by Leslie Gould
“No,” Candace said.
“Then why are you sitting down?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re always busy. Always on your feet. If you take the time to sit down, you have a reason.”
Candace put her mug on the coffee table. “I was just wondering, generally, what you think of a widow remarrying.”
Janet pushed her reading glasses to the top of her head. “Is there something you need to tell me?”
Candace shook her head. She’d definitely made up her mind, but she wanted to be prepared for what others might think, such as her mother and sister. She continued, “You know, is it possible to honor one’s first husband and remarry? That sort of thing.”
Janet turned sideways and tucked her legs beneath her. “Has Heath proposed?”
“Mom.” Candace’s face grew warm.
“Has he?”
“No.”
“But you think he’s going to?”
“I’m not sure,” Candace answered.
“Well…” Janet leaned against the arm of the couch. “I think only you can decide what’s best for your kids and how to honor Dean—all of that. But,”—her eyes twinkled—“I think you and Heath are really good together. And I think he would be a wonderful father to both children. Plus I think it would be a compliment to Dean for you to marry again. You know, you two had such a good marriage. You can be hopeful about another good one because of it.”
Candace took a deep breath. That wasn’t something she’d thought of before.
“Now go get some rest,” Janet said. “You’ve had way too much on your plate for the last few weeks.”
Candace stood and took a step toward her mother quickly, kissing her on the forehead. “Thank you,” she said.
Janet grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Say your prayers and get some sleep. You’ll see. Everything will work out for the best.”
Chapter Twenty-One
THE NEXT MORNING AFTER REPORT, ANABELLE called Leila’s office to see if she was available to talk for a moment. Leila said she could come up to the CCU, but Anabelle insisted on running down to her office. She didn’t tell Leila, but she didn’t want any of the other nurses to overhear their conversation.
“How did things go with Marie?” Leila asked as soon as Anabelle hurried into her office. “She hasn’t checked in with me yet.”
“That’s because I haven’t spoken with her,” Anabelle answered, sitting down.
Leila cocked her head to the side, and Anabelle hurried on, speaking rapidly. “I’ve decided to go ahead and retire. That will open up another slot on the floor. I’ve been thinking that Debbie Vaughn would probably apply for my job, and chances are another nurse might be interested in her job. That wouldn’t mean that Marie or James—”
“Whoa!” Leila placed her hands in a time-out position. “You’ve lost me.”
“I want to retire.”
“So you don’t have to lay off Marie?”
Anabelle nodded her head and then shook it. “Not entirely. It’s just that—”
“You don’t want Marie to lose her job?”
“Her husband left and her youngest has asthma—a really bad case. She had to take all of last week off, and she’s out of sick time and vacation leave. And besides, James really needs a job too.”
“Anabelle, you know you can’t take responsibility for other people’s lives.”
“But I don’t need this job. We can make it without my income.…” Her voice trailed off.
“But you’re the best CCU supervisor I’ve had and—I’d bet a million bucks on this—you’re not ready to retire.”
Anabelle sat up straight. “And Marie isn’t ready to get laid off. And James wasn’t ready to be let go either.”
Leila exhaled slowly. “I admire your loyalty—and your concern. But you can’t make such a rash decision—”
“No, I’ve thought about this. Really.”
“—so soon.”
They stared at each other for a moment. Finally Leila said, “Wait a week, please.”
For a moment Anabelle thought her supervisor was going to say more but when it was clear she wasn’t, she asked, “What about Marie?”
Leila sighed and then said, “I’ve stalled so long on her position it won’t hurt to wait a few more days. Actually, I think it’s dropped from Varner’s radar for the moment.” The woman swiped the back of her hand over her brow. “Just between you and me, this has been the most stressful few weeks of my career.”
Anabelle could only imagine.
“We need to hang tight,” Leila said. “Things are either going to get better soon—or a whole lot worse.”
James arrived at the Morris home feeling much better than he had the day before. But he braced himself as he walked toward the front door, wondering if Gary would be back at the house and what kind of mood Joel would be in.
Lean on Me, he chanted silently.
Melanie met him at the door, her eyes cold. “You knew.”
“Pardon?” James said, taking a step backward.
“You knew Gary went on another binge when you were here yesterday. He said you took care of him at the hospital.”
James nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t. Confidentiality.”
Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. “And here I was pretending everything was all right.”
He wanted to tell her that she wasn’t very good at pretending but refrained. “Is he here?” James asked.
“He went to an AA meeting this morning. He should be back anytime.”
James said that was good to hear.
“And I’m going to an Al-Anon meeting this afternoon,” Melanie said. “My third.”
“That should help you as you move forward,” he said. He wanted to add that it should help her deal with Joel too, not rushing to meet his every need, especially the ones he could take care of himself. But that was probably something that would be better absorbed if Melanie learned it on her own. Funny how addictions and injuries and illnesses could all play out in similar ways. A person’s best intentions were sometimes harmful.
