by Lane, Soraya
"I want to."
They stood side by side at the sink as she rinsed dishes and passed them to him to load into the dishwasher. The silence was comfortable as they made their way through the large pile.
"Seeing everyone here together makes it seem like nothing's ever changed." She sighed, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I love seeing everybody, but," she paused, "I kind of feel like the odd one out."
"You and me both," he confessed, closing the dishwasher and leaning back on the counter.
They looked at each other for a moment before he grinned and reached for the bottle of bourbon he'd discovered earlier.
"How about we sneak out and have a few shots?" he suggested. "Sit out under the stars and toast your dad."
She smiled back at him. "You have no idea how desperate I was to be included in your little impromptu parties when I was a kid, and now here I am being asked to sneak out for a drinking session. I have arrived."
"Oh, I knew," he said with a laugh.
His laughter died when she flashed him a look that told him didn't find anything amusing about that part of the past, and the punch she threw into his upper arm made him certain.
"Is that why you were such a jerk to me? Because you knew how I felt? How desperate I was to be included?"
He lowered his voice, leaning in closer to her, clearly enjoying teasing her. And it annoyed her. "I was seventeen and you were fifteen. Nothing was going to happen."
"You kissed me," she murmured back, eyes never leaving his. "Why?"
"I think you're asking the wrong question," he said, wondering how they'd started talking about the past and why the hell he was feeling like the bad ass boy from his youth all over again.
"What is it I should be asking you, then?"
He grabbed the bottle by the neck and nodded toward the door. "How about why I never tried to do it again?"
He knew she was following, and he also knew she was staring daggers at his back. But she was coming with him and that was all he cared about right now. The past was the past, but if he could make it up to Amanda now, he would.
Scott pushed open the door and held it open for her, grinning when she was forced to brush against him as she did so.
"You're still a shit, you know that, right?"
Scott liked that she wasn’t as shy as she’d once been – at least now she was happy to call him out. “Yes ma’am.”
She laughed – gorgeous, hurting, familiar Amanda… who was supposed to be off limits to his roving eyes. Her smile was tempting as hell and so was every other inch of her.
"So where are we going to hide out?" she asked, hands thrust into her jean pockets as she stood out on the veranda.
"How about we head down to the stables?" he suggested. "That way your brother won't catch me drinking with his little sister."
"I think even Blake would be okay with me drinking. I'm a big girl now."
"Yeah, but maybe he'd take offense about who you were drinking with. Unless you missed what he said before."
Amanda led the way, feeling like they were naughty kids sneaking out instead of adults old enough to make their own decisions.
"Are you telling me that Blake actually had the nerve to warn guys away from me?"
Scott walked a little faster and caught up to her, his stride matching hers.
"Blake was my best friend, so when he told me to back off? I backed off."
She laughed. "Is that why you made fun of me in front of everyone and said that I kissed you? To get Blake off your back?"
"Hey, I was seventeen and he'd just told me that he'd break my nose or a lot worse if I so much as looked at you the wrong way. He was looking out for you, and he was right to want to protect you." His voice became quiet. "Especially from me back then."
"Lucky I'm all grown up and able to protect myself now then, huh?"
She'd stopped right outside the stables, illuminated under the security light that had just flicked on, and looked up at him. Scott had been the boy of her dreams; he’d kept her awake night after night when she'd had a crush the size of Texas on him, and he'd grown into a sexy man that was tempting as hell to her right now. It was like all those feelings, the way she'd felt about him then, were crashing back down and all she wanted was to sate her need.
Or maybe it was her grief, maybe it was just that she wanted to dull the pain and replace it with pleasure. Whatever it was, it involved the man standing in front of her right now.
"Why did you lure me out here?" she asked, face tilted up to look at him.
Scott moved closer, eyes never leaving hers even with their bodies so close they could almost touch.
"I wanted a drinking buddy."
The smirk on his face told her he thought he was clever enough to get away with that bit of bullshit.
"Yeah?" she murmured, watching his lips, the way they parted, the way he leaned forward slightly like he was going to…
"Yeah," he replied, stepping back and motioning toward the stables. "So how about you lead the way."
Amanda shook her head. He’d suckered her right in to that one.
"So tell me what you're really doing back here?" she asked as they entered a building she hadn't stepped foot in for years. She'd never been into horses like her sisters had, and when the smell would have made them all but swoon, she'd fought not to wrinkle her nose. But her dad had made sure she could ride, so she'd been forced to learn what her siblings had loved.
"The truth?" he asked, pulling out a feed bucket and flipping it over for her to sit on, before dropping to the ground himself and leaning against a stable door.
"Of course the truth," she replied, holding her hand out for the bottle and watching as he slowly unscrewed the top.
Amanda took a quick sip, not used to drinking liquor straight, and it caught in her throat and made her cough.
"How is it that in the movies everyone drinks bourbon neat and makes it look as easy as sipping coffee?" she asked.
Scott took it from her, fingers closing over hers for a second before she pulled away. "You drink enough of it, you get used to it."
