Richard turned to me. “He isn’t wrong, Pamela. We owe you our lives. There is no way we could have survived without your help.”
“If we had stayed where we were, we would not have run into the dead at all,” Sage snapped.
She had a point.
I looked straight at her, an unnatural rage rising in me hot and fast. I could all too easily imagine popping her head off like one of the zombies. I reined it in.
Barely. “And if you’d actually been on the lookout, we could have blown past the dead ground with minimal injuries.”
Her eyes widened and then narrowed so fast I thought she would take a swing at me.
Richard stepped between us. “Please, we have had enough fighting this past night. Pamela, we are in your debt.”
My emotions swelled, and I couldn’t catch hold of them. I hated the way my voice caught on the words, tears tugging at me. “And the eleven who died? What do they owe me? I didn’t save them, Richard. I couldn’t. I wasn’t fast enough.” I looked down into my tea as if the loose bits would give me the words I needed. Or the future I wanted. No, this tea was warm and soothing as I held the metal mug between my cold hands, but it gave me nothing else.
Richard put a careful hand on my shoulder. “The loss of their lives taught us a hard lesson. We’ve put our trust in the wrong person.”
My eyes shot from my tea to his face. But he wasn’t looking at me. He was nodding a dismissal to Tristan. Tristan took a step back. His eyes shot to mine and I thought I saw a measure of sympathy in their depths.
Shit. The moment stretched and then snapped.
“What?” Sage and I both said in unison.
“Pamela, I would invite you to be our tutelary, and help us reach the Haven with as many people as possible. We know there will be losses, we do understand that. But we also see the strength you carry. You have a good heart. Whatever is holding you back . . . we will help you.” Richard spoke softly, as if to a horse that was about to spook.
A shiver I couldn’t stop ran through my entire body. Not that I was surprised at his request, but I should have seen this coming about two miles off. And I’d walked right into it for a cup of hot tea.
Oka flicked her tail a few times. “This is your crossroads. Remember what Giselle said. Which path will you take? I know you are scared, but they need you. They need us.”
She was gentle in her words, but they stung because I knew she was right. That’s the thing about truth, it’s anything but gentle. A sharp knife could not have cut me cleaner to the bone.
Richard wanted me to replace Sage. To be their trusted protector, and the one who would get them to the sacred Haven they believed in, alive. I fought the panic and the memories as they surged around me. There had been a time before the Rending when I would have leapt at the opportunity to prove myself. When I would have thrown myself into the battle because I didn’t understand how bad things could get.
But I did not have the magic they thought I did.
Oka breathed a sigh. “That girl, the one who leapt before she looked? She’s still in you, and she’s stronger than you know. The caution this world has taught you . . . it is not who you are, Pamela.”
I shivered as her words coaxed a flame within me to life, small, burning, and hot with the need to follow my heart.
Crossroads . . . I made myself turn around and sucked in a sharp breath. We literally stood at a crossroads of the highway where two paths converged. I’d not noticed before, but the markings were there clearly now that I was looking. Damn . . .
This was not a coincidence.
Sage snapped her cloak back, baring her arms like she was going to demand I fight her right then and there. “This is an outrage. Wilma left me in charge on her deathbed, you know that! I am the caravan witch! Not this . . . this girl!”
Richard stayed where he was, seemingly calm, but his words were some of the harshest I’d ever heard him speak, and I silently cheered him on as my own world twisted in on me.
“Do you know what’s an outrage?” Richard growled, drawing my eyes back to him and Sage. “You. Your blatant lies about what you could do and the extent of your capabilities. We trusted you with our lives, with the lives of those children who are our future! As far as I’m concerned, Pamela here seems to think she’s responsible for the deaths of the eleven, but those deaths are on you, not her.”
A small ball of power pooled in Sage’s hand as her brown eyes snapped and crackled with anger. I saw her intent in an instant. Not going to happen, Witch.
