handle it.”
“Jackson needs a good kicking.”
“Yes but he’s not going to get one. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” sighed Jez.
She looked to Mikey. “And do you?”
He nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is. Now we’ve got that sorted would you both mind buggering off? I need to be on my own to think.”
“You shouldn’t be on your own right now,” said Jez. “You’ve had a shock.”
“I want to be on my own. Please boys, I’ll be okay. Honest.”
“Come on, let’s leave her to it,” said Mikey, steering Jez towards the door. Jules smiled at him, grateful.
“If you need me just call,” said Jez as he was ushered out of the room.
“I will.”
When they’d gone she sank onto the bed and lifted her hoodie to touch the scar on her stomach, the one that had destroyed all her dreams. Sudden anger overtook her and she shot to her feet and slammed her fist into the wall, putting a dent in it, the pain in her hand focussing her thoughts, taking her past the rage against Jackson and the bitch he’d cheated on her with, the feminine, fertile bitch and straight to the person who actually deserved to be a target for her fury. Jared fucking Slattery.
“I’m coming for you, you bastard,” she whispered.
Jules waited for Jackson to pick her up the next morning, bags all packed, what should have been a joyful day one of dread.
Catherine waited with her, heartbroken to see her patient who had fought so hard to come back from the brink looking sad and defeated. Jules had thanked her and the staff for all they’d done by lavishing them with gifts of flowers, chocolates and jewellery. She’d also handed over a big fat cheque as a donation to the upkeep of the hospital, which had been very gratefully received by Sister.
“I wish I could stay here longer,” said Jules.
“No you don’t,” replied Catherine. “You’ve got a life to live. Here is for those stuck in that in-between place and that isn’t you.”
“Yes it is. A mother with no child, a wife with no husband and that house isn’t a home to me.”
“Sometimes anticipation is the worst thing. It might not be as bad as you think.” Catherine knew her words were hollow and empty but she wanted Jules to leave the home happy and full of optimism for the future. Not like this. It was just so wrong.
Jackson arrived, looking hangdog, anxiously fiddling with his car keys. “Ready to go babe?”
Catherine looked to Jules when she failed to reply. Eventually she sighed and said, “suppose.”
Jackson flashed a relieved smile. He’d been so afraid she’d change her mind. “I’ll get your bags.” He looked to Catherine. “Thanks
for everything you’ve done for her.”
She just nodded back. Although it was none of her business she was furious with him for destroying Jules when she’d just finished putting herself back together.
Jules hugged her. “Thank you so much,” she whispered.
As she hugged her back, Catherine was shocked to realise Jules was shaking. “You’ll be fine,” she whispered in her ear. “Just tap into that amazing strength.”
Jules swallowed down her tears and relinquished her, not wanting to go. Taking a deep breath, she turned from Catherine and faced Jackson. “Let’s go.”
As she walked to the door, Jules hesitated, taking one last look at this room that had been her home for five months and at the woman who’d helped get her through a nightmare. Then she forced herself to leave.
Jackson babbled on about everything he had planned for them to do together to help them reconnect while Jules listened in silence, overwhelmed with sadness but trying to keep it in. She didn’t want to scare Cara away any more than she already had.
As they turned down the quiet tree-lined street where her new home was her stomach fluttered with nerves. How was Cara going to react to her? How was she going to get on sharing a bed with her husband? How was she going to adjust to normal life after being out of it for so long? The prospect was almost overwhelming.
She climbed out of the car and regarded the front door with foreboding. Reluctantly she followed Jackson up the path. It was a lovely house - five bedrooms, pleasant gardens front and back, garage, a good family home but on the two visits she’d had here she hadn’t felt comfortable. The one night she’d spent here she’d been exhausted, so she’d fallen asleep immediately without thinking about it, still not up to sex, so Jackson had just held her. But now was different. Now she was fully healed and she would be expected to resume the role of wife and mother but she didn’t know if she could.
“Welcome home babe,” he smiled, opening the front door.
She followed him inside, Jackson placing her bags in the hallway. Stuart and Lisa stepped out of the lounge to greet them with Cara between them, as though they were preventing her from running away.
“Welcome home honey,” said Lisa, stepping forward to hug her.
“Thanks,” said Jules, hugging her back.
Stuart hugged her too, more awkwardly than his wife. Jules knelt before Cara and held out her arms. “Would you like a cuddle too sweetie?”
Cara appeared undecided and Jules held her breath, praying this was the start of her finally getting her daughter back, until Cara shook her head and stepped away.
Jules let her arms drop, afraid she was going to start crying. If she could only get her daughter back she thought she’d be able to cope with what Jackson had done. But that didn’t look like it was going to happen any time soon.
“Maybe later,” she said, getting to her feet, forcing down all the powerful emotions wanting to erupt. She knew this wasn’t healthy but right now there was no choice.
“Shall I make us all a cup of tea?” said Lisa, the smile she’d plastered to her face threatening to crack.
“Yeah, that would be great Mum,” said Jackson, his over-cheerfulness getting on Jules’s nerves. “Would you like a brew babe?”
She forced a smile. “Sounds good.”
“Great, I’ll get right on it,” said Lisa. “Want to help me honey?” she asked Cara.
Jules watched her daughter skip after her grandmother and disappear into the kitchen.
“She’ll come round,” said Stuart. “Things will get better now you’re home.”
Jules nodded and slouched into the lounge, slumping onto the couch, staring at her hands as she frantically picked at her fingernails.
