by Alta Hensley
“I’m sorry,” she said. “We talked about it a little, but in all honesty, we talked more about his future. I wanted it to be a positive interview. One that was more focused about his future. Unfortunately, that was my downfall in the end anyway. The editor wouldn’t publish it because it wasn’t juicy enough. They wanted the dirt.”
“That’s a shame,” I murmured, barely listening anymore.
Instead, my head was all over the place. What the hell was I going to do now? Was I really willing to break all of my cardinal rules for this man? Sure, I felt an intense connection with him, but there was a good chance that it was just a physical thing. If that was the case, then it would fade away eventually anyway. So, brief infatuation was really not worth risking my entire life for.
But oh my God, that kiss. How would I even look him in the eye again? How would I be in the same room as him, without remembering how he nearly melted me from the heat of the kiss? This was the exact reason why I shouldn’t get close with anyone at work. It was damn near impossible to be around them again without those emotions stirring inside of me.
Imagining Danny finding out about the kiss was enough to have me shutting it all down even more. If he were to hear anything about this, then Danny would have a real reason to give me hell. And that was the last thing I wanted.
But it would be deserved. I couldn’t just kiss the Devil and not expect to be placed squarely in hell.
6
Mateo
“In boxing you create a strategy to beat each new opponent. It’s just like chess.”
– Lennox Lewis
My heart pounded at rapid speed as I sat in the locker room, waiting for my very first match of the start of my new career to begin. This made all my recent decisions so much scarier, much more real, and the full force of my new life was really beginning to affect me. Training was one thing. It had been hard enough to win the other boxers over – which I’d succeeded at a tiny bit – but I was acutely aware that winning the respect of the boxing world as a whole was going to be something else. Sitting with wrapped hands and gloved up, taking a moment to steady my nerves was fully accepting that I was about to head back into the limelight, and all that came with that.
I was not only scared about going into this for me. Although I was really not looking forward to the idea of even more negative publicity, I worried what that negativity would do to others who didn’t deserve it. I was also scared for my dad and his health. He had been thrilled for me, over the moon for me to return back to the sport that had always made me so happy, especially when he saw how serious I was about my comeback. But I was afraid about having to leave him alone. He’d been okay so far. We’d been introducing the help of home healthcare nurses and all had been fine, but I was still around at the moment. It wasn’t always going to be that way if I started to win and promoters wanted me again.
“Okay, Vega,” Danny said in a firm tone of voice as he reentered the room with my full training and fight team following. “I’ve been thinking about it. Because of the way the press has built this fight, and because of how we are trying to move forward and not look back, I already decided we need to do zero interviews before the match. And depending how the fight goes, maybe none after.”
I wanted to jump up and yell in anger at this one. What the hell was Danny thinking? Interviews were part of the gig. It was part of fucking with the opponent’s head before the fight, and gloating a bit after the win. If I didn’t show my face before, I could come off as scared. And if I didn’t show my face after the win, how would my future opponents learn to fear me? Fuck that.
But as I glanced around at the other members of my team, they seemed to be nodding in agreement with Danny as if they completely agreed with him. Or maybe as if they were scared of him. I wasn’t totally sure. I didn’t really know what to do at the moment. When I used to fight, I could make suggestions, and I was always listened to. But unfortunately, I lost that right when I fucked up. I got the sense that if I started running my mouth off now, I’d end up isolating myself and proving the rumors that I was difficult were true. I knew I was on probation every single day. Danny had kicked my ass in training far more than he would do anyone else. The only reason I didn’t complain was that I needed it. I wasn’t afraid of hard work, and I would earn my place back in the ring.
With that, I forced all of my own opinions down, and continued to listen intently, quickly realizing that the more Danny talked, the less I agreed with him. I’d heard whispers that the last heavyweight champion hopeful for Shamrocks had left because of Danny’s captaincy style, but I was doing my best not to let that affect me. I had a lot more to lose than anyone else. This was my only shot. If I had to get along with people I didn’t like and keep my opinions to myself, then so be it.
“Right,” he finished with a big beaming smile on his face. “Let’s get out and do this, okay?”
We lined up to walk into the stadium, and all of a sudden, as I heard the noise from the crowd, the newspaper headlines started to flow through my mind.
Disgraced boxer, Vega, to return to the ring.
Will Vega throw the fight again?
Vega brings his tainted past to a once respected gym with a legacy.
A sickness swirled around in my stomach, and I could feel my confidence level drop. When I woke up this morning, I felt ready to conquer. I wanted to prove to the people who believed in me that I was worth it. The surprise kiss that I shared with Julep a few weeks ago floated to the forefront of my memory, and I wanted to make this work for her. I felt like I could take on the world. That nothing would bother me. That I could brush it all aside, and focus on all the nonstop training I had been doing to prepare for this moment. But now all that confidence was gone.
Fuck, what the hell was I doing here? Why did I ever think that this was going to be a good idea?
