For me, it was Nana’s death, the discontinuation of this chocolate almond bar that apparently held really high doses of something that was toxic to the human body. Like I cared, it was probably the toxic shit that made that chocolate taste so good, and I miss it.
Anyway, I know about her life, those foster parents she got stuck with and the hell she went through before she turned eighteen and just hit the streets hoping for something, anything better.
And no, I’m not going to believe that she hated me all this time, because dammit, we were friends. Best friends. Frankie used to be the nicest person. Okay, well not nice, nice, but she was fun and funny and she seemed to be over her ordeals.
And she loved me, too. I know this as clearly as I know that it must have been hell for her, going from our home and the love Nana showered on those kids, into a home where no one cared unless they were exploiting her.
I get it all, and the longer I think about it, the more I refuse to give up on her. I love her. She’s all I have left of my family, because yes, I remember Arabella, and she’s my family, no matter what people say.
And I forgive her. I forgive her for Hussy, though God knows that wasn’t easy. I loved that damn cat. I forgive her for the car because, hey, it was just a car. It hurts, but I’m just grateful no one was hurt in that episode.
Mostly I forgive her for trying to turn my head into pulpy puree, because I get it now. She loved Nana so much it probably hurt to have to think she was the one who let her go with the social workers that day.
Arabella and I were playmates. I was maybe five at the time, and she was seven. We spent months together, playing, giggling, and just being sisters. Probably why I felt like I knew her the moment I met her.
I get why she convinced herself that I was to blame. I just don’t understand why it took her four years to snap though.
She could have offed me at any time, with ease. And yet she didn’t. She went the crazy route and took her time.
“Hey. I know you’re awake, baby.”
Shit. I don’t want to talk to Lex right now. I’m too fragile and feeling emotional, and I just can’t deal with his bull when I’m a step away from either slapping him or crying my eyes out.
I love a man who is never going to be what I need him to be. Honestly, I’ve lost enough already to risk myself on someone who’ll likely find a better model, just as he did in the club, and forget I even exist.
“Babe, please stop ignoring me and just talk to me.”
Dammit. I’m a sucker for sadness and he knows it.
I open my eyes with a sigh and frown up at him, my mouth curving into a rueful smile.
“You solved the case, Lex.”
“I wish I hadn’t.”
“Gee, thanks. Should I go out there and try to get Frankie to finish this?” I snort.
“No, dammit,” he growls, sitting forward to lean his elbows on the bed and take my hand. “I mean, I wish we had more time.”
And I wish I could go back in time, just one day, so that I could un-see him in action. It’s ironic that our time is up, too, considering he was chomping at the bit just days ago and ready to leave at a moment’s notice.
“Yeah, well, that’s life I guess. It’s not as if we didn’t know this was coming though, right? You and me, temporary,” I say, trying to find some sort of humor in this. “And Gio fired me.”
Not to my face, but I heard him discussing it with Gino and making plans for me to go to college. Yeah, great, my dreams come true. I’ll be the oldest broad on campus and either dateless or cougar material.
No thanks.
That leaves me at odds though, because you know, I can’t think of a single thing I want to do. I like making soap and other bath products, but honestly, I wouldn’t enjoy doing it forever. It’s more of a hobby anyway.
And what about the house? No way can I keep living there after what happened. I’d be lonely, depressed and missing Lex every time I get into bed.
Again, no thanks.
“I’d like you to come with me.”
“What?”
I’m so shocked you could knock me down with a feather when my eyes flash up to his and I realize he’s not yanking my chain. He’s totally, completely serious right now, and I want to say yes so badly I have to bite into my tongue to keep from yelling it out loud.
“Lex, be serious. Just days ago you were telling me that we couldn’t have sex because you were afraid I’d get the wrong idea. I took in what you said, and I’m okay with it.”
“Okay? You got wasted after Claire jumped me in the club,” he says heatedly, his eyes blazing. “You feel something for me. I know you do.”
