by Scott Kaelen
MOON DAYIST
(NOT DEIST)
The Abrahamic faiths consist merely of three versions of a single deity, but throughout humanity’s history there have been countless gods and goddesses and other objects of worship that don’t quite fit either gender classification. With that in mind, I’ve spent many years of contemplating and studying the various faith systems and given the whole religion game much consideration and deliberation.
Who is to say that any one god does or doesn’t exist? Why not accept that, ipso facto, if one deity exists then all must do so? With that in mind, as a step towards unifying the plethora of deities into one religion, I decided to start by worshipping the world’s Moon Deities on every Monday of the year. Each of the fifty two Moon Days will involve the worship of one or more specific Moon Deity from across the world and throughout history.
To be a successful Moon Dayist, you must adhere strictly to the following guidelines which give the names of Moon Deities and where they originated. I might just see you at your local Moon Dial Temple during my global tour as the founder of your new mish-mash of a religion. Have fun worshipping these crazy deities!
The Moon Dayist’s Worship Calendar
Week 01: Luna, Diana, Juno, Trivia (Roman)
Week 02: Artemis, Hecate, Phoebe, Selene (Greek)
Week 03: Jarilo (Slavic)
Week 04: Mani (Norse and Germanic)
Week 05: Arianrhod – Welsh; Elatha (Irish)
Week 06: Tecciztecatl, Metztli, Coyolxauhqui (Aztec)
Week 07: Meness (Latvian)
Week 08: Nikkal (Canaanite)
Week 09: Ari, Jaci (Tupi)
Week 10: Jie Lin, Chang’e, Han Ying, Su’e (Chinese)
Week 11: Menily (Cahuilla)
Week 12: Dae-Soon (Korean)
Week 13: Lona (Hawaiian)
Week 14: Gleti (Dahomean)
Week 15: Coniraya, Mama Killa (Incan)
Week 16: Artume, Losna (Etruscan)
Week 17: Yoolgai Asdzaa (Navaho)
Week 18: Ataegina (Lusitanian)
Week 19: Avatea, Fati, Marame, Mahina (Polynesian)
Week 20: Kidili (Mandjindja)
Week 21: Yemaya (Yoruba)
Week 22: Neang Vimean Chan (Cambodian)
Week 23: Huitaca (Chibcha)
Week 24: Chia (Colombian)
Week 25: Mayari (Bulari) (Phillippine)
Week 26: Kuu (Finnish)
Week 27: Kusuh (Hurrian)
Week 28: Selardi (Urartian)
Week 29: Alignak, Igaluk, Tarqiup (Inuit)
Week 30: Avilix (Goddess of Night) (K’iche’ Mayan)
Week 31: Kazza (Arturian)
Week 32: Bendis (Thracian)
Week 33: Chup Kanui (Ainu)
Week 34: Ratih, Silewe Nazarate (Indonesian)
Week 35: Ta’lab (Arabian)
Week 36: Ilargi (Basque), Kalfu (Vodun)
Week 37: Mano (Sami)
Week 38: Sin (Mesopotamian)
Week 39: Tsukuyomi (Japanese)
Week 40: Khonsu, Thoth, Yah (Iah) (Egyptian)
Week 41: Arebati (Mbuti)
Week 42: Napir (Elamite)
Week 43: Men (God of Months) (Phrygian)
Week 44: Kaskuh (Hittite)
Week 45: Papare (Orokolo)
Week 46: Pah (Pawnee)
Week 47: Yarikh (Canaanite)
Week 48: Aglibol (Palmarene)
Week 49: Ay Ata (Turkic)
Week 50: Chandra, Anumati (Hindu)
Week 51: Ixbalanque (Mayan)
Week 52: Ngalindi (Yolngu)
If you find you achieve success in the worshipping of Moon Deities after your first year of doing so, you might consider using the remaining days of the week to worship other types of deities, such as those of death, war, the Sun, nature and elemental, birth and fertility, the stars, animals, the Arts, and abstractions such as fate and wisdom. And don’t forget the numerous Creator Deities that are considered to have engineered all matter and energy in the universe! The combined religions of the world really are a melting pot of ingenious fantasy fiction. And of all of them, the least fantastical, or the most mundane, if you will, must surely be the Abrahamic deity, his Christian designation of ‘God’ notwithstanding.
