There was only one way to keep Zach, but his reaction to the truth could also mean the end of their fledgling relationship. She hated the idea of losing him completely, but if she wanted to hang on to the man she loved, Kennedy had to find the inner strength to risk her heart.
“Things will get back to normal after the benefit.” Zach turned her to face him, his eyes dark and gleaming. “Then we’ll wrap up the renovation and reopen Sweetbriar Springs in April.”
Her breath hitched. “Did you find a general manager to take over operations after the benefit on New Year’s Eve?” she asked.
“I found one of the best managers in the country.” Zach guided her to the kitchen’s new, state of the art fridge and drew out sandwich fixings. “She’s arriving from New York to take over before the benefit.”
“Excellent. The fundraiser will give her a test ground to see how the changes we’ve incorporated provide for the elite and for the not so well-off.”
They had created a first floor wing with the same opulence as the rest of the lodge and its outbuildings, but had constructed wheelchair accessible hotel rooms that accommodated the most fragile of bodies. Even a body as fragile as a person in the final stages of ALS.
“Will she be easy to work with?” Kennedy asked.
“She’s tough, but fair. You’ll like her.”
“I’m sure I will.” But not nearly as much as she loved having Zach overseeing the day-to-day tasks. Not when their nights had transformed into passionate encounters she yearned to have for an eternity. “All of the outdoor equipment and facilities will be wheelchair and handicapped accessible. I’ll try to get back to check out the end result.”
She layered tomatoes and lettuce onto the bread. “I’m sure everyone will be thrilled to see you again.” Herself included, but she mentally inhaled that dusting of fool’s gold.
He added smoked turkey slices. “As will I.” He topped the sandwiches and grabbed a knife, then sliced through the homemade bread.
His hand trembled slightly as he picked up the resulting triangles and placed them onto paper plates. “Thanks,” Kennedy said, taking hers from his outstretched hand.
He bit into his dinner, chewed. “Wanna check out the ballroom? Make sure it’s up to code?”
They’d celebrated Christmas in the ballroom with the new staff and Kennedy’s family. Gifts had been exchanged, vast amounts of their new chef’s prime rib with all the fixings had been consumed, and for the first time in years, joy overpowered the sadness she’d carried for so long. But as they transformed the ballroom for Michael’s next speech, which would happen in three days, doubt shadowed her newfound happiness.
How could she face Michael after they disappointed him with their broken engagement when the stark truth was she’d fallen madly in love with Zach all over again? How could she hide her heart’s desire?
Zach respected her and treated her as an equal on the job site and off it. He took her breath away every time she looked at him. And he brought her to the heights of ecstasy night after night with such reverence that she couldn’t imagine any other man filling the role of her lover.
How could she be sure Zach wouldn’t revert back to the man who had crushed her spirit with his absence? And could he restrain his overzealous compulsion to engineer her future when he had never stopped to ask her what had scared her from trying to conceive again five years ago?
“You okay?” he asked.
An empty feeling settled low in her chest. “I’m not looking forward to telling my mom that the wedding is canceled,” Kennedy said. “She emailed me pictures from her wedding board on Pinterest this morning.”
The lovely photos of outdoor weddings with candles and fairy lights and greenery decorating the tables had created an intense longing in Kennedy’s heart for the fantasy to become a reality. In all honesty, she didn’t want Zach to return to New York, because planning a wedding, albeit a fake one, beat the alternative. Her email exchange with her mother spun round and round in her mind, weaving together the shattered pieces of her past and quilting a host of possibilities she had once thought unattainable.
But she was weaving a fantasy that would yield nothing until she faced the fear within her. She desperately didn’t want to disappoint the man she loved. And even more, she agonized about how their dreams had disintegrated in a matter of heart-wrenching moments during which no amount of deals made with heaven could stop the horror.
Zach grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped them open. “I’m glad we’re waiting until after the fundraiser to break the news to them. Remember, your dad did threaten to kill me if I hurt his little girl again.” He passed her the can and drank from his own.
She swigged back her brew, welcoming the chilled liquid’s first slide down her throat. “When will my dad realize I’m all grown up and can take care of myself?”
But then her father knew everything. He’d watched in agony as his only child had coped with the aftermath of her loss without Zach by her side. Work had pulled Zach away to Milan where he could hide from his grief while running his father’s company. Then she’d shouldered the unbearable loneliness of grieving their child while coping with the duel demons of guilt and anger.
Zach tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Dads don’t stop being dads when their little girls grow up,” he said gently.
A heaviness, strong as a steel beam, pressed against her sternum. Zach had lost his chance with her and she had no way to give him another one in the future. She chomped her sandwich. “I’m more than capable of handling my own life.” After all, she’d handled the incredible pain of knowing she’d risk losing subsequent pregnancies if she tried again. “I don’t need his protection.” Just Zach’s. That he hadn’t been there during her darkest hours still haunted her.
“You don’t always have to be the tough girl.” He kissed her forehead.
