I could barely move, and I knew he felt the same. I watched his fingers fumble with the keys the valet handed him. Even in shadows, the flush of his face was evident. Nervously, I fluffed out my love worn hair, removing the clip, so it hung in unruly waves over my shoulders, down my back.
When Indigo tucked me into the passenger seat my head was spinning, every nerve in my body heightened. The concept of sitting demurely didn't enter my mind, and I surrendered to his hands as he lifted me, rearranging the position of my torso, my legs, the hem of my dress. All the while I felt his breath on my face, fought the urge to pull him down on top of me.
I let my head drift with his movements, craving his body as he rounded the car, the headlights emphasizing his strides, the stillness of his profile. I let my head fall to the side, watched him make his way to the open door across from where I sat shivering, filled with such longing: longing for his hands to tear at my clothing, my skin, my heart, my soul, devouring me until I was no more a part of the universe. Then I would no longer want, or need, or breathe, for life had become far too painful.
My eyes clung desperately as he shrugged out of his jacket and flung it on the back seat. Loosened his tie, rashly stripping it from his neck. Then he was on the seat beside me, and without closing the door, he unbuttoned his shirt midway down his chest, emitting a ragged burst of air as though the clothing had strangled him. But I knew it was desire that had stolen his breath.
He turned to me with a tortured look, as if grappling with the biggest decision of his life, and needed my understanding, my help; his stare intense, as if battling an army of demons.
Concern sprung from my lips, sobering me. "Are you okay to drive? Because we can call for a taxi ..."
"I'm fine." With a firm grip he pulled his door closed with such force it slammed, rattling the windows.
I knew not to question him. He was working through something monumental, no doubt, as I had before, and I would let the decision be his alone. He didn't seem like the same man who'd hours earlier smiled in the lobby of my apartment building. Why did I feel responsible?
Lightning struck on the heels of thunder, then the sky turned pitch black, masking the moon, the stars. Isolated raindrops thumped against the windshield, the roof, then the sky unleashed a furious downpour.
Riding in silence built anticipation until I was ready to burst. We seemed to be going in a different direction than the one from which we'd come, and I didn't recognize the route we were taking. "Are we heading home?"
"We were, but with this heavy rain it's difficult to see. Cars seem to be pulling off ... stopping." Obviously concentrating on the road, his words were mechanical, yet urgent. At least the weather wasn't my fault ...
I opened my eyes to a blur of headlights jamming the road before us, vehicles gathering on the flooding shoulders. The speed of the Wrangler reduced to almost a crawl. A sign to my right was washed by our headlights, and we took the turn.
"We won't be heading home just yet ... if it's okay with you." His grip on the wheel tightened, as though a conclusion had been reached and he was seeking permission, or forgiveness perhaps for a crime not yet committed.
My silence seemed to be all the absolution he needed. Pressing deep into the seat, I let my head fall upon the cushioned back, while my hands fell limply to my lap, folding in an odd position. I felt my shoes being kicked off, and the wiggle of my toes that had numbed. For more times than I could count, my head rolled to the side and back again, and I watched vehicles transform into residential roadsides.
We coasted onto a tree-lined road where our headlights pointed to gracious homes slipping by either side of the Wrangler. Rain drenched the roof, flooded the windshield, and Indigo turned the wipers to a higher speed.
The rows of trees eventually yielded to a meadow, where our lights grazed a turnaround. Through the heavy downpour I could barely discern the street sign which evaporated when the headlights dimmed.
Rain pounding the roof, keys dangling in the ignition, the relief of thumping wipers, and a clicking under the hood as the engine calmed were the sounds that competed with the rush of blood that drummed in my ears. Inside my chest my heart throbbed, matching the pulse in my head which I managed to lift, although it still felt weighted by a ten pound bag of cement ... as well as the world. I straightened in the seat, searching for my bearings, my eyes halting on Indigo's profile. He was looking straight ahead through what no longer appeared to be a windshield, but rather a sleek ebony ocean.
Lightning continued to bleach the sky, accompanied by rumbling claps of thunder.
