by Mary Yarde
There was a rustle in the undergrowth behind her, she turned and then walked backwards in fear, hiding behind the tree, trying not to make a sound. There was a scratching and a sniffing. Daringly she peeked around the tree. The red head of a fox poked out from behind a large gorse bush. It sniffed the air and stepped out, one foot poised in mid-air, ready to take flight at a moment’s notice. It turned its head and looked at Annis. Annis held her hand to her racing heart; for a moment she had feared it was a wolf.
The fox was not a handsome specimen. Its coat was riddled with mange and it had a desperate look in its eyes. Although foxes were considered vermin, Annis found herself feeling pity as she watched the slyest of all the thieves. A twig snapped and the fox turned its head in the direction of the sound, its ears pricked forward, its nose twitching, as it smelt the air. With a flash of red, it turned and fled, jumping over tree roots and small logs effortlessly. Annis envied the animal its knowledge of the forest. The fox knew where to hide when it was being hunted, whereas they did not.
She heard another twig snap and she turned to the direction of the sound and saw Alden making his way through the trees.
“Come on,” he urged, holding out his hand to her; in his other hand he carried a dead bird by its legs. “I have found us some shelter and something to eat.” He held up the bird. “I hope you like grouse,” he added.
Annis stared at the building in front of her. Its walls were made of wattle and daub, although they were in dire need of repair. Part of the thatch had collapsed inward, leaving a hole in the roof open to the elements.
Alden let go of her hand. “It’s better than nothing,” he stated when he saw her look. “And no one lives here.”
“I wonder why they gave it up?” She was talking really to herself and she did not expect Alden to reply, so was not concerned when he did not.
The inside was in a sorry state. At one time, it must have been a well-loved home, but there was little evidence of that now. There was a small pallet against one of the walls, but it was evident that nobody had slept in it for a very long time. Annis could just make out the scorched earth where the family must have lit their fire. She imagined that once this house would have known the sounds of a family. She looked up through the hole in the thatch.
“Is this safe?” she asked as Alden moved her sideways one-step and knelt on the floor. He had found some dry tinder in the house and set about making a fire.
“It is better than being outside,” he stated as he blew on the small spark he had made. “I fear the snow will hold us up; but that is probably a good thing because we could both do with some rest.” The fire lit, he slipped off his cloak and stood, placing the garment over Annis’s shoulders.
“You will freeze,” she protested, pulling the cloak tighter around her, welcoming the extra warmth.
“Do not concern yourself about me,” he answered, watching her as she sat down next to the fire, huddled in his cloak. There was something — what was the word he was looking for — provocative, sensual, about seeing her wearing his clothes. It made him feel like she belonged to him. He feared he was not going to be able to give her up. He sat down next to her and noticed her feet. Her shoes were about as adequate as his, and he bade her to take them off. Her feet were bright red and cold. He took them in his hands and massaged them back to life. She cried out in pain as the feeling was slowly restored. He went on massaging them long after he needed to, liking the small sounds of contentment that she could not help but emit, every so often.
“What I would do for a hot bath,” she moaned, her eyes closed, enjoying the intimate sensation of Alden touching her feet.
“What I would do for an army and your father’s blood on my sword,” he answered and she looked at him. He cursed under his breath at voicing such a thought, and then he sighed heavily as exhaustion and frustration finally took its toll on him. He placed her feet back on to the cold floor, for he had killed the moment. “I’ll just go and pluck the bird. Try and keep the fire going. I think I have found enough logs. I won’t be long.”
“Do you want your cloak?” Annis asked, reaching for the brooch, slightly shaken by the strength of his admission.
Alden shook his head and backed away. “Keep it. When I get to wear it again it will smell of you and I think I can brave the cold if that is my reward.”
He did not wait for her answer, but stepped outside still cursing himself for voicing his innermost thoughts and wondering why he had. The wind was picking up and the air was frigid. They were in for a one hell of a storm. Thank God he had found them shelter. He made no nonsense about gutting and plucking the bird, for it was too cold to stay outside for long. He just hoped the bastards that were following them would die from exposure. At least they would be as trapped by this storm as he and Annis were. He looked out into the darkness. Wessex’s men were too close for his own peace of mind. Damn them. He kept the knowledge to himself, though. Annis was frightened enough as it was; he did not want to add to her fears.
The house had warmed up a little, thanks to the fire. He made a spit and placed the bird above the flames. Annis went to help him, but he gently slapped her hand away.
“I want to be able to digest my food tonight,” he mocked softly.
Annis giggled, sat back, and watched him as he turned the spit.
It was a poor meal, Alden thought as he broke off the meat and handed some to Annis. They would need something more filling than a small bird if they were to survive. He wondered if they dared try and find a village to stock up on supplies, not that they had any coins to buy anything with. It was a bad idea, really, for nobody liked beggars, and they would probably be hounded out of the village by pitchforks. Still, he had to think of something. He frowned as he chewed. Kent was an option. It was close and he was on good terms with the king. They would be safe in Kent and it wasn’t that far away. Yes, Kent. He had wanted to reach Cerniw, but Kent was a better option, especially if Cerdic’s men were raping the place, as Bors had suggested.