“Your family said they’d come round tomorrow,” said Jackson, sitting beside her. “They wanted to give you time to get settled in first.”
Jules wished they were here right now. Their loud presence might have gone a long way to dispelling the awkward atmosphere. She found it hard to look him in the face and the sound of his voice annoyed her. She was so furious at him for what he’d done, despite her determination to be understanding and she knew one day she’d explode on him if she didn’t get it out. Maybe a trip to her therapist was in order?
“Here we go,” said Lisa, walking into the room with Cara, carrying a tray laden with cups and biscuits, a large teapot Jules didn’t recognise balancing in the centre. She set it down on the coffee table in the middle of the room. That was another thing about this place that irked her - nothing here was hers. The décor, furniture, even the clothes she wore had been picked by someone else. It all conspired to make her feel even more of a stranger.
“What’s up?” said Jackson when she shot to her feet.
“I need the bathroom,” she said before rushing out of the room, Cara leaping back out of her way.
“Let her be,” said Lisa when Jackson jumped up to go after her.
“But she’s upset.”
“Of course she’s upset,” frowned Lisa. “You expect her to be happy about coming here today after what you’ve done?”
Jackson sighed and dragged his hands through his hair. “If I could turn back the clock I would.” His parents had not been happy when he’d dropped the bombshell about Cindy being pregnant, which had shocked him. He’d expected them to be pleased about being grandparents again but they were very fond of Jules and regarded what he’d done as a betrayal, the fact that she’d been in a coma when he’d done it compounding his actions and they’d given him endless grief about it. “Please, not in front of Cara.”
“Jules feels like a stranger in her own life,” said Lisa. “You’ve got to make her feel like she’s still part of this family.”
“I’m doing my best.”
Lisa lowered her voice. “You might have to face the fact that you’ve lost her.”
Furiously he shook his head. “No. Never.”
“Your mum’s right,” said Stuart, who had a bit more sympathy for his son than his wife did. He glanced at Cara and lowered his voice. “Cheating was bad enough but to get that woman pregnant when Jules can’t…It might be more than she can forgive.”
“You’ve no idea how big Jules’s heart is.” He scowled at them before walking from the room and heading upstairs.
Jules desperately wanted to be left alone but there was a knock on the bathroom door.
“Babe, you alright?”
She took a deep breath before replying. “Fine.”
Actually she was far from fine. She was slumped on the bathroom floor with tears running down her face, fighting the urge to get the hell out of that house. But she ran from nothing and she wasn’t about to start now.
“Can I come in?”
“No. Please, I just want to be on my own.”
“I understand but don’t you want to go into the bedroom? You’ll be more comfortable there.”
Jules didn’t want to do that, she didn’t know if he’d shagged his fancy piece in there. “No. I’ll have a bath.”
“Okay babe. Whatever you want. If you need anything just shout.”
“I will.”
She was relieved to hear his footsteps retreating down the stairs. Jules hauled herself to her feet and set the bath running. Maybe she should have taken Jez up on his offer to stay at his house? At least there she would have felt comfortable and his kids weren’t afraid of her. Plus Cathy’s motherly fussing would have made her feel better. But it would only be delaying the inevitable. This was her home now. She just hoped that one day she’d feel like she belonged.
Leah had been set free. Her parents had finally said she wasn’t grounded anymore and she was out in the shopping centre with her friends. Plus Reid had vanished from the area. He’d been discharged from hospital after a two week stay and hadn’t been seen since. At first Leah had been happy going only from home to school, the routine broken up by trips to her grandparents or out somewhere at the weekends - always in the company of her parents - but that h
ad been fine with her. She’d been so afraid of reprisals from Reid’s friends, who wouldn’t have stood a chance against her mum and dad, so she’d felt safe being around them. However the last couple of weeks of being grounded had been torture, especially as Battler and Bruiser had confirmed Reid had moved away from the area and his friends were keeping their heads down. Sensing she was developing a severe case of cabin fever, they’d finally allowed her out. After three months, a trip to the shopping centre with her friends seemed the height of excitement and she was having a great time. On the bright side, being grounded had meant she was way ahead in her coursework for her exams.
She strolled through the shopping centre with Brittney and Sarah, her two best friends, laughing and joking, all of them clutching shopping bags.
All joviality fell away and Leah turned cold when she saw Reid up ahead. He was standing so still he could have been a statue, other shoppers forced to walk around him as he refused to move, glaring at her through his long black hair.
“What is it?” said Sarah when she came to a sudden halt.
“Look,” she said.
They both looked to where she pointed.
“Is that Reid?” said Brittney. “I thought he’d moved away?”
“So did I,” she said, scrambling for the phone in her pocket.
“Leah, what’s up?” said Sarah. “You’re shaking.”
Relief gripped her when her mum answered the phone. “Mum, can you pick me up?”
She was so pleased when her mum didn’t ask why, she just told her to stay where she was, in a public place and that she was on her way. She’d heard the fear in her voice and knew she needed her. God she loved her parents so much.
“What’s wrong?” said Brittney. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of that idiot?”
“Yes I am,” she said, eyes riveted to Reid, who gave her a knowing look before turning and walking away.
“He’s gone now,” said Sarah.
“Wait,” said Leah, grabbing her arm when she moved to walk away.
“I thought we were going to get something to eat? I’m starving.”
“We can’t.”
“Because of Reid?”
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