Light-headed with relief, Sebastian bowed and withdrew to the bookroom. Prudently he took the tea with him. Had he not been so nervous, he might have studied the atlas indeed. As it was, he paced the room from window to window to desk and to door as he rehearsed in his mind what he wished to put before her. He found the fire very warm and opened a window a little, only to find himself chilled.
It was nearly half of an hour before Dinah joined him and he had finished the bohea long since. His light-headed sensation had not passed off, and had in fact deepened to dizziness, by the time she entered. When she closed the door behind her, all his fine periods flew from his head.
"Miss Driffield, Dinah, I wish you will do me the honour to become my wife," he blurted out.
Her face flamed, but then whitened as the exaggerated colour drained away. She turned as if to exit the room.
He put himself before the door with two strides.
"Would you keep me against my will, my lord?" she said. Her lovely eyes sparkled with temper and something else he could not identify.
"Dinah, I love you. And I have no greater wish than to make you my wife." He possessed himself of her slender hands and lifted them to his lips. He felt her shiver at his touch. He pressed on more confidently. "I have thought, from time to time, that you are not indifferent to me. Please give me hope. You must not believe I am like Matherton, or those idiot Ingrams. You are the perfect wife for me--my heart's desire." His hand dared to touch her hair, her cheek.
She took advantage of his loosened clasp to twist away, but she did not leave the room.
"I am happy as I am, my lord. This is my sphere. I belong with people of my own class. I have no desire to climb the social ladder. I have no need of a season in London, a great house in the country, or a title."
"I understand that, but I hoped you might have need of... me."
"Even if I did, the price is too high. I have no wish to leave my work, or my family."
"Your work may continue wherever we are. London needs your reforming touch, heaven knows it, and my estate workers would profit from your excellent guidance. And never would I ever divide you from your wonderful family. Rather I hoped you might share them with me, as I otherwise shall never know family life."
"Never is a long time, my lord. You will find a titled lady, one fitted to be your wife and oversee your properties."
"And my nursery?" he said. "Never." He paced quickly to her, and before she could react, swept her into his arms, securing her against his chest.
She flushed at his intimate words and before she could speak he claimed her lips.
She did not reject him. Rather she flamed under his touch, coming to a passionate response that had him groping for his own restraint. Her lips were sweeter than he remembered, and she fitted so well within his arms he did not think he could ever release her. But at last he put her away an arm's length, with shaking hands.
Immediately she wrapped her arms about her waist and turned from him.
"Will you marry me?" he said again, certain now of her love. Her response had been too genuine, too sincere to be doubted.
"No," she said. The word held a wealth of meaning and a heart-felt finality. "Mr. Humberstone is waiting for me. You will excuse me, my lord."
"Dinah!" he managed to say.
Before he could beg her to reconsider or plead for her to reexamine her decision, she opened the door, walked through, and very carefully closed it behind her.
* * * *
It rained the next day and Holly did not come to practice at cricket with Hamilton. He sent no word but no-one expressed surprise. The cold downpour was explanation enough, for all but Dinah.
She had slept only a little the previous night, remembering Sebastian's stricken face when she had refused his offer of marriage. From her rising, she had steeled herself for his appearance, for she expected that he would continue his importunities.
Her expectations did not last out the morning hours. He did not come. She had not thought that rain would keep him away. Upon further reflection, she knew that it was not the rain that kept him away, and she knew that she had been unrealistic. Sebastian would not return. His pride had been touched, his assurance slighted, his very rank maligned by her refusal. He would not ask again. His conceit would prevent it.
Her honesty rejected that thought. He had no conceit; had showed none in all the time she had known him. The image she had created might fit Mr. Matherton; it did not fit Sebastian. If he did not come, it was because he had believed her words, accepted her decision. She might have revealed her love with her kisses, but she had stated her intentions unmistakably.
The rain abated the following day, but still Holly made no appearance. Dinah said nothing about his absence, and the rest of her family seemed unconcerned. If her mother noticed her lack of spirits and her shadowed eyes, she made no comment. But when Sebastian had not been seen for three days there was discussion at the evening meal.
