by Ivan B
“An engagement ring of course, I said that if I was going to ravish you I’d have to marry you as well.”
She lent against him and kissed his cheek, “If you’re going to buy a ring, buy one, but not for me. Buy it for Amy.”
Brian had that sudden whirlpool sense again: the sense that his life was falling out of control. “But I’ve been sleeping with you. I can’t possibly sleep with you and marry Amy. I’d have to promise to be faithful to her and I would have to mean it.”
She kissed his cheek again, “You would be being faithful to her. Faithful to her needs and faithful to what she would want; that is me to be happy to.”
Brian tried to get his head round the logic. “But a man can only have one wife.”
Bau raised an eyebrow. “I seem to remember King David, hero of all Israel, had multiple wives. So did Jacob and King Saul and…”
“But that’s the Old Testament,” he exclaimed. “That’s a different time and a different place and a different culture.”
She lifted the other eyebrow; “Don’t you believe in the Ten Commandments then?”
“Of course I do!”
“Aren’t they in the Old Testament too.”
Brian took a deep breath; this conversation was not going along the track he wanted. He strove to get it back on his agenda. “But it’s you I love, not Amy.”
She kissed his nose. “It’s me you’re besotted with and if I’m honest I’m getting besotted with you to. I certainly don’t want any other man and I’ll be always faithful to you. But I’m the wrong woman to be your wife. She gazed into his eyes. I want to play again, to go on the road and get the thrill of playing to an audience. To tour, to be free to follow my musical dreams. You need a stalwart by your side. Someone to cook your toast and tuck up in bed with you night by night. That’s not me, that’s Amy.”
She kissed the end of his nose. “Amy would be a wonderful wife for you and don’t tell me that you aren’t attracted to her because I know you are. In a normal timescale you’d probably need a month of Sundays, but you would eventually marry her. It’s just with me and the licence and all the uncertainty timescales are getting compressed. I wouldn’t normally sleep with a man I hardly know, but I’m glad I took the chance with you. I mean it, I’d be your faithful concubine and Amy would be your faithful wife. Just don’t get upset if your wife and concubine sleep together occasionally as well.”
Brian felt as if he was the one falling into a black pit. “But I can’t live like that, I’m a vicar, besides isn’t Amy…”
Bau laughed, “You can say the word Brian. Lesbian. Is Amy a Lesbian? To tell the truth I once thought so, but seeing her react to you I don’t think so. Perhaps we were just both in need of love and comfort.”
Brian shook his head as if to clear it, “But she told me she didn’t need a man whereas you did.”
“See, she’s seeking the best for me. Wanting me to be happy.”
She changed the tone of her voice to being soft and downbeat. “And if you want children, you’re looking in the wrong direction. I’ve had my shot and fouled it up. Lucy was wonderful, she was my pride and joy, but I’m never having another.”
Brian was startled, “But next time…”
She placed a finger over his mouth. “Can you imagine what it would be like if I did have a child? We’d have social workers climbing all over us. They could even decide at the outset to take the child away at birth. As I say, I’ve had my shot.”
Brian sighed, “My track record’s not much better Bau, at least you cared for your child.”
She kissed him on the nose again, “And you cared for yours. You gave your daughter a chance of life with doting parents, if she knew she’d thank you for that.”
Amy’s bedroom door slammed and Bau looked Brian in the eyes, “Give Amy a chance. You hold off buying me a ring and I guarantee within a week you’ll be thinking about buying one for her.”
Brian swallowed in panic, “But I can’t have two women with whom I…”
She suppressed his words with a kiss.
“Excuse me,” said Amy, “Can I join in?”
Bau laughed and Brian almost died on the spot.
Once outside Bau stopped at the car door. “Brian, can we go via the supermarket car-park?”
Brian feared for his sanity. “The car-park?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, “There’s a police Portakabin there and I have to report in once a week.”
He felt a fool. “Of course.”
