by Malone, Nana
Alistair collapsed in a heap at Xander's feet, clawing at his throat and wheezing.
Xander whirled on her. "Are you hurt?"
Imani dragged in gulps of air and shook her head. "I-I don’t think so."
He approached her slowly, his hands out in front of him. "I'm sorry, this is my fault. I made him resign from the trust and he flipped. I should have anticipated something like this."
Imani stumbled into his arms and he held her close. She let herself fall into his embrace and relaxed into his hold. But out of the corner of her vision she saw Alistair crawling toward the stairwell. "Xander. He's getting away."
He whirled around but didn’t release her. “Let him go. You’re the one I’m worried about right now. He’ll get what’s coming his way.”
"I'm okay. I swear. Can we just go inside?"
"Right." He held her face gingerly "I never would have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you."
"I'm okay." If only that was true. Every time she blinked, she could see Alistair with his hands around her throat.
An hour later after the police had come and gone. Xander settled her on the couch with tea and wrapped his arms around her. She automatically curled into his warmth. This was exactly where she belonged. He held her tight and whispered apologies as he kissed her temple. It wasn’t long before she drifted off to sleep on his arms.
She wasn’t’ sure what it was, perhaps Xander shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch, but something woke her. His voice was soft. “I know you were supposed to leave tomorrow, but with Alistair I want you to stay here until the police have him, okay? I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you.”
She tried to ignore the pang of disappointment. She wanted him to want her for the sake of wanting her. Not because he felt obligated. “Xander—“
“Please, Imani. I-I need you to stay here.”
Was this his way of keeping her close? Did he want her the way she wanted him? “Okay.”
She could feel the tension ebb out of his shoulders. “Good.”
#
Hours after he’d taken her to bed. Soft morning light filtered into his bedroom, rousing her out of a deep sleep. But sudden thrashing in the bed had her wide-awake.
"No. No, don’t hurt me." The voice was so soft and frightened she thought it was a movie. But she forced her heavy lids open. Xander lay next to her on the couch, tossing fitfully. He was having another nightmare. "Wake up, Xander. Wake up."
"I’m begging you. Please don’t."
She couldn’t reconcile the helpless voice to the man who clearly knew how to kill someone. She’d been terrified of the violence in him earlier. But instinctively, she knew he would never turn it on her. Unlike Ryan. He'd know how to not just incapacitate Alistair but kill him. If he had wanted to, he could have.
She wrapped her arms around the man she'd started to care about and shushed him, just like he had her, soothing him back to sleep. Was Alistair right? Was he a ticking time bomb? Was he a danger to her? No. He wouldn’t hurt you. But he'd already proven he was capable of anything.
Twenty-Nine
Any good intentions Xander had flew out the window. Eventually, he'd stopped pretending he could resist Imani at all. It really was futile. Worse, everybody knew it. "You make me sound like a bloody sap."
"No, Romeo, I make you sound like a man in love." Abbie beamed. "I have to say, it looks good on you Xander. I much prefer this version than the cocky, too-full-of-himself one."
"I'm not full of myself. I'm confident. I thought women liked that."
"We do. But it usually signals bad boy who will care more about himself than he will about you. But that's not the case with Imani, is it?"
He rolled his eyes and signaled to Lord Darby’s assistant that they were ready for him. Xander knew he really didn't have anything to lose by saying it out loud. He'd be telling Imani as soon as they got back anyway. He wanted her to stay. Not just at his place, but in his life more permanently. He wanted it all to be real. "And if I do care about her, what’s the best way to go about telling her? I'm a bit out of practice."
"For starters you can be honest and just tell her. No games. Just honesty. She's a cool chick, she'll appreciate that."
Honesty, he could do that. Right? How hard could it be? "Thank you. I, uh, appreciate it."
"Like I said, love looks good on you. The big, bad Xander Chase. Felled by a slip of a girl."
"Isn’t that the truth?” But all in all he was pretty happy about it.
“Now let's get back to work, so you can earn your keep. I doubt the trust is going to pay to keep you in exotic sports cars. You need to sing for your supper."
"Got it." Then, because he really appreciated her help and he wanted her to know, he said, "I know I don’t say it enough, or ever. And I’ve been a pain in your side since you arrived—"
"In my side? Try my a—"
He choked out a laugh. "Yeah, I get it. But anyway, thank you. You’ve been a great friend. And you'll be an even greater sister."
She blinked rapidly. "If you make me cry and ruin Sophie's makeup job, she'll kill you."
"I believe it." He slung on his camera. "But honestly, though. I love you." The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could run through the ramifications of what he'd said. Shaking his head, he added, "Wait, it wasn’t supposed to sound—"
Abbie held up a hand. "I know what you meant. And I love you too. You and I were never meant to be. It was always going to be Alexi."
"And he was the better man for it."
Her smile was soft and a little dreamy. "Yeah, he is. But to be honest with you, you never did love me. You loved the idea of me. And that all started to go away as soon as Imani showed up."