I snapped my hands out, blade up, and caught the magic on it, dispelling it before it could hit Richard. “Don’t you dare slap him. He isn’t saying anything that isn’t true.”
He moved up beside me and his presence smelled of pine trees and something earthy I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was familiar.
And I suddenly knew why I’d been avoiding him. The way he growled his words, the anger that flashed in his eyes . . . he could have been a cousin to Liam. Or maybe even an older brother. The shock of that recognition hit me hard and I sucked in a sharp breath. He probably wasn’t related, but shit, he was more like Liam than I wanted to admit. Fighting to protect his people. Stoic. Fair. If a bit too dependent on Sage.
Liam would have never been that dependent on anyone, not even Rylee. I smiled to myself, and almost asked Richard if he was related to one Liam O’Shea.
“What did you say to me, Dick?” Sage stared hard at me, her body all but quivering with rage.
I should’ve just stayed out of the conversation between him and Sage and let him handle her. But understanding why I’d avoided him, and why I wanted to protect him meant I was not stepping away.
The very whisper of the idea that he could be family was enough for me to stand my ground.
The gauntlet between Sage and me had been thrown.
I smiled at her. “I’ll repeat myself only this once. Don’t you dare slap him. Ever. And only I get to call him Dick.”
Across my shoulders, Oka twitched, ready as always to stand with me.
“I’d like to give her a little slap. Claws extended,” she grumbled.
I didn’t reply to Oka. Even though I agreed.
I cleared my throat, covering any reaction to Oka’s words.
My choice was here. I knew it was. There was no more hiding.
This truly was the crossroads in more ways than one.
Then you will have to embrace the magic in your blood if you wish to truly protect them.
I shook my head. No, I wouldn’t. I would find a way around it.
Sage lifted her hand again, bracelets jingling, and I arched an eyebrow. She was a fool to try it again.
I breathed out slowly as I brought both knives up and settled into a fighting stance. She tossed two blasts of power and I caught them both on the edge of the blades, cutting them cleanly away. I flicked them back at her and the power rolled away from me, slapping her face first one side, then the other.
Well, hot damn, maybe I did have something to work with.
She let out a scream, her cheeks reddening from her own magic.
“Sage, there is no need to get your knickers in a knot.” I glanced at Richard. “She was going to try again to hit you.”
His lips twitched with suppressed mirth. “Pamela, do you think that’s necessary?”
I nodded, feeling the truth ripple through me. “Yes. Until I take her in hand, she will continue to push on the both of us. And while I dislike her, I’m not going to put her out of the caravan unless you want me to. You’re the boss. Not me.”
Richard rubbed a hand over his chin. “Then what do you suggest we do with her?”
“You snot-nosed brat!” Sage screeched. The thing was, all the yelling was drawing attention, and just like BJ screaming the day before, the noise did nothing to help us. I wished I could flip her upside down, and if I was lucky the blood rushing to her head would make her pass out.
But I had no such ability now.
“Could you teach her? Is there a possibility she could get stronger?” Richard asked.
I shook my head. “Even if she could, I have no desire to be her teacher. There is no real power in her, Richard. She has a good knowledge of herbs, and how they affect people, and she’s right good at pissing things off with her slapping. But it’s no more than that.”
Richard’s face fell, for the first time since he’d brought me to share tea. “You can’t teach her? I was hoping that with two witches we’d have a better chance.”
I shook my head again as Sage let out a bloodcurdling screech and threw another slap at us that I caught on the edge of my left blade and sent back to her. I wished I could’ve taken a wad of air and stuffed it in her mouth. “Afraid not. If she had a different temperament, then yes, I could work with her to hone her skills, small as they are. But that’s the real problem. Her attitude.”
What the hell was I saying? I didn’t want to teach. I wanted to be taught!
Didn’t I?
Oka was silent as Richard looked at me, and then Sage. “Wilma died suddenly. Without warning, with nothing more than a headache to give any indication she was ill.”