I wish my dad could be sitting in the crowds somewhere. I think that I would feel a million times better if I could know he was there. Instead, he was at home, watching me on TV, which was all the support he could give me. It had to be enough, but I still wanted him near. I also wondered where Julep was. I had Danny and the team prepping me, standing near as I was weighed, had my hands inspected, and readied for the fight, but I never saw her. Ever since that kiss, she had been keeping her distance. She wasn’t exactly cold, but she always seemed busy and rushing to the office and closing the door when I was around. I didn’t exactly have much time between the non-stop training, but I still had hoped she would be present for the fight. I needed her. I needed that positive energy. I needed that woman who’d spoken of the golden Buddha right now.
I sucked in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm down my panic-stricken body, but it didn’t do much good. My heart still raced away, my palms were still sweaty, and I was trembling all over.
Just think about the fight, I told myself. Just focus on how you’re going to show everyone what The Matador is made of.
As the announcer called out, and we walked into the ring with deep bass music blaring through the speakers, I forced out all my negative thoughts and looked around the audience seats… until I heard the loud mass of boos ringing out, just for me.
Booo.
You suck.
You fraud.
Go home, you cheat!
I hung my head downwards, looking only at my feet, praying to myself that it wouldn’t last forever. I could win people back around. I could prove I was a different person. I just needed to weather this storm first. If I fought well, if I gave it my all, I might even be able to start winning again.
I entered the ring and faced my opponent who was already there waiting for my arrival as he bounced up and down pounding his fists together. I didn’t recognize him from when I once fought, so I wasn’t sure what he would deliver. Being slightly larger than me, I figured his punch would have enough force to knock me out.
I would just have to dodge the bull like I had mastered doing in the past. His aggressive nature didn’t intimidate me at all. I
knew how to deal with brute force. Giving the man a cocky nod and a wink, I took pleasure in seeing it pissed him off. He was hoping he would scare me, and he did nothing of the sort.
The audience, however. That was a different story.
Wave after wave of sounds from the crowd added to the chaotic noise in my head. I could barely focus on anything when finally, the ring of the bell broke my spell.
It was on.
It was fucking on.
Like a bull would do, my opponent charged. This made it easy for me. He was the bull and I was the fucking matador. It didn’t take much to avoid his punches, which allowed me the room to jab his ribs and get the kidney shots that would eventually hand me the win.
Dodge, punch.
Dodge, punch.
This was like stealing candy from a damn baby. I could have kept at this pace all night, but decided it was time to go in for the kill. One charge from the man out of frustration was all it took for me to land an uppercut to the jaw and he was down.
Hard.
I didn’t have to wait for the count from the ref to know I won. The man would not be standing again. K.O.
Fucking knock out in the first round.
A massive cheer burst out from the crowd, filling my chest with an intense joy until I felt like they had the power to knock me out as I just did to the poor man lying on the mat. I did it. I actually fucking did it.
I won.
Someone rushed up behind me, throwing my arms into the air. As that happened, I noticed a theme forming in the crowd. I listened closely for a second, trying to work out what was being said.
“Vega, Vega, Vega…”
They were actually cheering for me. Not a single ‘boo’ existed. I felt lighter than air, happier than I had in a very long time, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the future looked a little more filled with color. I pictured my dad standing in front of the television screaming with his bowl of popcorn spilled all over the floor. The man was probably wheezing and gasping for air, but so overjoyed he wouldn’t even notice. I knew I had made him proud, and that was worth every hour of training and every negative write-up about me reentering boxing.
As I glanced around at everyone in the crowd, I spotted smiles and happiness rather than the bitterness that I experienced before. It transported me back to the time when I first joined the world of professional boxing. Everything was so shiny and new back then. I never thought that I would get sucked into the underbelly of fame, the negative side of it. I thought that I was stronger than that, and that I was a better person.
Of course, I was proven so very wrong.
That wouldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t allow anything to grip me in the way gambling did before. Not this time. I was a grown ass man. Not a fucked up twenty-six-year-old kid with no real responsibilities. I would grasp onto this opportunity with both hands. I would appreciate it for what it was, and I was going to make the best of it, no matter what it took.
Dad was right. I was never supposed to own a failing welding business. This was always where I was supposed to be, and I was so unbelievably glad Julep forced me to take that chance.
“You did it.” Danny grinned at me, all of a sudden my friend. “You fucking did it.”
“Yes, you did,” I heard a voice say. It was the voice I had been waiting for. The only voice that mattered at that moment. “I knew you would. I never had a doubt.”
I realized the person holding my arms up in the air as the winner was Julep. She was standing behind me, holding me up. Holding me up...
7
Julep
“The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters.” – Legendary trainer, Cus D’Amato
I felt on top of the world as we headed out to the bar for drinks after our first win in what felt like forever. This was a good start for us. Bringing on Mateo to be the new contender for the title was a good move, and I was glad that everyone else was finally on board with that decision. The man had proven himself with not only the win but by how hard he trained to get to this point in such a short time.