They sat in silence while he took a sip, then another, before nudging the bottle back in her direction.
"I never wanted to leave Montana," Scott said, drawing one knee up closer to his body, the other extended out in her direction. "But then I've never been one to go back on my word, so there was no chance I was ever coming back with my tail between my legs. My dad gave me an ultimatum and I walked out the door. I was never going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me return. "
"You don't need to explain," she said, finding the next sip wasn't quite as painful as the first. "We all know what your father was like. Maybe I'd have done the same if I'd been in your shoes."
"I've had fun since I left, especially once I figured out what I was good at, but it's like I've been fighting a pull back home no matter how well I did or where I went."
"It's hard to explain, isn't it?" she asked.
Scott nodded. "I'm guessing you had a similar feeling?"
Amanda stood up and instead of passing the bottle to Scott she slumped down beside him, thigh grazing his. The wooden door was cool against her back, sent shivers up and down her arms. She should have grabbed a sweater, but she hadn't exactly been thinking about the weather when they'd snuck out. Besides, the alcohol should start to warm her up soon.
"I won a scholarship to an art school in New York, and my portfolio I developed there became my first collection for an exhibition," she told him, shutting her eyes as she let her head fall back. When she opened them, she found the bottle sitting between their legs, waiting for her. Amanda took a bigger sip this time, starting to like the burning sensation in her throat. "I achieved everything I ever wanted to, but the whole time I felt like I was missing out, or that I'd turned my back on what really counted, because I've always loved my family and missed them like crazy."
Scott's shoulder was suddenly firm against hers, the heat from his body slowly starting
to warm her. He moved his thigh, too, so it was touching hers from her hip down to their knees. There was no space for the bottle between them now.
"And now we're both back here," he said, voice low.
They sat still. Amanda's body was starting to feel hot, the bourbon setting her blood on fire, head starting to pound a little.
"Were you serious before, about Blake warning you off me?"
He laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulders.
"Yeah. In fact, he as good as reminded me of that warning in the car on the way over here tonight, not to mention at dinner in front of everyone."
Amanda’s anger flared. She was twenty-seven years old, not a child in need of protection. Her brother was never going to hear the end of this.
"Did you ever actually like me?" she asked, turning so she was looking at him instead of staring straight ahead. "Would you have kissed me again if he hadn't told you to back off?"
Scott flashed her his too-sexy dimple again, palm closing over her shoulder now that she'd turned slightly.
"Honestly?"
She stared into his eyes, knowing the alcohol had made her feel way more brazen than she'd usually be but not caring. Because she'd always been the good girl, never done anything that wasn't right, and maybe that's where she'd gone wrong. There was something about the way he was staring at her, like he was fighting something, thinking about something, that made it impossible to look away.
"I don't know if I would have, Mandy, because I wasn't good enough for you back then and I never wanted to hurt you. You were the one person in my life that I wanted to be myself around and I seemed to hurt everyone I was close to," he said, voice like it was being dragged across gravel. "But I'd kiss you now."
She swallowed at his whispered words. "Oh yeah?"
His eyes never left hers, but his hand did leave her shoulder. Instead it moved to cup her face, his palm gentle against her cheek as they stared at one another. She knew he was waiting for her to close the distance between them, for her to kiss him, and she didn't need to be asked twice.
Amanda leaned into him, did something she hadn't thought about doing with Scott for so long, but the old feelings of longing came back so fast it was like they'd never disappeared. She stopped when their lips were just close enough to touch, for her to feel the warmth of his breath against her, and it was Scott who pressed closer, who deepened the kiss that she'd started.
Scott's lips were soft, molding against hers in a way that had her reaching for his t-shirt, fisting it in her hand so she could hold him close and make sure he couldn't get away. His hand was still on her face and it was warm, firm, holding her just where he wanted her as he pulled back then kissed her again. This time he was rougher, moving his lips with more insistence against hers, tasting her with his tongue, but she didn't tell him to stop. It wasn't until a moan escaped from her mouth that she pulled back, breathing heavy, knowing she needed to slow down now before things got out of hand.
His hand slipped away and skimmed her shoulder, settling on her hip. "You want me to stop?"
Amanda shook her head. "Nope," she whispered. And she didn't. This wasn’t remotely sensible but she just didn’t care.
Scott waited, like he was giving her a second chance to change her mind, before cupping the back of her head and tugging her forward. His mouth crushed hers, tongues colliding as he kissed her with an intensity that had her moaning again. This was nothing like their awkward first kiss. Amanda could have locked lips with grown-up Scott all day, losing herself to the sensation of his hot breath, his warm mouth, the feel of his muscled back and shoulders beneath her hands.
She gasped when he pulled her forward, hard, both hands skimming her waist and disappearing up under her top. His palms were warm, but goose pimples burst across her skin, only making her want him more. Amanda climbed onto his lap, knees on the concrete floor, thighs on either side of his. She ran her hands through his too-long hair, not letting him move even an inch away from her, kissing him like her life depended on it.
"You guys out here?"
