Maybe a cheeseburger too.
Mac grunted. “I’ll take a double order of that.”
I blinked and then smiled. “Milkshake?”
“Done.”
The women were confused, if the look on their faces said anything, but Oka just shook her head.
“Idiots.”
I nodded to Mac, and he nodded back, raising the tent high in one swift motion. I raised my brows. Impressive.
He winked at me again. “It’s not my first time.”
Cue the second instant heat flush. I turned away. Everyone was asking about Richard like . . .
“Shit, Oka, was Richard injured?”
“There was blood on him, but I didn’t think it was his,” she said.
I picked up my pace, searching the caravan until I found the nurse.
“Her name is Nathanda,” Oka said softly.
Nathanda waved me over to her. “Pamela, Richard is in trouble. He was fine, standing next to me and then he went down. A complete crash.”
Her blond and gray hair stuck across her forehead, mingled with a swath of wide dirt smear. Her shirt was covered in blood, but I couldn’t tell if it was old or new, or who it belonged to originally. “His breathing is shallow, heartrate is dropping, and his blood pressure is falling. I think he’s bleeding internally.”
The few people around us watched as I went to my knees beside him. His face was pale, and his eyes closed. Worse, his chest didn’t rise and fall.
“Is he breathing?” I laid my hands on his chest. This was not the time to hold back, no matter that I didn’t think I had anything left to give, or that the black magic wouldn’t listen. We couldn’t lose Richard. I knew that with every instinct I had. He held the caravan together in a way no one else would. Without him, the humans would turn to Tristan, and I already knew that would be a total and complete clusterfuck.
Nausea rose through my belly as I realized what I had to do.
I would have to battle my way through the bracelet that connected me to spirit, the same way I’d done with air to save Oka. And pray I could hold it through the pain long enough to help him.
“What happened?” I looked to Nathanda, stalling.
She dropped to her knees beside me. “We aren’t sure. We’ve gotten conflicting accounts. But we think he jumped in front of one of the trolls that charged Sage and the kids. We think he was stepped on.”
Stepped on. Internal injuries for sure then.
His breaths were shallow and far apart, as was his heartbeat.
“Here we go.” I bit my lower lip. “Richard, this is going to hurt.” And I didn’t mean only him, either.
I took one deep breath and blew it out as I closed my eyes. I made myself reach for spirit, felt the first twinge of pain and then went for it.
Pain blasted through me and I groaned, barely holding the sounds back as I focused on what I had to do. I had to heal Richard. That was my only thought, heal Richard, save the caravan.
Someone was screaming.
It might have been me.
My mind blanked out and the images in front of me blurred. A man with dark brown hair had his back to me, a bracelet matching my own with a pink stone set in it. There was no sound, but he stiffened and turned to face me.
A snarl twisted his lips and then I was blasted away.
“Is she alive? What happened?” Oka’s panicked voice filled my right ear. The left was jammed into the floor of the tent.
My body hurt like nothing I’d ever felt, as if my limbs had all been shattered and put back together poorly, my insides twisted, and a sour taste lined my mouth. Vomit, I’d been sick?
“She had her hands on him and then they both started screaming,” Nathanda said quietly. “But he’s stabilized. Whatever she did, it healed him.”
I was done.
The wolves. The zombies. The trolls. The fire. The healing. My body had had enough. I’d survived everything, and now I was at the end. Oka’s panic snapped through our bond, her thoughts crashing into my mind.
“Pamela,” she cried.
My words were slurred. I’m not even sure anyone would be able to decipher them but her. My body was done in.
“I’m sorry, Oka. I can’t. I tried. Richard is good. And see what you think of Mac. He’ll stick with you, teach you.”
She was freaking out like I was doing more than passing out. I should have been more worried, but I couldn’t care. I had no fucks left to give.
Oka’s face pressed into mine, those eyes of hers snagging my own, holding me while my body sunk. “No. I won’t let this happen.”