“I do; I won’t lie about that. And you know I don’t lie just to spare myself embarrassment either. I was upset. Because just moments before you were trying to join with me on that floor, and then suddenly there was another woman, crawling all over you. It hurt. But I got over it by the second shot, because you know what? I didn’t expect any less. You told me who you are, and I listened, Lex. And now what? You’re upset because I got hurt, so you’re thinking with your emotions instead of being logical. I’m okay, and you know, I will be okay after this. That’s just who I am.”
That’s who I was before I fell in love for the first time. Gee, this sucks. Frankie was completely right, love isn’t all sunshine and daisies like I always thought it would be. And that is not okay, not at all. For the first time, I find myself lying, straight to someone’s face because, you know, letting go now is so much easier than holding onto something I know I can’t keep.
And I can’t keep him. He’s a free spirit. He’s a lone wolf type of guy. Sure, maybe he’s got this picture of us together, and maybe it’s a good one and maybe, just maybe I’d be so happy for those few months we’d be together that the heartbreak would be worth it just like I always believed.
But I’m done with heartbreak. I almost died those first few days after Nana. It hurt so much to lose her. I wasn’t sure if I could get up like I knew she’d want me to.
I managed, pretending for a long time that I was okay until one day I didn’t have to pretend anymore. With Lex, and the way I feel, as sudden and strange as it sounds, I don’t think I’d get up again.
I love hard and deep and go all in. See, I know that one, and right now, I need to use it right so you understand why I can’t do this.
“Give me a chance.”
“To change? I don’t want you to change, Lex. You’re perfect just as you are. I like that you’re honest enough to say, ‘I’m messed up, but that’s all me, take it or leave it.’ I like that you don’t make promises you won’t keep because you don’t like hurting people. I don’t want you to make promises to me that we both know you won’t keep, because it wouldn’t just hurt me, Lex. It would hurt you, too. You’re a good person beneath all that bullshit, and I love you, but I’m not giving up my entire life to be with you just to have you walk, or worse, stay even though you don’t want to.”
It hurts saying that, but I keep my face as neutral as I can and manage a small smile that I want him to see as my acceptance.
“I refuse to accept that.”
“Well, too bad! It’s all I’m serving tonight, buddy.”
His mouth twitches and I roll my eyes.
“That one was right. Are you sure you’re not suffering a brain bleed?”
“Hey, I know English, idiot. I just choose to violate it for my own amusement. Now get lost, I’d like to actually fall asleep without you staring at me like a stalker. I’ve had one thanks, I don’t need another.”
He just grins at my attitude and leans in to kiss me, throwing me tongue despite my protests or the fact that I just rejected him outright.
“Go to sleep while I talk to the guys, lady. I’ll be back in later after you come to your senses.”
“My ass,” I mutter, watching him walk out with a swagger that is way too confident for my own good. I say mine because I just know that idiot expects to get his way, and if
he flashes that smile at me again and looks at me as if I’m a dessert he can’t wait to sample…he just may get it.
***
Lex
Rejection hurts like a bitch, and I almost started freaking bawling at one point when it looked like she was cutting me loose with ease. Till I saw her eyes go that lighter shade of blue, the only indication I’ve ever seen that she’s not quite as comfortable as she wants me to believe.
Oh, she hasn’t ever really lied. It’s one of the things I respect most about Rosetta. She’d see a woman with a massive wardrobe malfunction and tell her right off the bat, not to be mean or make her feel bad, but because she thinks that honesty now will save the day later.
God, there I go just flinging shit around as if I know what I’m saying. I chuckle at the thought of little redheaded hellions running around confusing the hell out of people, and just like that, my heart feels as light as air.
Yeah. Rosetta may think she’s just tossed me aside and spared me something she doesn’t think I want, but I heard her slip the I love you in there, and I’m fucking keeping her to it.
“She sleeping?”
“She is now, after almost an hour of pretense. Christ, that woman is stubborn as hell,” I mutter to Jericho, making him laugh beneath his breath.
