by Johanna Maas
A heaviness was upon her heart for the conflict obviously circulating within the Campbell family and intertwining with her own. She was saddened and she was a bit angry for no one had consulted her and grave life decisions appeared to be happening all around her.
As she lay upon the bed concentrating upon the events of the past days, she became acutely aware of her hand. Once again, it was her left hand. As she lay upon the bed, she noted the warmth and slight pressure surrounding it and now she could feel a light brushing of fingertips as they moved across her palm. As it had been in the past, she noted it was a pleasurable feeling in her otherwise painful existence.
Slowly, Lizbeth opened her eyes as she looked to the other side of the room while focusing upon the embers within the hearth across from her bed. All the while she knew who must be present and at her side. She breathed deeply once again as she moved her gaze from the fire and over to the man who had his hand gently entwined within her own.
Blake gazed at Lizbeth intently, now understanding what she must be thinking for he heard the recounting of her words. Lizbeth had stated rather clearly she did not want him to give up his birthright, but that is exactly what he had done and knew it was the only thing he could do. He knew he loved this woman with his whole heart and he would not be parted from her, ever. And he intended to marry her. That was, of course, if she would have him.
Blake gently grasped her hand and tenderly moved it up to his lips as he placed a soft kiss upon her knuckles. He watched her intently as she came awake and observed the look of pain as it moved across her face. As he gently kissed her again, Blake watched her most carefully as a new and sad realization crossed his mind. For was it the injury upon her shoulder or the anguish upon her heart he saw reflected upon her face?
Lizbeth sighed heavily and gazed through the corner of her eyes to the man sitting at her side. This was the one she had referred to as her warrior. With a heavy sigh, she spoke.
"Please, I wish you to leave me."
Blake heard her words clearly but did not move as he continued to hold her hand within his and gaze at her intently. He never removed his eyes from her face as he responded simply.
"I fear I cannot, my lady."
With a sadness she pleaded for she wished him to understand.
"But you must go home."
He replied with firmness in his voice.
"I am home."
Lizbeth furrowed her brow, looking up into his deep blue eyes in confusion and not understanding his words.
"Your brother has offered me a place within your clan and I have accepted. I will be pledging myself to your father and to your brother, to the Stewart."
"No! I will not allow you to do as such for you cannot give up your birthright."
Blake sighed as he said, "I want you to be my wife."
Lizbeth looked into his eyes as a pained expression crossed her face for what she knew to be true. With a heavy grief upon her heart she said lowly.
"No, I cannot do this. I will not allow this."
"Why?"
Lizbeth sighed heavily turning her face from his, knowing she could not gaze within his eyes for the pity residing there and a duty he must think is real. One she knew over time would undoubtedly end up making him despise her. While it may not happen this day, this month, nor this year, she understood one day it would happen. And Lizbeth knew she could not allow that and could never bear it.
With his finger, Blake touched her chin and moved her face back to his so he could gaze upon her and look into her eyes. For his heart was breaking and the pain crushing him within. He spoke softly with the words coming from only his heart.
"You must speak the words, Lizbeth, for there has been too much between us left unspoken or left in riddles. Help me to understand why you refuse me."
She gazed at him intently, the memory of her words she had spoken upon the wall of the Macnab resonating within her mind. She knew he had understood her message that she loved him.
With a sadness, Lizbeth said, "But you do not love me."
With shock, Blake replied, "Why would you say that?"
"I heard it from your own lips. You said you cannot leave me for what I have 'done for your family'. I will not marry you, for what you perceive as your duty for things I have done. Actions most anyone would have taken had they been in my position."
He stared at her incredulously and said, "Yes, there is my family."
He paused then went on, "First there is Cait. You placed yourself in grave danger, nearly trading your life for hers."
When Lizbeth did not speak, Blake continued.
"Then there was Lucas. Pushing him out of the way and taking the arrow intended for him. You could have died for a man you barely knew. He was a man that was not even of your clan. I cannot and will not ever believe anyone who had been in your position would have done these things."
"Then there is me." He looked deeply in her eyes and said, "Yes, Lizbeth, you have even saved me. You came into my life never asking for anything, only giving of yourself with no hopes of anything in return. And I took. Much more than was offered for I stole from you. But long before I was even willing to admit it to myself, you took something from me, too."
She looked at him stunned, for she did not remember ever taking anything from him. With confusion upon her face and not understanding what she could have possibly taken.
"It was my heart. You took my heart and you loved me. Not because of my position, nor what I could offer you, you simply accepted me for who I was and asked for nothing in return. You even loved me enough to let me go for what you thought was not my love, but my duty."
Blake paused as he gazed deeply into her eyes, hoping she would believe his words.
"Yes, I feel a sure sense of grave duty and gratitude that I fear I can never repay for all that you have done. But I would never confuse that with the love in my heart. I cannot live another day without you by my side. And I would sacrifice it all for you. I would lay down my life for you."