His lips, so soft and tender, sent a shiver of anticipation through her. Oh, how she wanted to keep him here. But she couldn’t unless she risked her heart completely. “You should know by now that nothing scares me.” Only the thought of losing Zach again, but until she looked in the mirror and no longer deplored herself for their greatest loss, she’d never have a future with the man she loved.
Until that happened, she couldn’t be honest with Zach about having a family. She didn’t want to force him to choose between having a life with her, childless and barren, or having a life with another woman who could one day give him the family he deserved.
…
A whirlwind of emotions swirled through Kennedy’s expressive green eyes. Zach read the uncertainty in them and heard the hint of sadness underscoring her defiant words. “I know this lie is strangling you. Hell, it’s wrapping a noose around my neck. But we’re in the clear after January first.”
She looked down, breaking their gaze. “Is that when you plan to leave?”
“Are you kidding?” He tucked his finger under her chin and tilted her face up. “No way you’re getting rid of me that quick.” His eyes gleamed dark with sensual promises.
Her legs wobbled. “You’ll have to go eventually.”
“True,” he said. “The corporation can’t run on air, but I’ll leave when I’m ready.” Which, from the way things were going between them, wouldn’t be soon. If he could just convince her to come with him, give New York a shot. Milan. Stretch out the time they had until they went their separate ways. “I happen to like our little arrangement.”
“That’s because you’re not the one pinning wedding gowns to Pinterest boards.” Kennedy crossed her arms. “Not to mention texting with your dad about who gets to give away the bride because your mom wants equal billing.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “It’s kind of cute how they argue about the smallest things, but they’re still crazy about each other.”
Though her answering gaze clouded, she smiled back. “Dad said he wanted a challenge and he sure got one when he married Mom.”
His throat closed. Z
ach would have had the same challenge with Kennedy if everything hadn’t been so insane after the miscarriage. “Like mother, like daughter.”
She flinched and her face drained of color. “We’re too alike.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Kennedy shifted her gaze to the left. “Just tired of leading my parents down shit lane toward crap on a stick.”
“Lying to your parents hasn’t been easy.” He folded her into his arms. “But I don’t regret the time we’ve had together. Do you?” He didn’t relish the thought of leaving. Not yet. Not when they had rebuilt the bonds of their friendship along with enjoying the physical combustion flaming between them.
And in the process of being with Kennedy, his world had careened strangely out of control. He’d allowed his heart to open to possibilities. Maybe now that they had matured, he could ask for more than this arrangement. They could get married in June, try to make new babies, become a family.
Kennedy would be such a wonderful mother. Not to mention she was already the perfect lover. She brought him to the highest edges of reason and soared over the abyss with him as if she’d been made just for him.
But he’d forged new alliances with his father after he’d left the resort and returned to New York. He couldn’t ask Kennedy to give up her entire Sweetbriar life and her company just to be with him. She’d already sacrificed too much. He shook his head and the whirls of unwelcome dreams out of his sex-addled mind.
Kennedy belonged in Sweetbriar. And Zach belonged at the helm of his family’s conglomerate. He’d wanted that familial acceptance. He’d fought to be named his father’s successor. And that stamp of approval had arrived a year ago. Walking away from his commitment meant risking more than a corporate job. He could lose the tenuous connection he’d forged with his father. But the closer January loomed, the more bittersweet his victory tasted.
“We—you, me—we needed this time together,” she said.
“And I plan to make the most of what remains.” He lowered his head and anchored his mouth to hers.
She twined her arms around his neck, parted her lips, and joined him in the intimate dance of two halves becoming whole. The soft sigh of her surrender was all he needed to bring him to his senses. This had to remain a friendship after the physical side-benefits ended, or he’d risk losing everything again.
He lifted her and carried her out of the kitchen toward their suite of rooms. All Zach wanted was Kennedy. The sigh of her welcoming him when he kissed her during the waning hours of the evening. The slide of her skin against his when he made love to her throughout the night. The scent of her perfume on his pillow when he woke up in the morning beside her.
He lowered her to the bed and covered her body with his. Over and over they kissed, their tongues tangling and fighting for greater possession. He slipped her shirt over her head and caressed the swell of her breasts.
She tugged his shirt free from his pants, then raked her fingers across his back. Her nipples tightened, and he unclasped her bra to release her cleavage. Heat flared. Passion stoked the flames higher. He wanted her with an intensity that he had suppressed even until this moment.
Without words, they undressed each other all the way down to their boots. He wrenched his mouth from hers. “God. Only you could make construction boots look sexy.”
She laughed. “And only you could think that.”
He broke their connection to stand long enough to unlace her boots and jerk them off. His followed in a beat, and when he returned to her, he cupped her sex, stroking until he slid a finger into her liquid heat.
“Zach,” she cried.
“You’re beautiful.” Her vaginal muscles clenched around him and he stroked his finger inside. “I love how you respond to my touch.”
