“No, I meant, where did you come from?”
“Oh. Well, we lived north. Way north. In the frozen tundra of Canada, deep in the Northwest Territories. Now, there isn’t much left up there, scattered as it is. I took to wandering after the Rending.”
“What happened to your family?”
He looked away, his eyes fogging with an old pain. “To be honest, I’m not sure. I woke up alone when the shaking finally stopped. My elemental master had been killed, and I was free.”
I frowned. “Did you . . . look for your family?” I asked softly.
He nodded, and his fingers slid up and down my bare arm. “I did, actually. For a long time. Maybe I never stopped. But, in all likelihood they were killed, and I was spared. No rhyme or reason to it.”
I tried to imagine him in a family setting but couldn’t quite picture it. “How many of them were there?”
“Just my mother, who was old, and my three siblings. Two brothers and a sister. We took care of Mom. She had us all late in life. I was the classic middle child. She didn’t like that we took care of her, you know? She was always trying to do things for herself. One time, I caught her climbing into the attic, after some photo albums or something. You know what she used for a ladder? One of those office chairs that spins. She was all wobbly and reaching over her head as the chair went sideways when I found her.
“I about had her hide. Then she had mine for yelling at her. She said she was the Alpha of our family still, and no one told her what she could and couldn’t do. Boy, was that right on the money.” He smiled sadly at the memory. “That was before . . .” He trailed off, and I picked up on what he hadn’t said. All before he was a slave to the elemental. Before he’d been a familiar.
“Sounds like a woman I would have liked.” I squeezed one of his hands and he laced our fingers together. That was . . . nice.
“Yes.” He looked at me with those blue eyes, as if he could see my broken soul. “I believe you would’ve. And I think she would’ve liked you.”
For just a heartbeat, I thought he would lean in and kiss me, but he looked away. “Damn it, you make it hard to think straight. I’m supposed to be looking out for you and I’m staring at your mouth like a starving man eyes a buffet.”
I groaned softly. “Don’t talk about an all you can eat place. They were my favorite.”
“Pasta bar with garlic bread and Caesar salads,” he said.
I grimaced. “No way, Chinese buffet with deep fried everything, all the way.”
“Oh, yeah. Talk foody to me,” he whispered right in my ear.
I laughed, and it shocked me. I swallowed it and he turned his face to me. “I know it’s too soon, but it will be okay. You’ll find your way back from the grief. Maybe over a large cheesecake covered in chocolate sauce and fresh strawberries.”
I put my head on his shoulder. “That sounds really good right now. Think you can make me one?”
“Not that kind of familiar.” He laughed. I didn’t laugh with him, but I did smile.
He was right. Too soon for just rolling with the punches, but I knew Oka would not want me to wallow. I had a job to do.
She would not want me to let the caravan down, to let the kids down.
They needed me still.
The truck came to an abrupt halt, and Mac and I slid sideways. I clutched Oka to me, terrified that a single bump would shatter the stone. Any chance I would have to bring her back meant I had to keep her intact now.
Richard hopped out of the Humvee ahead of us and cupped his hands to his mouth. “All right, everyone. Time to make camp.”
He glanced our way. I didn’t miss the way he looked at me, eyes filled with concern, not only for me but for his troupe of people. Could I keep them safe? The questions so plain on his face, he was like an open book.
I gave him a nod. I was still here. I was still with them.
Mac stood and held out a hand to me.
He crouched and tapped Oka on top of her head. “Bring her with you. No one expects you to leave her behind. It’ll be painless. I promise. I mean other than thinking about a Chinese buffet while we eat questionable canned goods and old rice.”
“You can’t make that promise to me.” I looked down at my little stone cat. “It could be dog food in those cans.”
What we were both avoiding was the obvious fact that taking Oka with me, as much as it was understandable, would weird the humans out.
He wiggled his fingers at me, beckoning me to stand. “I know, dog food is the worst. But all the people out there have had loss in their lives. I think they’ll understand. This is your tribe. Your pack, if you will.”
My pack.
That single word resonated through me and I embraced it far easier than I’d been able to embrace the word caravan, or tribe. A pack I understood.
There was a hierarchy, and everyone looked out for everyone.
Finally, I looked at him and found that damn charm-filled smile looking back at me. More than that, I felt him in my head. He knew the second I decided to go to the fire, before I said anything.
“Good, I didn’t want to drag you out there kicking and screaming,” he said.
“Fuck you,” I said with absolutely no heart behind it.
“Give me time.” He winked as he pulled me up to my feet, and out to greet my pack.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The group ate dinner around a large central fire, huddled against the dark of the night.
I sat with Oka in my lap because I wasn’t used to not feeling her weight on me in some capacity. Her stone figure didn’t fit on my shoulder. So, my lap it was.
It was a fight not to keep reaching for the bond between us, and I finally gave up and just let myself do it. I kept calling to her in my mind, kept a hand on her back and ate carefully with the other. Maybe if I kept up a running commentary to her, she’d hear me and be able to answer.