Lizbeth looked within his eyes, her heart beating heavily within her chest and wondered if indeed, it could be true? Had he just acknowledged he truly loved her? And he would die, for her?
*****
The great Laird Campbell closed his eyes and sighed heavily as he stood at the doorway just outside of Lizbeth's room. There was now a grave agony washing over his heart for what he had just heard. It was the exchange between Blake and Lizbeth, their spoken pledges of love, duty and devotion now resounding within his mind. He had heard it all and it fell heavily upon his very soul and he realized he had lost his son and heir, forever. He conceded that he alone, had effectively destroyed his own family.
With absolute grief, he knew he would do nothing about it for his Highlander pride would not allow him to do so. He understood completely he was the chieftain and had always ruled understanding while his decisions may not have always been the only decisions that could have been made nor the most accepted, it was always the correct one for his clan. He lived and would die by that mantra and would never allow anyone to question him. Not even his son. Nor would he allow anyone to blatantly go against his wishes. Not even his first born.
So why did he suddenly feel a piece of his heart had just died and was now forever lost to him? It should not matter because he was the strongest laird in the land and his children were fine testaments of that. And now, his first born and heir to the Campbell clan would never see him again. And the other son, the one who had vowed to do his father's bidding would probably always despise him for removing that brother from his life. And Lucas had made it a point to make him understand he was not marrying the Monro out of duty to his father and to his clan, he was doing it out of duty, honor and respect for his brother and this woman, Lizbeth.
Too many harsh words had been spoken and he was too proud to attempt to repair what had been destroyed. With a grave devastation upon his heart, the Laird Campbell turned from the doorway and hardened his heart, knowingly and deliberately
abandoning his son forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
It was a cool and cloud-filled day with the harsh winds reminding all of northern Scotland of the impending winter. But the warmth within the castle was truly felt by most all, for this was going to be a wedding day and another time of gladness and celebration.
Lizbeth stood at the top of the stairs upon the landing overlooking the great hall with her father standing proudly by her side. She had a full smile upon her face and a genuine gladness within her heart for today was the day she would give herself to the man she loved. She would pledge herself forever to the man who had made her life meaningful. Today, she was going to wed her warrior.
Standing below her within the great chamber were the people of her clan and those of the Campbell. As she gazed across the room, they all looked up at her as they waited for the ceremony to begin. She slowly looked towards the left of the hearth and all the way across the hall, seeing her family standing proudly at the front of the room. Her brother Macay stood next to his wife Cait with his arm possessively wrapped around her waist and full and warm smiles present on each of their faces. Upon a chair next to them sat her brother Burk with a weakened smile upon his stubborn face, for obstinate is what he was. Lizbeth's heart warmed for he had finally opened his eyes just four days prior with the threat of the fever finally relieved. When he was told of the impending nuptials, he adamantly refused to miss this momentous event. So, just before the ceremony was to begin, the men had carried him down and sat him within the hall. Lizbeth understood if they had not, he had pledged to walk down on his own.
Lizbeth smiled warmly at the three of them while sending her love across the room as she locked eyes with each one. She silently thanked them for the very important role they had played in her life thus far.
Her eyes next moved over to the hearth and beyond the clergyman, finding her intended and his own brother Lucas. Lucas stood with a full smile upon his face, tall and strong but not nearly as strong as her own warrior Blake.
Blake…the man of her dreams. Actually, the man she could never have ever dreamed would have existed for her, nor ever thought was possible. He was so handsome, so powerful and so protective and willing to give his life for her in more ways than one. And her heart nearly burst for the love of him.
Blake watched as Lizbeth appeared at the top of the steps with her father. A slight twinge of sadness touched upon his heart for the loss of his own father who had chosen not to even attend the ceremony today. Or at least not stand in the front supporting him and his intended, for Blake had not seen him anywhere within the great chamber.
Blake knew in the deepest depths of his heart he would never regret his decision and never forsake this woman, regardless of his father's wishes and his outward disregard of their union. He truly loved her with all of his heart. Yes, she had willingly sacrificed so much to save both Cait and Lucas and he would be forever grateful for those acts for they were a true testament to the woman that she really was inside. But she was so much more to him. He admitted his heart only belonged to one and that was the woman standing so proudly above them upon the landing.
He gazed longingly at his bride as a slight smile tugged at his lips and a love grew within his heart. Her beautiful blonde hair hung as he liked it most, long and unadorned. In his mind, one could not enhance the perfection of it. He had to admit his heart beat wildly for her lovely face, the deep blue gown dipping ever so low and provocatively exposing the tops of her full breasts and for her exquisite body. But it was so much more than those characteristics that made him truly want her for his very own. And he was glad for the knowing they would be happy no matter where they lived. For they would be together and always have each other.