“We are heading for Kent,” Alden announced, his mind made up. It was a logical plan.
Annis lowered the meat she was about to put in her mouth and looked at him.
Alden popped some more meat into his mouth and chewed slowly.
“Kent?” Annis asked. To her, Kent was as far away as the moon. She had never stepped foot out of the lands that surrounded her father’s castle.
“I need to know what is going on. King Oeric has always been an ally and he has a good fleet of boats.”
“But you could be caught. My father will have placed men at the border. Surely he will guess you will head that way,” Annis argued.
“I was caught last time because I surrendered. I can promise you, I will not be caught again. And as for your father, he knows as well as I that there are several places I could go. I do not doubt that Kent has crossed his mind. But this time, I am looking for him, so the way I see it, I have the advantage.” He frowned. “Eat,” he ordered, popping some more of the meat into his mouth. “I will not have it said that I starved you.”
She brought the meat halfway to her mouth again and stopped. “How long will it take to get to Kent?”
“A day, maybe less, depending on the weather.”
“And if the weather isn’t kind?”
Alden laughed. “Forever the pessimist,” he mocked gently. “If the weather isn’t kind then I am guessing it will take longer.”
Annis blushed. “I know that,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry for being...” Her words faded into nothing as she sat and stared at the flames.
“For being what?” Alden queried.
“Oh nothing, forget I said anything. It was a stupid question and…”
“And?” he encouraged, noting her change of tone and the way she would not look at him.
“And I know I am not very good company and I slow you down, and if it wasn’t for
me you would probably be in Kent by now.” He tried to interrupt, but she would not let him for she had too much to say. “I cannot cook to save my life. I have no idea how to look after myself. If anything happened to you, I would die within days. My father is a monster. My body feels like it has been trampled on by a herd of raging horses. I am dirty. I smell. And I hate my knees,” she huffed.
“Your knees?” Alden asked, bemused, for he had not expected such a torrent of words from her and being a mere man, he did not really understand her point.
“Never mind my knees. You are right. I am a pessimist. I learned very early on not to look forward to things, because then, I would not be disappointed if they did not happen. And I have had a great many disappointments. I hate my hair. I hate curls. I hate the fact that I am a Saxon. Sometimes I hate myself. And now I am rambling, and no doubt making a fool of myself. I am completely useless, am I not?”
“You lost me with the knee thing. Can you repeat the rest again?”
“It is not funny.”
“I am not laughing,” Alden said. Although he was, she could tell. “I would not dare laugh at a woman.”
“But you were. Forever the pessimist.” She tried to imitate his voice.
“That was a jest. I was trying to make you smile. Not start a bloody war.”
“Oh, that’s right; she’s a Saxon so she loves to fight —”
“Annis, I have never judged you because of your heritage. Not once. I have a few things I would like to say as well. No, listen, this is important,” he said when she turned her face away from him. Reluctantly she looked back. “You are quite possibly one of the most courageous people I have ever met, and I have met many a brave man. You risked your life to save mine. If you had not done what you did, I would be dead. And then you trusted me to keep you safe. Let’s speak plainly, your father wants me dead, I wish a similar fate for him. But you, the feelings I have for you are — I cannot even find the words to describe what you mean to me. I owe you everything. I care nothing for your heritage and I care nothing for your family. You are not like them. I apologise if my jesting upset you; it wasn’t my intention.” He sighed. “I think we are both really tired. When I am tired, my mind doesn’t always keep up with my mouth. I am sorry.”
“I overreacted,” Annis said quietly.
“Maybe. Although I am quite interested in this knee problem you have.”
Annis felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips. “I have big knees,” she stated, blushing.
“Your dress comes down to your ankles. How do you know if you have big knees or not? Do you women all get together and compare?”
“Hardly,” Annis stated. “I just know. You have to understand, Edmee was everything I wasn’t. She was beautiful and confident and she lit up a room when she entered it. It was hard growing up in her shadow, but I got used to living in the dark, until…” She broke off.
“You are beautiful,” he said.
“No I am not.”
“You are to me.” Alden said, a smile lifting the corners of his lips.
“How can you say that? You were married to Edmee, no one is as beautiful as she was.”
“She was also very self-centred and a pathological liar,” Alden stated.
She risked a glance at his face for she had not heard Alden speak that way before. He was angry, although not with her. “Yes, yes she was. Even when she was a child.”
“I know who my wife was,” Alden stated, his voice cold and hard. “It did not take me long to realise what kind of woman I had pledged my life to.”
“You called out for her when you had the fever,” Annis said.
“I dreamed of her, yes. I often dream of her, but not through choice. Annis, do not ask me to talk of her. I do not allow myself to think of her in the hours of wakefulness. What she did…” He stopped for he was too ashamed to go on. He should have done more for her, although what he could have done he still was not sure. Would it have changed the outcome? He would never know now.
“My mother said that you killed her.”
“And still you rescued me?” He did not deny it, but he did not admit it either.
“I still rescued you.”
“We need to stop this conversation; I have not the stomach for it.” He sighed deeply. “Maybe one day I will tell you the whole sordid tale, but not yet, not today. Let’s us just eat and sleep. That is all I want to do right now.”