"Guess you and the weatherman were right, huh?" I tried for a light tone, but my attempt was pitiful. Suddenly aware of the darkness of night, the isolation, the situation I was about to face, my heart throbbed even faster. "Are the doors locked?"
Indigo snapped a lever on his armrest, and I heard a double click. "Yup. You're safe and sound, in here, with me."
Turning in his seat he faced me, and with each burst of lightning I was able to see the hunger in his eyes. Watch the movement of his hands as they gripped and released the wheel. Before I realized what was happening, I was lifted, pulled across the seat, lowered onto his thighs and wedged between his chest and the steering wheel, defenseless against the strength of his desire ... as well as my own.
He rolled the seat back until it stopped dead on its tracks. For a stunning moment I went limp, then my mind insisted it was okay to feel this way. To go out on a limb, let him know I wanted him desperately. Worry about the consequences in the morning. You're of legal drinking age for Pete’s sake. Woman up! I burrowed into his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck. And I waited for the sky to fall. What was I doing?
Pulling me close, his hands caressed my back. Then his lips took control, softly at first, running the length of my neck, crossing my cheek, sweeping over my mouth. A stream of warmth flowed into my ear with his whisper, "I don't plan on fucking you. So if you're wondering why I brought you here ... I just want to be alone with you ... hold you ... kiss you. Is that alright?"
"Yes." My breath blew out an automatic response.
"I've never met anyone like you before. You do things to me. Crazy things I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with."
"I know the feeling." Another breath worked its way through my throat.
"Tell me when to stop." His moist tongue swept my lips.
"I might ... I will ..."
I felt his passion grow beneath me and I shuddered, shifting my body that reacted wildly to his as I unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open. My fingers explored every inch of his exposed skin, skimming his neck, drifting to his chest where my palms experienced his muscular smoothness, caressing in circles, vertical paths, from his shoulders down to the belt my fingers were longing to unbuckle.
"Can I touch you?" His voice was as persuasive as his hands.
"Yes." My words were becoming so choked, I thought I'd suffocate at any moment.
His lips consumed every inch of my neck, lingering, nibbling. Then his face drifted to my chest where his lips roamed further than I'd expected, caressing the contour of my breasts, the smooth mounds that strained to be freed from the dress that held them tight.
With one arm locked around me, the fingers of his free hand traced the path his lips had taken, slowly sliding down my neck, inching across my chest, dipping beneath the scoop of my neckline. Acknowledging his intention, chills shot up and down my spine. My head filled with recent memories, both torturous and glorious, and realization shattered my senses. The guy whose body was in overdrive beneath me, whose heated breath was on my skin, was the gorgeous man I'd given my heart to in Kelly's, and here I was, in his arms. Should I die on the spot, as my pounding heart threatened to explode? Surrender to that small voice in my head that warned this might be the biggest mistake of my life ... or let myself go ... be swept away by ecstasy.
The windows were fogged, the sound of our breathing so heavy, I wasn't sure if it was his breath ... or mi
ne ... or both. I felt the weight of a single finger as it rounded my breast, lightly skimming the silky fabric, all that stood between his hands and my skin. The stimulating circle grew smaller until my nipple tightened beneath his insistent touch, burning the tingling flesh beneath my dress.
I had no control over my body that strained against his, my hips that rocked with encouragement, overwhelming desire. I fought the urge to grasp the hardness beneath me, touch him intimately, as he was doing to me.
When I moaned his name, he reacted by cupping my entire breast, his touch growing firmer, lifting, almost ejecting my breast from the garment's hold. Again and again he cupped and released until I thought I would die.
"Jimmy ..." I squirmed, feeling him harden even more than I'd imagined possible.
"Baby," he groaned, "you have no idea what you're doing to me. But if you want me to stop ... tell me and I will. I'll do whatever you want ... but I'm not going to fuck you ... not here ... not now."
"I don't want you to stop yet ... just a little more ..."