"I guess when it's real you know."
"That you do." She squared her shoulders. "Now, can we go and turn a sow's ear into a silk purse with this daddy-daughter photo?"
"I'm not sure why they even hired me. I'll have to Photoshop the hell out of this thing to make either of them look good. They might as well have hired a painter."
Abbie hit Xander on the arm. "For once in your life, try to be nice, would you?"
"This is me being nice."
"Lucky for you, Imani makes you far more charming."
Yeah, lucky for him.
#
"Thanks for hanging out with me today."
Imani slanted Lex a glance. "I know this is a babysitting gig for you. You have no real desire to come to rehearsal. You know, you really don’t have to do all this. I'll be fine. It's not like the police aren’t on the lookout for Alistair."
Lex crossed his arms. "Let's just say that you're precious to Xander. And he'd rather keep you close until they find Alistair, so while he's gone, consider me your armed guard."
"You realize this is ridiculous, right?"
He shrugged. "He'd do it for me. Hell, he has done it for me."
She studied him for a minute. He was so like Xander in a lot of ways. Their eyes, their bone structure. It was easy to tell they were brothers. "Do you mind if I ask you something personal?"
He leaned back in his chair. "Okay."
"I know I'm way overstepping here, but I need to know how to help him better. I-I care about him, but I have no idea how to do that. He shuts down if I even so much as suggest he talk to someone."
"Let me guess—he says he's fine. The nightmares don't mean anything and he's dealing with it."
She nodded. "Yeah. That sounds about right." She blew a stray strand of hair out of her face.
Lex sat forward in his seat, his elbows onto his knees. "He had it bad. So did I, but Xan, he had it worse. Much worse. He has cause to hate Alistair. Really good fucking cause. And I want to see that asshole burn as much as the next bloke, but my concern is primarily for Xander and what carrying around that hate is doing to him. I've been after him for years to talk to someone. Sometimes he relents and goes, but it doesn’t last long. He insists he can take care of himsel
f."
Shivering and rubbing her hands up and down her arms, she said, "I just want to help him."
Alexi’s smile was slow, tipping up slightly at the corners. "You’re doing it. He's already more open than he ever was."
"I dunno about that. He keeps saying he feels like he's losing control around me."
"And for Xander that could be a good thing. He spiraled out of control a few years ago. Took a while to get him back together again. But he's determined not to go back to that. So he holds on tight to control, trying to force things to go the way he wants, when what he should be doing is talking through it.”
“I don’t understand how I can possibly be helping him.”
“You make him feel what it's like to really care about something again. Love someone again. It makes him crazy. And it should. It’s part of life. He thinks living is battening down the hatches. But it’s not. He's got to let go to really live."
Imani stared at him in shock. "He doesn’t love me."
Alexi cocked his head. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. You care about him, and he could use that. He's certainly not the easiest person in the world to love."
The real question was, could she help him?
Thirty
Xander would pay money to see the contented look on Imani's face forever. As he massaged one foot, both of her eyes rolled into the back of her head and a low moan escaped her lips.
His cock twitched to life. Down boy, you've already had her twice tonight. Since that first time, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off of each other. The moment he'd come home it had been his routine to go looking for her in the flat. And he almost always found her in the library.
Tonight, she’d been curled up on the window seat with her script in her lap, staring out at the Thames. He’d meant to tell her he loved her. Meant to make dinner, do the whole romance thing. Of course, the moment she’d looked up and smiled at him, he’d forgotten all about using his words, and instead dropped to his knees in front of her and hiked up her dress to taste her. He could still hear her moan his name as she came on his tongue. From there, their lovemaking had been quick and frenzied and hungry. Sinking into her bare was like nothing else he’d ever felt in his life.
Afterward he'd dragged her into the shower to clean up. And as a byproduct of her soapy tits and water sluicing over that perfect ass, he'd made love to her again. Slower this time, refusing to let go until she’d had two orgasms. It was like his body kept trying to make up for all the missed orgasms of his life.
"You know that look on your face is quickly becoming an addiction for me."
Imani burrowed under the throw, bringing more of her toned legs into his lap. "Yes, I think we've established that you like my O-face. Particularly as you keep telling me when we're making love."
He kneaded his thumbs over the ball of her foot and she groaned again. "Too right. In case you haven’t figured it out by now, I'll do anything to see that look on your face."
"Hmmm."
Her phone rang and she reached for it.
"Just leave it, love. They can leave a message." He’d been gearing up to tell her how he felt. He’d lose his nerve if the mood around them dissipated.
"It could be Charles with something. Or maybe my sister." She winked at him. “Don’t you stop, though."
Who was he kidding, he was a total chicken shit. "Yes, ma’am." It was so easy to be with her. Freeing. Light. Was this what he'd been afraid of all this time? Now that he had her he certainly wasn’t letting go.
But the moment she answered her phone, her face fell. Next thing he knew, she was pulling her feet out of his grasp. He felt the loss immediately.
"Dad, calm down. I can’t hear everything you’re saying."