She turned to Amy, “You sit in the centre seat then I can get out easily.”
Brian had an unexpected sense of pre-planning here somewhere, but couldn’t put his finger upon it. He drove them to the car-park to the strains of a guitar quartet Jazz CD that he’d forgotten was even in the car. Once at the car-park Bau leapt out leaving Brian and Amy alone. She fidgeted in her seat. “Hope I didn’t embarrass you last night.”
There was that word again, ‘embarrass.’ “Of course not. I’m only sorry I caused you such distress”
“Not your fault, it’s my stupid mind.”
He watched her eyes follow a young couple with a pushchair and toddler. He mused quietly. “If I had a friend who had an unsteady leg, I wouldn’t say they were stupid to have the unsteady leg. I’d hope they’d lean on me for support and help them to cope, maybe even get better. Just because your mind’s a little unsteady at time doesn’t mean that I think any less of you or think that you’re daft.”
She absorbed this. “Can I lean on you?”
“Of course.”
She picked up his left hand and examined it. “I’ve never seen hands so big.”
She fondled his fingers as if deriving some inner satisfaction from doing so. “Do you think I’ll ever be normal and wear floral dresses and black shoes?”
“Grief, I hope not Amy, I’m not sure that is normal.”
They both laughed as Amy returned looking like thunder. She climbed in and slammed the door. Brian opened his mouth and she snapped, “Don’t, just don’t!”
He let her simmer. Amy put her arm around her. She let out a long slow breath. “Sorry, the young constable in there gave me a lecture about my licence. He as good as told me that if he so much as catches me dropping litter he’d have me put back inside.”
Brian took his seat belt off. “Don’t!” She almost screamed. “Please don’t. Just let’s go from here.”
Brian, all thoughts of giving the constable a piece of his mind having departed, put the belt back on. “Are they all like that?”
“Only the young ones. It’s the sense of power, one word from them and it’s back inside you go. That one told me he doesn’t like convicted murders walking the streets, especially where there are other children around.”
Brian drove to the Estate agents, this time the CD player was silent.
Amy looked at the details of a third property. “Kitchen’s too small. Couldn’t swing a cat, let alone make tea for a garden party.”
Brian wondered if she thought the only thing Vicars did was have garden parties.
She surveyed the next set of enticing details. The pinstripe-suited estate agent tried her best. “Only six years old and built by…”
“Only two bedrooms.” Stated Amy.
The estate agent rolled her eyes. “We were told the property is for a single person.”
Bau grinned. “Married.” She stated firmly.
“With a live-in housekeeper.” Amy resolutely added.
“And a room for a study,” Brian chipped in.
The estate agent rolled her blue eyes again.
“Not asking much are we? Nice family house within walking distance of Burston church.”
She went and rummaged in the filling cabinet while Brian wondered about the enigma of Amy. Once in the estate agents she’d ripped through the properties like a hot knife easily spotting flaws in the layouts, position or size of the property. There was no sign of instability or stammer here. The estate agent retu
rned, “Good news or bad news.”
“Sales pitch first,” said Bau.
“Truth after,” added Amy.
The poor estate agent, clearly having trouble with the double female input, coughed. “Double fronted two story property with a studio room on the roof set in extensive gardens. Two large downstairs rooms plus an adequate dining room, a WC and large kitchen with a very workmanlike utility room. Upstairs there are two double bedrooms, two single bedrooms and a large bathroom with bath, shower, WC, deep hand basin and bidet. On the flat roof is a large studio with plenty of light and excellent views of the countryside. Downstairs, on the back, there is a granny annex comprising of a large bedroom and Shower room cum WC, but alas no kitchenette. Though it could make a beautiful self-contained study. Outside are a double garage and a small wooden barn. It was designed and built by an architect for himself and is sumptuously fitted out.”
Amy’s beautifully curved eyebrows straightened out slightly. “Cut to the chase.”
