by Alan Reed
There is a window in one of the walls. There is a curtain over it. The curtain is flimsy. A bit of light from the alley comes through it.
Isobel can see a bed. It is against one wall of the room. She can see a sink on one of the other walls. There is a mirror on the wall over it.
She goes to the middle of the room. There is a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. She cannot see it but she knows it is there. She stands under the light bulb. She reaches up. She pulls on the string hanging from it.
The light bulb turns on.
The bed against the wall is a small bed. There is a bare mattress on the bed frame. It is the bed she woke up in this morning. The plain white sheets are gone. There is not supposed to be anyone here. The sheets have been put away.
Isobel sits down on the floor. The floor is made of planks of wood. She puts the food she took on the floor. She eats some of the food. She uses her hands.
When she is done eating she stands up again. She goes over to the sink. She washes her face. There is not a towel hanging by the sink. There had been a towel there this morning. It has been put away too.
She wants to feel at home here.
She scowls. She has to use her dress to dry her face.
She walks to the middle of the room. She pulls on the string hanging from the light bulb again. The light bulb turns off.
She lies down on the mattress.
She wants to believe she has come home. She is lying on a bare mattress. There are no sheets and no blankets. She is still wearing her dress.
She has not come home.
There is a truck in the alley behind the store. Its engine is running. It is morning. Isobel is lying on the bed. She had been asleep. Now she is awake. The sound of the truck woke her.
She rubs at her eyes. She sits up in the bed. It was cold during the night. She had no blankets. She did not sleep well. Her body is stiff. She is still tired. She stands up. She rubs at her eyes again.
She goes over to the sink. She looks at herself in the mirror. She looks like she just got out of bed. She tries to make her hair look nicer. She pushes at it. It does not make her hair look nicer. She looks like she just got out of bed.
She grits her teeth.
She wants to look nicer.
She turns the water on. She washes her face. She dries her face on her dress again.
She looks at herself in the mirror. She tries to not scowl. She takes a breath. She opens the door and she goes out of the room.
She is above the grocery store. In the room at the back of the grocery store there are two men. They are carrying crates. There are crates in the truck behind the grocery store. The men are carrying the crates from the truck into the store.
Isobel comes down the stairs. She goes into the room at the back of the store. She stands there.
The two men see her.
They look at her.
One of the men says: ‘Isobel.’ He stops. He says: ‘What are you doing here?’
Isobel pulls her hands through her hair. She does not scowl. She lets out a breath.
She says: ‘Good morning, Mr. Koch.’
Isobel is sitting on a chair.
She is sitting with her hands between her legs. She is nervous. She is fidgeting because she is nervous. She is trying not to fidget but she cannot keep herself from fidgeting.
Mr. Koch is standing in front of her. He is holding two cups of coffee.
He gives Isobel one of the cups of coffee.
Mr. Koch is the owner of the grocery store. This is his office. It is a small room at the back of the grocery store.
There is a desk in the office. There is a desk and a machine for making coffee and a chair behind the desk and the chair Isobel is sitting in.
Mr. Koch sits down behind his desk. He grunts when he sits down. Isobel is sitting in front of his desk.Mr. Koch looks at her. She is holding her cup of coffee with both hands.
Mr. Koch makes a noise in his throat.
He takes a cigarette from the pack of cigarettes on his desk. His hair is grey. He is not young. He was thin when he was young. Now he is not. He is fat.
He puts the cigarette to his mouth. He lights it. Smoke comes out of his mouth.
Isobel does not look at Mr. Koch. She holds her cup of coffee in her lap. She uses both hands. She should look at Mr. Koch but she looks into her cup of coffee instead.
She lifts her cup of coffee to her mouth. She takes a sip from it.
Mr. Koch puts his cigarette to his mouth. He coughs. He looks at Isobel. He says: ‘What are you doing here?’
Isobel says: ‘I could work for you.’ She does not look up. Her hair falls into her face. She does not move her hair out of her face. She feels safer with her hair in her face.
Mr. Koch does not hear what she said.He says: ‘Excuse me?’
Isobel looks into her cup of coffee. There are ripples on the surface of the coffee. Her cup is shaking. Her cup is shaking because her hands are shaking. She tries to hold her hands still.
Isobel says: ‘I could work for you.’
Mr. Koch shakes his head.He makes a noise in his throat. He puts his hand to his mouth. He coughs.
Isobel does not say anything.
Mr. Koch puts his cigarette to his mouth. He draws on it. He takes his cigarette away from his mouth. Smoke comes out of his mouth.
It is a small room. It does not have a window.
Mr. Koch says: ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ He shakes his head again. He says: ‘You’re too young.’
Isobel does not look at him.
He says: ‘Isobel, go back to your family.’
Isobel says: ‘No.’
She says: ‘I don’t want to.’ She says: ‘I could work for you.’
Mr. Koch grumbles. He says: ‘You are too young for that.’
She says: ‘No.’
Mr. Koch says: ‘What will happen when your mother finds you here?’
Isobel’s shoulders sink. She looks into her cup of coffee.
Mr. Koch says: ‘What would I say to her?’