“The keepers always are, bro. Cleo drives me nuts on a daily basis, and I know for a fact King hides in the tool shed ‘working on something’ just to get away from Kinsley.”
“I don’t want to get away from her though. I want her with me, but after the shitty way I responded to the attraction, she’s not at all up for it.”
Jericho sighs and slaps my back in the age old brotherly, ‘This shit is awkward and I don’t know what to say’ movement that ends with a shoulder squeeze for extra comfort.
“That sucks. You gonna let that stand though?” he asks, grinning wickedly, that sparkle in his eyes bringing my own grin forward.
“What you got in mind?”
Chapter Fourteen
Rosetta
This is awkward and hard and not at all the way I thought I’d be coming home. Jericho pulls up outside my house, and Lex turns to me with a pointed look.
“I know you don’t agree with our staying another day, baby, but the cops and the guys are still looking for Frankie, and we feel that you shouldn’t be alone until she’s apprehended.”
I get it, I just don’t like it. I wanted to come home, wash the cruddy hospital smell off, drink a bottle of wine, and cry while listening to Adele. Is that too much to ask around here?
Now I have to share my home with Lex and Jericho while they hunt my friend down like a dog. And I don’t get to drink wine or cry in that scenario because Mother Goose up front has decided that I’m still weak and ailing and not able to digest wine.
Hasn’t anyone told the fool it’s made of grapes and packed full of vitamins and antioxidants? It’s like taking a supplement, only this one tastes good and makes me happy.
“Fine, but I’m having a glass of wine. I deserve it, and besides, even Jesus drank wine,” I mutter, slapping his hands away when he comes around to pull me out of the car.
“I agree, though technically I’d hazard a guess and say that he didn’t suffer a concussion while drinking it, you see my dilemma?”
Jericho is outright laughing now, his blue eyes filled with a question I just do not have the strength to answer. So I choose grumpy sarcasm and humor to make my life suck less as I wait for my not-boyfriend to leave so that I can wear sweats, stop washing, and turn into the un-hair-brushed version of Nicole Kidman.
“You don’t know; you’re just guessing there. I bet it was a free-for-all party after that water became grape whiskey. Whatever. Just let me have a glass and veg on the sofa, and maybe I won’t want to attack anyone like a crazed animal. These teeth are porcelain and capable of more damage than you think”
The lunkheads just chuckle at my disgruntlement, which admittedly is not as undeserved as I wish it to be. I’m a terrible patient and even worse when I feel like an elephant ate me, pooped me out, and then decided to play squash with its feces.
“Come on. I’ll pour while you get comfortable.”
And then we talk. It goes unsaid, but I know this guy and his smooth moves, and that look he’s giving me is filled with determination and a never-say-die attitude.
I’m still muttering when Jericho unlocks the door, and I pay not a scrap of attention till Lex suddenly pulls me back and tries to hustle me away.
“Christ!”
“Get her out of here.”
I struggle though, because I hear the strains of Amazing Grace and look back to see something that scares me as much as it invokes pity. Frankie, my poor Frankie, is standing in the middle of my living room, wearing my clothes, a blood-red wig, and a smile that is not at all sane.
Lex tries to pull at me again, but I hit at his hands and stalk forward, hissing when they try to stop me.
“You can’t help her, Rosetta!”
Maybe not but, dammit, I’m going to try.
I am shocked though, and a little scared, which is why I stop just inside the door and pause, just taking in the crazy. She’s…me, I guess. Well, not exactly, but from where I’m standing, she’s so done up and…me.
She’s all smiles when I approach, but that smile quickly slips away and she lunges at me, taking me down to the floor, her hands going for my throat.
I’d be scared, and honestly, I am a little until Lex grabs her around the waist and tosses her away, grabbing me up into his chest.
“Baby?”
“I’m fine. Don’t fuss. I want to talk to her.”
We’re at the door now, and I wiggle to be let down, ready and able to argue the point when I hear Frankie rise behind us.