And then Mac was there, his blue eyes full of irritation. “I got her this time, cat.”
He put his hand to my chest, over my heart, and a shot of energy like someone had given me a jolt of caffeine snapped through me. It was nothing like the power Oka fed me, this was raw and wild, and it pumped through me with the icy tang of the Arctic wind.
Oka curled up on me. “Maybe we can keep him.”
I blinked a few times and then passed out, grateful for the oblivion.
Chapter Eighteen
How long I slept, I don’t know. I only know it wasn’t enough and I woke still feeling like shit.
The thing was, I would have slept longer but something tugged at me. I woke with a startled jerk, my heart racing and my brain on high alert, my body aching like I’d had the crap kicked out of me. Repeatedly. Just for shits and giggles.
It took me far too long to put together where I had woken. Inside a canvas tent that smelled of mold, lying on an air mattress that had half deflated, so I felt rocks under my butt.
I hadn’t had such comfort in years.
“Oka?” I whispered her name as I reached under the covers. Our connection was there, but more than that was the tiny warm bundle of fur pressed up against my hip that told me where she was.
I dropped a hand to her and relaxed as I felt the rise and fall of her deep, even breathing. She was as exhausted as me and didn’t stir even while I rubbed my fingers over her ears.
“I owe you, little house cat. You and that bear of ours.” I bent and buried my face in her fur, breathing in the scent of her—fire and a summer wind, the smell of cherry blossoms. All uniquely her.
I needed to find Mac and thank him too. I reached for that connection that tied him to me. He wasn’t far at all.
The flap of the tent flipped open and he stuck his head in.
There were no dark circles under his eyes, no singed edges of his hair. A grin slid over his face. “You’re irritated that I don’t look like I’ve had a rough day?”
My lips twitched. “You’ve got to admit, you could at least have like a day’s stubble or something.”
He shrugged. “I’ll work on that after the next battle.”
I couldn’t look away from him and I didn’t know how I felt about that. He let himself in my tent and made himself comfortable, sitting beside me.
I turned a little to him. “Thank you, for saving me.”
“Ah, you wouldn’t have died. But it would take more than a few hours’ sleep to get you going again if I didn’t give you some juice.” He leaned back on his elbows and crossed his long legs at the ankle.
“Do you hate that you’re helping me?” I blurted the question before I could stop myself.
He tipped his head to one side and squinted one eye at me. “No. I was pissed at first that Faris would yank me around like this, but . . . you’ve changed my mind. Ignore me if I’m grumpy. It’s just a bear’s nature. Why didn’t you just use your connection to me to answer that question?”
“Because that’s damn intrusive and I’d hope you wouldn’t do anything like that to me either,” I said.
“You . . . are not like the others,” he murmured. “That makes you dangerous.”
I wasn’t sure just what he meant by that seeing as I was dangerous. I frowned. “Thank you, Mac. I’m glad you’re with us.”
“Funny enough, so am I.” His eyes locked
with mine and suddenly my heart rate picked up for all sorts of other reasons. Mac sat up, and brushed a finger across my cheek, then tucked a stray strand of my long hair behind one ear.
I didn’t move. Couldn’t.
Because I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I knew what was coming; he wanted to kiss me.
“The last guy I kissed is dead,” I said as he leaned toward me.
Mac’s eyebrows shot up. “Did you kill him?”
“No, but . . . because he was close to me, and—”
I got nothing else out as he closed the distance and pressed his lips to mine. The connection between us flared to life like never before. He lifted a hand, cupped one side of my face, and I realized I’d never really been kissed before.
Not like this.
Not with a man who knew what he was doing.
Firm and gentle, warm and everything I had ever dreamed a kiss would be. Only I thought it would be with someone else.
I pulled back with a gasp. “I should check on Richard.”
Mac leaned back again. “Good idea. I’ll stay with Oka.”