Isobel does not look up. She looks into her cup of coffee and she says: ‘No.’ She says it softly. She is trying to keep her hands still. She does not want her cup of coffee to shake.
Her cup of coffee is shaking.
Mr. Koch is looking at her. She knows that Mr. Koch is looking at her. She does not look at him. She wants more of her hair to fall into her face.
She should move her hair so it is not in her face. She should look at Mr. Koch.
She raises a hand to her hair. It is thick and almost black.
She wants more of her hair to fall into her face. She grabs a handful of it.
Mr. Koch looks at her hand move. He puts his cigarette to his mouth. He draws on it. He takes his cigarette away from his mouth.
Isobel does not say anything.
Mr. Koch says: ‘What would I say to her?’ Smoke comes out of his mouth.
He coughs. It is a wet cough.
Isobel does not say anything. One of her hands is in her hair. She pulls it.
Mr. Koch makes more noises in his throat. He puts his cigarette to his mouth. He draws deeply on it. It makes him cough.
He shakes his head.
He stops coughing. He says: ‘It is impossible.’
Isobel pulls her hair over her face. She has to look at Mr. Koch. She knows she has to look at Mr. Koch. She cannot pull her hair over her face. She is pulling her hair over her face.
She moves her hand so it is pushing at her hair. She pushes her hair onto the top of her head.
She is still looking into her cup of coffee. She is holding it with one hand. Her other hand is holding on to her hair.
She has to look up. She is pale. Her eyes are open too wide. She is grinding her teeth together.
Mr. Koch sees her hands moving her hair. He drinks from his cup of coffee. He makes a noise in his throat.
Mr. Koch says: ‘What would you do?’
Isobel stops pushing at her hair. She does not
understand. If she looked at him she would understand. She does not look at him. She cannot look at him. She is afraid.
She says: ‘What?’ It is a whisper.
Mr. Koch says: ‘If you worked for me. What would you do?’
She lets go of her hair. It falls into her face. She still does not look at Mr. Koch. Mr. Koch is looking at her. Under her dress, she is sweating. He puts his cigarette to his mouth. Isobel looks into her cup of coffee.
She does not say anything. Her shoulders drop.
Mr. Koch takes his cigarette from his mouth. He says: ‘What would you do?’
Isobel says: ‘I don’t know.’
Mr. Koch blows smoke into the room. He coughs.
He says: ‘You see?’
He puts his cigarette to his mouth. He is still coughing. He draws on his cigarette.
He says: ‘It is not possible.’
Mr. Koch says: ‘It is not possible.’ He says: ‘And that is that.’
He puts out his cigarette. There is an ashtray on his desk. It is filled with cigarette butts. He starts to stand.
Isobel says: ‘No.’
She looks at Mr. Koch. It hurts her. She looks at him.
She says: ‘No.’
She says: ‘I could work for you.’
Mr Koch says: ‘Isobel.’ He says: ‘Be reasonable.’
He says: ‘Go back to your family. What you’ve done doesn’t matter. They will take you back. They are your family.’
Isobel says: ‘No.’
Mr. Koch looks at Isobel. He says: ‘You cannot ask me to do this.’
Isobel’s coffee spills. She can feel it through her dress. It is hot. She does not breathe.
Isobel says: ‘I could work for you.’
Mr. Koch looks at Isobel. Her mouth is trembling. She is going to cry. She is not going to cry. She will not. Her eyes are hard.
Mr. Koch is not well. He is old. He makes noises in his throat. He coughs.
He drinks from his cup of coffee. Isobel looks at him. Mr. Koch grumbles.
He says: ‘It is not a simple thing you are asking.’
Isobel says: ‘I could work for you.’
Mr. Koch sighs. He shakes his head. He coughs into his hand.
Mr. Koch says: ‘There are crates in the back.’
He stands up. He is old. He stands up slowly. It is getting harder for him to stand up. He is old and he weighs too much. He starts to move towards the door.
He says: ‘You could help me unpack them.’
Dear Emile,
I am in the train station.
I am sitting on the bench. I don’t know what else to do. There isn’t anything for me to do. I would still be standing where I was when I watched you go, but my legs are tired.
It is 11:37.
I feel like I’m waiting for something. Something that I could remember this by. I don’t know what it could be. It’s 11:37. That is what it says on the clock here. For a while, I wanted 11:37 to be enough. But it’s not. I want something more.
It’s 11:38. It will be 11:39 soon. I am still sitting here. I want something that will make this mean something. I want something that makes all of this worth it.
The woman who works in the station, she was at the end of the platform smoking a cigarette. It was a little while ago. She was looking at me like there was something wrong with me.When she was done she dropped the cigarette on the platform. She looked at me one more time and then she went back to whatever it is that she does here.
I went to where she’d been. I picked up the butt of her cigarette. It will have to do.
I love you.
3
Emile is walking down a street.
It is a busy street. There are people walking down the street and there are other people standing in the street. They are wearing scarves. They are huddled inside their jackets. The street is crowded with people huddled inside their jackets.
He walks past a news stand. There is a woman standing behind the news stand. She is talking with a man standing in front of the news stand.