“I wasn’t going to let Gary come home,” she said, “but the women at the meeting yesterday listened as I talked through everything. None of them gave me any advice, but by the end of the meeting, as I listened to the other stories, I decided if he agreed to go to AA meetings and therapy, I would give him more time.”
James knew it was important for both of them to be supported—they were going to need a lot to get through these hard times.
An hour later, as James helped Joel finish dressing, Gary arrived, humming a tune as he came through the door. When he saw James he stopped.
“How’s it going?” James’s voice was casual.
“Fine.” Gary turned and headed toward the kitchen.
“Whatever,” Joel said.
James put Joel’s shoes on the floor beside his chair, intending to respond, but then he said, “I’ve come to the conclusion in life that most people do the best they can with what they have.”
Joel snorted.
“The thing is, they usually need additional resources to do better. More support. Or education. Or a new system to be able to cope.”
Joel didn’t respond.
“Want to go outside until Polly arrives?” James asked. “It’s warm already.”
“Sure,” Joel answered, “as long as there aren’t any fourteen-year-olds running around and having fun.”
James ignored the comment and rolled him toward the patio doors. Gary was pouring himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Neither father nor son spoke.
James wheeled Joel onto the little ramp and then onto the concrete slab patio. The planters now had petunias growing in them, which Melanie must have added, and a bird feeder hung from the eaves.
“Mom spruced things up a little after you and the Scouts left.” Joel rested his good hand on the arm of the chair, and turned
his face toward James. “Did you ask about taking me to my appointment?”
James squinted a little as he spoke. “It turns out I can, if no one else is able.” The sun was warm against his face.
“My parents have been fighting over who should go with me to Texas.”
Gary obviously shouldn’t go, thought James. The man isn’t dealing with the stress he’s already been handed. What would he do with the stress of Joel’s rehabilitation? And what good would he be to Joel if he went on a binge? Melanie’s the only viable choice.
“The thing is, I don’t want either of them to go. Dad for the obvious reasons. Mom because she babies me.”
James could see that. Sometimes mothers had a hard time letting their sons be the men they needed to be.
“I think I’ll do better on my own.”
“Ask the doctor at the VA clinic what he thinks,” James said. “He’ll be able to tell you what your needs are going to be.”
Joel nodded. “That’s what I was thinking too.”
James pulled up a plastic chair and sat beside Joel as they gazed beyond the willow trees and the creek to a hawk soaring over the next field.
“This is really the pits,” Joel muttered.
James nodded but didn’t say anything.
Joel’s voice sounded far away when he started speaking again. “I never expected this. I thought I might die, but I never thought I’d get so messed up.” He pressed his good hand against the arm of his wheelchair. “But then I feel so guilty for being such a whiner. There are so many other soldiers worse off than I am,” he said. “They say I’ll walk again. Do you think that’s true?”
“Based on what’s in your chart, I’d say so,” James answered, wondering if Joel had been believing, all along, that he wouldn’t. “Plus you’re making good progress in PT.”
Joel winced. “I’ve been a real jerk to Polly.”
“Yep.” James kept his gaze on the hawk. “You did apologize.”
“And to you.”
James turned his head toward Joel and smiled.
“I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” James said and patted the young man’s shoulder. “Now, just don’t get off on the wrong foot in Texas, okay? Be cooperative from the beginning.”
Joel frowned. After a while, he said, “My parents need to focus on themselves. Not even their marriage—just themselves. I’m not blaming my injuries—because obviously they had a lot of stuff going on before—but this sure has brought out the worst in them.”
James didn’t respond.
“When I was in high school, my dad started going on binges. Before that, my friends hung out here all the time, but then Dad started coming home drunk on Friday nights, and it was so embarrassing that I stopped inviting my friends over and ended up being pretty mean to most of them to get them off my back. Then Dad got a couple of DUIs—and he went into rehab. By then I was pretty angry. I graduated and kept on going. Joined the army. Didn’t look back.” Joel was quiet for a moment.
“And your dad stopped drinking?” James finally asked.
“Yep. Seems so—as far as Mom knows. If he didn’t, he hid it.” Joel snickered. “I guess one thing he did learn was not to drink and drive—seems he was more into drinking and passing out in random places this time.”
James didn’t say anything.
“Guess he couldn’t take my injuries.” Joel stared off into the distance. “Guess it makes it all my fault.”
“Is that what you think?” James put his arm around the young man.
“I don’t know what to think.” Joel’s voice was barely audible.
James took a deep breath but didn’t respond. It would be better if Joel could talk himself through this one.
“Come on,” Joel finally said. “Where’s your pithy advice?”
James cringed, but something he’d read several years ago came back to him. “Someone said once that ten percent of life is circumstances and ninety percent is how we react to those circumstances.”
Joel hooted. “Boy, I sure got a packed ten percent.”
James nodded. “You did.”
“But,” Joel said, “I take it your point is I can choose to react the way my parents have, or I can choose a different way.”
