Her voice is casual but I know what she is saying. It is only a matter of time until mom is too drunk to function. People will excuse it today. She is grieving, after all. But Emily knows what I know. Mom was already drinking increasingly when Dad was alive. Now that he is gone, what will stop her from going over the edge?
“April,” Emily says to me and runs her fingers through her hair, “I’m sorry about… us fighting... about Adam and everything.”
The fact she is dating Adam again and hid it from me feels so small and pointless that I have barely thought about it since she came home.
“Emily,” I say, my voice sounding distant, “I have to tell you something too.”
“What?”
“I’ve slept with Bennett. Twice.”
Emily looks alarmed at this. I can’t tell if she is alarmed at the fact I have slept with Bennett, or that I have neglected to tell her, or that I am telling her now, of all times. She steps toward me and takes hold of my arm. Her voice is barely above a whisper now.
“April, what? Like… after your father died? Because I understand… you’re emotional and everything is upsetting…”
I appreciate the fact she is trying to give me a way out but I shake my head. “No. The day after the summer party and one of the nights you were working late… or seeing Adam, I guess.”
Her eyes are as wide as saucers. If I didn’t feel so empty, I would have found it funny. How could Emily not be surprised? Bennett and I had never gotten along. Now here I am telling her that we have slept together twice.
“Oh,” she says, looking lost. “Are you… I mean, like, dating? Isn’t he seeing that Stephanie woman? I didn’t know…”
“We aren’t seeing each other. I don’t know what we are doing,” I admit.
Saying it out loud feels strangely liberating. It is true. I don’t know what Bennett and I are doing. Even though I have stepped away from the money and the company, I still find myself in Bennett’s circle. When I am around him, I cannot help but feel drawn to him. The revelations about him have changed how I thought about him before. Bennett is like quicksand… the more I struggle to get away from him, the more I feel myself fall deeper.
Emily blinks. “You don’t know?”
“No,” I confirm. “It’s confusing at the moment.”
“I’m just surprised, that’s all,” she says. “I mean, obviously, who you sleep with is totally your own judgement but…”
I know what she is thinking. Emily doesn’t want to cast any judgement on me because she knows we just fought about her dating Adam again.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’m not really thinking about it right now.”
Our conversation is interrupted by a long train of people giving me their condolences. Most of the people I have spoken to over the years in passing, that is, until I opted out of ever working in the family business.
There is one person that I see on the opposite side of the room that I want to speak to, however. James is here. I had seen him briefly at the funeral but he seemed to be keeping a low profile. Even though he quit the company shortly before Dad’s death, I know that he is hurting as much as I am. He adored my father.
Excusing myself from a conversation with two people I barely recall meeting a few years ago, I head across the room toward him. Emily watches me leave but doesn’t go after me. James is hovering by a plate of finger sandwiches, although he hasn’t taken one.
“James, hi,” I say to him.
He looks up at me. He appears to have aged forty years since I last saw him. His face is etched with lines and he is going gray. Even so, his smile lights up his face at seeing me.
“April. A pleasure to see you.”
“Same here. Been a while,” I tell him, taking one of the finger sandwiches and nibbling on it.
He follows my lead, taking one as well, and together we trail away from the table and out of the main living room. We end up in one of the smaller sitting areas where Dad kept some of his books. There is only a small group of people here across from us. We sit down on a couch.
“I’m crushed by the death of Richard,” James says softly. “I don’t think I need to explain why.”
“No, you don’t. Dad always spoke very highly of you. He loved you like a brother.” My throat feels tight again and I look down at the small sandwich in my hand.
James sighs. “I feel as if I abandoned him at the end. Quitting like that. I should have stuck around… maybe…”
“Maybe, what? He wouldn’t have had that seizure? You can’t start thinking like that,” I say firmly. “There was nothing you could have done. Dad didn’t even know you quit. He wasn’t exactly all there at the end.”
James looks at me. His eyes look grey, like stormy seas.
“Thank you. I hope in time that lessens the guilt I feel.”
A few days ago, if I had a chance to speak to James, I would have tried to grill him about the status of the company. Why did he quit? What was my mom meddling about? But today, I cannot find the energy. It is Spencer’s problem now.
“Richard was a great man. I hated leaving. I hope you know that. I tried to tell your sister that I didn’t want to leave. They wanted me to take over, you know. Help Spencer learn the ropes in case your father passed away. But I couldn’t.”
“Spencer should be okay,” I tell him.
“Maybe…,” he hesitates. “I’d feel better if Kevin wasn’t her mentor though, to be honest.”
Chapter Two
“What?” I say in surprise.
James blinks during the pause. “Kevin Hunter. He’s been mentoring her in business for a few years now.”
“Did Dad know about this?”
“Yes, I believe so. He thought it was a good idea. He said that Kevin had a great business sense and a keen eye for opportunities. I was always against it, however.”
“Why?” For the first time since Dad died, I feel an actual emotion – curiosity.