His fingers slipped beneath the beaded neckline, inched to my shoulder, tugging my dress down to my elbow. The spandex bodice sprang from my body, snapping like a rubber band, settling into place where it clung to my ribs, baring an entire breast. An instant rush of cool air, blending with his urgent breath, swept my skin. Goose bumps covered my nakedness.
My fingers threaded through his hair, pulling, tangling. I rocked my hips, sucked on his neck until I almost drew blood, moaning his name, whispering, "Please ..."
He took my breast in his mouth, sucking gently, his tongue circling my throbbing nipple. Feeling the thrill of his lips deep in my belly, I drew his face closer, silently begging for more.
A fierce moan escaped my lips. A voice that could not have been my own whispered, "I thought you weren't going to touch my nipples ... make me suffer." My breath came so fast I could barely speak.
He lifted his face, his hand replacing his mouth. "You drive me crazy ... whether I'm with you ... or without you. I can't stop thinking about you. And that could be dangerous."
"Dangerous?"
"You make me want more than sex ... and I ..."
"Ssh. Just keep kissing me."
A euphoric throb of pleasure built between my thighs, threatening to explode. Our bodies rocked with a mutual tempo, creating a delicious friction, triggering the reflex of my contracting muscle.
I pulled his face to mine, swept his mouth with my tongue that parted his lips, greedily tasting the sweetness inside. I'd never kissed anyone that way before. I bit his bottom lip, swirled my tongue around his, drawing it deep inside my mouth, kissing him so fiercely, his hips lurched with a force greater than mine.
He peeled down the other side of my dress and slipped my arms through the sleeves, so the spandex rode on my hips ... and then we were skin to skin, my breasts pressed firmly against his bare chest; so firmly I felt his heart, maybe mine. His hands ran up my back, tangled in my hair, rested on my shoulders and massaged, his fingers stroking my neck, circling it from behind, easing my tension. Somehow I moaned, "Mmm, that feels so good."
My breasts slid again and again across his chest, then he murmured something into my ear, a tortured, inaudible whisper, and I was eased away, positioned across his lap, an arm around his neck, my other on the steering wheel.
The sound of his breathing filled my ears. His restless eyes bore into mine, and my heart pounded even harder. While he watched my face melt before him, his palms ran slowly across my breasts, lingering on my nipples. His fingers squeezed; his hands kneaded, driving me to frenzy. Moaning, I brought my lips to his, arching my back, forcing my tingling breasts further into his hands, my rigid nipples deeper into his palms.
Groaning, his lips broke from mine, and he lowered his mouth to suck my breasts until I thought I'd come from the electricity created by his teeth upon my nipples. He repositioned me on his lap, showing my body precisely how he wanted it to rock. His hands were all over me, sliding, searching, caressing, but when his fingers traveled up the inside of my thighs, attempting to satisfy my obvious need, I froze.
I desperately wanted him inside me. The things we'd said to each other on the phone, the emotion between us, like a trillion volts of electricity, stunned me, clouding my head; and it would have been so easy to let go.
Should I? Should I not ... Being so close to consummation was like craving a five-thousand calorie desert. But then there was the next morning when you stepped onto the scale, finding yourself ten pounds heavier, wishing you'd never taken the first bite. Regretting it. Avoiding the temptation at all costs. Indigo was something, someone I'd never want to avoid.
I may have lost myself in passion, but my inner strength soared higher than delicious desire. I knew right then and there that I had passed the PEW test. At the same time, my decision confirmed Indigo was more than the flavor of the month, and for as much as I wanted him, I wasn't about to be his booty call.
Caught between my thighs, his fingers stiffened. "Do you want me to stop?" His words were barely audible.
My hand slipped down to cover his. "I want you more than anything. I never want you to stop ... but we have to ... I can't ..." Then I spaced, practically fainting in his arms.
His head came to rest on my shoulder. I felt his labored breath against my throat, then his whisper. "We won't go any further. Not until you're ready." His voice shook when he asked, "Can I still kiss you?"
"Yes," I moaned. "Kiss me, please kiss me."