“Something like that,” James said.
“How about you? Mom said you’d been laid off from the hospital. How are you reacting?”
James heard a car in the driveway and assumed it was Polly’s. He stood. “Have you ever heard of the song ‘Lean on Me’?”
“You’re kidding?” Joel laughed. “Remember me telling you about my chaplain? He used to sing that song to us. It was a hit by some guy named Bill, right? Like a hundred years ago or something.”
“Bill Withers. And it was only about forty years ago.” James smiled and started singing, raising his voice when he got to the chorus. He stood and grabbed the back of Joel’s chair as he sang about being a friend who could help someone carry on when they couldn’t do it under their own strength.
He waited for a moment, looking out over the creek and then said, “I can’t be that friend to you. Neither can your mom or dad. All of us are going to let you down. Only God can help you carry on.”
“That’s what my chaplain told me too.” Joel’s voice was barely audible again.
“Have you heard from him?” James asked, as he turned the chair around toward the door.
Joel shook his head. “I e-mailed my buddies in the platoon and haven’t heard from any of them.”
“If something had happened to any of them it would have been in the news.” James pushed Joel into the house. “They’re probably holed up at a staging area, waiting for a plane home,” James said as the doorbell rang. With the army it was always hurry up and wait, but maybe the chaplain didn’t have access to e-mail while he was waiting.
“I’ll get it,” Joel said, placing his good hand on the wheelchair and lurching it forward a jerk at a time. The bell rang again and James was afraid Polly might open the door herself, but she waited. Joel pulled it open, a smile on his face.
As Polly made her way through the door, pushing the PVC-pipe structure ahead of her, James hummed the last stanza of the song a couple of times as a reminder to himself. Cody was showing the house this morning. Fern’s mom and dad were going to take her out for coffee so she wouldn’t be home.
Cody had said she’d call as soon as possible with any information. James patted his pocket to make sure his cell phone was still there. So far no one had called. As he watched Joel tease Polly, a sparkle in his eye, James began to hum the song again.
Candace found herself smiling as she went about her work even though two nurses had been sent home since they didn’t have anything to do. She had one patient in early labor, relaxing in the whirlpool, and another who was seven centimeters dilated. As she rounded the corner to the nurses’ station, she nearly bumped into Heath.
“Hey, you,” she said. “What brings you up my way?”
His blue eyes lit up. “You. Can you get away for lunch?”
“Twenty minutes, maybe. Max.”
“Let’s go then,” he said.
Candace checked in at the nurses’ station and told them to page her if she was needed sooner before heading down the hall with Heath.
She hurried through the salad bar, knowing that would be quicker, while he ordered a sandwich. She’d already started eating by the time he arrived at the booth in the back of the cafeteria that she’d chosen hoping for some privacy. Her patient who was at seven centimeters might take all afternoon—or fifteen minutes.
Heath slid into the booth beside her instead of across the table. They talked about work for a little bit and then Heath said, “It was fun to see you and Brooke at the mall last night.”
“It looked like you and Skip were doing some male bonding.”
Heath laughed. “It’s been fun to have him around. He’s a good guy.”
Candace agreed.
“And a good exam
ple to me,” Heath added.
“How so?” Candace put down her fork, picked up her napkin, and wiped her mouth.
“He’s ambitious but is doing his best to put his family first. He’s willing to take risks.”
“And you’re not?” Candace asked.
“Oh sure, if it’s to track down a gray kingbird.”
Candace knew that they were rare in the area and that Heath had never seen one.
“I want to get better at taking risks.”
Empathy swept over Candace, and she had the sudden urge to kiss him. Maybe he was having a hard time working up the nerve to propose—not that she wanted him to right now. She knew he would make sure the time was right. His gaze intensified as he watched her, and she couldn’t help herself; she leaned forward and met his lips with hers. He kissed her back and then grinned as they pulled away.
Suddenly self-conscious, Candace looked around, but they were alone in the back of the cafeteria. No one had seen them. He took her hand and held it for a moment, and the look on his face was priceless.
Just as Candace was about to ask what was next for them, her pager went off. “I’ve got to go,” she said.
“Leave your tray.” Heath scooted out of the bench and she followed. “I’ll get it.” That was another thing she loved about him. He noticed the little things that made her feel cared for.
“Thanks,” she said, blowing him a kiss as she hurried away. They still hadn’t had time to finish their conversation, but right now a new life was coming into the world and that was where her focus had to be.
James sat down beside Fern on the couch and put his arm around her.
“How was work?” she asked.
“Good.” Home health care was different from working in the hospital. There, he would care for the same patient for a few days in a row and get to know the family to some extent on the med floor. When he was working surgery he didn’t have much of an opportunity to get to know the patient or family. He realized, working with Joel, how much he enjoyed interacting with people on an emotional level. He’d never come to care about a patient the way he cared about Joel. And now the young man would be leaving in a week, Lord willing.