I was out of the tent like an arrow from a crossbow, the flap closing behind me. I pressed my hands to my cheeks. I made myself walk, finding my way through the caravan.
What the hell had just happened?
I kissed you. Mac’s thoughts rumbled through me and I shut them down hard. I had to. I needed a moment or two by myself.
But I didn’t even get that.
Richard strode toward me. His grin was wide and there was no evidence that he’d ever been injured.
“Pamela!” He caught me up in a hug that I let happen because it was easier than fighting it. “Come, we have food cooking.”
He led me away from my tent to a setup near the Humvee, seemingly unbothered by my messy sleep hair, and what I felt like were wide startled eyes.
Richard pointed to a fire that burned with a decent-sized rabbit roasting on a spit.
He sat me down and cut some of the rabbit off, handing it to me on a cracked blue plate. I took it, forcing it down. To get my strength back, I needed to eat, and rest. Even in the last two days I’d lost weight that I didn’t have to lose. My pants were loose, and my shirt hung even more from my shoulders. I took a bite, and then another, and another, of the charred meat.
It was gone in a flash and more meat was put in front of me. I realized as I ate and ate that Richard knew what he was doing. Of course, he’d been married to a witch.
“Wilma always said food and sleep were the best things to help her bounce back,” he said as he spooned some sort of stew into a bowl for me. I didn’t even blink, I just kept eating. Finally, I handed the plate back and shook my head. “I’m going be sick if I eat anything else.”
Richard smiled and offered me a mug of steaming hot tea. “Honey tea. Drink up, the sugar will help.”
I took a sip, the honey so thick, it was almost hard to tell there was tea in the mug. I didn’t care, he was right. The tea warmed me from the inside and the honey hit my bloodstream like a good dose of sugar was wont to do.
“How long have we been here?” I held the mug to my chest.
“Twelve hours,” he said. “I’d like to stay a few days if we can. Get everyone back on their feet. What do you think?” Concern etched deep lines in his forehead as he chewed the meat.
Before I could answer, there was the sweet sound of children’s laughter. Chris stepped out from the other side of the Humvee, the kids hanging off her limbs. Relief washed over her face when she saw me. “My goodness. The kids have been begging nonstop to see you. And I didn’t want them to disturb you.”
I smiled, doing my best to not let it look as tired as I felt. “All good now.”
The three toddlers ran to me in unison. I handed my mug of tea to Richard right before they barreled into me, knocking me back off my seat.
Ruby reached up to me and patted my face. “I like your tiger. Can I ride her?”
I laughed. “Maybe another time. Not today.”
Then it was Frost’s turn. He pushed Ruby out of the way and climbed into my lap. Like a king on a throne.
“Frost, you’re getting heavy! How poor Chris picks you up at all is beyond me.”
He laughed. “I’m a big boy now.”
Ruby and Lily shoved him off and he hit the dirt hard. “We’re big girls too, you know,” Ruby said.
They tussled at my feet, like nothing more than a trio of puppies.
But there wasn’t the normal joy in their play. They’d had that stolen from them the last few days. Even while they wrestled, fear danced in their eyes as they looked to the forest around us. Looking for the monsters.
I frowned, their fear hurting me. Their childhoods were rough enough as it was.
“Hey, you three.” They stopped and looked at me. I held my hands out to them. “Don’t be scared. You are safe now, and there is so much magic in this world. It’s not all scary, I promise.”
But it felt like a hollow promise. I remembered being that small and feeling that helpless. I remembered sitting in that room, held captive by trolls who thought to sell me to the highest bidder. I could still taste the bitter fear on the back of my tongue as I swallowed hard, looking at each and every one of their faces. Making myself smile for their benefit.
I slid off the log and sat with my legs crossed on the ground. Ruby took up residence on my lap as Frost and Lily sat close to me. What could I tell them to make it better? How could I make them see it wasn’t all dark and scary?