Blake knew after this ceremony was concluded he would go down on bended knee and pledge himself to the Stewart for the remainder of his life. He was prepared to surrender all his rights to the Campbell name on this very same day. Knowingly and willingly he would kneel before both the great Laird Stewart and Macay, pledging his loyalty to them. And he knew within his heart this was the right choice and the only decision to make.
Lizbeth locked eyes with Blake across the crowded hall as her heart beat wildly just for the sight of him. Every look he gave her touched her so warmly upon her heart. She knew she loved this man with every part of her being and with all her mind and would do anything for him. And knowing what he was doing right now, giving everything up for her. He was forsaking his laird, relinquishing his family and his namesake…it still pulled dreadfully upon her heart. Even for all the words that had been spoken, that tiny fear of how she could expect this of him tore at her relentlessly.
Lizbeth closed her eyes fighting the fear that was beginning to consume her heart. She loved this man more than life itself, but could she really demand this sacrifice from him? The words he had spoken resonated heavily within her mind and she understood he was willingly doing this for her because of his love. But what if one day that love was not so strong? Would he grow to despise her and regret this all important decision? What if she fell short of his expectations as a wife? For all her years in the Macnab keep, the solitude, the constant fear, would that surface some day and would he grow to resent her and this decision he had made? Once again, the reality of his sacrifice was resounding within her mind for he was giving up his namesake, giving away his heritage, his life and his brother….
Her father squeezed her arm gently as he held it while bringing her from her deep thoughts and back into the reality as it was laid out before her. She looked up and into his eyes with a warm and full smile upon his face as he lovingly gazed at her. He made a move to begin to descend the stairs and she walked with him. For the first two steps, she did not take her eyes off her father as she breathed deeply and attempted to draw from his strength. This man meant so much to her and it hurt her desperately he had been ripped away from her for these last seven years. But this man, she now had back. Her father.
Lizbeth gave him one final smile and then turned to gaze over the crowded hall below as they continued to slowly descend the stairs. Her eyes moved down the extensive isle and to the man standing regally before the hearth. The one without his own father by his side.
Closer and closer the Laird Stewart escorted her, closer and closer to her new life. Her heart continued to beat wildly and heavily within her breast for the man standing before her as she pictured the new life that was going to be theirs.
Theirs. Not his, nor hers, but theirs. They were coming together in this union and equally bringing to this marriage their hearts and their lives while pledging their love to one other. But was her sacrifice enough? With true realization and a heavy dread upon her heart, she acknowledged he was giving up all for her.
Her own heart continued to beat heavily as the sadness and comprehension began to overtake her. She breathed deeply as she was brought near to her warrior, the one she knew and acknowledged she would love for the rest of her life. Whether she was with him here in the Stewart home, or not.
The Laird Stewart and Lizbeth reached Blake's side and her father began to hand her over to her intended. This was a ceremonial gesture signifying she would move from the care of her father to the life with her new husband. As he placed her hand within Blake's, there was a panic that began to rise. What was she doing? She realized she was taking and stripping away everything from this man. For was a new life not supposed to be about giving and sacrifice? And here she was taking everything from him.
Lizbeth looked down as her hands were settled within Blake's. Hers were small and insignificant and his so strong and protective. She could hear the din of the clergyman in the background as he was speaking, saying words she could not hear, words that did not register within her mind for her heart was truly breaking. She was battling the knowledge inside it was he who was giving up all and she…nothing. And Lizbeth realized then and there, she could not do this to him. She would not do this to him.
Lizbeth stood before her clansmen
and his as Blake's hands lovingly surrounding her own as she realized all eyes were upon her as the silence echoed within the room. With a panic in her heart, she looked at the clergyman who had an encouraging and confused look upon his face. Her heart was quickening as she gazed into the deep blue eyes of Blake as the tears formed within her eyes threatening to spill over. She hated her weakness at that moment and her vulnerabilities that were exposed before all.
For a long while, Lizbeth simply stared up at him. There was a knowing in her heart and confirming she could not do this for she loved him too much. She could see the now confused look begin to cross his features as he slowly shook his head. He brought her hands up to his lips, kissing them gently as he softly spoke to her.
"Lizbeth, I love you…do not…"
With misery upon her heart, she pulled her hands free from within his grasp and stepped back as she continued to gaze upon his face. Her breath hitched within her throat as she turned from him and ran down the isle and out the front door of the keep. She did not stop until she found herself deep within the darkened stalls of the stables. She unknowingly realized she was searching for the one beast who understood her most, always gave to her and never asked for anything in return. It was her gray mare who was simple, so unlike her own life which was ever so complex.
Lizbeth stood for long moments embracing the neck of her great beast as the tears steadily fell unheeded down her cheeks. As she felt wholly of her misery, she suddenly felt a large hand touch her shoulder. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she willed her emotions under control for she knew she had to face her new reality and whoever had chosen to follow her into her misery. Slowly, she turned and found herself staring into the hardened eyes of the great laird and chieftain Campbell, himself. Blake's father and her nemesis was standing compellingly before her.