PRESERVED REMAINS OF ‘FIRST MAN’ DISCOVERED
(A NEWSFLASH)
Gordon Terenson’s reports: “The amazingly preserved remains of a male homo sapiens from approximately 5000 years ago were recently discovered encased in a peat bubble under the Persian Gulf. Also present in the bubble was an accompanying fig leaf.
“Carbon-dating was used to compare DNA traces on the fig leaf, showing that the difference in cell degradation had a range of 930 years, suggesting the man wore the leaf from the time of his birth until the moment of his death and subsequent preservation. These results show that the man was 930 years old at the time of his death. No wonder the fig leaf showed signs of degradation; it seems Biblical foliage was equally privy to extended longevity alongside such characters as Adam, Moses, Noah and Methuselah. Lucky leaf.
“The remains of the presumed “First Man” were helicoptered to the Vatican, where they are now being kept near the tombs of St Peter and Pope John Paul II – the latter, incidentally, who famously accepted Darwinism. The placement of the remains has been described as “tactical”, to show the erstwhile leader of the Catholic Church “just who is right around here, already” by those who snubbed the Church’s acceptance of Darwin’s theory of evolution.”
Cut to a video of the current Pope: “It’s just a theory, after all,” says Pope Francis. “And to think for more than the last half a century we’ve allowed ourselves to be duped by science!”
“That,” continues Terenson, “was His Holiness yesterday, looking rather put out and just slightly miffed. Emotions in the Vatican are palpable, ranging from jubilation to sporadic and disturbing bouts of over-acted miming.
“The now vacuum-sealed corpse is being dubbed ‘Persian Gulf Man’ by scientists, and ‘Eden Adam’ by the Church, jokingly shortened by Darwinists and cheese-lovers to ‘Edam’.
“The Vatican is understandably in turmoil. A schism separates those who have accepted Darwinism since Pope Pius XII, and those who secretly continued to keep Creationism close to their hearts.”
Cut again to Pope Francis: “I honestly don’t know what to think,” the Pope says to the camera. “I’m as confused as a dyslexic homosexual in a seminary.”
“Words,” concludes Terenson, “which His Holiness may yet come to regret.
“There’s a heated debate going on in the Vatican about whether to open the doors to the public, and allow people to witness, pay respect, and pray to Eden Adam, the First Man. The talks suggest a half-day ticket into the Vatican tombs should rival the cost of a seat on Virgin Galactic.
“Beneath the Persian Gulf the underwater search continues for further remains. This morning the dismembered corpse of an alligator lizard was also found preserved in the mud, seemingly placed to point towards the north-west. Science and the Catholic Church are working together around the clock to piece the rest of the puzzle together…”
I wrote the above skit to purposefully poke fun at Christianity and Judaism, and particularly at the Creationists out there, but although this is a piece of satirical fiction it is also partly based on a relatively recent discovery.
In 2010, archaeologist Jeffrey Rose published research papers detailing the results of archaeological digs that were conducted over several years around the shores of the Persian Gulf. The research reveals sites of an ancient civilisation that thrived some 7,500 years ago, predating the Biblical flood by approximately three millennia. Findings within the extensive archaeological sites included stone houses, elaborately-crafted pottery, domestic animals… and a boat.
Long ago, in the latter half of the Pleistocene Epoch which lasted a couple hundred thousand years up until about 12,000 years ago, much of what is today the Persian Gulf was above sea level. An area of land sim
ilar in mass to Great Britain was, at that time in the Earth’s history and due to reduced sea levels, a verdant pasture. This “Gulf Oasis” was kept watered by four rivers, namely the Tigris, Euphrates and Karun, and the now dry Wadi Baton. Does this sound at all familiar? In Genesis, the River Eden is formed from bringing together four unnamed rivers. Eden was allegedly destroyed (along with the rest of the world except for a boat) by an enraged God.