Oh, snap, he was a smart one. I tipped my head at him. “I’d heard that. It is strange.”
“And I found a cup of tea by our bed, drained down to a few herbs in the bottom.” His eyes hardened, and I realized that I’d been right about him and Wilma. They’d been a couple. I felt bad for his loss.
But Richard was showing me a side I liked better than what I had seen earlier and that gave me hope. Perhaps grief had him making poor decisions, depending on Sage while he hurt for his woman.
“Why would she do that? It makes no sense. We were happy to have two witches!” Richard’s incredulous question rung through the air with more energy and spunk than I’d seen in him since I’d joined the caravan.
“Only one way to know.” I turned to a pale-faced Sage. She wobbled and went to her knees. I pointed a finger at her. “Answer him.”
“Or what?” she snarled even while she struggled to stay upright. Panic lit her eyes.
I smiled at her, as I let the darkness that I worked so hard to keep down brush against the surface of my skin and creep into my own eyes. “Because you do not want to see me angry, Sage. Do you?”
She paled further, her blood draining so fast, I thought she might indeed pass out. “It was an accident, Richard. She was complaining of a headache, a bad one. She kept saying a storm was coming but there was nothing in the wind. I thought it was just . . . a migraine.”
Oka tensed, as did I. That had the sounds of a seer’s prophecy to it.
Richard took a step toward Sage, his hands clenched. “You killed my wife?”
She held up her hands, begging. “I’m so sorry, it was an accident! My herbs were mixed up when the trailer tipped, you remember? I thought I had them all correctly back in their cases . . . but I . . . the nightshade went into the feverfew bottle. I made her tea and sweetened it with the last of the honey. I didn’t realize what had happened until after . . . she was gone.” Big fat tears rolled down her cheeks as sobs rocked her body back and forth.
Richard’s hand went to the knife on his belt, shocking me. In all the time I’d been here, he’d been nothing but rational, never acting on emotion. Never violent.
I reached out and put my hand on his arm. “She’s telling the truth, Richard. It wasn’t intentional.”
He turned to me. “That isn’t going to bring Wilma back, is it?”
I shook my head as I worked my thoughts around this little revelation of Sage’s. “No, but . . . maybe,” goddess it was hard to be a grown-up, “maybe this is why she’s been so difficult? Guilt can do strange things to us. Perhaps she’ll let me help her now that she’s purged her confession.”
Oka purred. “There’s the girl I’ve been waiting to show back up.”
Her pride in me gave me a flush of pleasure. Richard, though, had not moved his hand from his knife.
He didn’t look at her. “Sage.”
“Yes?” she whispered.
“You are no longer our tutelary. Pamela is. You will work with her, and if at any point she deems you no longer working toward the best interest of this caravan, you will be removed.” He dropped his hand from his belt, turned and walked away. The crowd that had gathered moved out of his way silently. Chris reached out and touched his arm as he slid past her, but he gently brushed her hand away.
Well, so much for being asked to be the tutelary. I looked at Richard and the set of his shoulders. The crowd drifted away with him, I mean as much of a crowd as fewer than twenty people could be.
Richard drew them with him like a magnet. Yeah, there was some Liam in there for sure, or the same kind of man at least. I smiled to myself. A spine of steel, that was what would be needed to get this group through.
“What are you grinning about?” Oka asked. “You just had your choice taken from you.”
I watched Richard stalk away. “He reminds me of someone.”
A jingle of bracelets and beads snapped me around. But Sage had pushed to her feet, not raised a hand to throw a spell at me.
Her eyes were wary. “Why would you help me like that?”
“Because you were telling the truth about killing Wilma. That it was an accident,” I said. “I’m not going to force you to let me help you, Sage.”
She frowned and shook her head. “Wilma knew I was weak, but she kept my secret. No caravan would have hired me. She was my friend, and I . . .” She covered her face with her hands.