James takes a small bite of the finger sandwich as if he is debating whether to tell me why he didn’t like it. In the end, he nods, as if he has decided I am no harm since I have nothing to do with the company now.
“I think Kevin is ruthless. Don’t get me wrong. He is charming. He has to be, doesn’t he? He sees chances to grow his company all over the place. Keen business sense. But there is something snake-like about the man. I didn’t think Spencer should learn from someone like that. I thought your father should have mentored her more. But Richard said that Kevin knew things that he didn’t about business. He thought it would give Spencer a wider scope of the world.”
“When did this start?”
James’s brow furrows as he thinks. “A few years ago now.”
“I had no idea.”
“It wasn’t widely known. I seemed to be the only one who protested it. No one got the vibe I got from Kevin. Everyone was, and still is, enchanted by him. Maybe I’m wrong about him.” He shrugs a little.
I guess that explains all the conversations I had seen them have. I bite my bottom lip. Kevin mentoring Spencer – never would have guessed it. If I had found this out only a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have put too much thought toward it. However, after hearing Bennett echo a similar sentiment about his father, I can’t help but hesitate a little. Was Kevin really the best person to mentor my sister?
“In any case,” James says, “he’s been mentoring her for a while now. Sorry, April, I thought you knew. But I guess that was silly of me.”
“No, it’s okay. I just don’t know much about the business. Brian spoke to me a little – that was the first I heard of… things being a little unsteady.”
“I tried, April. I hope you know that. I had many ideas to try to get things back on track but your father was resistant to change. And your mother —” He cuts himself off and sits up a little straighter. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about these things here, of all places.”
“It’s fine. I know my mom is a little out of control lately,�
�� I mumble.
“Just the drinking, April. It’s growing worse. I fear with your father gone, she might run into trouble. She doesn’t have a head for business but your father listened to her often near the end to try to stop her from hitting the bottle. It cost the company a lot of money.”
I let out a sigh. Suddenly, I feel as if the world is hanging over my head. It is a strange feeling and oddly suffocating. James reaches for my hand and pats it gently.
“I’m sorry, dear.”
I look up at him and smile gently. “Thanks, James. I’m sorry things got so messy.”
“Don’t be. I know you removed yourself from the company and all of that craziness… I think it’ll do you good in the long run. You’re a photographer now, aren’t you?”
The conversation switches from the unpleasant topics of the company to my own freelance photography. This is a subject I could talk about at any moment with ease. James is into art and throughout the years had praised my photos. By the time we finish up our conversation, I feel the weight on my chest is a bit lighter.
After James leaves the wake, I end up back in the main living room. Mom is drunk by this point and is crying on someone’s shoulder. Spencer is in the middle of the room, fielding questions from what looks to be people from the company. By her side is Kevin.
I look at Kevin now, trying to see the man who has Bennett so cowed and is mentoring my sister. He is standing up straight with an expression of concern on his face. I try to place this with the man who is telling Bennett to date Stephanie because he wants to buy up her father’s business.
I suddenly want air. It feels stifling hot in here and the fact that everyone is discussing business instead of my father has rubbed me the wrong way. I quietly exit through the sliding doors to the patio and end up walking away from the house.
It is silent out here. The weather is still chilly. The trees sway back and forth in the gentle breeze. It is here that I see someone sitting at one of the small tables near the garden area.
“Bennett,” I call out.
He turns his head to look at me and gives me a small wave, as if it is perfectly normal for him to be sitting here in the backyard, staring at the garden. I take a seat next to him. He is dressed in a suit, like usual, but his tie has been removed and is on his lap.
“I didn’t know you were here,” I tell him.
“Call me a coward but I couldn’t bring myself to attend the actual funeral. Besides, I’m sure your dad hardly remembered who I was. Came to the wake instead,” he says to me.
“Dad knew you.”
“Someone who worked with him should pay their respects.”
“Saw your dad back there,” I tell him.
“Great,” Bennett says, making it clear that his father is the last person he wants to discuss.
We sit next to each other in silence. I don’t know what to say to Bennett. Last time we spoke, he was telling me his fears about taking over his dad’s company. He was telling me he didn’t want to date Stephanie anymore just because Kevin wanted to buy up the grocery store chain. But then Spencer called and everything had shifted. I didn’t know if Bennett had spoken to Kevin since then.
I glance at him from the corner of my eyes. Staring at him in profile, I am struck again by how handsome he is. Even though I am too bereaved to feel anything other than grief right now, I take a moment to appreciate how he looks. Quietly staring out at the garden, his hair is slightly messy, and his hands are resting on his lap. It feels as if I am staring at an art piece.
After a few minutes of this, Bennett finally speaks. “I’m sorry about your dad.”
“Thank you,” I say automatically from hearing that all day.
Bennett shifts in his chair to look directly at me. “No, April. I mean it. Your dad was a great guy. He worked hard. He loved you very much. I remember after you told him you wanted nothing to do with the money or his company, how everyone was making a big deal about it. But he never said anything bad about it once. He respected you for it. Even when no one else seemed to understand it.”