"Holly has not been among us for some little time," Mr. Driffield said, speaking down the crowded table in the main to his wife, but gaining all the attention of his seven children to his words. "I had grown accustomed to his presence at our table."
"If we notice his absence my dear, I'll be bound he notices the absence of this family more," Mrs. Driffield replied. "If ever there was a young man more longing for kindred, I've not seen it. And I think he did not even know it, until he came among us."
Dinah recalled, with a sharp pang of regret, Sebastian's hope that she would share her family with him, She firmly reminded herself that she could scarcely marry the man for that reason. Ah, but you could marry him for love, her traitorous heart whispered. She squashed the thought even as it brought heat to her cheeks.
"Dinah, you must have heard from Lord Holly?" Harriet said.
"Indeed, he has been dogging your footsteps for weeks," Joseph growled. "Can we never hear the end of him?"
"I know nothing of his whereabouts. Perhaps he is gone to London with Matherton." She fancied that her tone captured just the right amount of carelessness.
As she hoped, this stratagem distracted her siblings' attentions, and the likelihood of Holly's decamping with Matherton, without farewell or explanation was thoroughly discussed for the remainder of the meal.
There was no decision taken on Holly's whereabouts that evening, nor was anything further heard from him for another two days. Hamilton was disconsolate, and Geoffrey abstracted.
Mrs. Driffield joined Dinah in the morning room where she sat sewing one blustery October afternoon. The dullness had been turned by a strong east wind to a riotous mix of sun and cloud. "My dear, surely Lord Holly's abrupt departure is very odd? Are you certain you have no knowledge of his intentions?"
"I am scarcely his confidant, Mama," Dinah managed, with credible insouciance.
"Such flippancy does you no credit, my love. Did you not have private conversation with him that last afternoon he attended on us?"
Dinah regarded her mother with surprise.
"I am tolerably well-informed of everything that goes on in my household, Dinah," Mrs. Driffield said, with a sympathetic smile. She laid down her sewing neatly on her worktable. "Tell me?"
"Oh, mama, he offered for me."
"I know that my dear. He very properly sought your father's permission before doing so. Papa and I think him a fine young man."
"I refused him...said no. I told him I would not join his silly, tonnish world. I could not bear the society of the beau monde, life in London, a life of idleness and waste."
Her mother did not comment upon her words. "So you sent him away?"
"No, upon my word, I did not. I refused him, but indeed..." Dinah knew she was blushing. "I...I rather expected that he would arrive the next day to press his suit."
"You would have had him dangle after you, like the veriest coxcomb?"
"No! Mama, you cannot think it of me. No, I did not wish that, but I thought it might happen so. I think he must have left
Leeds."
Harriet and Geoffrey burst in unceremoniously. They tumbled into speech without greetings.
"We saw Skelmer," Harriet managed to speak before her brother.
"He says that Lord Holly is very ill!" Geoffrey had allowed his sister the first news, but took the most important for himself.
Dinah rose, her sewing falling unheeded to the floor, and one slim hand flying to her throat.
"Ill? But when... How? I thought he had left Leeds."
Mrs. Driffield called her youngest children to order, and bade Dinah to be seated.
Harriet sat beside Dinah on the sopha. She chattered while she removed her bonnet. "We were walking down Commercial Street to the lending library, and there was Skelmer, pegging along as fast as he could. Said his master was in a dreadful way with the feverish cold."
Geoffrey took up the tale. "He had been to buy lemons. The inn will not make lemonade except he purchases the lemons himself. Wink was sitting with his lordship, Skelmer being afraid to leave him alone."
"Mama, I must go to the King's Arms." Dinah leapt to her feet once more, her face as white as the linen she stitched, and her hands shaking.
"Calm yourself, my dear. Lord Holly has faithful servants. They will take every care of him."
"But, Mama, servants cannot care for one as family will. He is alone and unwell." Dinah could not keep the tears from her eyes.