The hypothesis is that the River Eden, which flowed through the Garden of Eden, marked the beginning of rising sea levels which ultimately led to the forming of the Persian Gulf, submerging even earlier civilisations. Those along the shores of the Persian Gulf likely migrated there from the central landmass, forced from their homes by the post-Pleistocene geological changes. Their story would remain lost in the annals of history (other than a glorified and fantastical account in the Old Testament) until archaeologists uncovered their remains thousands of years later.
To the people of that time it probably did seem like the whole world had been devastated. They lacked the faculties of understanding which many of us today possess. The end of their civilisation in that natural paradise was punctuated with a falsehood so erroneous its shockwave would ripple far into the future. Such a shame for a society that may have endured from strength to strength for over 100,000 years. Even more of a shame for the people of the world today.
The discovery of the Persian Gulf civilisation in no way confirms the claims within Genesis in regards to God, the age of the world, Adam and Eve, or Noah’s Ark. Rather, we now have scientific evidence that a ‘Great Flood’ did in fact occur, but our modern understanding allows us to see it for what it was, and for what it wasn’t. Humanity and the Earth have suffered from the backlash of the Creation Myth for 4,000 years. Surely the time has come for us as a species to finally wake up?
The depths of the Persian Gulf undoubtedly hold secrets which, if found, would very likely reveal the true Garden of Eden, but rather than identifying the ‘First Man’ they would discover a full-scale civilisation. But would the Creationists admit defeat? Of course they wouldn’t; facts are not important to such people, because the root of their argument is not based on facts but in a mutated neurological virus that has gestated for millennia. Creationists may not listen, but will you?
EVOLUTION & RELIGION
(A CONCISE HISTORY)
Here I have spent a considerable amount of time compiling a chronology of all major events of life on Earth, combined with the emergence of religion, in the hope that this might further strengthen any doubt a theist might have who has taken the brave step of reading these essays. At the very least, if you will take anything away from this, let it be that true nature is infinitely more complex than any holy scriptures claim credit to their creator deities for, especially the entity known collectively as Yahweh, God and Allah.
The Earth was formed 4.54 billion years ago. Current studies propose the earliest life on Earth began during the infernal Hadean Eon, the earliest proposals suggesting a mere 0.14 billion years after the formation of our planet.
After the Hadean Era came the Eoarchaean Era, when the molten Earth cooled sufficiently to form the beginnings of a crust. During this era, 3.7 billion years ago, the earliest known biogenic graphite existed. Evidence was found in the Isua Greenstone Belt in Western Greenland. The graphite contained the earliest pre-DNA biological evidence in the form of RNA (ribonucleic acid).
3.5 billion years ago, still during the early Archaean Era, 0.2 billion years after the earliest biogenic graphite), the earliest microbial mat organisms existed in the form of bacteria and archaea, and the split between the two occurred during this time. Evidence was found at the Strelley Pool Formation in Western Australia. The microbial mat is known as the Last Universal Ancestor of all current life on Earth.
During the Proterozoic Era, 2.5 billion years ago, the first molecules that constituted the earliest cells underwent a slow process of evolution, organizing into molecular systems with properties of biological order, such as amino acids.
Oxygenic photosynthesis began at around this time, but it would be another billion years until the appearance of dioxygen in the atmosphere as a result of biologically-induced photosynthesis by bacteria known as cyanobacteria. This gave rise to the Great Oxygenation Event – the first massive extinction event that wiped out almost all anaerobic (non-breathing) life on Earth. The GOE triggered a glaciation event as a result of oxygen reacting with atmospheric methane.
Gradually, aerobic organisms began to evolve and begin to bring equilibrium to the atmosphere.
Complex cells known as eukaryotes – organisms with a nucleus and other structures within membranes – came into existence during this time, and the earliest evidence of this dates back to 1.85 billion years ago. The eukaryotes began using oxygen in their metabolism.
1.7 billion years ago saw the beginnings of the first multicellular organisms.