We quickly reached the local bar, where luckily they were very used to us being loud and boisterous, and Danny grabbed everyone a round of beers from a guest Canadian brewer who was hosting a tasting of her beers. The energy of the bar was different this evening from other nights, and the different beers added to it even more.
“That was an amazing fight. The first of many.” Danny toasted, clinking glasses with all of us. “If we can keep you fighting like that, mixing it up wherever necessary, then the title will be yours!” Everyone cheered in agreement.
As I glanced over to Mateo, my eyes were drawn to him like a magnet. I couldn’t help but notice that he wasn’t drinking much, if at all. I didn’t know if he wanted to keep a level head, or if it was more to do with his addictive personality, but I instantly felt a bond with him – like we were the outsiders of this rowdy, crazy group.
He seemed to sense me looking, and his eyes drew back to me as well. We smiled secretly at one another, sending my heart racing like a love-struck schoolgirl’s. Every time I vowed to myself that I was going to behave, that I was going to keep away from him for the sake of everyone else, I couldn’t seem to do it. It was as if everything was working against me.
“You okay?” Danny hissed into my ear, anger lacing his tone.
I turned to look at him quickly, my face heated up with embarrassment. He was glaring at Mateo, clearly noticing that I had been staring at him. He hated me even looking at the guys in the gym, never mind anything else. He was always making comments about me being a distraction, and I knew for a fact it would piss him off if I went anywhere near Mateo.
But that was what I wanted so damn badly. I’d never wanted to break the rules as much as I did right now.
“Oh… yeah fine,” I stammered like an idiot. “I’m just going to… get another round for everyone.”
I raced to the bar, not wanting to face Danny’s wrath about what he saw in the way I looked at Mateo. As I stood waiting to be served in a massive crowd fighting for a chance to order a drink, I found my eyes sneaking their way back to Mateo. He was mingling with the other fighters, talking and laughing in a way that he hadn’t been able to do up until now. It made me happy and sad all at once. It really wasn’t fair that the first person I ever really liked this damn much, was someone I couldn’t go anywhere near. I didn’t want to screw up his friendship with everyone else, and the positive relationship that he could have with my brother. I couldn’t fuck up the forming dynamic. Sleeping with the sister could damage the respect he had worked hard to gain up to this point.
But was I being unfair to us by forcing myself to keep my distance?
There was definitely something there. Something between us. A sizzling, intense chemistry, and a connection I couldn’t quite explain. Was I really wishing to push someone aside who could be the perfect man for me? I didn’t cower to anyone before. Why was I so willing to cower to my brother, and give a fuck what the others thought?
There was so much to think about when it came to Mateo. I didn’t want to have to make such potentially life-changing decisions at a bar. What I really wanted to do was just fuck him and call it a good night. But I guess that wasn’t very ladylike in thinking. My brother would die if he knew the thoughts that went through my head as I stole peeks of Mateo sweating in the ring during all the late hours of training.
Sweat on a body… his body. My weakness.
I’d tried to lock myself away in the office and not pay attention. But I’d failed. He was a damn fantasy. Every day that passed added to a hunger I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to feed.
As I grabbed the tray of drinks, balancing it tentatively in my arms, I slowly made my way back to the rest of the group. I noticed that my brother had pulled Mateo to one side. Unable to resist, I stepped
a little closer, trying to overhear their conversation. What I heard made my heart stop dead in my chest.
“…I’ve seen the way you look at her, dude. And I have to say that you can’t go there. She’s off limits. Julep is my sister, and I would much rather your head be in the ring, than inside of her. Do you know what I’m saying? Hands off.”
Hearing my brother make this decision for me, caused my blood to boil. How fucking dare he warn Mateo off me. I knew my father had been just as bad, but it still infuriated me. This was far beyond brotherly love. It was fucked. I was over the overprotective act.
Temper rushed into my ears. My mind swirled, and I could actually feel myself trembling. Was I going to just stand there and let Danny control my life like that? Or was I going to stand up for myself for the first time ever when it came to him?
“Hey, guys,” I heard myself saying, trying to keep the shakiness from my voice. “I’ve got some drinks here.” I forced them both to take a beer from the tray, and stood there for a few seconds, not allowing them to continue their conversation.
I figured that if Mateo didn’t promise to keep away from me, then I won. We wouldn’t be doing anything wrong when we inevitably hooked up… which because of this, I was now more determined to do than ever. Why the hell should I hold back from the first person I’d had a real connection with? Especially when Danny was out there pulling the puppet strings on my life?
Fortunately, almost right away, just as I suspected they would, the other men raced over to us, taking beers from me, breaking up the conversation completely. I didn’t let on to either Danny or Mateo that I’d overheard the conversation, but from the odd look in Mateo’s eye, I got the impression he’d guessed regardless.
Before long, Danny was dragged away by some of the other boxers, leaving me and Mateo alone.
“Are you enjoying your win?” I smiled at him, wanting him to stay with me now. He made me feel special, and I really didn’t want that to stop.