Oka, you won’t believe it. Tristan is still unconscious, we can’t wake him up so no getting information from him. Whatever spell is on him is heavy, and one I don’t recognize. Then there’s Chris. She’s watching me like I’m a fucking snake ready to swallow one of the kids whole. I know she doesn’t trust me now after using Frost as bait. But what else could I have done? He would have died for sure if I’d tried to fight the gargoyles with the caravan there to be used as bait. There was no other option. But it hurts more than I want to admit, you know? Oka, talk to me. Please. Talk to me.
“Do you agree, Pamela?” Richard asked, snapping me out of my one-sided conversation.
I stared hard at him but couldn’t recall what he’d been talking about. “What?”
He smiled, kindly. “I think our best bet is to continue north for the next few days. Mac pointed out as did you that we are being driven south, so going north would be the best bet before we head east again, toward the Haven.”
The plan was a fine one. I managed a smile. “Sounds good. Sensible,” I said.
“How do you know it’s good and sensible when you’ve not even been listening?” Chris said, her tone sharp. The three kids were sleeping in the Humvee and she sat next to Richard.
“Christiane,” Richard said her name with only a small amount of rebuke.
There was no way she understood about familiars, but anyone with eyes could see I was upset. Besides, Oka had shown her true colors as she’d fought to protect them all as a tiger, so they knew she was special. Never mind that she had given up her life for mine.
Chris gave him tired, angry eyes. “We’re trying to survive here and she’s crying over a cat. We lost people, and she’s torn up over a ten-dollar animal.”
Carefully, I set Oka on the ground near my feet and stood, my cloak billowing out behind me, caught in a well-timed breeze. Chris shrank away from me, but I didn’t care. A line was crossed. And she was on the wrong side of it.
“That cat kept herself alive. She fought for this caravan multiple times, if you recall. And in the end, she gave her life for me. I
would be dead right now if it wasn’t for her. If it wasn’t for her, you’d be without your protector. You’d be like fish in a goddamned barrel right now.”
The darkness inside me laughed.
Kill them, and you would be free of the responsibility. The other witch would stop chasing you.
For a split second that thought ruled my mind. My magic crackled along my fingertips, and I twitched, itching to let it loose. If it weren’t for them, Oka would still be here. She wouldn’t have had to offer her life for mine.
Yes, they are the cause of the pain.
We’d never have been in contact with those damned gargoyles.
Embrace me, Pamela.
Mac laid a hand on my arm, and a sense of calm cut through the words in my mind. I whirled around, wild-eyed and breathing hard, the rage flowing through me with every beat of my heart.
His eyes locked with mine and I slowly came down from the anger.
“Pamela, she meant nothing by it. She doesn’t understand, you know that.”
He was right, and he was wrong. The rage slowed, and grief filled its place. My jaw trembled as I spoke.
“She meant everything by it. Oka’s life cannot be demeaned that way. Oka saved every last one of them more than once. And she’d just cast her aside. Does that mean because at some point you, Chris,” I turned to face her, “when you have a new baby and can’t do much but take care of him or her, we should cast you aside?”
Not fair, maybe, but she’d struck a chord with me that I couldn’t get past.
Chris held her chin high. “That’s different. A child’s life is worth fighting for.”
I nodded. “Exactly, and that is exactly what Oka did. She fought for those three kids, and for your unborn child more than she fought for anyone else here.”
Richard put a hand on Chris’s thigh. “I know you’re afraid. We all are. But we chose to see the children to the Haven. We all did, knowing that there would be dangers along the way we couldn’t foresee.”
Chris shook her head as she pushed to her feet. “Goodnight.”
I watched her go and slowly lowered to my own seat again. The rest of the group was silent, and I knew I had to say something. “I will continue to protect this group, my new pack, with my life if I must. I will die for you if it is called of me. But do not begrudge me the grief from losing my best friend. Please.”
There was continued silence and then one at a time, they came to me. Nathanda was first. She hugged me around my shoulders and whispered in my ear. “We know. Your cat was amazing. What I wouldn’t give to see her chasing the archies again.”
One at a time, they came to me, touched my shoulder or dared a hug, giving me words of comfort. Caring for me, as I fought to keep them alive. I had to bite my lower lip to keep from crying in big ugly sobs.
I’d forgotten what it was to have more than one person give a shit about me, to have them love me, even just a little.
When they’d all gone to their respective tents, it was just me, Richard, and Mac.
“Pamela, I do think we should talk about something you mentioned to me earlier,” Richard said.
I didn’t say anything as I lifted Oka back onto my lap. Mac put a hand against the small of my back, warm and solid. I looked at him and let my own emotions run through the bond to him. Gratitude. If I didn’t have him here, I knew I could hold up, but surely not as well.
Richard stood and moved to sit closer to me. “You really think another witch is organizing the attacks on our group? That they are targeting you, in order to leave us vulnerable?”
I nodded. “Yes, I believe so. The spell on Tristan is not one I can crack, but it reeks of a powerful witch.”
“For the children,” he said softly, with a shake of his head. “I understand that, but why us? There are caravans all over this broken world. Surely more have children than just us? I cannot believe they are the last children in the world.”