Amanda went dead still, her mouth still locked on Scott's as her sister's voice rang out clear and loud in the night air. The grin that spread across his lips when she pulled back almost made her laugh, but instead she just gave him a shove back against the stable door. Trust him to find it amusing that they were about to be found making out like naughty kids.
"Trust the pair of them to bugger off. Scott!"
When she heard Jack's deep voice she pushed herself off Scott and up to her feet, quickly pulling down her top and wiping at her mouth. She doubted she had any lipstick left on, but she didn't want to get caught out with any smeared around her face.
"Guess we're lucky it wasn't Blake looking for us," she murmured.
She held out a hand for Scott and he took it, hauling himself up and then walking her backwards and pinning her with his big body against the opposite wall. He shoved one of his legs between her thighs, feasting on her mouth as she pressed into him instead of struggling to get away like she should have been. What was it about this man that was driving her so wild?
"Amanda! You in here?"
She groaned when her sister called out again, and Scott slowly withdrew his hold on her and stepped back.
"We'd better go," she whispered.
"Just when this night was becoming fun." His smile was wicked but his touch was gentle when he smoothed down her hair and took her hand.
"We're here," Amanda called out, stopping only so Scott could bend to pick up the bottle of bourbon they'd left on the ground.
"What are you doing in here?" Maddison asked, appearing just a moment before Jack.
Amanda knew she was blushing, she'd just been caught out by her big sister, but one glance at Scott told her he wasn't even close to being bothered. Maybe she needed to start behaving a little more like the local bad boy.
"I lured your sister down here for a nightcap," Scott said, winking at her before grinning at Maddison.
Jack laughed and received a nudge in the ribs from Maddison. "You thought it was a good idea to have a nightcap before dessert?" her sister asked.
"Yeah. You guys want some?" Scott held out the bottle like it was the most natural question in the world.
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm pregnant." Maddison slung her arm around Jack's waist. "Come on, let's go. Before Blake comes down here and really starts grilling the pair of you."
Amanda followed them out of the barn, stifling a squeal when Scott pinched her bottom on the way out. She had no idea how he just didn't care about being caught, when it was blatantly obvious what they'd been doing, but she liked it. All her life she'd tried to live up to other people's expectations, never done anything that could even be construed as wrong because she hadn't wanted to let anyone down. But Scott? Scott had taken care of himself from a young age, and he didn't give a crap what other people thought of him or what he did.
"Hey Mandy, you might want to go brush your hair and put your lip gloss back on before dessert."
She froze, glaring at her brother-in-law. The smirk on Jack's face said it all - even her sister was laughing now. Amanda glanced at Scott, his expression neutral as he waited for her to respond, but something about the way he was looking at her gave her the confidence she needed to reply rather than blush.
"You'll have to blame your brother for that, Jack. But thanks for the heads up."
She grabbed her sister by the arm and dragged her down the hall with her, leaving the guys laughing and standing just inside the front door.
"I can't believe you were making out with Scott Gregory less than 24 hours after arriving home," Maddison whispered, walking slowly up the stairs.
Amanda groaned. "Can I lie and say he plied me with alcohol and took advantage of me?"
Her sister chuckled. "Nope. Because I saw the look on your face, and you looked guilty as sin because you knew you'd been up to no good. Not to mention that Scott would never do that to you."
&n
bsp; "You mean me personally, or just any woman?"
Maddison paused at the top of the stairs, and Amanda kept hold of her arm in case she toppled straight back down. It didn't look like climbing stairs while heavily pregnant was easy.
"I don't think Scott has to take advantage of any woman to get them to fall into his bed, but I also know that Blake was pretty hard on him when we were teenagers."
Amanda headed for her bedroom to retrieve her make-up bag for the second time that evening. "So you knew that Blake had warned him off me?"
Maddie shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, not the details, but I kind of figured it out."
"Why me?" Amanda asked, brushing on some lip gloss. "Why not all of us?"
"Do you really have to ask me that question?"
She put the gloss down and stared at her sister in the mirror. "Tell me."
"Well for starters, Charley was way too young for Scott to be into her, and he wasn't ever interested in me."
"So you're saying that he liked me?" Amanda asked, still not believing what she was hearing after all these years. "And you knew it?"
"It all worked out for the best," Maddie said, coming to stand beside her and swiping her gloss. "Scott left soon after all that went down and you went off to New York, what, a couple of years later? I don't think it's worth dwelling on."
Amanda knew it shouldn't bother her after all this time, but it did. "You knew what a massive crush I had on him, and when I asked you back then if you thought he liked me too, you told me he was too old for me. That he already had enough girls on the side without me being one of them."
Maddie put her arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "I said that because I didn't want you to get hurt, which is probably the exact same reason that Blake was so determined to keep him away from you. We knew what Scott was like, that he was a volatile bad boy who'd break your heart, and looking back he probably would have done exactly that. There were the girls, sure, but he was into everything, Mandy. What his dad put him through, he would have tried anything to dull the pain and Blake didn’t want you drawn into that world."
"And now?" Amanda asked, still standing beside her sister, looking at her in the mirror.