The estate agent sighed. “It’s as ugly as sin and because of the flat roof there’s no roof-space storage.”
She tossed a picture on the table of an ugly squat double fronted house with what appeared to be giant shed stuck on top. “He was an expert in concrete. House is as solid as a rock, but as you can see pig-ugly.”
Amy tapped the picture with a bright pink fingernail, “Is that a swimming pool?”
“Yes, but it’s unheated and even with water treatment you may end up swimming with toads.”
Bau tapped the photograph with a bright red fingernail, “Wooden barns make wonderful practise rooms.”
Brian tapped the picture with a bent unmanicured fingernail, “Is that a concrete balustrade? Can you get out on the roof?”
Alas no,” she answered, “in fact it’s not a balustrade at all, rather it’s a large solar radiator to reduce heating costs. Roof actually slops at four degrees so you can’t sit out on it.”
“We’ll take a look, “said Brian
“Definitely, “added Amy.
“And at the barn,” Bau chipped in, “See if it’s watertight.”
Amy squinted at the photograph, “I know those trees, they run along the side of the graveyard.”
The estate agent sighed, “Yes, not exactly a prime selling point and to be honest neither is he access, it’s by the track to Four Seasons Farm.”
Brian stood up, “Well let’s go and have a look anyway.”
Amy licked her fingers and delved into the paper bag for another mini-doughnut, sugar sprayed out onto the front carpet of the car. “Wonderful kitchen, I can’t believe that anyone would put in two modern ceramic sinks and have a third in the utility room.”
“Beautiful barn,” Bau sighed, “watertight and free of too many echoes.”
Brian grinned and pinched a doughnut out of Amy’s bag, not failing to notice that she now seemed to have taken up permanent residence in the centre seat. “Granny annex would make a perfect office and I could keep people I see out separate from the house, which might be important.”
Amy gazed into the empty bag and looked vaguely disappointed. “But it’s so expensive.”
Brian laughed, “Not my problem. The EU funding is for housing and expenses, the diocese just pay my stipend. It’s well within their budget.”
He watched a cow sniff the air and lie down. “Convenient location too, if I can persuade the farmer to let me have access to the church through his woods.”
He watched another cow sit down and envied their simple life. He was still reeling from the morning’s conversation with Bau. He suddenly started the car, “Home,” he said, “I’ve got work to do and people to phone.”
Whatever happened he needed a house for three adults, he was just unsure of the combinations.
Amy blinked in total disbelief; “He gave his daughter away?”
“He thought you ought to know.” Bau replied.
“He could have told me himself.” Amy said despondently.
Bau put her arm around Amy. “I think he finds it difficult to talk about, that’s why he asked me to tell you, he’s taking our ‘no secrets’ policy seriously.”
“I bet he does. I just can’t imagine it, giving a child away!”
Bau said softly, “It was another time and another place Amy. He’d just lost his wife, who wasn’t really a wife to him. Had no clear future, no money and the shock of being responsible for a baby, who let’s face it he probably didn’t have a clue about rearing.”
“Other men cope,” Amy retorted.
“He thought it was for the best. He knew that his sister could give it a good home and would be a doting mother. In some ways he was probably right, a child needs two parents and a girl especially needs a mother.”
Bau realised what she had said, “Oh Amy, I didn’t mean that you…”
Amy patted Bau’s leg. “It’s all right, I know what you mean. It’s just a bit of a shock, I thought he was a bachelor.”
“So did I, but he came clean very early on so he’s not tried to hide it from us.”
Bau added softly, “And I think he finds it difficult to cope with. He knows he has a daughter. He gets a photograph ever year, but he can’t touch or communicate and in the long run has lost his sister. That’s some sacrifice for your child, giving up your family.”
Amy watched the rain falling through the lounge window. “And he wanted me to know?”
“And he especially wanted you to know.”
Amy creased her brow, “That means he trusts me.”
“It does indeed.”
Bau watched her friend closely, “How you feeling now, after yesterday?”