His grip loosened, and he was kissing my lips, then my breasts with such tenderness, as though they were precious. A heartbeat later, he helped me back into my dress. "I don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I'd never want to do that."
"It's so hard, Jimmy. I love how you touch me ... how you make me feel," I groaned with a voice still controlled by his kiss which had ended. "I want you to touch me ..."
"I guess you could say I lose control when I'm around you ...." As though raking through thoughts, his voice grew guarded.
My lips pressed his chest. "It's a predicament, I guess." Holy shit, what a predicament. Still trembling, I let out a burst of air. "I don't know what to do ..." My voice was an odd combination of hoarse, honey and sex. When would it normalize?
“I don’t want you to think all I want from you is sex. There’s something special about you. You’re so full of life. So different ... When I’m with you, I'm ... you’re changing everything. I don’t want us to argue anymore ... ever. I just want to be with you, Jewel. Make you happy.”
"You make me happier than I ever thought possible, Jimmy."
With a finger beneath my chin he lifted my face. "Regardless of how I may react when we're together, don't ever feel pressured." His lips brushed mine. "I know there's more to you than this ... so much more," his breath still heavy, flooded my ear. "Although, this is beautiful ... you're beautiful. I want you more than I've wanted anything in my life, but I can wait."
I buried my face in his neck, my lips caressing the straining tendons as I trembled in his arms, fighting to recover.
"You're an incredible woman, Jewel." He cradled me, brushing wisps of hair from my forehead, tucking loose strands behind the ear he'd just nuzzled, whispered into. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay. Are you?" I drew back to watch him. "I know it's hard on a guy. Stopping in the middle. I had no intention of leading you on."
His lips crushed my words and we kissed, halting before passion turned to delirium.
"God ... it could have been wonderful. I'm relieved we stopped, but I almost wish we hadn't," I whispered, astounded by the sensations still weaving their way through my body ... my mind ... struggling with the effects of an experience I’d never before encountered.
"Believe me," he said softly, "I understand where you're coming from, honey. Getting carried away is so easy. We'll take it slow ... at your pace. Which might in fact be faster than mine." His voice was still uneven, as were his fingers when they twe
aked my nose. "From now on, we'll make sure our dates are in public places."
We both tried to laugh, but the moment called for something other than laughter.
MY QUALIFICATIONS & MOM
Morning cut a blistering swathe through the slats of the blinds shielding my double windows. With closed eyes I stirred, stretched, luxuriating beneath my warm and cozy and very fuchsia percale sheets. Lazing beneath the covers, enjoying the relaxation rarely afforded to me, I let my mind, my entire body, drift into the night before. Just as I was reliving the part where I'd almost surrendered to my inner craving, my cell chimed, jarring me from my sexy dream world where instead of bedding, I was draped by Indigo's body, hard and demanding.
"Shit," I mumbled. Rolling onto an elbow, I slapped my mattress a few times, my hand reaching beneath the covers, searching for the phone I was never without. I found my Droid under my pillow and opened my inbox open, thrilled to see Indigo's name staring up at me.
Indigo: Hey beautiful. Am I waking you?
I checked the time. It was ten a.m. I rarely slept that late these days, even on weekends. Damn. The message was from nine-forty-five. I must have missed the first chime. I ran my fingers through my hair, brushing strands from my face, then fluffed my pillow and lay back down, holding the phone above me.
Indigo: U up yet?
Me: Yup U? Duh, do you think he's texting you in his sleep?
Indigo: Just rolling around in bed ... thinking about you
Eeeek. Had he read my thoughts?
Me: Really? No work?
Indigo: Joking Been up since 5
Me: God U must be exhausted
Indigo: Had a fantastic time last night
Me: So did I!
Indigo: Get enuf sleep?
Me: Yes U?
Indigo: I'm used to 3 hr naps What's it like out?
Me: The weather?
Indigo: Yeah Locked in lab No windows
Me: Sunny
Indigo: Like my face :-)
Me: Aw U @ hosp?
Indigo: Yep You're amazing, Jewel
Head Over Wheels (Spicy Young Romance) Page 18