I took a mug that Richard had dropped and dumped the contents out, refilled it with water from the bubbling pot and dropped a tea bag in it. I handed the cup to her. “Here.”
She took it, cupping it to her face, breathing in the steam. “Thank you.”
“I’ve been there,” I said softly. “I’ve killed when I didn’t want to.”
Her eyes met mine. “What did you do?”
“I ran away for a time.” I took a sip of my own tea, grimacing as it had cooled. I took the teapot and refilled my mug with hot water. The next sip was much better. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes.”
“Do you really think you can teach me?” she asked.
I blew out a breath and made myself look at her, not with the angry eyes of someone trying to prove themselves, but with eyes that my mentor had taught me to have.
Delve her, a little thread of magic can do that. You do not have to release it all.
Damn it, the magic in me was a better teacher than I wanted it to be, considering the source.
Sweat beaded up on my face as I held out a hand. “Here. I need to delve you to see where your abilities lie.”
Her eyes widened. “Wilma couldn’t even do that.”
Discomfort flowed through me with the way she looked at me. “I have a few unique talents.”
She put her hand in mine and I fought to swallow, my mouth suddenly gone dry.
I opened myself a minuscule amount to the magic I could still touch and pushed a tendril of it through her body.
I sucked in a sharp breath as the colors lit up around her. I could see inside her power. From the deepest shade of green to the lightest wisp of sandy brown, the colors swirled through her, taking shape slowly into forms I recognized. Plants of all kinds called to her, and she should be able to work with them on instinct. She was closely tied to the earth and its softest elements. My magic surged, and I wrestled with it, my mouth in a tight line while I breathed through the internal fight.
I drew my hand back and looked at her, slamming closed my connection to the dark magic as it raged at me and left me shaken once more.
“You’re a hearth witch, Sage. Poultices, childbirth, curatives for the human body . . . a touch of connection to the animal kingdom. I think you’re a natural healer, which is why when you try to attack, it goes so poorly. Your magic is not meant to harm.”
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Her shoulders slumped, and I frowned. “Sage, you understand that if you work within what your magic wants to do, you will get stronger? That you’ll be able to do more, heal more?”
Once more her eyes lifted to mine. “You can teach me this?”
Oka grunted. “You know less about herbs than me and I have a thing for catnip. Be careful here, Pam.”
I swirled the remaining tea in my mug, working it through in my mind.
“You can’t,” she said, a note of her previous attitude coming through loud and clear.
I made myself smile at her as the answer came to me in a rush. “I don’t want to give you a false promise. I can teach you how to learn, how to stretch your abilities, how to feel out certain things. Much of it you will have to learn on your own. We don’t have the luxury of having all the witches in the world at our disposal to learn from, if you haven’t noticed.”
And there it was, the answer to my own question.
The only person I needed in order to grow and learn was myself.
Well, that was a damn shitty turn of things if I ever saw it.
Chapter Fourteen
Sage and I agreed to begin her training—as it were—the next day, seeing as we were only looking at noon. I was exhausted and needed to sleep before any sort of training occurred. We all needed to sleep.
And that made me nervous. Less than twenty people in the caravan, dead on their feet, and we needed sentries.
Years ago, I would have erected a barrier made of spirit and air, like an early warning system. I closed my eyes, thinking about what was possible, what wasn’t.
“You have a light touch with animals, Sage. Maybe we can use that,” I said as I opened my eyes.
“What could I possibly help you with?” She frowned at me.
“Not sure, but I have an idea and I’d like to try and work together,” I said. Shit, if you’d told me the day before I’d be working with Sage on anything other than who could come up with the best insults, I’d have called you a liar.
I walked with her in a circle on the outer perimeter of the caravan, Oka still resting on my shoulder. “I’d like to set up a boundary line. As a hearth witch, you should have some abilities here. Maybe we can have a few archies around the edge. They would be the perfect warning system.”
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