A particular type of cell division began, known as meiosis, which led to the first known occurrences of sexual reproduction among simple eukaryotes.
1.1 billion years ago the first formations of marine plankton began.
1 billion years ago saw the beginnings of the first algae in the form of vaucheria.
750 million years ago saw the rise of slightly more complex life in the form of the first protozoa, such as melanocyrillium.
600 million years ago the accumulation of oxygen in the atmosphere gave rise to the formation of an ozone layer.
The Ediacaran Period saw the first large, complex multicellular organisms known as Ediacara biota, which were tubular or frond-shaped. They flourished during the Avalon Explosion.
560 million years ago the first fungi began to appear.
Mere tens of millions of years after the Avalon Explosion came the Cambrian Explosion, beginning about 542 million years ago during the Cambrian Period. This explosion of life on Earth saw the beginnings of the body formation of metazoans – multicellular eukaryotic organisms known as Animals. This lasted for about 20 million years, and the following 70 - 80 million years saw a drastic increase in evolution accelerated by a great order of magnitude. Such life as existed at this time included: sponges, slug-like animals, molluscs, worms, jellyfish and the first arthropods - notably the diverse trilobytes. The first fossil evidence for jellies, sponges, anemones and corals dates back to 550 million years ago.
Along with trilobytes, other animals such as crustaceans, molluscs and brachiopods thrived in the oceans.
The first known fossil evidence for land exploration by marine animals dates back to 530 million years ago, possibly predating the first terrestrial plants.
525 million years ago the first vertebrates (animals with backbones) emerged, in the form of jawless fish.
434 million years ago saw algae and fungi living along the edges of lakes evolve into the first primitive land plants.
420 million years ago came the first primitive scorpions and arachnids on land.
410 million years ago the first toothed fish evolved.
Life on land and in the water continues to diversify, bringing rise to the first insects and tetrapods (four-legged animals).
By 360 million years ago some insects had evolved wings and taken to the skies. The land was covered in vegetation including seed-bearing plants. The first sharks had evolved in the seas. All life continued to diversify, particularly amphibious life.
320 million years ago, in the late Carboniferous Period, reptilian life diversified until a distinct branch evolved known as synapsids, which were the precursor to mammalian life.
275 million years ago, synapsids diversify further, branching off into therapsids, a closer ancestor of mammalian life.
251 million years ago the Permian-Triassic Extinction Event wiped out 90 – 95% of all marine life. Terrestrial life was not so unlucky, though the event struck the ecosystem a critical blow, resulting in more diversification, especially in the oceans where the new balance of power demanded more versatility, i
ncluding the first ichthyosaurs.
During the Early Triassic Period, the first dinosaurs walked the Earth in the form of early plateosaurids, and during the Late Triassic Period the first true mammals evolved, such as adelobasileus.
In the oxygen-rich environment, herbivores grew to immense sizes to accommodate for the large guts needed for digesting the nutrient-poor plants.
By 170 million years ago, at the height of the Jurassic Period, life was beginning to more closely resemble species extant to today, including newts and salamanders and early ancestors of alligators.
The first flying reptiles, pterosaurs such as pterodactyls, evolved some 163 million years ago.
155 million years ago, archaeopteryx took to the skies as possibly the ancestor of modern birds.
130 million years ago, early in the Cretaceous Period, came the emergence of first freshwater turtles.
115 million years ago monotremes (egg-laying mammals) evolved.
100 million years ago the first bees entered the evolutionary chain.
90 million years ago the ichthyosaurs became extinct, and the first snakes appeared.
80 million years ago came the first ants.
68 million years ago gave the first fossil records for triceratops and tyrannosaurus.
2 million years later came the Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction Event that marked the beginning of the Cenozoic Era, wiping out roughly half of all animal species including all the dinosaurs, except for those that had taken to the skies – the ancestors of birds.
Conifers and ginkgo trees spread across the higher climes, and mammals became the dominant species. Carnivorous mammals known as creodonts evolved, and would become the dominant predators for many millions of years until dying out some 35 million years ago.