If Mrs. Driffield experienced some satisfaction at her daughter's words, she concealed it with her brisk response. "He has been alone all his life, my love. Did you know that he was in the main raised by servants? It is the reason, I think, for his lack of haughtiness. His only uncle had no care at all for him. He must be accustomed to his lack of family by now."
"He may be dying," Geoffrey said with relish.
Dinah could not prevent a moan from escaping her lips. "I shall go to the King's Arms."
"That would be most improper, my love. A young lady to visit a gentleman in his temporary lodgings? The news would be all over town; you would be sadly compromised and your chances quite ruined. No, we shall leave Lord Holly to the ministrations of his valet."
"And Wink," said Geoffrey, "He's a very good sort of fellow, if a little rough."
Dinah wrung her hands. "We could have him brought here. Care for him here."
"Dinah! Think what you say, my dear. We are no relation to his lordship, we have no right to interfere in his problems," her mother said. "I suggest you go and lay down upon your bed."
When John and Mr. Driffield arrived home from the manufactory to dine, they were promptly regaled with the news. Mr. Driffield surveyed his children about the table, and noted Dinah's pallor and distracted air. With a lifted eyebrow he intercepted his wife's meaningful look.
"This is sad news." He seated himself and appeared to be deep in thought. "Poor young man. Perhaps... I wonder...if John was willing, he might visit Holly to see if there is aught he needs. He is after all to be our business partner. He has taken a third share in the Bradford mill. Our concern is justified, though we have no other connection."
"John, will you go?" Dinah looked beseechingly at her brother, unaware of the significant glances passing among the family members. "Will you go immediately?"
John took pity on her. "I'd like to finish my dinner, Dinah. Then I will certainly step around to the King's Arms, and see how he goes on."
With that Dinah had to be content.
John was as good as his word, and upon finishing his repast he excused himself and departed. He was returned within the hour. The family was assembled in the drawing room. Harriet was reading, and Geoffrey and Hamilton were occupied at backgammon; Joseph had gone out. Adelaide and her mother were again sewing, and Mr. Driffield appeared somnolent in his big chair by the fire. Dinah sat bolt upright on a stool nearby the door, her gaze fixed unwaveringly upon it.
John dispensed his news promptly without circumlocution. "Holly is ill with the feverish cold. I spoke with him, and asked if there was aught he needed. There is nothing apparently, but he thanked us for the kind thought. Skelmer believes him to be over the worst, and says he will mend quickly."
Dinah drew her brother aside as the family broke into discussion of the news. "Is he comfortable, John?"
"As comfortable as chap may be, sick, in an inn, and with only servants to care for him." John had unconsciously repeated his mother's words of earlier in the day. "I expect he's used to it; he's no family at all, you know."
The words caused Dinah to experience the pain of profound remorse. If she had said yes to Sebastian's proposal, she would have every right to see to his comfort. She could insist that he be brought to Park Square. He would have family to care for him, and see to all his needs.
"How does he look?"
"Dashed if I know. How does a fellow look when he's sick as a horse, and can hardly speak?"
"John!" Dinah's voice was an anguished squeak.
"He's two days of stubble, he's hollow-eyed and pale. But that valet's had Dr. Hesler in, and there's no danger, Dinah. Good God, one would think you did care about the chap."
Dinah choked back a sob and fled to her bedchamber.
* * * *
Within the week Holly left Leeds. Mrs. Driffield learned of his departure from a letter of thanks sent to her by him. John received a note canceling, with regrets, a meeting that had been arranged. On Friday, Joseph confirmed that he had seen a post-chaise leave the King's Arms followed by the viscount's curricle. That carriage was driven by Wink, with Merry and Challenger tied on behind.
Dinah and Adelaide, gathered in the morning room with the children, were dismayed by the information. It was raining without, and the gloom of the day was matched by the despondency within.
"Oh, life shall be so flat without him," Harriet mourned. "He taught me to read the newspapers with discrimination and could point out when their views were biased and their positions flawed. And he did not say that because I was a girl I could not understand."