Emile is wearing a jacket and a grey cap. He has his hands stuffed in his pockets. It is getting cold.He is looking at the sidewalk in front of him. He does not look at the man and the woman at the news stand. He walks past them.
He does not look at anybody on the street. His cap is pulled down. He looks at the sidewalk. He does not listen to what people are saying.
There is an old woman walking a dog. She is holding the dog’s leash in her hand. Her hand is trembling. She cannot help it. She is old.
Emile is going to a café. He is meeting someone named Agatha. There is a reel of film tucked under his arm. He will give it to Agatha. They will talk to each other. They have not seen each other in a long time. They have things to say. Then she will take the reel of film away to be developed.
The dog is an old dog. It cannot walk quickly. It is trying to walk quickly. It is wheezing. So is the old woman.
Emile walks past the old woman walking her dog. There are too many people in the street. He bumps her elbow. He does not stop to say that he is sorry. He does not slow down.
He has to be on the other side of the street. He crosses the street.He is almost at the café. He walks past a bookstore. There are cats in the windows of the bookstore. He walks past a laundromat. There are people sitting in the laundromat. They are not doing anything. They are waiting for their laundry to finish.
One of the people in the laundromat watches Emile walk past the window.
The café is on the other side of the laundromat. Emile walks past the laundromat. He goes into the café.
Emile takes his cap off. He holds it in his hands. He is still wearing his jacket.He does not want to take his jacket off.He does not want to be exposed. He is standing in the door to the café. He looks inside. He does not step inside. He looks inside.
He does not see Agatha. He wonders if he is early. He does not have a watch so he cannot tell. He does not want to be early. He does not know if he is early. He does not want to be late.
He steps inside the café.
There is smoke hanging in the air. There are too many people in the café. There is not much light. Emile cannot see an empty table.
There is an empty table in the back of the café. Emile’s eyes get used to the light. He sees the empty table. He walks over to it. It is beside two old men. The old men are sitting at a table playing backgammon.
Emile says: ‘Is someone sitting here?’
One of the old men looks up from the game. His tie is loose. The top button of his shirt is open.
The old man waves his hand towards the table.
He goes back to his game.
The other old man rolls the dice. Emile sits down at the table. He puts the reel of film on the table. He takes off his jacket. He puts it over the back of his chair. He looks around the café. Agatha is supposed to be here.
He does not see Agatha. The other old man rolls the dice.
Emile stands up. He goes to the counter. He stands at the counter. A barista sees him standing at the counter. She goes over to Emile.
Emile says: ‘I would like a coffee.’ He gives her some money. He goes back to his table.
One of the old men rolls the dice. The barista brings Emile a coffee. Emile is watching the old men play. He does not see his coffee arrive. He looks away from the game and there is a cup in front of him.
The cup is on a saucer. There is a spoon on the saucer. It is beside the cup. There is a bowl of sugar on the table. Emile puts the spoon into the bowl of sugar. He puts some of the sugar into the coffee. He stirs the coffee with the spoon.
He lifts the cup to his mouth. He sips from the cup. He puts the cup back on the saucer.
The old men roll the dice. Emile does not look at them. He picks up his cup of coffee. He does not look around the café. He puts his elbows on the table. He holds his cup of coffee in his hands. He looks at the coffee inside the cup.
He waits for Agatha.
&nbs
p; Agatha says: ‘I’m so sorry I’m late.’
Emile looks up from his cup. He is surprised. He did not see Agatha come into the café.
Agatha says: ‘Hello, Emile.’
Emile puts his cup of coffee onto its saucer. He puts his hands on the table.
He says: ‘Hello, Agatha.’
Agatha smiles. She says: ‘Emile, give me a kiss.’
Emile moves his chair away from the table. He stands up.
He steps towards Agatha. She puts her hand on his arm. She leans towards him. He kisses her on one cheek and then he kisses her on the other cheek.
Agatha keeps her hands on Emile’s arms. She says: ‘You’ve been gone so long.’ She squeezes him. She says: ‘I’m so glad to see you again.’
Emile nods his head. He smiles. He is not sure he wants to smile the way that he is smiling. He smiles anyway.
He sits down. He pulls his chair closer to the table.
The old men playing backgammon stop playing. They look at Agatha. She has red hair. She wears it piled on top of her head. It is very dramatic.
Emile moves his cup of coffee closer to him. Agatha sees it. She says: ‘Come, Emile. You’ve been gone so long.’ She smiles. She says: ‘The occasion calls for something more than coffee.’
She has her purse in her hands. She goes to the counter. She talks to the people standing behind the counter.
Emile hears her laugh.
She comes back to the table. She sits down across from Emile. She sits so her legs are not under the table. She takes a cigarette from her purse. She puts it to her mouth.
She rests an elbow on the table. She crosses her legs.
The old men are still looking at Agatha. They are looking at her legs. She has very long legs. She does not look at the old men. One of them shakes his head. He clears his throat. He picks up the dice and he rolls them.
Agatha lights her cigarette. She leans back in her chair. She puts one of her arms over the back of it. She smiles at Emile.
The barista brings a carafe of wine over. She puts it between Agatha and Emile. She puts a glass down in front of Emile and a glass down in front of Agatha.