She arched her back, and he gained greater entrance as he took one of her engorged nipples into his mouth. He wanted to delay the moment until he entered her, stretch out her pleasure, but everything in him only wanted one thing.
Kennedy.
Her body melded to his. Quickly, he withdrew his hand and reached for the drawer beside the bed. She gazed at him, her eyes dark with desire and her breasts rising as he sheathed his length.
He knelt between her legs, parting her slick folds and sliding his thumb pad over her bundle of nerves. “I want you now.”
She trembled, her breathing increased, and she pulled him closer. “Make love to me,” she said, raising her hips. “I need to feel you inside me.”
He pushed the tip of his erection into her, felt her slickness increase, then drove inside until he joined her completely. “You’re mine,” he rasped before taking her mouth.
Moving slowly, he stroked in and out of her, wanting to stay connected. Wanting never to break the intoxicating physical contact of his skin against hers and his body becoming one with hers. Here, in Kennedy’s arms, he had what he’d always needed. A union born of shared knowing, understanding, loving.
And when he crested over the abyss into free fall, his unguarded heart followed.
Chapter Fifteen
The following morning, after an earthshattering night of passion, Kennedy woke up and gazed at Zach. Asleep. His face smooth and unlined with his long, curling lashes cresting just above his angular cheekbones. He was the most gorgeous man she’d ever encountered.
The most sexual, sensual man she’d ever known, too. Even now she blushed at the countless times they’d made love. And the ways he’d brought her to full release with his hands, mouth, and body. Oh, how she loved being with him. And now, as he slept peacefully beside her, she allowed herself the luxury of daydreaming for more.
To have the joy of waking up beside him, touching his handsome face’s brow, and kissing his firm lips good morning every day could be possible if… if she could just find a way to connect with Zach without remembering how much his last absence had felt like a betrayal. Of her. Of them. Of their stillborn child.
But he’d changed. And so had she. Maybe if she could chip away at the final piece of iron guarding his heart, she’d find the strength to unlock her own.
She stroked his curling, thick chestnut hair from his temples. His dark lashes opened slowly. He blinked, then wiped the sleep from his eyes. “Good morning, beautiful.” Zach wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his embrace.
“Good morning to you, too,” Kennedy said, nestling into his warmth.
He touched his forehead to hers. “I like this friends-with-benefits deal.”
“Me, too,” she whispered, hoping the hush in her voice would silence the desire in her heart.
He raised a brow. “You okay?”
“Yes. No.” She swallowed the words of love threatening to burst through her resolve. “I love being with you like this, but I still feel like I only know bits and pieces of you. You hid a huge part of your past from me when we first met. The fact that you were the son of a corporate giant came as quite a shock.”
Zach scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I never wanted to go back to my father’s company. I didn’t want to bring that hunk of my life into our world. Hell, I’d intended to work for the Sullivans. But when you got pregnant, I had to tell you because I wanted to do the right thing.”
“But your father hated me when he found out why you went back to his company.”
“I did what I thought was best.”
Her belly knotted. Daniel Tanner had been nothing short of rude—had dismissed her as a gold digger—but she’d fallen in love with Zach before she knew about his background. Not that the mighty corporate magnate would listen to their protests. Nor did he want to hear Zach’s defense. Though he’d been incredibly cruel, Kennedy had wanted to believe that once Zach’s father held his grandchild in his arms, he’d change his opinion about her.
“Still, you went to work for him,” she said quietly. “And that wasn’t best for me.”
He swallowed hard. “I wanted to provide for you and our baby.”
She pressed on. “I missed mornings like this one. And the nights.”
A tic jumped in his temple. “I wish I could undo all the mistakes I made.”
“We were young. Afraid. In love. Fools. We both made mistakes.” She rested her head on his broad shoulder. “After all these years, I think I understand why you believed it was so important to stand by me. For you to support me even though neither of us had planned on having a baby so soon.”
“You do?” he asked roughly.
“Yes. When we had dinner in Asheville, you said you never met your father until you were twelve.” His arm tightened around her and his heartbeat accelerated. “You proposed to me without blinking an eye because your father abandoned your mother after you were conceived.”
“I proposed because I loved you,” he said.
She dipped her chin to her chest. “And I said yes because I loved you,” she replied. “But I was angry when you rushed back to New York to earn more money to provide for us. Beyond furious that you thought you could control everything with money and power and the sheer force of your will.” And she had blamed her internal emotional combustion for losing the baby.
“You never asked me not to go,” he said.
Dawning sunrays illuminated the room. Particles danced in the air like fairy dust caught in the early morning glow. She replayed the memories of those early days, switching the reel back and forth in her mind, searching for a way to speak honestly without sabotaging the conversation.
“I couldn’t have stopped you if I had tried.” She spread her fingers wide across his naked chest. His heartbeat pumped fast against her palm. “Your masculine pride wouldn’t let me. The truth is, I’m sorry, too. I wish I had known more about you. Maybe I’d have understood what drove your decisions.”
The Maverick's Red Hot Reunion (Entangled Indulgence) Page 14