“You know, I’ve been scared before,” I said. A quiet gasp rippled through the three kids. Chris lowered herself next to Richard and I tried not to look hard at them as he reached over and took her hand. Seriously, what was going on there?
I cleared my throat. “A few years ago, I wasn’t as strong as I am now. And there were lots of things that scared me. But the biggest? When I rode on the back of a dragon. Can you believe that?” They all shook their heads in unison. Their eyes were as wide as the moon rising, so I continued, keeping my voice low as if I shared a secret only with them. “I didn’t care much for flying at first. I like my feet firmly on the ground. But on the back of that dragon, I got to see things more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Once I was brave enough to actually open my eyes and look around, that is.”
Ruby giggled, and the other two kids followed her. A bit more of the fear slid away.
“So, really, being in scary spots isn’t all bad. We must be brave enough to keep our eyes open and see the beauty too.”
They all nodded, and I lifted Ruby off my lap.
Chris stood. “Thank you, Pamela.” She held her hands out to the kids. “Come on, my three angels. Let’s get you into bed. Give our caravan witch a hug goodnight.”
They each came to me, tiny arms held out and then wrapped around my neck for a tight squeeze.
Goddess above and below, let me keep my promise to these babies.
Let me keep them safe.
Chapter Nineteen
Chris hustled the three kids toward the Humvee, and they climbed in between protestations of not being tired, and yawning too wide, they tipped their heads back.
Richard stood next to me. “You’re good with them.”
I shrugged. “I like kids. They deserve to feel safe.”
He tucked his hands behind his back. “I know I told you that you were our tutelary . . . I hope that—”
“It’s fine, Richard. It was what I needed. A kick in the ass.” I smiled at him. “Besides, Dick, you make a fine cup of tea, which begs that I forgive you your many flaws.”
He grinned down at me. “Good, I’ll be sure to keep the tea coming.”
“You remind me of someone,” I said suddenly, wanting to connect him to my past.
“A good man, I hope.” He sat next to the fire.
I nodded. “One of the best. He . . . was like a big brother to me. Looked out for me, kicked my ass when I needed it.”
Richard took a stick and p
oked at the fire, little embers floating into the night sky. “Then perhaps I can fill that space for you. For a little while.”
A sense of peace settled on my shoulders and I nodded. “You already have.”
I motioned for him to give me back my tea, then I sat across from him. The fire was warm, the night was quiet, the tea was lovely, and for just a few moments I was going to take it for what it was.
Silence hung companionably between us for several minutes.
A soft meow turned my head. Oka sauntered over, looking a bit disheveled. “’Bout time you crawled out of the sleeping bag. It’s good to see you.”
She flicked her tail twice, cracked a yawn that showed off her teeth and then hopped onto my lap.
“I could sleep for days,” she said.
I nodded. “Me too.”
I looked at Richard. He looked at me. I shrugged. “She can speak, but only I can hear her.”
“I’ve been wondering.” He took a sip from his own mug. But he said nothing else on the subject. “You and Oka have saved us more than once now. She is as welcome here as the bear, Mac, is. I do not think we can do this without you three.”
Oka bobbed her head once, agreeing with him. He smiled at her. “Oka agrees?”
“Yes, I do!” she said, yelling the words.
I laughed. “He can’t hear you even if you yell, cat. You know that.”
She sighed. “It was worth trying. I like him.”
Richard lifted an eyebrow. I smiled. “She says she likes you and wishes you could hear her.”
He lifted his mug to her. “I like you too, cat.”
It was like a damn love fest, all mushy and squishy, full of good feelings and peace. And the thing was, I should have still been enjoying it. But I wasn’t. My nerves suddenly ratcheted up a few notches.
I grimaced and made myself drink my tea. I was tired. I should probably try to get more sleep.
“Tomorrow, do we stay or go?” Richard asked.
I lifted my eyes to the stars, considering them.
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