“Better, much better. The outing to look over the house helped, took my mind off of it all, but it really scared me and this morning I had trouble concentrating, I haven’t been that bad for months.”
“And now,” Bau asked earnestly.
“And now I feel I could take on the world.”
Bau relaxed. Amy said furtively, “Do you think I’m an embarrassment to him?”
“Definitely not.” Bau held Amy’s hand and looked into her eyes, “He’s not like your grandmother or your uncle. He’s met you as you are and likes you as you are. Has he told you that you should change?”
“No.”
“Well there you are then.”
Amy gazed away, “I wish my mother would contact me. I haven’t heard from her in ages, not since I came out of hospital.”
Bau hugged her; this was a recurring theme in Amy’s life. In reality Amy’s mother, once she had settled her with Verity, had walked out of her life. Contact was intermittent and usually short, which meant in turn that Amy was short on love. Bau had no doubts that Verity, her grandmother, loved her, but she was of the generation that did not talk in those terms. That was why Bau was desperate for Brian and Amy to bond, she knew that he had a large capacity for love and was quite capable of encapsulating Amy in that love. She was also now sure that Amy could respond in equal measure given half a chance. There just had to be the right catalyst.
Brian, being in the study, was the first to answer the strident ring of the doorbell. A thin gloomy faced man with a small grey moustache and a long grey overcoat occupied the doorstep. “Hello John,” Brian said warily, “What brings you here?”
John thrust a bundle of papers into his hand. “Verity says that Amy needs these, it’s her bank card, cheque-book and some mail from the hospital. If I was you I’d hide the bank card or she’ll spent it all on pink junk or give it away to some useless charity.”
Brian noted the demeaning tone of his voice. “Thank you for bringing them.”
John took half a step forward. “Mum also said to me that you’d been talking about those missing twins with her. Keep your nose out. It only upsets her. And before you ask Belinda was telling a cock and bull story; there’s no blood on my hands.”
His threatening tone annoyed Brian. “No? Well how about lipstick? Ever had lipstick on your hands?”
He turned a shade of pink Amy would have been proud of. “She threw herself at me.”
“She was a young teenager.”
“She’s deranged, always been deranged, can’t trust a word she says. Promiscuous to the point of embarrassment. Stripped off in church at least twice, can’t take her anywhere.”
Brian began to get annoyed, “So you never touched her?”
He shrugged and gave a leer, “Her word against mine, would you believe the word of a lunatic?”
“Over you, frankly yes.” Brian lowered his voice, “I know you and your cronies bullied the twins. I don’t just think, I know. So you leave Amy alone.”
John smirked, “Who cares?”
“Perhaps people who come to your undertaking business wouldn’t take kindly to being buried by a bullying pervert.”
John’s face turned to anger, “Do you want to come outside and say that?”
“Certainly, “said Brian stepping off of the doorstep and causing John to take several steps backwards.
John leered, “You want mud sling match do you? How about I tell the tabloids that a supposedly upright vicar is sharing house with a pair of lesbians, one of whom is a convicted child-killer?”
Brian took one large step forwards, grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and hoisted him into the air; “Perhaps the tabloids would be more interested in undertakers with sticky hands.”
“Brian, put him down,” rang out a strident voice behind him.
“P-p-please B-Brian,” pleaded Amy.
Brian let him go to drop the couple of inches or so to the floor. John scurried out of reach and turned round, “What’s it like living with her big tits? Give you a thrill does it?”
A red mist seemed to descend on Brian. He took a huge pace forward and, before John could retreat any more, hit him on the side of his face with a wildly swinging punch. He knocked John completely off of his feet. Bau was at his side in an instance. “Stop it Brian. Stop it, he’s not worth it.”
John sat on the garden in a daze. Amy appeared for nowhere and tossed a bowl of washing up water over him. He staggered to his feet. “I thought priests were supposed to turn the other cheek.”