“I am scared to sleep.”
“Because of your father’s men?”
She shrugged. “Yes, and I am scared of what I will dream about. Most of all, I think, I am scared that when I awake you will be gone and I will be on my own again.”
“I am not going to abandon you.”
“Of course not,” she said with doubt. “Forget I said anything; you would not understand anyway.”
“Then explain it to me so that I will.” Alden said.
“I don’t know if I can.” She stayed silent after that and they both finished eating.
“Do you know what it feels like to be completely alone?” she eventually said, staring at the flames as she spoke.
He did not answer her, but his eyes softened in understanding.
“I had my parents and the servants; there were always people in my life, but they were not in my life. Does that make any sense?” she looked at him, “there was no one there for me.”
“You can be in a crowd of people and still be alone. I felt like that after Garren —” He broke off and stared into the flames. “I could not believe he was gone. He was my brother and my best friend. Back in the summer of this year, his widow married again, on Budic’s orders, to a man three times her age. She wept through the entire service and I felt like I was betraying Garren by just standing watching her weep. Perhaps, for his sake, I should have married her myself. Edmee was dead, there was nothing stopping me. I battled with myself all through the service. I remained silent and I am not sure if I lost the war with myself or won.”
“Do you love her, your sister-in-law?” She heard the jealously in her own voice and hoped he had not.
Alden shook his head. “Yes, but not as a husband should. I love her like a sister. Besides, she was his and I will always think of her in that way. When news came that Garren was missing, presumed dead, I went to look for him. I sailed for several months looking for signs of a wreck. And there was nothing. He had vanished. When I finally admitted defeat and went back to Brittany, she was there on the beach waiting for me — No, not me, him, more likely him — I had no words for her. I couldn’t speak; I just walked straight past her as if she wasn’t even there. I left her collapsed on the sand, crying. And then on the day of her wedding, I left her again. She needed me and I walked away. And I live with that guilt, every day. I have failed many people in my time. I swear to you, I won’t fail you. For what it is worth, you have me, maybe not before in the past when you were alone, but now. I am not going to walk away from you. I don’t care if you are a pessimist. I really do not give a damn about your cooking abilities, and I love your hair and I am no expert on knees, but yours seem to work, which is always a good thing. But you are right,” his eyes were twinkling, “you could do with a bath.”
She gasped. “Did your mother never bestow any manners in you? I can’t believe you said that.”
“You brought it up,” Alden said, smiling.
“Well, I am not the only one who needs a bath. You smell pretty unpleasant too.”
“I was once a king. If I still were, I could have you imprisoned, or worse, for saying such a thing to me,” he said with a smile on his face and a teasing light in his eyes.
“I can’t believe you said I smelt,” she said again.
“I didn’t. You announced it. I just agreed.”
“So from that, I am guessing that you will not want to share our,” she turned and looked at the pallet,
“the — ” she screwed up her nose.
“Bed. You are looking for the word bed.”
“I know what it is meant to be, I’m just not sure you can class it as one. I am thinking there are going to be fleas and other such nastiness.”
“Undoubtedly so, I was thinking of sleeping here, by the fire. Do you want to join me?”
She could see the twinkle in his grey eyes and she tried not to warm to it. “I think I might,” she said without much enthusiasm. He knew that she really meant she would.
8
Annis slept like the dead. Alden reached across her and added another log to the fire. She mumbled a protest in her sleep, but she did not waken. He adjusted her in his arms, manipulating her body until her head rested on his shoulder, and closed his eyes. The best he had done was to doze, on and off, for he knew the danger they were in. He listened to the crackling of the fire and the sound of the wind as it blew a gale outside and through the hole in the roof. Even Cerdic’s hardened warriors would not venture far from camp on a day like this. He hoped not, anyway.
His stomach rumbled and he felt sick with hunger. His back hurt something terrible. He tried to concentrate on the pain. He tried to will it away, although this technique did not seem to be working. The pain in his back, however, was nothing compared to what his people were going through. He should think of them, instead of himself. He had no time for self-pity.
Annis stirred and he smiled to himself as he felt her small hand clutch his tunic. She was his woman, the missing part of his soul. He now understood why Amandine would go down to the beach every day and look out to sea, waiting for Garren’s return.
He had spent almost three sennights in her company, and that was enough to know he could happily grow old with her. She was funny, smart, brave. And she had seen him at his worst and she had not shied away from him; instead, she had helped him regain his strength. What more could he ask for? Then doubts began to cloud his mind. What if he did marry her? What then? If he recaptured Cerniw, would his people accept her as their Queen? It seemed too much to ask of them. He could imagine their reaction if he did. They would shun him. Maybe they would anyway. He had failed them. It was surprising, really, when he thought about it, that they had not sacrificed him themselves, for this last year, he had made the kingdom look like it was cursed. Perhaps the land was cursed. In the old days it was forever being invaded by the devils from Eire, who raided, burned, murdered and captured. At least the Irish had the common decency to leave again once they had got what they came for. They were not like the Saxons. No these bastards were here to stay. They did not want what its people had to offer. They just wanted the land.