My throat has closed up again and I can feel myself on the verge of tears. I sit there, stock still, afraid to even make the smallest movement for fear of crying.
Bennett goes on, “Your dad should still be here. I…” he trails off, as if his own voice is catching and looks down at his hands.
For the first time all day, I see grief that mirrors what is inside me. It isn’t that my mother and Spencer aren’t feeling grief. They are. But Spencer has hidden hers to the point where I can’t see it on her face. Mom drinks to mask it. Looking at Bennett right now, I can see the grief clearly etched on his face.
Instead of saying anything back, I reach for his hand. The touch of his skin against mine is comforting. He smiles gently at me. In that moment, I feel more connected to him than I have ever before.
There is a sudden noise from the house that jars me. Laughter, I realize. I glance over my shoulder back to the patio. Spencer is outside, standing with Kevin and a small group of people. Someone there is laughing. Even if they are laughing at a memory of my father, the laughter feels out of place here.
“I didn’t know your father was mentoring my sister,” I say to make conversation.
“Oh,” he replies, stiffening slightly. “I thought you knew.”
“No. Found out today.”
Bennett is oddly silent and I look away from Spencer to him. He moves his hand away from mine, as if he’s afraid of being seen with me in that way.
“I don’t know much about it,” he says to me. “I guess he’s helping her learn the ropes. Will probably help her out more now that…”
“I guess so,” I reply.
I look back at the group. Bennett is looking at them as well. I wonder what he is thinking about. I wonder what is going to happen now.
Chapter Three
The next week is so busy that I can barely come up for air. Between Anderson and Michelle’s word of mouth, I end up with more photography jobs than I ever dreamt I could have in a single month. Some of them are short and sweet. Others have me learning the ropes of how to navigate working for a client who is a bit difficult. The days are long and sometimes I end up working late into the night.
I don’t mind. Working non-stop means that I can’t find the time to stop and dwell on my father’s passing. Everything is blotted out besides trying to get that perfect shot.
It isn’t until the end of the week that Spencer leaves me a voicemail telling me to come by and get what Dad has left me in the will. I hadn’t been expecting anything for obvious reasons.
It is with trepidation that I go back over to my family’s house. Even though it had only been a week since I had last been there, it feels like another lifetime ago with all the work I am now doing.
The first thing I notice when I step into the house is how noisy it is. There are the sounds of something being worked on loudly somewhere. Spencer comes down the stairs and says something to me but I can’t make it out.
Even Spencer has seemingly changed. Her hair has been dyed a light blonde and is up in an elegant bun. Seeing her with a new hair color surprises me. She was never one to care about what color she had her hair. As I follow her up the stairs, I wonder if this was Kevin’s idea.
“Sorry for the noise,” she finally tells me when we are upstairs. “Mom is remodeling the kitchen.”
“Why?”
“A project to distract her, I guess.”
“The kitchen was just remodeled like, three years ago,” I point out.
“I don’t know what to tell you, April. Mom is… sort of adrift right now.”
She turns and I follow her down the hallway. We are heading to Dad’s office. My throat constricts. I don’t want to go in there. My feet slow down and Spencer glances back.
“You okay?”
“Are we going into Dad’s office?”
“Yeah but…” She studies my face for a few moments and then says, “We can go to the smaller m
eeting room if that’d be better.”
I nod, unable to speak. I am not ready to go into Dad’s office and be surrounded by all of his things. Spencer goes in there and I go to the room across the hall. It is a small meeting room. There is one downstairs, large and ready to go in case there is an emergency meeting. This smaller room is used for more private business affairs. I sit down at the oak table and look around.
It has been a long time since I was in this room. The walls are painted a light blue in an attempt to set up a relaxing atmosphere. There is a fish tank against one wall, although it is empty. The windows are large, letting in lots of natural light. There is also a large painting of a beach on the other wall.
Last time I had been in this room was when I told Mom and Dad I didn’t want anything to do with the company. I remember vividly wishing that we weren’t in a meeting room for the discussion. It made everything too formal. I remember how upset Mom had gotten when I told her I wanted out of the will.
“I don’t understand,” she had told me. “I assumed you and Spencer were going to work at the company and help us. So now, not only are you telling us that you don’t want anything to do with the company, but you want nothing to do with the money?”
“I just don’t want the money, Mom,” I had tried to explain. “I want to make it on my own. It isn’t like I don’t want to be a part of the family.”
But Mom was furious by this point. She made it perfectly clear that she thought I was disowning the family. I tried to explain to her how I just didn’t want anything to do with the company or the money but Mom wouldn’t let me get a word in. It was Dad who had finally spoken up and silenced my mom, telling me he respected my choice.
“Hey, sorry that took so long,” Spencer’s voice broke through my thoughts as she enters the room. “His office is a mess right now.”
She sits down across from me. The whole thing is odd and starting to feel like a business transaction. In her hands is a small wooden box. I don’t recognize it.
“Well, here,” she says, sliding it toward me awkwardly. “You don’t have to open it now. I meant to give it to you after we read the will but… things are so busy with the company.”
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