“Welcome! Oh hey, Lex honey, why don’t you introduce me to your friends?” Frankie trills, coming forward with a smile.
What the ever-loving dog biscuit…?
Jericho steps closer, as I turn around to see her patting at her hair, her eyes glazed over. I feel Lex come into my left, shielding me as Frankie comes forward and holds out her hand, the attack just seconds ago forgotten.
“Oh you! Look at this kidder. I’m Rosetta, but please call me Rosie. Welcome to my home. Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll get everyone some drinks.”
I can’t move and not from the shock, though shit, I can’t even begin to explain what I’m feeling right now. Frankie has definitely snapped like a ginger…snap? That’s funny and makes me snort because she must be one of the few women in the world who voluntarily became a ginger. No wonder she’s acting crazy. And she’s swanning around here thinking she’s me…and dammit! This is because she thinks I’m dead, right?
That thought takes a little of the gleam right off the sympathy cart I’m trucking on, but I battle the urge to slap her silly and try to remember that forgiveness is the foundation of love. Plus, I have to keep in mind that she’s not all there.
“Er, hi,” I mumble, my brow furrowed. “You, uh, look great.”
Her head twists and the glare she sends me has me trembling behind Lex, thinking she’s gone cuckoos and magpies on me again.
“And who might you be? Are you trying to steal my man?!” she suddenly yells, her face turning so mean that I scoot behind Lex and peep at her from around his shoulder.
I am seriously freaked, especially when she starts blabbering about how much she loves him, and I feel him tense when she talks about telling her friend Frankie about taking a chance on love.
Yeah, yay me. This is not embarrassing at all.
But I have bigger fish in the fire when she focuses on me again and sneers, making Lex growl.
He’s tense and going tenser as he steps forward and blocks her off, putting his hand out to hold her off.
“We’re friends.”
Her expression, the murderous glint in her eye, changes so fast I hear Jericho gasp along with me. This chick is officially one cookie shy of a retirement party, I
tell ya.
“Oh, how lovely. Well? Come in and sit. I would love to get to know you all; any friend of Lex’s is a friend of mine. Now let me tell you all about my nana’s house and the lovely little garden she made outside…”
That trips my switch. Instantly. I can deal with her snapping and wanting to take my identity because, let’s face it, I’m cool and so wantable. I can deal with her thinking Lex is hers—not really, but I’m hanging on to my temper on that one. But Nana? Nana is mine and always will be, and if this psycho so much as mentions her again, I will go against everything I believe in and kill her ass.
I may be in the confessional for years to come to assuage my guilt, but I’ll take it because it would be worth it.
“Frankie!”
“Baby, shh!”
“Shh, my ass. This is bullshit. I can deal with all the craycray flying around, and even stop myself from slapping her silly because she’s wearing my favorite silk thong, which…eww! But I will not let her walk around in my house claiming my nana. That shit just is not happening. Frankie!” I yell, snapping my fingers. “You generic version of Coco Puffs! Hey! Wake up and smell the insanity, lady. This isn’t your house, you are not Rosie, and Nana was not your nana.
“This house is mine. I lived here with my nana my whole life before she died and you do not belong here! Stop curdling the milk sister and taste the freaking cheese already. You. Are. Not. Me.”
“I am—”
“What do I eat for breakfast that nobody knows about?” I cut in, just to be a bitch.
The answer is those chocolate walnut bars that are probably giving me some sort of radiation poisoning, well, at least it was. I ran out months ago and some had to be tossed because the walnuts were rancid. But that is my breakfast of choice, and if she were me she’d know that…wait, did that even make any sense?
“Jesus! I think it’s contagious,” I mutter under my breath, watching her take it all in and try to answer.
She looks like she’s malfunctioning as her head twists around and eyes the color of ice chips zoom in on me with a deadly focus that has me regretting my words almost immediately.
THE WATCHERS: 6 Military Romance Bundle Page 73