"I shall ask Papa if I may have a horse, for I shall miss exercising Merry and Challenger. Surely I am old enough to stable my own mount with Joseph's and John's," said Geoffrey, who had abandoned his dandy tendencies and wore severely handsome riding dress.
Hamilton possessed a trembling lip. "None of you care about cricket. You may discuss news with anyone, and get another horse, but who shall I have that loves cricket?"
Dinah extended her hand to her smallest brother, and he came to her side where she sat on a comfortably shabby sopha and buried his face in the skirt of her green kerseymere gown. She patted his shaking shoulders absently, for she was herself devastated by the news.
She had been very certain, when she had rejected Sebastian's suit, that she was being true to herself; that marriage to him was not what she wished for her future. She was convinced that his rank was anathema to her, his fortune inconsequential and his position in society unpalatable. His illness had forced her to recognize that her love for Sebastian--the man behind the rank, fortune and position--could not so easily be set aside by logic and reason. She had now to face his absence, possibly forever, from her life. And she had to accept that she was the cause of her siblings' distress, for she had sent Sebastian away. A chilling, grievous depression settled upon her as she faced all her prospective tomorrows without him.
Holly's departure coincided with the announcement of John and Juliana's betrothal. Both joyful families, and the Jamiesons, were present at a dinner party held in Park Square a few days after Sebastian had quitted Leeds. The gentlemen had remained in the dining room to enjoy a glass of port, and the ladies had retired to the blazing fire of the upper chamber. The room was comfortably elegant; the mulberry damask curtains were closed upon an already dark night, and the candles and lamps all were lit adding to the bright warmth.
In the drawing room following the meal, Dinah led the way to a damask upholstered sopha in a corner of the large room for a cose with her friend. Juliana had been restored to herself since Matherton'
s departure. John had pressed his suit in the face of her disappointment, and she had realized the strength of her attachment to him. She seemed content and more than that, happy.
"I understand Lord Holly has left Leeds," Juliana said.
"So I am informed." Dinah spoke with nothing of her usual animation. She, who had always enjoyed life to the full, had found it burdensome in the extreme over the past days.
"He said no goodbyes to you?"
"None, and I could not expect it," Dinah said. "He was ill and I was unkind. He was feverish the last time I saw him and I did not realize it. What kind of friend was I?"
"A careless one, perhaps, but we need no longer concern ourselves with him," Juliana said, as if unaware how that thought could only depress Dinah further. "Mr. Humberstone will greet the news of Lord Holly's departure with satisfaction." She was obviously anxious to cheer her melancholy friend.
Dinah could scarcely believe that her lifelong confidant could be so unaware of her true feelings. She must have been a better actress than she knew if Juliana had no inkling of her affinity to Holly. She struggled to understand Juliana's comment about Bernard Humberstone and her confusion was displayed in her wan face.
Juliana mistook her bewilderment. "Dinah, Bernard Humberstone has been dangling after you these two years. You cannot be unconscious of it. He would be a kind husband, I think. And Mrs. Humberstone a doting mama-in-law."
Dinah shuddered perceptibly. "I think not, Juliana, not to me leastways. I shall not marry. You think Bernard...?"
"I know Mr. Humberstone harbours expectations. And you shall wish to wed someday. Your understanding may be superior to his, but you would gain a husband who will always wish to please you. That must be a good thing."
"I have never encouraged his advances."
"Well, he is always seen to be dancing attendance upon you. You must be aware of it."
"Yes, yes of course. But he must know that I have no interest in him. I am polite, I am kind. That is all." Was it true that despite all she had done to discourage him, Bernard Humberstone still expected that she would accept his offer of marriage? She had never taken him seriously, even before Holly's arrival. He had seen Sebastian as a rival, his jealousy and antagonism had been palpable; he had made no secret of it. Now in all probability with Holly's departure, he considered that Dinah was his for the asking. But she never, ever would consider marriage to him.
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