He made good points, and I forced myself to consider what possibilities lay in front of us.
“I’m not sure, Richard. Whoever it is, I’d lay money they are attacking more than just us. Maybe it’s proximity. We’re here and we crossed their path in some cruel twist of fate. But the kids are Immune, and we know that makes them alternately valuable and dangerous.” I said the words but didn’t fully believe them. Call it a hunch, but whoever was chasing us wasn’t just chasing the kids anymore, I was almost sure of it. I glanced at Mac and he gave me a slow nod.
“Agreed,” he said.
Richard looked from me to Mac and back again. “Did I miss something?”
Mac leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, his face lit on one side from the fire. “Pamela is an exceptionally strong witch. Her power—if another witch could capture her—would be a way to control even more of the world.”
My blood ran cold. “So now I’m bringing danger here?”
Mac shook his head. “Even if you left now, they wouldn’t stop coming for the kids. You’re better off to stay here and fight on a single front. In my opinion.”
Richard sat up, dragging his hand over his mouth, and down through his beard. “This is a problem, but I agree. We can’t separate, not now.”
I wondered what Oka would say about all this. Probably that we should keep moving and get out of range. I could sneak away, but even as I thought it, I rejected the idea. No, that wasn’t me.
When it came down to the crux of the situation, I would not let the witch and her cronies have any of my pack. No, that wouldn’t happen. Time to dig deep, set my grief aside and put on my big girl panties. The caravan—my pack—needed me to be strong.
“Pamela, I see the change in your eyes. What have you decided?” Richard asked, his voice a bit quieter, approaching me with caution.
“I agree with both of you. We need to keep moving and if we can, find more protectors. That would be ideal. I can’t do it all, no one witch could.” Even if she wasn’t terrified of her own power.
Mac grunted. “That shifter pack . . . they aren’t far from here. Maybe we could hire them?”
I let the question hang in the air for more than a few beats, thinking. “What do we offer them?”
“The same thing we want from them. Safety, food, friendships. They might go for it,” Mac said.
Richard rubbed his hands over his face. “You think more shifters would be a good idea?”
Mac answered for both of us. “They’re strong, and hard to kill. They don’t need as much sleep. They could act as both protectors and providers seeing as they can hunt in their animal forms.”
The idea was solid, and in theory, was good. Almost too good to be true.
“Can you lead us to them?” Richard asked.
Mac blew out a breath. “Yeah, I can. But . . . I have no idea how this will go. They could turn us down.”
“Or attack us,” I pointed out.
Mac looked at me. “True, but I know them. They won’t attack me.”
“Lucky for you,” I said, my voice dry. “What about the rest of us?”
“Probably not?” he said.
I snorted and even Richard laughed. “Not exactly comforting,” I said.
“The others will be scared,” Richard said. “Many of them have been attacked by shifters at one point or another. The fact that they’ve taken to Mac so well is a good sign but . . . they have reason to be afraid.”
He was right. And he was wrong. I picked at my food. “No one in this camp has the luxury of letting fear rule their actions any longer. We live in a frightening world. You need as many allies as you can get. Even if they are supernaturals. Even if they are shifters.”
“I am with you on that. It will be getting the rest of them to trust us,” Richard said. “For my part, you’ve demonstrated yourself time and time again to this group. I will do what I can to get them to see the value in more protectors. I trust your judgment.”
I nodded and looked at him. “Thank you.”
Richard stood and stretched. “
I’ll leave you two to the fire. We have three sentries on watch now. They will rotate with three more before morning. Try to get some rest.” He dropped a hand on my shoulder and then it was just me and Mac.
And Oka.
I kept a hand on her and tried once more to reach her spirit trapped in the stone. Nothing, there was nothing, not even a flicker of her soul. She weighed heavily on my lap in more than one sense. “Do you really think we can fix this?”
Mac reached out and touched the tip of one of her ears. “I don’t know. But we certainly won’t turn our backs on her. We won’t stop trying to bring her back.”
He smiled then. “Anyway, she’s smaller than you are. Easier to transport. You, if you’d been turned to stone. I would’ve left right where you sat.” He winked at me, and I shook my head.
“Smart ass.”
“Smart bear,” he corrected me and then slung an arm over my shoulders. Better, I felt better.
Maybe this was why Faris sent Mac to me. Could he have somehow seen, or suspected that I would lose Oka, that I would need another familiar so soon?
I bent my head to her back and the tears started up again, running in tiny rivers over her stone body.
In the depths of my heart, I wondered if I would ever be whole again.
I’d spent my entire life as part of a whole. Oka had been the one to show me what whole was, and I didn’t know how to go back.
Mac’s hand swept up to my neck. “I’ll help you find your way again, Pam. That’s what I’m here for.”
I sat up and looked at him, really looked at him. Solid, strong, dependable, all the things I needed. I leaned over and kissed him. “I’m counting on it.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
The night passed in peace and quiet. Before we went to bed, I wrestled with my fucking magic and fueled all the trucks and the two bikes again. Just in case. Even that small amount left me wrung out, bruises blooming all over my arms and legs. I looked like I’d been beaten with a stick.
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