Xander ground his teeth together and sat up frowning after her turned back. She hushed her tones, but he could hear everything.
"Calm down, Dad. I paid the mortgage. Ebony told me about the notices from the bank. How could you let it get that bad? No. Just listen to me… I can’t… Tell me what for… I can’t just… That was all I had."
When she began pacing, his gaze tracked her every movement from the natural sway of her hips to her gesticulating with her hands. Everything about her fascinated him. As for her father, the man was a leech and he was using her feelings of guilt to turn the money spigot.
"Dad, I put money in Ebony's account myself, you don’t need to worry about what she needs. I've taken—"
He'd given her ten thousand pounds for her to pose as his girlfriend. How was that not enough money? And how could a father not even ask his daughter what she was doing to get that money? How could he not even feel any guilt for what he was asking?
Knowing he shouldn’t be listening, Xander quickly checked the messages on his tablet. Clicking on the email message with the subject line, Status, he sat back. Garrett Ansel was very good at his job. Not to mention Xander was paying him enough to find Alistair. Not that he didn’t trust the police could do their jobs, just that he didn’t think their punishment would be swift or just enough.
"I found Alistair. He's holed up in a grotty little bedsit in Hounslow. How do you want me to proceed?"
He tried to tune out Imani's conversation but bits of it kept seeping in as she tried to determine just how much her father needed. But her voice kept filtering in. He wanted to do more than just listen when she got a call like this. He wanted to fix it for her. But he knew how that would go. She’d refuse. As far as her family went, she wanted to take care of everything herself. Her damn pride drowning out everything else.
For once in his adult life, his wishes and actions didn't revolve around what he needed to do or his end goals. All he wanted to do was help her. And he knew how. Maybe it was time to show her how he loved her instead of telling her. Plan set in his mind, he typed out a quick response to Garrett.
“Can you leave word for those psychos in Pushka discreetly about his whereabouts and also tip off the Bill? We'll see who gets there first. Either way, he won’t be our problem anymore. Then set up the jet and a flight plan. I'm taking a trip tomorrow. It'll be quick, so I'll need a pilot for the return.“
He hit send then tapped the home screen twice. The only problem now was with Alistair caught, there was no more reason for her to stay with him. His heart squeezed at the thought.
When Imani turned to face him, her features were drawn. Her normally smiling mouth now flat and tight and a light line now marring her smooth forehead. "All right?" he asked even though he knew what the answer would be. She was nowhere near okay.
She sighed and let herself fall back onto the couch. "You don’t have to keep asking."
"I think we've established I care about you, right?"
A ghost of a smile appeared over her lips. "Yeah, was that what we did that one time?"
"Cheeky." He brushed his hand over her hair. "I don’t like seeing what it does to you every time you get a call from home."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm a total downer right now. I think I need to try to get home before the showcase. Dad lost his job and can’t seem to keep it together for Ebony’s sake. He fell behind on the mortgage and it took Ebony seeing the late notices from the bank for anything to be done about it. I’m afraid of how bad it’s really going to get.”
"I get the picture." One he didn't like. She'd been handling all of this on her own. Her sister was there, but Imani did her best to insulate everyone from what she felt were her problems to deal with. "But the showcase is in a week. I know, you say you don’t want any help, but I have the means to help you. I wish you would let me."
She scrubbed a hand over her face, sending several strands of her thick hair into her face. "Xander, we've been through this. As much as you want to control your environment, you can’t control this situation. And they are my family to deal with. My problem, not yours."
So much for this drifting into a real relationship. She might say the words, give him her body, but there would always be a part of her t
hat she kept to herself. And all he wanted to do was love her.
"I'm not trying to take over. I'm trying to share the load. I know how heavy your rehearsals have been. This is the first night you've been home before me in weeks. You're stressed and you’re even running your lines in your sleep. You've been doing press and trying to make sure Ebony is good, and dealing with my special brand of crazy. Let me help you. For once I'm not interested in doing the selfish thing and you won’t let me."
"Xander. I'm thrilled you want to help, but the way I need you to be there for me is to hold my hand, and rub my feet and feed me delicious food and make love to me so I can escape for a few hours. That’s what I need. I don’t need a white knight."
He scooted closer to her and slung his arm around her shoulders. "I only want to help. I wish you would let me."
"I appreciate it." Imani leaned her head back and kissed his chin. "I really do. But I need to do this on my own. I just can’t count on anyone else. I wish I knew how to lean on you, but I don’t. It's not part of my make-up."
A fist tightened around his heart and squeezed. She might think she didn’t need anyone’s help, but she wouldn't be rid of him easily.
#
In the morning, Xander called Abbie from the plane and left her a message. "Listen, I need you to handle my meetings today. I should be back in the morning, but if not, I'll need you to do the seminar class tomorrow as well."
There was a beat of silence on the line. "Sure. I can handle that. Is everything okay?"
"Yes, fine. I just need to sort out some things today."
"You want to tell me where you're going?"
The hell he did. "Not particularly."